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                 <h1 id="ioan-balan-2346">Ioan Bălan &mdash; 2346</h1>
+<p>Depression, Ioan had long known but never internalized, was fundamentally different from sadness. Too, it was different from May&rsquo;s overwhelming waves of emotions.</p>
+<p>Ey was confronted with it now, forced to see the way the emotion &mdash; or non-emotion, perhaps &mdash; affected one on a more fundamental level than anything so simple as sadness could hope to. Those overwhelming waves were fundamental in their own way, but far, far less existential.</p>
 <p>Sarah Genet gets in touch. May is feeling rough, so she mostly talks with Ioan, who talks with May after, feeling better.</p>
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-                <p>Page generated on 2021-12-10</p>
+                <p>Page generated on 2022-01-02</p>
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 <p>Ey watched as she bridled, subsided, and nodded. &ldquo;I am not what I was.&rdquo;</p>
 <p>&ldquo;What changed?&rdquo;</p>
 <p>She shrugged helplessly. &ldquo;If I knew, perhaps I could fix it, bring back that easy confidence.&rdquo;</p>
-<p>The conversation was veering wildly off-script. The skunk herself was veering further and further afield from the one ey&rsquo;d pictured in eir head. &ldquo;Your counterpart on Castor sounds much the same as I remember. The True Name on Pollux has, from what I hear, wound up in a relationship and started to guide more openly over the last few years.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>The conversation was veering further off-script. The skunk herself was veering far afield from the one ey&rsquo;d pictured in eir head. &ldquo;Your counterpart on Castor sounds much the same as I remember. The True Name on Pollux has, from what I hear, wound up in a relationship and started to guide more openly over the last few years.&rdquo;</p>
 <p>Looking down to where she held her mug against her front, True Name blinked rapidly, nodding.</p>
 <p><em>Crying? Really?</em> Ey frowned, searching her face and posture for any hint that this was some calculated display of emotion. </p>
-<p>&ldquo;Is it something about the L<sub>5</sub> System? Is the culture that different here? Maybe something about the System itself? I&rsquo;m trying to think of what might be different.&rdquo;</p>
-<p>&ldquo;I do not know, Ioan.&rdquo; She sniffed, sat up straighter, and smiled tiredly at em. &ldquo;Again, if I did, perhaps there might be something that I could do to address it. I know what I am &mdash; what I have become &mdash; in comparison to my peers. While I am trying not to view it as a failing, it is&hellip;difficult.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Is it something about the L<sub>5</sub> System?&rdquo; ey asked, hunting for something to fix, helpless to stop emself from doing so. &ldquo;Is the culture that different here? Maybe something about the System itself? I&rsquo;m trying to think of what might be different.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;I do not know, Ioan.&rdquo; She sniffed, sat up straighter, and smiled tiredly at em. &ldquo;Again, if I did, perhaps there might be something that I could do to address it. I know what I am &mdash; what I have become &mdash; in comparison to my peers. While I am trying not to view that as a failing, it is&hellip;difficult.&rdquo;</p>
 <p>Ey had to resist the urge to reach out and offer her eir hand to hold for comfort as ey did so often with May. They looked so similar even still, and all the more so when struggling with overwhelming emotions.</p>
-<p>She must have caught some hint of this on her face, as she grinned to em. &ldquo;If I were built more like your May, then perhaps I could more easily accept comfort, but I am not. Thank you for listening, though. I cannot talk about these things with Jonas.&rdquo;</p>
-<p>Ey  laughed and shrugged sheepishly. &ldquo;Sorry, True Name. Long habit. Still, I&rsquo;m happy to listen, I suppose. I know that my relationship puts us in a precarious position, and there are still some aspects about our history that are&hellip;difficult to internalize, but, well&ndash;&rdquo; Ey sat up straighter at a sudden memory. &ldquo;Hey, have you talked with In Dreams yet? Or this Sarah Genet?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>She must have caught some hint of this on her face or in eir posture, as she grinned to em. &ldquo;If I were built more like your May, then perhaps I could more easily accept comfort, but I am not. Thank you for listening, though. I cannot talk about these things with Jonas.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Ey laughed and shrugged sheepishly. &ldquo;Sorry, True Name. Long habit. Still, I&rsquo;m happy to listen, I suppose. I know that my relationship puts us in a precarious position and there are still some aspects about our history that are&hellip;difficult to internalize, but, well&ndash;&rdquo; Ey sat up straighter at a sudden memory. &ldquo;Hey, have you talked with In Dreams yet? Or this Sarah Genet?&rdquo;</p>
 <p>&ldquo;I have spoken with In Dreams, yes,&rdquo; she said, tilting her head. &ldquo;Though I am not sure in what capacity you mean. She has kept me up to date on the cross-clade issues. I only know the name Sarah Genet from the communications from Castor.&rdquo;</p>
 <p>&ldquo;Really? I thought that they had been in contact with all of the clade they could,&rdquo; ey said, frowning. &ldquo;But perhaps that&rsquo;s still in progress. Either way, you mentioned having someone to talk to, and In Dreams has suggested taking a therapeutic approach to this. She and Ms. Genet have been working on setting up a set of therapy sessions for Odists and a few of the other old clades that are struggling. Perhaps that&rsquo;s something that could help. May has an appointment in a few days.&rdquo; Ey hastened to add, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m still happy to listen, but I&rsquo;m hardly trained in that.&rdquo;</p>
 <p>The skunk laughed, and it was difficult to miss the bitter tone in her voice. &ldquo;I spoke with In Dreams this morning, and had not heard this. Perhaps it is an issue of priority.&rdquo;</p>
 <p>Eir frown deepened.</p>
 <p>She made a setting-aside gesture that ey&rsquo;d grown used to from May, as though the topic were unimportant, not worth discussing. &ldquo;I will contact them. Thank you for suggesting that, Mx. Bălan. Even if they are unwilling to help, it is probably a good idea that I seek out therapy. Lord knows I need it.&rdquo;</p>
-<p>Ey nodded. As the thoughtful silence that followed stretched out, ey retrieved eir tea and sipped it before it grew too cold.</p>
+<p>Ey nodded, wary to continue. As the silence that followed stretched out, ey retrieved eir tea and sipped it before it grew too cold.</p>
 <p>&ldquo;Why are you happy to listen to me, Ioan?&rdquo;</p>
 <p>Ey shook emself from eir own rumination and back to the present. &ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry?&rdquo;</p>
-<p>True Name smiled. &ldquo;You said that you were happy to listen to me. Your partner hates me &mdash; let us not mince words: she hates me, and I have grown to accept that as best I can. You are close, as partners should be, and you have as much reason to hate me as anyone, and yet you met me here and say that you hare happy to listen. Why?&rdquo;</p>
-<p>&ldquo;Oh. Well,&rdquo; ey began, then stalled out. Ey raced through eir memories for a reason ey could articulate. &ldquo;It was something that Codrin#Castor said. Em and Dear both, actually. When ey mentioned the time skew to it, Dear said to be watchful around your counterpart, saying, &ldquo;remember what I said: even True Name has emotions, even she will be affected&rdquo;. Codrin echoed this sentiment based on a letter that Codrin#Emissary sent, saying that it has been difficult emotionally to watch what ey remembers from Michelle.&rdquo;</p>
-<p>She sat back, looking stunned, then choked out a half-laugh-half-sob, setting her mug down on the table so that she could wipe at her eyes. &ldquo;Even I have emotions. <em>Even I,</em>&rdquo; she said between deep breaths. &ldquo;I know that your cocladist and Dear meant well by this, but how damning an indictment. Even I.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>True Name smiled. &ldquo;You said that you were happy to listen to me. Your partner hates me &mdash; let us not mince words: she hates me and I have grown to accept that as best I can. You are close, as partners should be, and you have as much reason to hate me as anyone, and yet you met me here &mdash; asked to meet me here, even &mdash; and say that you hare happy to listen. Why?&rdquo;</p>
+<p>&ldquo;Oh. Well,&rdquo; ey began, then stalled out. Ey raced through eir memories for a reason ey could articulate. &ldquo;It was something that Codrin#Castor said. Em and Dear both, actually. Codrin passed on a letter that Codrin#Emissary sent, saying that it has been difficult emotionally to watch what ey remembers from Michelle in your cocladists. When ey mentioned the time skew to it, Dear said to be watchful around your counterpart, saying, &ldquo;remember what I said: even True Name has emotions, even she will be affected&rdquo;.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>She sat back, looking stunned, then choked out a half-laugh-half-sob, setting her mug down on the table so that she could rub her paws firmly over her face, wiping her eyes. &ldquo;Even I have emotions. <em>Even I,</em>&rdquo; she said between deep breaths. &ldquo;I know that your cocladist and Dear meant well by this, but how damning an indictment. Even I.&rdquo;</p>
 <p>&ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry, True Name.&rdquo;</p>
 <p>She shook her head, took a moment to regain her composure, and said, &ldquo;No, I suppose I do, at that. It is difficult to remember even from the inside, my dear. Thank you for reminding me, and thank you for listening.&rdquo;</p>
 <p>The skunk reached out a paw toward em and, after a moment&rsquo;s hesitation, ey took it and gave it what ey hoped was a comforting squeeze.</p>
-<p>She laughed and shook her head, pulling her paw back. &ldquo;How silly. I believe I stand by my assessment that comfort through physicality is not for me, but thank you all the same.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>She laughed and shook her head, pulling her paw back. &ldquo;How silly. I believe I stand by my assessment that comfort through physicality is not for me, but thank you all the same. That you have the capacity to comfort, well, even me does mean a lot, Mx. Bălan.&rdquo;</p>
 <p>Ey smiled cautiously. &ldquo;Worth a try, I suppose.&rdquo;</p>
 <p>&ldquo;Yes. Worth a try.&rdquo; She stood slowly and gave a hint of a bow. &ldquo;I have much to think about, Mx. Bălan, and a message to send to Ms. Genet. Please spend some quality time with your partner tonight, and I will see you in the future.&rdquo;</p>
 <p>&ldquo;Of course. Until next time.&rdquo;</p>