From 86bf432eb8b6f6a342964be521fa4a9d8ab5002d Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Sat, 11 Apr 2020 03:37:23 -0700 Subject: [PATCH] update from sparkleup --- diary/2020-04-09.html | 47 ++++++++++--------------------------------- diary/2020-04-10.html | 16 +++++++-------- 2 files changed, 19 insertions(+), 44 deletions(-) diff --git a/diary/2020-04-09.html b/diary/2020-04-09.html index 2a2aa63eb..2a3437c3e 100644 --- a/diary/2020-04-09.html +++ b/diary/2020-04-09.html @@ -12,46 +12,21 @@

2020-04-09

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-hybrid diary covid-19 executive-function writing -

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-I'm trying to get over this executive dysfunction hump, but it's proving difficult. I've been hearing a lot of folks talk about how the panic of this whole pandemic, the very trauma of it, affects us even when it doesn't feel like it is. -

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-In my case, I guess it's at least a bit more obvious, given the ongoing unemployment and financial struggles, but even when I'm not thinking about those, I feel like I'm wading through mud when trying to even get down to Hybrid stuff. It's like there's this goal I have and I'm terrified of reaching it. It has me wondering how much burnout has left me...well, still burnt out. Burnout from work leading to burnout in life. It makes me feel dull. Stupid. -

- -

-Oh well. -

- - - +

hybrid diary covid-19 executive-function writing

+

I'm trying to get over this executive dysfunction hump, but it's proving difficult. I've been hearing a lot of folks talk about how the panic of this whole pandemic, the very trauma of it, affects us even when it doesn't feel like it is.

+

In my case, I guess it's at least a bit more obvious, given the ongoing unemployment and financial struggles, but even when I'm not thinking about those, I feel like I'm wading through mud when trying to even get down to Hybrid stuff. It's like there's this goal I have and I'm terrified of reaching it. It has me wondering how much burnout has left me...well, still burnt out. Burnout from work leading to burnout in life. It makes me feel dull. Stupid.

+

Oh well.

+

Todo

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diff --git a/diary/2020-04-10.html b/diary/2020-04-10.html index e0324ee77..0626178bc 100644 --- a/diary/2020-04-10.html +++ b/diary/2020-04-10.html @@ -13,17 +13,17 @@

diary executive-function depression covid-19

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Another day of depression, another day of failing to do the things that I need to do. I still feel the tendrils of burnout pulling me down. They\'re trapping me and keeping me from moving on with my life. The minute I have a task that I need to complete that involves any sort of organization, I just...can\'t. I sit and stare at the screen. I panic. I dissociate. I cry. I sit on the couch with my phone and watch wordless competency porn. Is there any reason I should do anything other than fall short of expectations?

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Obviously that\'s not quite how the world works. Authors need to be paid, emails need responding to, tasks need completed. Until WA gets their unemployment system fixed, I need to keep on top of applying for jobs. These are all things I _need_ to do, and yet they are things that I have so much trouble actually doing.

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Maybe it\'s burnout, but maybe it\'s just the usual depression mixed with the hopelessness inherent in both another failed election cycle and a global pandemic. Who knows?

+

Another day of depression, another day of failing to do the things that I need to do. I still feel the tendrils of burnout pulling me down. They're trapping me and keeping me from moving on with my life. The minute I have a task that I need to complete that involves any sort of organization, I just...can't. I sit and stare at the screen. I panic. I dissociate. I cry. I sit on the couch with my phone and watch wordless competency porn. Is there any reason I should do anything other than fall short of expectations?

+

Obviously that's not quite how the world works. Authors need to be paid, emails need responding to, tasks need completed. Until WA gets their unemployment system fixed, I need to keep on top of applying for jobs. These are all things I need to do, and yet they are things that I have so much trouble actually doing.

+

Maybe it's burnout, but maybe it's just the usual depression mixed with the hopelessness inherent in both another failed election cycle and a global pandemic. Who knows?

I just sit here, dilating for too long, and try not to think.

Todo