From 93393ced782d440745f7d603e0096176802f8b63 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Wed, 26 May 2021 17:45:11 -0700 Subject: [PATCH] update from sparkleup --- writing/sawtooth/limerent-object/71.html | 3 +++ 1 file changed, 3 insertions(+) diff --git a/writing/sawtooth/limerent-object/71.html b/writing/sawtooth/limerent-object/71.html index 1a2bb0393..22ec07f49 100644 --- a/writing/sawtooth/limerent-object/71.html +++ b/writing/sawtooth/limerent-object/71.html @@ -28,6 +28,9 @@

I think that’s why I sought out confession. What was it the priest had said? Ask yourself who it is that you are hurting in these situations.

I remember the surety of knowledge after that, that the only one I was hurting through these struggles was myself. And now I have better language for that, that this pain is egodystonia. Limerence is something that rankles with my identity, as negative a part of my life as it is.

Liking someone isn’t a sin. It cannot be, must not be. But here I am, wallowing in my own pain, and that is where I veer close to sin.

+

Why must we Catholics wrap our every action up in shame? There must be some root for some bad thing in my life. If I am depressed, it must be for some reason, for something that I have done, yes? If I struggle this much for liking someone, clearly there must be something shameful about that, yes? That sense of dread, that sour, ashen taste in the mouth, that is a sign from God that we have strayed from the path he has set before us, yes?

+

I’m a therapist. I should not be thinking this way. It’s not just wrong, but it bears the weight of hypocrisy.

+

Even as a Christian, there is little enough reason for me to think this way.

I don’t know. I’m spinning my wheels, talking in circles. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to go from here. To name a feeling may be to understand it, but understanding has gotten me nowhere, has purchased me nothing but a deeper ache in my gut, and now I must feed my desires all over again.