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update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2020-04-24 01:25:07 -07:00
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77
writing/poetry/gender.html
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@ -58,6 +58,83 @@ She never wanted to be
The irony of which
Is not lost on her.</div>
<hr />
<p><q class="comment">In <em>Eigengrau</em></q></p>
<div class="verse">I bought my name fair and square;
Bespoke, built from whole cloth.
I wrote it again and again,
Savoring every J,
Skipping every fifth tittle,
Until it felt right,
Like sitting inside and watching the snow fall
Through the window
Or finding the perfect way that branches in two trees
Line up with each other
Or when the windshield wipers move
In time with your music.
I built myself fair and square
With hands raw from coarse identity.
I kneaded and pressed and squeezed,
Savoring every curve,
Skipping every tenth day,
Until it all felt right,
Like the sweet smell of pine bark
Rubbed between fingers
Or the whisper of maple leaves
Under hurrying paws
Or the perfect overlap of new buds
Already sticky with sap.</div>
<hr />
<div class="verse">You get to explain gender to all of your friends &mdash;
And all of your family &mdash;
And maybe once more to be sure &mdash;
And random strangers &mdash;
And maybe, like, doctors and nurses who should probably know better;
You get to explain to your partner that nothing has changed &mdash;
And that you were always this way &mdash;
And that really, honestly, nothing has changed &mdash;
And that this has no effect on your love for them &mdash;
And I promise;
You will get to come out again &mdash;
And explain that it wasn't that being gay wasn't enough &mdash;
And explain that it has nothing to do with who you like &mdash;
And explain that that shouldn't matter &mdash;
And &mdash; oh right, this means you might be straight after all;
You get to go through that awkward period of growing your hair out &mdash;
And learning how to ask for a more feminine haircut &mdash;
And trying a curling iron for the first time &mdash;
And figuring out how to eat noodles without also eating your hair &mdash;
And the worries that you're just trying to be rebellious;
You get to worry whether you're maybe just trying to be rebellious &mdash;
And whether or not you might just be faking it &mdash;
And whether you're really Trans Enough or not &mdash;
And whether you're maybe just appropriating femininity &mdash;
And whether or not passing really matters to you anyway;
You get to dress up in your best clothes &mdash;
And your best makeup &mdash;
And worry that your shoes are too masculine &mdash;
And have your hair game on point &mdash;
And convince the doc that you deserve those patches and pills;
You get to go through puberty again &mdash;
And it will be weirder this time around &mdash;
And your skin will grow soft &mdash;
And you'll get more sensitive to temperature changes &mdash;
And &mdash; YEOWCH! That's a new sensation;
You will cry a lot &mdash;
And bite your tongue often &mdash;
And lower your gaze &mdash;
And learn to take up less space &mdash;
And talk softer;
And your dogs will still love you.</div>
<hr />
<h2 id="post-op-images">Post-op images</h2>
<p><q class="comment">In <em>Eigengrau</em></q><q class="comment">In <em>ally</em></q></p>
<div class="verse">Saturday is for mechanics.

122
writing/poetry/numeno.html
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@ -175,6 +175,128 @@ To answer your own question, you must step outside yourself.
To step outside yourself, you must forget your true name.
The only time I know my true name is when I pray.</div>
<hr />
<h2 id="prima-materia">Prima materia</h2>
<h3 id="calcination">Calcination</h3>
<div class="verse">They say the fire cleanses
That it purifies.
Then, cool fire, soft fire,
Cleanse and purify me.
Blanket my shoulders
And sing me to sleep.
Sing the fox to sleep
And let her rest
Content in the work she has done
And the lives she has touched.
They say the fire cleanses
That it purifies.
Then, cool fire, soft fire,
Sing me to sleep.</div>
<h3 id="dissolution">Dissolution</h3>
<div class="verse">Sweet as honey, spiced with time,
You were me, and I you.
Aged to perfection, mellowed with the years,
I bless your memory.
You who were me,
I lay you aside to rest.
To over-age is to spoil,
And you are not spoiled.
Sweet mead to dance on the tongue,
Soft fox to dance through time.
Sweet as honey, spiced with time,
You were me, and I you.
Aged to perfection, mellowed with the years,
You are at your finest.</div>
<h3 id="separation">Separation</h3>
<div class="verse">With your sigil,
I draw you from my heart.
With your name,
I consign you to memory.
With your words,
I draw you from my breath
With your voice,
I sing you to peaceful sleep,
Ever soft and white in winter,
Ever svelte and gray in summer.
With your sigil,
I draw you from my heart.
With your name,
I commit you to dearest memory.</div>
<h3 id="conjugation">Conjugation</h3>
<div class="verse">I dedicate my life
To the memory of you:
Long passed though you may be,
That memory will burn fiercely.
To the east, I wash with air,
That the wind be with you.
To the South, I wash with fire,
That the sun warm your fur.
To the West, I wash with water,
That the stream be cool beneath your paws.
To the north, I wash with earth,
That your den may blossom in spring.
I dedicate my life
To the memory of you.</div>
<h3 id="fermentation">Fermentation</h3>
<div class="verse">Feed, dear fox eat,
For the meal was prepared by you.
I bless this meal
That you be sustained by your work.
Feed, dear cat, eat,
Sup of the love that was left for you.
I bless this meal,
That we may learn the lessons of the fox,
For she has prepared this for you:
Bread for beginnings, mead for endings.
Feed, dear cat, eat,
For the meal was prepared for you.
I bless this meal
That you be sustained by her work.</div>
<h3 id="distillation">Distillation</h3>
<div class="verse">“We are not so different, you and I,”
Said the cat to the fox.
“We come from the same essence,
Two vintages from the same vineyard.”
“Our fur is soft and thick, true,”
Said the fox to the cat.
“We are hardy, and weather cold.
We travel, hunt, and survive,
But my time is passed and yours begun.
Go with my blessing.”
“We are not so different, you and I,”
Said the cat to the fox.
“We come from the same essence,
Two children of the same eternal mother.”</div>
<h3 id="coagulation">Coagulation</h3>
<div class="verse">Step forth, Uncia, hale and whole,
For you are truly born this day.
Alopex has gone to sleep and rest,
Dancing now only in dreams and stories.
See the world with new eyes,
For all this is yours.
Smell the air, taste bread and cool water.
Feel the earth beneath your paws.
Know the limits of your body,
And remember always this pain.
Step forth, Uncia, hale whole,
For you are truly born this day.
Alopex has gone to sleep and rest,
Dancing now only at need.</div>
<h3 id="anima-mundi">Anima mundi</h3>
<div class="verse">Out of the flames, into the light,
I rise, Makyo Uncia called Maddy.
Makyo Alopex sleeps now,
A fetch to call at need.
Non sum qualis eram,
I am not who I was.
Ranna, Astarael, Alopex,
Majo, Younes, Happenstance.
When viewed through the lens of Makyo,
I am my own magnum opus.
Out of the flames, into the light,
I rise, Makyo Uncia called Maddy.
Makyo Alopex sleeps now,
Not forever, but for now.</div>
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<p>Page generated on 2020-04-24</p>