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<h2 id="canon-works">Canon Works</h2>
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<ul>
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<li class="done2"> Novel/anthology: <a href="marsh/index.html">Marsh</a></li>
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<li class="done1"> Novella? ish?: <a href="motes/index.html">Motes Plays (WT)</a></li>
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<li class="done3"> Novella? ish?: <a href="motes/index.html">Motes Plays (WT)</a></li>
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<li class="done4"> Story: <a href="embodied-exegesis.html">Opportunity Paralysis</a></li>
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<li class="done4"> Story: <a href="apres-un-reve.html">Apres un reve</a> - 1791</li>
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<li class="done4"> Story: <a href="assignment.html">Assignment</a> - 1620</li>
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</dl>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2023-12-29</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2024-01-23</p>
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</footer>
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</main>
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<script type="text/javascript">
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<p>Lunch was, despite being a sauce served over rice, all the same dry and ashen in Beholden’s mouth as she struggled with so many swirling feelings, so many spiraling thoughts around what had happened.</p>
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<p>Still, she managed to clean her plate, managed to straighten herself up for the meeting with Waking World, managed to only yell at him a little bit. She managed as best she could as they did their best to learn what paths forward they had.</p>
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<p>She tamped down her emotions throughout, press-fit them into place within her so that they would not spill over into the world around her, bottled them up, wrote a label on the jar, and set it on a shelf high in her mind to deal with later, right next to all of the other jars about which she had promised the same.</p>
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<p>She had to, at least for now, at least for the time being. She would need to reckon with the person that she had built herself up into. She would need to deal with all of the compromises that she had made in order to be Beholden. She was Beholden To The Heat Of The Lamps, sound and music director for the troupe. She was lead sound tech. This was the cost of engaging so closely with what had once been her dearest friend’s specialty. This was the price she paid for being Au Lieu Du Rêve’s very own AwDae. It was her fragility, and the only way she knew to reinforce herself was through setting such emotions aside. She would need to confront that, but not just yet, not with so much before her.</p>
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<p>She had to, at least for now, at least for the time being. She would need to reckon with the person that she had built herself up into. She would need to deal with all of the compromises that she had made in order to be Beholden. She was Beholden To The Heat Of The Lamps! Sound and music director for the troupe! She was lead sound tech! This was the cost of engaging so closely with what had once been her dearest friend’s specialty. This was the price she paid for being Au Lieu Du Rêve’s very own AwDae. It was her fragility, and the only way she knew to reinforce herself was through setting such emotions aside. She would need to confront that, but not just yet, not with so much before her.</p>
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<p>And so, when A Finger Pointing stood, wobbled, and requested that she take her home, Beholden had been immediately ready to stand up and gently guide her partner from the library and back to the neighborhood. She let her partner hold onto her to the extent that she was comfortable, rather than the other way around, trusting that she would take only what touch she needed lest she get yet more overwhelmed.</p>
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<p>She knew well by now the ways in which A Finger Pointing had changed over the years, about how the crash had affected her. </p>
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<p>She knew well because she had seen the exhaustion or fear or slackness in her partner’s expression when the dissociation would crawl over her, had heard how she would turn down her sensorium almost all the way just to survive. </p>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="005.html">E: A letter from Hammered Silver</a> — The letter; going for a walk as big Motes; staying that way for a week; pulled aside by Beholden to talk about it; A Finger Pointing is out for Some Reason; talking with Sarah.</li>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="006.html">D’: Flashback to the past</a> — The origins of Motes told; some anecdotes (including Slow Hours’s prophecy).</li>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="007.html">C’: A Finger Pointing and Hammered Silver</a> — A Finger Pointing gets a letter, too; discussing what to do about it; risk assessment with Waking World and Sasha; message to Hammered Silver.</li>
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<li class="done1"> <a href="008.html">?: Beholden</a> — Beholden muses on the past, family, and anger.</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="008.html">?: Beholden</a> — Beholden muses on the past, family, and anger.</li>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="009.html">B’: Hunting for a new way forward</a> — Big Motes for a bit; not going to stop playing or stop being Little Motes, just wants to know how to deal with the pain; talking with Sarah.</li>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="010.html">A’: Outro</a> — About the future of Motes.</li>
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</ul>
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