update from sparkleup
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<p>“Morning,” ey said, accepting the coffee with a nod of thanks. “Caught up on sleep?”</p>
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<p>She shrugged. “A little, perhaps. Unnerving dreams, unnerving memories coming to the fore.”</p>
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<p>“Hopefully that lessens over time.”</p>
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<p>“It should, yes. It is already less than it was yesterday afternoon.” She shook her head. “But I am sure you are tired of that topic after the last few days. How about you, my dear? Did you sleep well?”</p>
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<p>“It should, yes. It is already less overwhelming than it was yesterday afternoon.” She shook her head. “But I am sure you are tired of that topic after the last few days. How about you, my dear? Did you sleep well?”</p>
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<p>“Well enough, I guess. I certainly needed it.”</p>
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<p>“Coffee,” May mumbled, stumbling out of the bedroom, looking disheveled. “You did not bring me coffee.”</p>
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<p>Ioan snorted and shook eir head. “I just got up, too, May. I’ve barely had a sip, myself.”</p>
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<p>“No excuses, only coffee.”</p>
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<p>“It is on the counter, May Then My Name. I promise I did not leave you out.”</p>
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<p>The skunk mumbled her thanks and retrieved her mug, cradling it close to her chest.</p>
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<p>The skunk mumbled her thanks and retrieved her mug, lapping groggily.</p>
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<p>As if on some hidden signal, they moved to the dining table to drink their coffees, all apparently too tired to do much else.</p>
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<p>It was True Name who finally broke the silence, speaking quietly, more down to her coffee than anything. “I find myself caught off-guard by the sudden ending of the merge. I have never experienced that with any other merger. Perhaps it is down to individuation.”</p>
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<p>“How do you mean?”</p>
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<p>“Did you want one?”</p>
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<p>“Pardon?”</p>
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<p>Realizing the sensitive nature of the question, ey held up eir hands. “Sorry, I asked that without thinking. I was wondering if you wanted a partner, even if you felt your image wouldn’t allow that.”</p>
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<p>Another long silence followed before she spoke again. “Had you asked me that prior to the merge, I do not think I would have been comfortable answering, but in the context of the memories I now share of Debarre, I think that has changed into a solid ‘I do not know’. I do not know if I wanted a partner, because it was more important for me to think about maintaining my image than it was for me to think about love on some subconscious level.”</p>
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<p>Another long silence followed before she spoke again. “Had you asked me that prior to the merge, I do not think I would have been comfortable answering, but in the context of the memories I now share of Debarre, I think that has changed into a solid ‘I do not know’. I do not know if I wanted a partner, because it was more important for me to think about maintaining my image than it was for me to think about love, on some subconscious level.”</p>
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<p>Ey finished eir coffee and toyed with the empty mug, rotating it first this way and then that on the table while ey thought. Eventually, the two skunks fell into quiet, polite conversation, talking about something ey was too distracted to care about.</p>
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<p>They both agreed to more coffee, so ey tasked emself with making another pot, hoping that breaking out of the context would give em more room to think.</p>
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<p>That True Name felt such a strong need to maintain her image was more than a little alien to em. However, when it came to her not knowing whether or not she wanted a partner, ey felt an almost unnerving level of concordance with eir own life prior to meeting the Odists, and perhaps even prior to meeting May. Ey did not have an image to maintain, simply a lack of social awareness that kept em from remembering that having a partner was even a thing that ey could do. Neither True Name nor em always seemed to have something that kept them from thinking about love until something — May for em and this merge (or perhaps even this conversation) for True Name — suddenly forced the issue.</p>
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<p>Ey didn’t know why, what part of em was in charge of making such predictions, but the thought that May might try to merge down with True Name forced itself into eir mind and wedged firmly in place. Ey couldn’t think of why, what reason eir partner might even have to do so. A need to force her to experience her own resentment? A desire to help her become a better person? A fit of pique?</p>
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<p>That True Name felt such a strong need to maintain her image was more than a little alien to em. However, when it came to her not knowing whether or not she wanted a partner, ey felt an almost unnerving level of concordance with eir own life prior to meeting the Odists, and perhaps even prior to meeting May. Ey did not have an image to maintain, simply a lack of social awareness that kept em from remembering that having a partner was even a thing that ey could do. Ey and True Name always seemed to have something that kept them from thinking about love until something — May for em and this merge (or perhaps even this conversation) for True Name — suddenly forced the issue.</p>
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<p>Ey didn’t know what part of em was in charge of making such predictions, but the thought that May might try to merge down with True Name forced itself into eir mind and wedged firmly in place. Ey couldn’t think of why, what reason eir partner might even have to do so. A need to force her to experience her own resentment? Or to feel that desire? A desire to help her become a better person? A fit of pique?</p>
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<p>It made no sense, and yet this sudden image of True Name as the type of person who might have a relationship, who now had decades of memories of dating Debarre in the form of End Waking seemed to have set off a runaway train of thought.</p>
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<p>“Ioan?”</p>
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<p>Ey started out of eir rumination. “Mm? Sorry. Was I mumbling?”</p>
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@ -64,19 +64,19 @@
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<p>The relatively pleasant morning fell again into a vague sense of tension within the house. Ey was sure that ey was the cause of at least a part of it, what with the way May kept checking in on em.</p>
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<p>The rest seemed to fall back to True Name, though, who, after coffee, had sagged in her chair and mentioned that she’d been holding some demanding memories at bay. “I need to deal deal with these or I am sure I will unwind like Michelle,” she had mumbled on the way to her room, leading May to put down her work and curl up on the beanbag.</p>
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<p>Ey joined her, despite all of the distractions whirling around in eir head. Ey couldn’t sort any of them out now, but the least ey could do was comfort eir partner.</p>
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<p><em>All that crying these last few days, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’ll overflow soon,</em> ey thought while petting over her ears. <em>And who knows how that’ll work with True Name.</em></p>
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<p><em>All that crying these last few days, I wouldn’t be surprised if she overflows soon,</em> ey thought while petting over her ears. <em>And who knows how that’ll work with True Name.</em></p>
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<p>A simple dinner of pasta was shared with more polite conversation, and then they broke off to their own spaces again, True Name requesting the location tag for Arrowhead Lake so that she could go for a walk “somewhere with fewer right-angles”.</p>
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<p>It wasn’t until they were getting ready for bed that ey pulled eir thoughts together into a coherent enough form to ask May the question that had been nagging at em all day.</p>
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<p>“Do you think you’ll merge down, May?”</p>
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<p>The skunk paused in the middle of tugging off her shirt, leaving just her snout-tip and midriff exposed. “Let me think on that for a moment, please.”</p>
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<p>They both finished undressing and climbed into bed, em settling back and her with her head on eir chest.</p>
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<p>“Okay. Why do you ask, my dear?”</p>
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<p>“Okay. Now. Why do you ask, my dear?”</p>
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<p>“I’m not actually sure. Maybe a little because you had a hand in End Waking merging down, but I think mostly the talk this morning about Debarre and, uh…Zacharias, was it?”</p>
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<p>She nodded.</p>
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<p>“I think that made me think of it because until this point, it’s all been happening at one layer of remove for me. She’s my friend and I like her as such, but she’s not my cocladist or coworker. I’m not in a relationship with her. None of this has been happening with her as someone I’m super close to.”</p>
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<p>“But if I merge down, she will remember having been in a relationship with you.”</p>
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<p>“Yeah.”</p>
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<p>They lay in silence for a bit. Ey didn’t know what May was thinking about, but ey kept cycling over just how much ey and eir partner had shared over the last few months alone, all those little bits of affection and physicality when True Name had expressed on more than one occasion that such wasn’t for her, all the private conversations they’d shared with the understanding that they’d remain such.</p>
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<p>They lay in silence for a bit. Ey didn’t know what May was thinking about, but ey kept cycling over just how much ey and eir partner had shared over the last few months alone, all those little bits of affection and physicality when True Name had expressed on more than one occasion that such simply wasn’t for her, all the private conversations they’d shared with the understanding that they’d remain such.</p>
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<p>“I will admit that I have been thinking about it,” she said, then lifted her snout to dot her nose on the underside eir chin. “But after the last few days and coming to terms with what that would actually mean for her, I am feeling much more cautious about the prospect.”</p>
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<p>“Okay,” ey said carefully, not wanting to jostle her snout too much. “Can we make sure to talk about it more if you do decide to?”</p>
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<p>“Of course, my dear. You and I never shut up.”</p>
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<p>“Thanks, May.”</p>
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<p>They settled in for sleep, letting the topic drop and trusting that there would be time enough to discuss it, just focusing on closeness and comfort.</p>
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<p>“Ioan?”</p>
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<p>“Mm?” Ey’d nearly dozed off, and could even still feel sleep tugging at em.</p>
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<p>“Mm?” Ey’d nearly dozed off, and sleep was still tugging at em.</p>
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<p>“I love you. You know that, right?”</p>
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<p>“‘Course I do. I love you too, May.”</p>
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<p>That, at least, made for pleasant dreams.</p>
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<p>That, at least, was a pleasant note to fall asleep to, one made for pleasant dreams.</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-04-13</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-04-19</p>
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</footer>
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