“I am,” True Name said lazily, still stretched out on the couch. “I have been you, I have a guess as to how you might be feeling.”
“I would call this mean if you were not both so right,” May said, waving a paw dismissively. “Give me a moment, then.”
When the skunk went silent, True Name looked to Ioan, who shrugged.
-“Alright,” May said. “Would you like to do dinner with Debarre, Ioan? He invited me over a while back, and I am taking him up on that.”
+“Alright,” May said. “Would you like to do dinner with Debarre, Ionuț? He invited me over a while back, and I am taking him up on that.”
“Wait, tonight?”
“He is free, so why not?”
Ey furrowed eir brow. “I was expecting in a few days or so. Maybe, I guess?”
“You do not have to, Ioan,” she chided. “I know you enjoy alone time as much as anyone.”
“Well, ask me before you head out, then, maybe I’ll get some work done in the interim.”
-She leaned up to dot her nose against eir cheek a few times, laughing. “It is nearly six. I was going to head out now, my dear. Just stay. Do your work. Enjoy a bit of solitude.”
+She leaned up to dot her nose against eir cheek a few times, laughing. “It is nearly six. I was going to head out now, my dear.”
+“Wait, really?” Ey frowned, twisting around to see the darkness already falling outside. “Damn.”
+“Just stay. Do your work. Enjoy a bit of solitude.”
“Alright, alright.”
-She stood up and stretched, padding over to brush some of True Name’s head-fur into order. “And you enjoy your time outdoors. Or melting on the couch, or whatever.”
+She stood up and stretched, padding over to brush some of True Name’s head-fur into order. “And you enjoy your time outdoors. Or melting on the couch, or whatever it is you are doing.”
“Mm. Do enjoy yourself, May.”
Once May had changed her clothes and stepped away, a few long minutes of silence fell. Ioan finished eir tea. True Name got lost in thought, or perhaps dozed.
It was, ey realized, the first time they’d been alone together in weeks. The three of them had been cooped up together since both skunks had overflowed. The circumstances had rather forced their hands in the matter, at least until today when they’d apparently started feeling well enough to get out.
@@ -138,14 +140,14 @@“Well, I mean, we spent all that time talking about May and I’s relationship beforehand.” Ey pushed emself up to sitting on the beanbag, as well, adding, “Which I have no clue how to feel about, to be clear. Just asking.”
“Well, we are of one mind on that front, at least,” she said, grinning. “I have no idea, my dear. I am…I remain confused about the conflicting memories. Something about the base of my experience of you from the point of view of me qua True Name over the last few years feels more…real, perhaps. May I tell you something in confidence?”
Ey knit eir brow and nodded. “Of course.”
-“Even at her friendliest and most open, May believed that these merges would make me, in some way, a more complete person. Even I began to believe such. Too long a time of the whole clade accusing itself of being incomplete people based on our origins, perhaps.” She paused to collect her thoughts, looking down at her paws. “But now I am of three minds. I am True Name and I am May and I am End Waking. There is some unified core — there must be — as I am not strictly May or End Waking, and perhaps that core will yet have some other name, but I am of three minds.”
+“Even at her friendliest and most open, May believed that these merges would make me, in some way, a more complete person. Even I began to believe such. The whole clade has spent too long accusing itself of being incomplete people based on our origins, perhaps.” She paused to collect her thoughts, looking down at her paws. “But now I am of three minds. I am True Name and I am May and I am End Waking. There is some unified core — there must be — as I am not strictly May or End Waking, and perhaps that core will yet have some other name, but I am of three minds.”
“In terms of conflicts?”
-She tilted her head thoughtfully. “I do not feel the pressure of merge conflicts. Not many, at least. I feel tripled. I feel like True Name, perhaps, and then I feel like May and some time later I will feel like End Waking. I lack the language to describe it. I felt something similar when I was Michelle and Sasha, but even that was not the same. The reconciliation that remains is one of ensuring that those facets can coexist peacefully, as Sarah says.”
+She tilted her head thoughtfully. “I do not feel the pressure of merge conflicts. Not many, at least. I feel tripled. I feel now like True Name, perhaps, and then I feel like May and some time later I will feel like End Waking. I lack the language to describe it. I felt something similar when I was Michelle and Sasha, but even that was not the same. The reconciliation that remains is one of ensuring that those facets can coexist peacefully, as Sarah says.”
“I’m sorry, True Name, that sounds…I don’t even know. Impossible.”
“Oh, no, do not get me wrong,” she said, smiling. “It is not unpleasant. It is not what May — or even I — wanted, but it does not feel like a bad thing. It is difficult, however, as some contexts remain confusing. You are one of those contexts, dear.”
Not knowing what to say to that, ey simply nodded, feeling the flush of warmth to eir cheeks.
-“Yes, see? Look at you.” She laughed. “It is complex for all of us. We are all hyper-aware of boundaries, not even wishing to test them. May is…of me, and now I am of her, so that boundary is further, perhaps, but we are all three very aware of your boundaries.”
-“You’re telling me,” ey said, smiling cautiously. “Every time I think about it, I just wind up feeling super awkward.”
+“Yes, see? Look at you.” She laughed. “It is complex for all of us. We are all hyper-aware of boundaries, not even wishing to test them. May is…of me, and now I am of her, so that boundary is smaller between us, perhaps, but we are all three very aware of your boundaries.”
+“You’re telling me,” ey said, smiling cautiously. “Every time I think about it, I just wind up feeling super awkward and freeze up, so I have no clue as to how to even begin to approach it..”
“Well, here. May I sit next to you? If it is awkward, then it is awkward, but then at least we will know and quit fucking tiptoeing around the topic, yes?”
Ey stiffened, trying to cover a wave of anxiety with a chuckle of eir own. “Uh…well, sure.”
For all the confidence in her words, the skunk looked as jittery as ey felt, if the bristle to her tail and cant to her ears was anything to go by. Still, she pushed herself up off the couch to pad over to the beanbag and settle down next to em.
@@ -154,7 +156,7 @@“Here, just– Oh.” Ey laughed as the skunk gave up and leaned forward with a groan, resting her elbows on her knees and her face in her paws. “I’d call that pretty awkward, though I don’t know if that’s what you meant.”
“Not exactly, no,” came her muffled voice. “But I also feel dreadfully overwhelmed.”
Ey leaned away from her as best ey could to give her some space. “Sorry, True Name.”
-After a few slow breaths, she shook her head and slumped over to the side, draping herself across eir lap, face buried in the beanbag on the other side of eir legs, a jumble of skunk. “This is stupid, Ioan,” she grumbled. “This is stupid and it is awkward and it is confusing, just as expected. Pet my ears, please.”
+After a few slow breaths, she shook her head and slumped over to the side, draping herself across eir lap, face buried in the beanbag on the other side of eir legs, a jumble of skunk. “This is stupid, Ioan. This is stupid and it is awkward and it is confusing, just as expected,” she grumbled. “Pet my ears, please.”
“Uh…yeah. Stupid, awkward, and confusing is about the long and short of it– What? Oh.” Ey hesitantly brushed fingers over her ears as ey’d done countless times before with May. Her fur felt exactly the same, her voice was very nearly the same, and were it not for the difference in clothes and the benefit of two and half decades of time spent living with May, ey could probably have confused one for the other. “Too awkward?”
“I do not know. The closer I get, the more May I feel, so the greater part of me is simply pleased to be touched, and by none other than you,” she mumbled against the beanbag. “But I am not her, so the rest of me is unsure of what to make of it. Completely baffled, even. Do I feel like her to you? We are cut from the same cloth, are we not? This ought to feel the same, yes? Does it?”
“Almost exactly and not at all.”
@@ -195,7 +197,7 @@Her shoulders slumped. “I would like nothing more than to disappear out on the plain, but I should probably stop just running away from such things.” She smiled tiredly to em and held out a paw to help em stand. “Come. The least we can do is make dinner. Then we can discuss it further when your partner returns.”