Codrin Bălan#Pollux — 2325
+Codrin Bălan#Pollux — 2326
Interview with Dear, Also, The Tree That Was Felled#Pollux
On the reasons for vesting entirely in the Launch
Codrin Bălan#Pollux
-Systime (relative to Pollux LV): 201+365 1208
Codrin Bălan#Pollux: Thanks for agreeing to this, Dear. I think we’re both in a better spot for it now.
Dear, Also, The Tree That Was Felled: Of course, my dear. I would still like to discuss some of the same topics, but I will try to be more sensitive about them.
-Codrin: No worries. We’ll make it work. I’ll start where I did last time, then. How are you feeling?
+Codrin: We’ll make it work. I’ll start where I did last time, then. How are you feeling?
Dear: I am feeling relieved, I suppose. I am feeling relieved and tired.
Codrin: How so?
-Dear: To say that a lot has happened in the last eleven months is not quite true. Very little that counts as dramatic or anything has happened. There were interviews by the Bălan clade and that is about it. The most dramatic of those took place on the other LV however many billions of miles a way, and that was simply one of you getting bounced from a sim, yes? Nothing has happened that feels like it should lead to exhaustion, and yet I am quite worn out by the sheer amount of information uncovered.
+Dear: To say that a lot has happened in the last twelve months is not quite true. Very little that counts as dramatic or anything has happened. There were interviews by the Bălan clade and that is about it. The most dramatic of those took place on the other LV however many billions of miles away, and that was simply one of you getting bounced from a sim, yes? No assassinations. Nothing has happened that feels like it should lead to exhaustion, and yet I am quite worn out by the sheer amount of information uncovered.
Codrin: Emotionally exhausted, perhaps? Like you had to relive two hundred years in the space of one?
Dear: That is a large part of it, yes. Emotionally exhausted, worn out by the shift of understanding between our two clades.
Codrin: I suppose we’re pretty thoroughly intertwined now, aren’t we?
-Dear: [laughter] Yes, now that Ioan has picked up on May’s rather blunt clues.
+Dear: [laughter] Yes, now that Ioan has picked up on May’s rather blunt hints.
Codrin: Hey, it takes time.
Dear: And I have been training you for two decades, so there is also that.
-Codrin: Yes, well, can you expand on how you feel relieved?
+Codrin: Yes. Well, can you expand on how you feel relieved?
Dear: I will try. There is a lot that the Ode clade has done that has come to light in the last year, and while I cannot say that I was personally a part of much of that, I have also borne that knowledge. I also knew those secrets. Not having to hold them constantly at bay from even those that I am closest to has let off that pressure.
Codrin: Thank you for telling us, too. I know that True Name said we won’t see a huge reaction from this given her past work, but it’s still a relief to hear for me, as well. Now, do you have any additional thoughts on why you decided to join the Launch? I’m particularly interested on your thoughts on investing entirely in it, but I suspect those will come up in separate questions.
Dear: They almost certainly will, yes. Well. [pauses] Yes. I believe I said before that a large part of it is due to me being a hopeless romantic. A large part of that still stands. I am excited to see the galaxy, as it were, and it still tickles me to know that I am speeding away from Earth at some ludicrous speed and that there is absolutely no way back.
@@ -71,7 +72,7 @@ Systime (relative to Pollux LV): 201+365 1208Dear: [angrily] Codrin.
Codrin: I’m sorry, Dear. I wanted to be up front about it.
Dear: [long pause, calmer] I understand. I… [pause] Perhaps you feel some of the same worry that you might be loved by none. Perhaps it is a universal emotion.
-Codrin: I think so, yeah. Having it said out loud kicked my anxiety up a notch, so I started to worry, “Wait, am I loved by none? Does Dear love me? Do both of them love me?” I know it’s not true, but that’s why I reacted in the way that I did.
+Codrin: I think so, yeah. Having it said out loud kicked my anxiety up a notch, so I started to worry, “Wait, am I loved by none? Does Dear love me? Do both of my partners love me?” I know it’s not true, but that’s why I reacted in the way that I did.
Dear: [smiling] Yes. I apologize for yelling.
Codrin: It’s okay, Dear, promise. Now, I want to hear your thoughts on death.
Dear: [taken aback] You do?
@@ -79,7 +80,7 @@ Systime (relative to Pollux LV): 201+365 1208Dear: Okay, but–
Codrin: And if you say “I want to die”, I’ll pull your tail and call you names.
Dear: [laughter] Yes, yes, fine. My thoughts, okay. [pause] Okay. To be more calm about it, I want to experience death. I do not want to just quit, because that is suicide, and my wish to experience death is not bound up in that particular set of emotions. I would prefer not to be assassinated or anything so grand. It is an acceptable end, I suppose, because it would mean that I will have lived a life worth being assassinated for, and from what I have seen — what I saw with Qoheleth — it looks like a process. Yes! Yes, that is it. Thank you for asking this, my dear. It gave me the chance to find the words.
-Dear: I do not want to experience ceasing existing. That is just cessation, and I do not care whether or not there is anything beyond that cessation. It is all incredibly boring. What I want to experience is the process of death. Assassination would be acceptable, even if it is not preferable, because I would get to experience that process. Better, however, is the fact that these LVs are doomed from the start. Eventually, they will fail. The generator on board is guaranteed for some thousands of years or whatever, but it will fail eventually. Or the system will crash into a comet, or some ice ball out in the Oort cloud — I read about that, you know? It is all incredibly boring — or it will wind up flying too close to a sun and burn up. That, I think, is the end that I am most excited for. We are [shaking head] all of those on the LVs are encased in Castor and Pollux, yes? How fitting, then, that we die like Icarus! I imagine that we will not necessarily feel too much within our little System, but there may be some discontinuity, or perhaps corruption. How exciting would that be?
+Dear: I do not want to experience ceasing existing. That is just cessation, and I do not care whether or not there is anything beyond that cessation. That is for the prophets and poets to worry about. What I want to experience is the process of death. Assassination would be acceptable, even if it is not preferable, because I would get to experience that process. Better, however, is the fact that these LVs are doomed from the start. Eventually, they will fail. The generator on board is guaranteed for some thousands of years or whatever, but it will fail eventually. Or the system will crash into a comet, or some ice ball out in the Oort cloud — I read about that, you know? It is all incredibly boring — or it will wind up flying too close to a star and burn up. That, I think, is the end that I am most excited for. We are [shaking head] all of those on the LVs are encased in Castor and Pollux, yes? How fitting, then, that we die like Icarus! I imagine that we will not necessarily feel too much within our little System, but there may be some discontinuity, or perhaps corruption. How exciting would that be?
Codrin: [laughter] I’m not sure I share your excitement, there.
Dear: Lame. [laughter] But either way, I find it fascinating. Will we feel pain? Who knows! It is a new thing, and I am looking forward to experiencing something new.
Codrin: That, at least, I can understand. I’d just prefer it if it didn’t involve dying horribly as the LV fails around us.
@@ -93,16 +94,17 @@ Systime (relative to Pollux LV): 201+365 1208Codrin: Yes. You mentioned the relief in the context of no longer holding that secret. I’m curious how you feel about the reality of it.
Dear: [long pause] I feel shame, I suppose. I wish that they had not done that. It goes beyond guilt for the actions, because I did not perform them. It makes me feel ashamed that I am a member of the clade. I do not wish them harm, of course, nor do I feel that they were acting in bad faith, at least for the most part. I feel that they were doing what they felt was best. It was just the means to those positive ends that are distasteful and make me ashamed. I also feel fear at what will come of this history and mythology. I know that True Name and Jonas said that they have prepared both sys- and phys-side for their reception, but, well, if there is any reason for me to be assassinated, it is that. As a public figure and an Odist, I am a visible representative of the clade, and should someone take umbrage with that, they have the motive right there.
Codrin: Do you feel any pride about the ends, even if the means were unsavory?
-Dear: If I do, it is only a small amount. We have gotten here, and there is no changing that. We cannot be anywhere but here. That I am relatively happy here is inconsequential.
-Codrin: Alright, thank you. Last question: what’s next for you? Or next in general?
-Dear: For me? Short term, I plan on eating a good dinner, drinking a lot of wine, and making fun of you until you get mad and pull my tail. Mid term, I plan on working on another exhibition. Perhaps it will even surround death, though likely the topic will be more general, such as by beloved irreversibility.
+Dear: If I do, it pales in comparison. We have gotten here, and there is no changing that. We cannot be anywhere but here. That I am relatively happy here is inconsequential.
+Codrin: Alright, thank you. Last question: what’s next for you?
+Dear: For me? Short term, I plan on eating a good dinner, drinking a lot of wine, and making fun of you until you get mad and pull my tail. Mid term, I plan on working on another exhibition. Perhaps it will even surround death, though likely the topic will be more general, such as my beloved irreversibility.
Codrin: And long term?
Dear: I do not know.
Codrin: You don’t?
Dear: I do not. Is that not fantastic? I do not know, and I love that about this particular future. I simply do not know.
+