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Madison Scott-Clary 2023-03-12 23:01:19 -07:00
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<p>There must be some way of debriding that scuffed and stripped self-stuff, I thought, so that what you&rsquo;re left with is some purer version of yourself, something all the more whole for what was there now being gone. There must be some way to pare that cruft away. There had to be, right? If one was to live happily, there had to be.</p> <p>There must be some way of debriding that scuffed and stripped self-stuff, I thought, so that what you&rsquo;re left with is some purer version of yourself, something all the more whole for what was there now being gone. There must be some way to pare that cruft away. There had to be, right? If one was to live happily, there had to be.</p>
<p>An aside: Years later, one job and one house and one more dog and one more self later, I called him to ask if he would be willing to write a WPATH letter for me so that I could start HRT, and he said, &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t think I can. I don&rsquo;t know enough about it, and you don&rsquo;t want to know how I feel about it.&rdquo;<sup id="fnref:younes-interpolation2"><a class="footnote-ref" href="#fn:younes-interpolation2">5</a></sup></p> <p>An aside: Years later, one job and one house and one more dog and one more self later, I called him to ask if he would be willing to write a WPATH letter for me so that I could start HRT, and he said, &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t think I can. I don&rsquo;t know enough about it, and you don&rsquo;t want to know how I feel about it.&rdquo;<sup id="fnref:younes-interpolation2"><a class="footnote-ref" href="#fn:younes-interpolation2">5</a></sup></p>
<p>I never talked to him again.</p> <p>I never talked to him again.</p>
<p>All the same, I was young, I was dumb, and I was flaking away at the edges of that more fundamental identity. I was making use of the space I had to explore in clumsy, </p> <p>All the same, I was young, I was dumb, and I was flaking away at the edges of that more fundamental identity. I was making use of the space I had to explore in clumsy, gangly ways. I was building up new versions of myself, one after another, to search for the smallest bit of relief from that friction.</p>
<p>An aside: ((furry as a queer space))</p> <p>An aside: ((furry as a queer space))</p>
<p>In fact, though many of the same ideas within the hymn are also there in Ecclesiastes, those in the latter tend to be more refined, more fleshed out. This might be due to the later date of composition of the former, but may also be due to the context of the book and the interpolated nature of the hymn. The author of the hymn views wisdom as an ephemeral concept. It is not something that can be held or perceived by man, or, indeed, life itself: &ldquo;It is hidden from the eye of all living&rdquo; (Job 28:21, Alter). Even other abstract (though often personified) concepts seem to have difficulty with it: &ldquo;Perdition and Death have said, &ldquo;With our own ears we have heard its rumor.&rdquo;&rdquo; (Job 28:22, Alter)</p> <p>In fact, though many of the same ideas within the hymn are also there in Ecclesiastes, those in the latter tend to be more refined, more fleshed out. This might be due to the later date of composition of the former, but may also be due to the context of the book and the interpolated nature of the hymn. The author of the hymn views wisdom as an ephemeral concept. It is not something that can be held or perceived by man, or, indeed, life itself: &ldquo;It is hidden from the eye of all living&rdquo; (Job 28:21, Alter). Even other abstract (though often personified) concepts seem to have difficulty with it: &ldquo;Perdition and Death have said, &ldquo;With our own ears we have heard its rumor.&rdquo;&rdquo; (Job 28:22, Alter)</p>
<p>Qohelet, on the other hand, has a much more grounded view.<sup id="fnref:younes-qohelet-interpolation"><a class="footnote-ref" href="#fn:younes-qohelet-interpolation">3</a></sup> He says that wisdom is one of those things that you gain by experiencing, something that abides through all of the ups and downs in your life and is only ever strengthened. This is not to say that he is in any way upbeat, however. Wisdom, folly, riches, merriment, these all will go with you to the grave. They, too, will be meaningless.</p> <p>Qohelet, on the other hand, has a much more grounded view.<sup id="fnref:younes-qohelet-interpolation"><a class="footnote-ref" href="#fn:younes-qohelet-interpolation">3</a></sup> He says that wisdom is one of those things that you gain by experiencing, something that abides through all of the ups and downs in your life and is only ever strengthened. This is not to say that he is in any way upbeat, however. Wisdom, folly, riches, merriment, these all will go with you to the grave. They, too, will be meaningless.</p>