update from sparkleup
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Madison Scott-Clary
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@ -190,33 +190,33 @@ how say</dd>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="remote/codrin/007.html">Codrin Bălan#Emissary</a> — AWNH breaks down (revealing she’s AWNH, not WAQ), quits, break immediately called, TN is having a REALLY HARD TIME, Turun Ka shows up, TN comes clean, talks about getting lost, Turun Ka says Artante’s race ran into similar, but stops her from talking about AWNH further for now - 2109</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="local/codrin/010.html">Codrin Bălan#Artemis</a> — TN gets news re: AWNH (a fork enters the space, quits, merges - Artemisians like huh???), calls halt to meeting, preempts everyone getting news separately by announcing what happened, Codrin and Sarah confirm they’ve heard, tries to gloss over the swap quickly (b/c of course she’s planned), but Turun Ka speaks up, says that this is part of confirmation required. For what? Tune in next time… - 1884</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="ioan/009.html">Ioan Bălan</a> — Ioan meets up with True Name at a neutral place to talk about the cracks showing, death of Death Itself and I Do Not Know; growing empathy for True Name - 2326</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="remote/codrin/008.html">Codrin Bălan#Emissary</a> — Codrin, Sarah, Turun Ko, Artante meet up (while TN talks with Turun Ka, Iska, and Tycho chills with Stolon) and discuss actual point of meetings: to determine whether humanity is a suitable fifthrace. None of the Artemisians know/will say what the gating factors are, but think they’re close - don’t tell TN (are they supposed to know? Shrug, but implied if they tell TN, that’s a point against them) - 2046</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="remote/codrin/008.html">Codrin Bălan#Emissary</a> — Codrin, Sarah, Turun Ko, Artante meet up (while TN talks with Turun Ka, Iska, and Tycho chills with Stolon) and discuss actual point of meetings: to determine whether humanity is a suitable fifthrace. None of the Artemisians know/will say what the gating factors are, but think they’re close - don’t tell TN (are they supposed to know? Shrug, but implied if they tell TN, that’s a point against them) - 2046</li>
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<li class="rejected"> MERGED ABOVE <!--<a href="remote/tycho/004.html">Tycho Brahe#Emissary</a> --- While all the above is happening, Tycho steals some time with Stolon to try and talk science, but they both wind up talking about being in over one's head and the futility of politics vs stability of science - 1040 - TODO merge up--></li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="local/codrin/011.html">Codrin Bălan#Artemis</a> — Codrin gives Turun Ko a copy of <em>On the Origin of Our World</em> (against TN’s suggestion, but she is in damage-control mode), which, after it reads it, turns out to be the penultimate step towards moving forward with accepting as fifthrace. Yay Codrin - 2599</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="local/codrin/011.html">Codrin Bălan#Artemis</a> — Codrin gives Turun Ko a copy of <em>On the Origin of Our World</em> (against TN’s suggestion, but she is in damage-control mode), which, after it reads it, turns out to be the penultimate step towards moving forward with accepting as fifthrace. Yay Codrin - 2599</li>
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<li class="rejected"> REJECTED too much rambling <!-- <a href="local/tycho/013.html">Tycho Brahe#Artemis</a> --- Steals time with Stolon on break, joined by Iska and Sarah, talk about joining Artemis, what races have learned from each other re: science. --></li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="ioan/008.html">Ioan Bălan</a> — Sarah Genet gets in touch. May is feeling rough, so she mostly talks with Ioan, who talks with May after, feeling better. - 2708</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="remote/tycho/005.html">Tycho Brahe#Emissary</a> — Watching talks resume, starting to think y’know what, fuck it, maybe he’ll just stay if allowed. Stolon’s neat, the science is good, and having this to look forward to has given him more purpose in life. Interrupts talk to mention such regardless of glares from TN. Silence from Artemisians, one can assume internal chatter, then “that was the final gating step - wanting to join. We will welcome you as fifthrace” - (Deferred: from there they will learn all they want, have X days to do exchange, share entire libraries back and forth on data band, can keep format however they want on Castor. TN FROWNS but WHATEVER FINE) - 2257</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="ioan/008.html">Ioan Bălan</a> — Sarah Genet gets in touch. May is feeling rough, so she mostly talks with Ioan, who talks with May after, feeling better. - 2708</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="remote/tycho/005.html">Tycho Brahe#Emissary</a> — Watching talks resume, starting to think y’know what, fuck it, maybe he’ll just stay if allowed. Stolon’s neat, the science is good, and having this to look forward to has given him more purpose in life. Interrupts talk to mention such regardless of glares from TN. Silence from Artemisians, one can assume internal chatter, then “that was the final gating step - wanting to join. We will welcome you as fifthrace” - (Deferred: from there they will learn all they want, have X days to do exchange, share entire libraries back and forth on data band, can keep format however they want on Castor. TN FROWNS but WHATEVER FINE) - 2257</li>
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</ul>
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</li>
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<li class="done2"> Integration - DMZ expands, several upload to Artemis<ul>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="local/tycho/014.html">Tycho Brahe</a> — Fresh out of talks, merges back with #tracker in sim, looks up at the sky, new big feelings, TN shows up w/champagne. She’s kind of sad, but guess it went okay, says she’s trying to be earnest about just wanting to have something to celebrate with someone else, but isn’t sure she knows how anymore. Cracks showing as growth collides with eternal memory. - 2233</li>
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<li class="done3"> Integration - DMZ expands, several upload to Artemis<ul>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="local/tycho/014.html">Tycho Brahe</a> — Fresh out of talks, merges back with #tracker in sim, looks up at the sky, new big feelings, TN shows up w/champagne. She’s kind of sad, but guess it went okay, says she’s trying to be earnest about just wanting to have something to celebrate with someone else, but isn’t sure she knows how anymore. Cracks showing as growth collides with eternal memory. - 2233</li>
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<li class="rejected"> REJECTED too much unless I think of another purpose <a href="ioan/007.html">Ioan Bălan</a> — Ioan and May speculate on how True Name must be taking it Pollux, suggest Codrin’s grand gesture for Dear being bringing the polycule to the DMZ, more on stability re: Odists.</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="local/codrin/012.html">Codrin Bălan</a> — Talks with Sarah back at home about what things will look like going forward (expand DMZ to idk like 1/3 system size, allow Artemisians to join, allow any to join Artemis as fifthrace). After Sarah leaves, goes for a walk with Dear, mentions what happened with AWNH and TN - 2136</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="local/tycho/015.html">Tycho Brahe</a> — The DMZ expands, sets up a border crossing of sorts, starts to think about what to do, about how there’s this idea that he invest fully that just showed up, fully formed, in his head - 1589</li>
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<li class="done1"> <a href="ioan/005.html">Ioan Bălan</a> — Ioan and May re the name; May does a therapy - 1538 (expand for the rest of the morning before therapy, I just can’t remember what I was considering)</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="local/codrin/013.html">Codrin Bălan</a> — Convinces Dear and partner to join em in both DMZ (Do they leave forks behind? Maybe Codrin is so giddy ey doesn’t even care if they do) - Will write the history with Genet, but is going to take a more active role than amanuensis, learn about therapy. (Not librarian b/c different person now) A solution to boredom? Boredom finally a problem? - 1953 (expand with boredom, different person)</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="ioan/006.html">Ioan Bălan</a> — Ioan and May discuss ramifications on history/mythos, and how none of the Bălans want to write it; news from Castor is shown to be shaped well by TN/Jonas, data dump from Artemis arriving only after local TN/Jonas have shaped expectations, etc - 1642</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="local/tycho/016.html">Tycho Brahe</a> — invests fully, ceremony a la Sasha’s eulogy, see both local and Artemis view from him - 1553</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="local/codrin/012.html">Codrin Bălan</a> — Talks with Sarah back at home about what things will look like going forward (expand DMZ to idk like 1/3 system size, allow Artemisians to join, allow any to join Artemis as fifthrace). After Sarah leaves, goes for a walk with Dear, mentions what happened with AWNH and TN - 2136</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="local/tycho/015.html">Tycho Brahe</a> — The DMZ expands, sets up a border crossing of sorts, starts to think about what to do, about how there’s this idea that he invest fully that just showed up, fully formed, in his head - 1589</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="ioan/005.html">Ioan Bălan</a> — Ioan and May re the name; May does a therapy - 1538 (expand for the rest of the morning before therapy, I just can’t remember what I was considering)</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="local/codrin/013.html">Codrin Bălan</a> — Convinces Dear and partner to join em in both DMZ (Do they leave forks behind? Maybe Codrin is so giddy ey doesn’t even care if they do) - Will write the history with Genet, but is going to take a more active role than amanuensis, learn about therapy. (Not librarian b/c different person now) A solution to boredom? Boredom finally a problem? - 1953 (expand with boredom, different person)</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="ioan/006.html">Ioan Bălan</a> — Ioan and May discuss ramifications on history/mythos, and how none of the Bălans want to write it; news from Castor is shown to be shaped well by TN/Jonas, data dump from Artemis arriving only after local TN/Jonas have shaped expectations, etc - 1642</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="local/tycho/016.html">Tycho Brahe</a> — invests fully, ceremony a la Sasha’s eulogy, see both local and Artemis view from him - 1553</li>
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</ul>
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</li>
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<li class="done2"> Epilogue<ul>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="interlude/005.html">RJ</a> — RJ dies during upload, drat, another loss…but wait? What’s this? Something worked, something’s still going, something’s still there. No RJ, but the world - 1858</li>
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<li class="done3"> Epilogue<ul>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="interlude/005.html">RJ</a> — RJ dies during upload, drat, another loss…but wait? What’s this? Something worked, something’s still going, something’s still there. No RJ, but the world - 1858</li>
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@ -13,35 +13,35 @@
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<h1 id="awdae-2114">AwDae — 2114</h1>
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<p>The world had long since begun to blur, to sag. It had shifted from some known sense of realism to something unknown, some watercolor painting with too much medium, or perhaps some impressionist take on colors, on the boundaries between one thing or another.</p>
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<p>The world had long since begun to blur, to sag. It had shifted from some known sense of realism to something unknown, some watercolor painting with too much medium, or perhaps some impressionist take on colors, smearing the boundaries between one thing or another.</p>
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<p>It was not as though ey could not see well, for if ey dedicated enough energy to the act of seeing, the act of looking, then everything was as in-focus as it had always been.</p>
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<p>Rather, it was a sense, a sensation, a way of moving through the world that implied that <em>this is how it must be.</em> The utilitarian furniture. Eir spare apartment with its grimy wallpaper and stellar views. Eir tea cup and kettle. Eir dreams. All of it was slowly losing coherence, and ey could not tell whether it was a natural process or something new brought on by all of the therapies and the two exploratory surgeries.</p>
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<p>They had poked around in eir brain, had they not? They had dug through eir mind. They had explored eir dreams. They had delved through memory and chosen select bits. They had plumbed the depths of eir creativity.</p>
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<p>Rather, it was a sense, a sensation, a way of moving through the world that implied that <em>this is how it must be.</em> The utilitarian furniture. Eir spare apartment in the S-R Bloc with its grimy wallpaper and mountainous views. Eir tea cup and kettle. Eir dreams. All of it was slowly losing coherence, and ey could not tell whether it was a natural process or something new brought on by all of the therapies and the two exploratory surgeries.</p>
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<p>They had poked around in eir brain, had they not? They had dug through eir mind. They had explored eir dreams. They had delved through memory and found the choicest bits. They had plumbed the depths of eir creativity.</p>
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<p>Ey did not know what they did. They would explain, and perhaps ey would understand, perhaps ey would not. It did not matter, none of it mattered.</p>
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<p>All that mattered was the promise. All that mattered were the occasional glimpses into some mirror that ey experienced. All that mattered was a new thing.</p>
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<p>AwDae — for that is what they requested ey call em moving forward — had been flown from London to Belize. From Belize to Ontario. From Ontario to Addis Ababa. From Addis Ababa to Beijing. From Beijing to Vladivostok. From Vladivostok to Yakutsk, and from there, finally, ey was driven North, North, North, and West.</p>
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<p>All that mattered was the promise. All that mattered were the occasional glimpses into some subtle mirror that only ey experienced. All that mattered was a new thing.</p>
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<p>AwDae — for that is what ey requested they call em moving forward — had been flown from London to Belize. From Belize to Ontario. From Ontario to Addis Ababa. From Addis Ababa to Beijing. From Beijing to Vladivostok. From Vladivostok to Yakutsk, and from there, finally, ey was driven North, North, North, and West.</p>
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<p>Ey did not know where ey was and, ey was promised, the hope was that no one else would either. There would be a confusing trail of visas, flight records, and brief conversations spotted here and there until ey was elsewhere, until ey was nowhere. A nowhere safe enough to stay. A nowhere ey was allowed to send one final message to Sasha, whom ey loved above all else.</p>
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<p>The briefing, once ey had reached the compound, had lasted days.</p>
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<p>The System engineers — so vague a name as to keep discussions impossible to trace — had been toiling for nearly a year on achieving the dream of countless futurists. They had been looking into what all would be involved in moving a mind to some newer reality. Some reality built of the minds who inhabited it.</p>
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<p>It had begun as a way to spread humanity through the ‘net, and when their ethicists had warned them that a place so ridden with terror and danger would be cruel, they had narrowed their goal to this new world. A mirror world of all the meaning ey could dream of and more.</p>
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<p>The System engineers — so vague a name as to keep discussions impossible to trace — had been toiling for nearly a year on achieving the dream of countless futurists. They had been looking into what would be involved in moving a mind to some newer reality. Some reality built of the minds that inhabited it.</p>
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<p>It had begun as a way to spread humanity through the ‘net, and when their ethicists had warned them that inhabiting a place so ridden with terror and danger would be cruel, they had narrowed their goal to this new world. A mirror world of all the meaning ey could dream of and more.</p>
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<p>They had been trying for nearly a year to build such. Avenues: many.</p>
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<p>Perhaps they could read, over time, EEGs, EKGs, however many scans they could manage, stream them in real time into a computer prepared to take them and turn them into a new person, or maybe the same person but different, running within a simulated room.</p>
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<p>No luck. They were not enough of a person. Missing was proprioception. Missing was sanity. Missing was enough of a mind to be called a personality.</p>
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<p>Perhaps they could map the neurons in a body and set them to running in concert, studying and building and creating and dreaming until it would be come a person entire. They began on cadavers, and then on one unlucky living soul destined for death by choice and countless sheaves of paperwork</p>
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<p>This was too much, too much. There was no way to simply emulate process after process in any reasonable fashion. When they did manage it, it was a simulation of a perfectly working body. They had written papers on it, gotten them published, and then moved on to explore new tacks.</p>
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<p>This was too much, too much. There was no way to simply emulate process after process in any reasonable fashion. When they did manage it, it was a simulation of a perfectly working body. It was not a mind. It was not a Person. They had written papers on it, gotten them published, and then moved on to explore new tacks.</p>
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<p>Perhaps they could combine the two. Perhaps they could build a map of a system and also mesh it with scans. Perhaps, perhaps…</p>
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<p>And yet while this creation of theirs was close to a person, it fell short as it crashed ceaselessly into strange loop after strange loop. There was no world in which they could place it that it wherein it could live happily.</p>
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<p>No luck, no luck.</p>
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<p>And here is where the lost came in. Here is where they were able to take a core dump and investigate it for the ever-changing, ever-evolving state of a delved-in personality and, on finding it, push it into being. The core itself wasn’t enough — Sasha’s core, ey had been told — and so they repeated this process with another of the lost yearning for death.</p>
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<p>Presentation after presentation ey watched through watercolor-smeared vision, through surreal touch and surreal hearing.</p>
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<p>Ey could feel that death creeping, even before ey had taken all eir flights. Ey could feel the way it stole minutes from em, borrowed hours and never gave them back, draped languidly over days and made them useless to inaccessibility.</p>
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<p>Ey could feel that death creeping, even before ey had taken all eir flights. Ey could feel the way it stole minutes from em, borrowed hours and never gave them back, draped languidly over days and made them inaccessible.</p>
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<p>Eir promise, eir promise…</p>
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<p>Eir promise to emself. Eir promise to Sasha. Eir promise to Carter. Eir promise in quiet whispers over the still warm but unalive body of Prisca. <em>I decided against it,</em> ey told emself, awaiting dreams. <em>Truly decided: I made a conscious decision to stick around, remember?</em></p>
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<p>But their pet lost, their pet found, they were madder than em, and ey was too mad to see in anything but smeared paint spelling out the language of the mad, in language that dripped from eir tongue like studied ink, in language that fell like tears from eir eyes.</p>
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<p>But the pet lost the scientists had begun with, they were madder than em, and ey was too mad to see in anything but smeared paint spelling out the language of the mad, to see in language that dripped from eir tongue like studied ink, to see in language that fell like tears from eir eyes.</p>
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<p>Their pet lost ran better than any other of their simulations before. There had been a glimmer there. A few milliseconds before the crash. A few milliseconds of life. There had been a swelling in the System. Bits and bites and countless drives worth of data swelling and growing and they could tell that a burst of creativity had been blown into the memory of the computer — if computer it was — that was destined to be this new world.</p>
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<p>And then, truly free, the mind had ceased to exist. It had craved death too much, and in one final act of destruction, a creativity in its own right, it plowed through all of that creativity and deleted it. It wiped the computers and, through some unknown manner, reached back down the line to the machines used to create the emulation, and corrupted all of their data in turn.</p>
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<p>And then, truly free, the mind had ceased to exist. It had craved death too much, and in one final act of destruction, a creation in its own right, it plowed through all of that creativity and deleted it. It wiped the computers and, through some unknown manner, reached back down the line to the machines used to create the emulation, and corrupted all of their data and scans and neural maps in turn.</p>
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<p>You are it, they promised. You are next in line. You are the one who can do it. We have faith. We believe. More, we desire nothing else for you, for we are dreamers. Success and political advantage were in the realm of politicians, were in the realm of managers like Prakash. That was their arena. Ours is the arena of hope, of success, of wishing the best for you, and our success will be one of pure pride, pure joy.</p>
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<p>This will hurt, they promised. This will hurt and you will die, they said. You will die as we map every synapse within your brain as fast as we possibly can. We will map them as your body dies, tearing through your brain at the speed of <em>n</em>, where <em>n</em> is some sufficiently large number.</p>
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<p>This will hurt, they promised. This will hurt and you will die, they said. You will die as we map every synapse within your brain as fast as we possibly can. We will map them as your body dies, tearing through your brain at the speed of <em>n</em> thoughts per <em>x</em>, where <em>n</em> is some sufficiently large number and <em>x</em> some unimaginably small unit of time.</p>
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<p>It will hurt, and you will die, and you will be awake to experience it, and we will do all that we can to ensure that hope remains within you, as it flares within us.</p>
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<p>And so ey waited and ey dreamed and, when Prakash visited the compound, ey walked with him and spoke in poetry, wrote odes to the end of death and let them drip down eir chin, staining eir clothes and hands black with an ink that ate the light hungrily, gorged on it.</p>
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<p>Ey knew that ey was quickly losing the ability to make sense, to speak in anything beyond those too-heady words, the ones that tumbled around inside of eir mind, doing their best to crush meaning.</p>
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@ -50,18 +50,18 @@
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<p>They cut through skin.</p>
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<p>They cut through bone.</p>
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<p>And then something new happened, though ey new it not: ey fell asleep. Ey fell into a dream, an endless dream of foxes and skunks and prairies and mountains and shores and words and some purer love.</p>
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<p>And then something happened and that dream unrolled before em, clear as day, clearer than any painting, clearer even than the waking world. Silver of the finest quality spread around the inside of eir being and was left of em reflected that world back in on itself, and memory became the plate-glass atop it, protecting it, binding it to circuitry and computronium.</p>
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<p>And then that dream unrolled before em, clear as day, clearer than any painting, clearer even than the waking world. Silver of the finest quality spread around the inside of eir being and what was left of em reflected that world back in on itself, and memory became the plate-glass atop it, protecting it, binding it to circuitry and computronium.</p>
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<p>And, though ey new it not, ey died.</p>
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<p>And, though the scientists knew it not, ey gave everything ey had, everything ey was, all of eir memories, all of eir hopes and dreams, all of eir desire and anxiety, all of who ey was, to this final act of creation, and felt, with each new meter-kilometer-megameter-gigameter of silver and plate-glass ey laid into being, ey gave of emself, gave thought, gave dream, gave up what it meant to be alive, what it meant to be a mind, what it meant to be a person, and knew only what it meant to be a world.</p>
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<p>And, though ey knew it not, for knowing is not a thing a world can do, days passed. Weeks passed, champaign corks were popped, scientists cried, Sasha cried, Carter cried.</p>
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<p>And, though ey knew it not, for knowing is not a thing a world can do, days passed and the world persisted beyond eir death. Weeks passed, champaign corks were popped, scientists cried. Sasha cried, Debarre cried, Carter cried.</p>
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<p>And, though ey knew it not, more came, and those who came earliest spoke of a presence they could not name, first to each other and then, when the text line was provided, to the world outside. A presence that loved what it had done and refused refused refused to let it go, to let it stop. A self-sustaining System that was not built for death.</p>
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<p>And, though ey knew it not, it was decided to try and remove this presence, but it stolidly refused and, against the demands of managers and politicians, the scientists nurtured it, whispered their sweet nothings of code into its ear and helped it grow into the world that it was to become.</p>
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<p>And, though ey knew it not, it was decided to try and remove this presence, to make the world a blank slate, but it stolidly refused and, against the demands of managers and politicians, the scientists nurtured it instead, whispered their sweet nothings in lines of code into its ear and helped it grow into the world that it was to become.</p>
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<p>And thus grew the System, a world that was not built for death.</p>
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<p>And thus grew a new world, ready to secede, ready to accept a humanity beyond humanity.</p>
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<p>And thus grew a new world, ready to someday secede, ready to accept a humanity beyond humanity.</p>
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<p>And thus died the name.</p>
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