update from sparkleup
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Madison Scott-Clary
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<p>The skunk stuck her tongue out at em. “I will allow you this one apology, but do not make a habit of it. You are allowed to cry at sad shit.”</p>
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<p>Ey rolled eir eyes and shoved at her.</p>
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<p>“Well, I was promised laying in the grass and baking in the sun,” Douglas said. “So come on, we can at least enjoy the rest of the afternoon.”</p>
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<p>May made it through dinner — Ioan was heartened to see that she’d actually eaten all of the chicken soup ey’d made — before padding off to a beanbag to curl up. She kept up a sleepy conversation for a few minutes while Ioan cleaned, but even that tapered off to silence. When next ey looked back, the skunk was asleep.</p>
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<p>Every time ey’d left her to sleep out on the beanbag in the past, though, she’d spent the next day disoriented and moody (ey suspected this is what she’d meant when she said she slept better next to someone all those years ago), so, once ey finished cleaning, ey knelt beside the beanbag, wormed eir arms beneath her, and scooped her up.</p>
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<p>May made a sort of drowsy chirping noise as ey lifted her, hugging her arms around eir shoulders for the short journey to the bedroom. Long as her tail was, ey still had to be careful not to step on any of her fur with it hanging limply, almost to the ground.</p>
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<p>Once there, ey helped her out of her clothes, unsteady as she seemed, and then tucked her in, leaning down to put a kiss on her cheek.</p>
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<p>“Ioan?”</p>
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<p>“Yes?”</p>
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<p>“Can you stay?”</p>
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<p>Ey had hesitated then nodded, forking off a copy to finish cleaning up and taking notes. After a few minutes of eir own bedtime routine, ey slipped into bed with her. Ey was certainly tired enough, ey realized.</p>
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<p>And so now, back at home, back in their own bed, alone together, May and Ioan had the conversation ey felt they truly needed. They talked quietly, almost <em>sotto voce</em>, now that they were alone, now that it was dark and comfortable and they were no longer surrounded by the loud, raucous colors of Douglas’s field. They shared their kisses, their small touches, they reaffirmed, in so many small, unspoken ways, their love for each other, and they talked.</p>
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<p>(Talk about Artemis and what they might be learning, esp in the context of Ioan’s lingering desire to experience and catalogue)</p>
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<p>(Via time stuff (May says ey’d mentioned that but wasn’t sure what it was), talk about uniting factors among those who struggle with memory: weaker boundary between subconscious and conscious, greater sense of numinous, yearning for the void)</p>
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<p>(May’s fears - emotions slowly getting out of control as a being of emotions, Ioan’s fears - helplessness)</p>
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<p>“May?”</p>
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<p>The skunk poked her nose against eir collarbone. “Mm?” She sounded half asleep.</p>
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<p>“I really can’t lose you. You know that right?” Ey felt her stiffen in eir arms, continued, “I said ages ago that I’m not built for a life with death in it. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I uploaded in the first place, to get away from that.”</p>
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<p>“Ioan,” she said, voice hoarse. “I already-“</p>
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<p>“I know, you already promised. I believe you. I’m not trying to berate you, I’m trying to say I love you.”</p>
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<p>“Ioan Bălan, if you make me cry again, I will smother you on your sleep.”</p>
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<p>Ey laughed. “It sounds like it’s already too late.”</p>
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<p>“Thin fucking ice, buddy.” May sniffled and squirmed around until she could tuck back against eir front. “I love you too, my dear, top to bottom and front to back.”</p>
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<p>As ey settled in for sleep, kissing the backs of the skunk’s ears, ey marveled that ey could only remember the Ioan who never thought to form attachments, who could never remember to ask May if they were in a relationship, who continually wondered how she wound up in eir life as some other person. That Ioan was gone. Ey had slipped out while the Ioan ey was now wasn’t looking, and had never come back. Ey wished em luck, this younger version of emself. Ey wished em happiness and fulfillment. And, should that Ioan ever find emself struck by the wonder of love, ey wished em courage in the face of it.</p>
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<p>This Ioan, the one ey was now, understood the value in attachments, and yet ey could still marvel, twenty years on, at just how much more complete ey was with May in eir life, and for that, ey’d be forever thankful.</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2021-10-30</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2021-11-14</p>
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</footer>
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</main>
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