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<h1>Zk | 014</h1>
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<p>We lingered in silence for the remainder of the evening, the four of us piled into a bed now built for four. Two of my cocladists and their partner, and now me. Who knew what I was? There was the friendship that we had built over the last few days. There was the camaraderie that we had built through work. There was the acquaintanceship that had been there from years prior.</p>
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<p>And now there was more. I didn’t have words for it, and Dry Grass was asleep for much of our time together. It wasn’t the time for conversations, it was time for just resting, something I realized I dearly needed as well. We all did, as we napped off and on for some time until the clock hit one in the morning, at which point I stepped back home to spend the rest of my night with Hanne.</p>
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<p>We lingered in silence for the remainder of the evening, the four of us piled into a bed now stretched to fit all of us. Two of my cocladists and their partner, and now me. Who knew what I was? There was the friendship that we had built over the last few days. There was the camaraderie that we had built through work. There was the acquaintanceship that had been there from years prior.</p>
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<p>And now there was more. I didn’t have words for it — latent romance? A crush? — and Dry Grass was asleep for much of our time together. It wasn’t the time for conversations, it was time for just resting, something I realized I dearly needed as well. We all did, as we napped off and on for some time until the clock hit one in the morning, at which point I stepped back home to spend the rest of my night with Hanne.</p>
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<p>She was already in bed, curled around a body pillow, though not yet asleep.</p>
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<p><em>“Reed?”</em> she asked through a sensorium message as I crept into the room, a cone of silence set up over me to keep from disturbing her. <em>“You back for the night?”</em></p>
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<p>Startled out of my attempt to be sneaky, I straightened up and dropped the silence. “Yeah, sorry Hanne. I didn’t mean to just disappear on you.”</p>
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<p>She shrugged noncommittally. “Glad you got some. Where’d you crash?” She winced at the choice of words, curling tighter around her pillow. “Where’d you take your nap?”</p>
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<p>“Over with Cress and Tule and Dry Grass. We sat in bed to talk and then just all fell asleep.”</p>
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<p>“Oh?” I could hear the faint smirk in her voice. “Did you wind up getting all smoochy with her?”</p>
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<p>I laughed, pressing my face against the back of her neck. “No. A bit cuddly, maybe, but that’s it. We may go on a date at some point.”</p>
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<p>I laughed, pressing my face against the back of her neck. “No. A bit cuddly, maybe, but that’s it. We may go on a date at some point. An actual one, I mean. Not a work lunch.”</p>
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<p>She laughed as well. “Well, good. I’m happy for you.”</p>
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<p>I kissed on her nape. “Yeah, we’ll see. It’s a weird way to come about a relationship.”</p>
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<p>“Mmhm. It’s really weird talking about this now, though. All this stressful stuff going on, and we’re talking about relationships.”</p>
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@ -43,7 +43,7 @@
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<p>“Hurt how?”</p>
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<p>“Hurt like I’ve been kicked by someone I trusted.”</p>
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<p>She nodded. “I guess I can see that. I trusted phys-side. I trusted the systechs. I feel kind of like that trust was broken in some ways.”</p>
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<p>“Yeah. Thinking of it like that way, I guess I can see where Dry Grass is coming from, though. We’re protecting ourselves by holding onto trust that we do have.”</p>
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<p>“Yeah. Thinking of it like that way, I guess I can see where Dry Grass is coming from, though. We’re protecting ourselves by holding onto trust that we do have. She said even trauma bonds are still real bonds.”</p>
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<p>“That’s a bit less cynical.”</p>
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<p>We lay in silence for a while, and I found myself lingering on the thoughts of holding onto trust. I was doing that now, wasn’t I? I was with Hanne, my partner of nearly a decade, trusting that she would be here in the morning, that I’d still be able to talk to her, drink coffee with her, drink too much champagne and brandy.</p>
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<p>“Hey Hanne?”</p>
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@ -79,7 +79,7 @@
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<p>I nodded. “Has me thinking, though. They apparently added cross-tree merging in the process of getting the System back up and running. Cress and Tule and I started talking about what it might take to merge the whole clade to see if we can get Marsh back.”</p>
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<p>“Wait, what?” She looked taken aback. “Cross-tree merges? Would that work?”</p>
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<p>“It might,” I said, shrugging. “It’d be all of us, at least, right? All of our memories from over the years, combined with those from when we <em>were</em> Marsh. I mean, it wouldn’t be exact, of course, but it’d still be something.”</p>
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<p>“Not exact?” she asked, then winced, answering her own question, “Oh, right, because it won’t have their memories for all of that time.”</p>
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<p>“Not exact?” she asked, then winced, answering her own question, “Oh, right, because they won’t have their memories for all of that time.”</p>
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<p>“Yeah. Not exact, but who knows, maybe they could still live on in a way.”</p>
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<p>Hanne once more rolled over, settling back into my arms again. “I guess.”</p>
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<p>“Just thinking of those stages of grief, though, it makes me wondering if I’m also stuck in the bargaining stage. Trying to find ways to ask the universe to give them back.”</p>
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<hr />
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2024-03-29</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2024-04-28</p>
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