update from sparkleup
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@ -58,6 +58,83 @@ She never wanted to be
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The irony of which
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Is not lost on her.</div>
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<hr />
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<p><q class="comment">In <em>Eigengrau</em></q></p>
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<div class="verse">I bought my name fair and square;
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Bespoke, built from whole cloth.
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I wrote it again and again,
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Savoring every J,
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Skipping every fifth tittle,
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Until it felt right,
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Like sitting inside and watching the snow fall
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Through the window
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Or finding the perfect way that branches in two trees
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Line up with each other
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Or when the windshield wipers move
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In time with your music.
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I built myself fair and square
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With hands raw from coarse identity.
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I kneaded and pressed and squeezed,
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Savoring every curve,
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Skipping every tenth day,
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Until it all felt right,
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Like the sweet smell of pine bark
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Rubbed between fingers
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Or the whisper of maple leaves
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Under hurrying paws
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Or the perfect overlap of new buds
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Already sticky with sap.</div>
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<hr />
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<div class="verse">You get to explain gender to all of your friends —
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And all of your family —
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And maybe once more to be sure —
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And random strangers —
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And maybe, like, doctors and nurses who should probably know better;
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You get to explain to your partner that nothing has changed —
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And that you were always this way —
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And that really, honestly, nothing has changed —
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And that this has no effect on your love for them —
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And I promise;
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You will get to come out again —
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And explain that it wasn't that being gay wasn't enough —
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And explain that it has nothing to do with who you like —
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And explain that that shouldn't matter —
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And — oh right, this means you might be straight after all;
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You get to go through that awkward period of growing your hair out —
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And learning how to ask for a more feminine haircut —
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And trying a curling iron for the first time —
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And figuring out how to eat noodles without also eating your hair —
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And the worries that you're just trying to be rebellious;
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You get to worry whether you're maybe just trying to be rebellious —
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And whether or not you might just be faking it —
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And whether you're really Trans Enough or not —
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And whether you're maybe just appropriating femininity —
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And whether or not passing really matters to you anyway;
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You get to dress up in your best clothes —
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And your best makeup —
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And worry that your shoes are too masculine —
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And have your hair game on point —
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And convince the doc that you deserve those patches and pills;
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You get to go through puberty again —
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And it will be weirder this time around —
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And your skin will grow soft —
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And you'll get more sensitive to temperature changes —
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And — YEOWCH! That's a new sensation;
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You will cry a lot —
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And bite your tongue often —
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And lower your gaze —
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And learn to take up less space —
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And talk softer;
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And your dogs will still love you.</div>
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<hr />
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<h2 id="post-op-images">Post-op images</h2>
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<p><q class="comment">In <em>Eigengrau</em></q><q class="comment">In <em>ally</em></q></p>
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<div class="verse">Saturday is for mechanics.
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@ -175,6 +175,128 @@ To answer your own question, you must step outside yourself.
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To step outside yourself, you must forget your true name.
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The only time I know my true name is when I pray.</div>
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<hr />
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<h2 id="prima-materia">Prima materia</h2>
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<h3 id="calcination">Calcination</h3>
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<div class="verse">They say the fire cleanses
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That it purifies.
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Then, cool fire, soft fire,
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Cleanse and purify me.
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Blanket my shoulders
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And sing me to sleep.
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Sing the fox to sleep
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And let her rest
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Content in the work she has done
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And the lives she has touched.
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They say the fire cleanses
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That it purifies.
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Then, cool fire, soft fire,
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Sing me to sleep.</div>
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<h3 id="dissolution">Dissolution</h3>
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<div class="verse">Sweet as honey, spiced with time,
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You were me, and I you.
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Aged to perfection, mellowed with the years,
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I bless your memory.
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You who were me,
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I lay you aside to rest.
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To over-age is to spoil,
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And you are not spoiled.
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Sweet mead to dance on the tongue,
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Soft fox to dance through time.
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Sweet as honey, spiced with time,
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You were me, and I you.
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Aged to perfection, mellowed with the years,
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You are at your finest.</div>
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<h3 id="separation">Separation</h3>
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<div class="verse">With your sigil,
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I draw you from my heart.
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With your name,
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I consign you to memory.
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With your words,
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I draw you from my breath
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With your voice,
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I sing you to peaceful sleep,
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Ever soft and white in winter,
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Ever svelte and gray in summer.
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With your sigil,
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I draw you from my heart.
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With your name,
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I commit you to dearest memory.</div>
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<h3 id="conjugation">Conjugation</h3>
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<div class="verse">I dedicate my life
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To the memory of you:
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Long passed though you may be,
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That memory will burn fiercely.
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To the east, I wash with air,
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That the wind be with you.
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To the South, I wash with fire,
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That the sun warm your fur.
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To the West, I wash with water,
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That the stream be cool beneath your paws.
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To the north, I wash with earth,
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That your den may blossom in spring.
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I dedicate my life
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To the memory of you.</div>
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<h3 id="fermentation">Fermentation</h3>
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<div class="verse">Feed, dear fox eat,
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For the meal was prepared by you.
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I bless this meal
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That you be sustained by your work.
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Feed, dear cat, eat,
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Sup of the love that was left for you.
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I bless this meal,
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That we may learn the lessons of the fox,
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For she has prepared this for you:
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Bread for beginnings, mead for endings.
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Feed, dear cat, eat,
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For the meal was prepared for you.
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I bless this meal
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That you be sustained by her work.</div>
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<h3 id="distillation">Distillation</h3>
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<div class="verse">“We are not so different, you and I,”
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Said the cat to the fox.
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“We come from the same essence,
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Two vintages from the same vineyard.”
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“Our fur is soft and thick, true,”
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Said the fox to the cat.
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“We are hardy, and weather cold.
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We travel, hunt, and survive,
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But my time is passed and yours begun.
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Go with my blessing.”
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“We are not so different, you and I,”
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Said the cat to the fox.
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“We come from the same essence,
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Two children of the same eternal mother.”</div>
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<h3 id="coagulation">Coagulation</h3>
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<div class="verse">Step forth, Uncia, hale and whole,
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For you are truly born this day.
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Alopex has gone to sleep and rest,
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Dancing now only in dreams and stories.
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See the world with new eyes,
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For all this is yours.
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Smell the air, taste bread and cool water.
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Feel the earth beneath your paws.
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Know the limits of your body,
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And remember always this pain.
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Step forth, Uncia, hale whole,
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For you are truly born this day.
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Alopex has gone to sleep and rest,
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Dancing now only at need.</div>
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<h3 id="anima-mundi">Anima mundi</h3>
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<div class="verse">Out of the flames, into the light,
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I rise, Makyo Uncia called Maddy.
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Makyo Alopex sleeps now,
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A fetch to call at need.
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Non sum qualis eram,
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I am not who I was.
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Ranna, Astarael, Alopex,
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Majo, Younes, Happenstance.
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When viewed through the lens of Makyo,
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I am my own magnum opus.
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Out of the flames, into the light,
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I rise, Makyo Uncia called Maddy.
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Makyo Alopex sleeps now,
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Not forever, but for now.</div>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2020-04-24</p>
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