update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/neviim/ioan/011.html

@@ -27,11 +27,11 @@
 <p>Still, I&rsquo;m happy to hear that everyone&rsquo;s tallies are lining up well: far fewer old clades over here are experiencing such symptoms than feared after the publication of <em>Perils</em>, for which just about everyone is happy. No one wants to deal with an impending burden of insanity on one&rsquo;s two hundredth anniversary, so to hear that it&rsquo;s only a fraction and that maybe there&rsquo;s something that can be done (or so we here; has there been news of psychotherapy as a treatment over there? I&rsquo;ve been hearing whispers) has kept the population at large from freaking out. I imagine you have it worse, though, given the relative skew towards dispersionistas on the LVs; I bet early taskers are freaking out.</p>
 <p>Either way, Ioan, I am concerned for you and your partner. Our lives are informed by trauma, and the trauma that we hold in particular leads to a sort of conservatism that is particularly focused on our loved ones. I know that you want nothing more than to see May Then My Name continue to thrive, and I know that seeing her struggle is incredibly painful as it touches on the roots of those very same traumas. I know that the two of you will make it through alright, but, as this is in the clade-eyes-only section, do remember to keep yourself safe. You have Douglas. You have A Finger Pointing. You have Carolyn (who you&rsquo;ll have to tell me more about, sometime; she sounds fascinating). When you need, nudge May Then My Name to her support network and lean on hers when you need.</p>
 <p>The following is in strict confidence with you and you alone, Ioan.</p>
-<p>I don&rsquo;t know how much of our messages between each other that you&rsquo;ve read, or if that would even have helped, but watching the slow individuation of a loved one is an experience unique even from watching oneself individuate. The Dear I am in love with feels much like the Dear I fell in love with decades ago, and yet slowly the Dear on Castor begins to feel like a stranger to me.</p>
-<p>Dear#Castor sounds so much more conservative than what I&rsquo;m used to. The prairie remains the same. The house remains the same. Codrin#Castor&rsquo;s struggles with agency and directedness in life feel as unfamiliar to me as you have mentioned. You have taken control of your life as I have taken control of my own, each in our own way. To put this on the Odists feels at once unfair, unfortunate, and totally accurate. May Then My Name has changed you in some irreversible way, just as Dear changed me so many years ago. Changed you, too, for when we merged, you were no longer the same Ioan that remained behind. You were the type of Ioan who could fall in love with May Then My Name in the first place.</p>
+<p>I don&rsquo;t know how much of Codrin#Castor and my messages between each other that you&rsquo;ve read, or if that would even have helped, but watching the slow individuation of a loved one is an experience unique even from watching oneself individuate. The Dear I am in love with feels much like the Dear I fell in love with decades ago, and yet slowly the Dear on Castor begins to feel like a stranger to me.</p>
+<p>Dear#Castor sounds so much more conservative than what I&rsquo;m used to. The prairie remains the same. The house remains the same. Codrin#Castor&rsquo;s struggles with agency and directedness in life feel as unfamiliar to me as you have mentioned. You have taken control of your life as I have taken control of my own, each in our own way. To put this on the Odists feels at once unfair, unfortunate, and totally accurate. May Then My Name has changed you in so many irreversible ways, just as Dear changed me so many years ago. Changed you, too, for when we merged and then diverged, you were no longer the same Ioan that remained behind. You were the type of Ioan who could fall in love with May Then My Name in the first place.</p>
 <p>So when Dear gave up the prairie and dragged Serene over to build out our little world into something grander, a place more well-rounded than just flat plains, we were all both surprised and not because, hey, this was Dear, right? So we built out our world. And then that spur-of-the-moment shift redirected our lives in unforeseen ways. With the acceptance of variety, Serene moved in to continue her work, and then her elliptical orbit passed through our lives for a while before she drifted away again.</p>
 <p>I am not ashamed of having wound up, for that one short year, in a relationship with two members of the same clade. None of us are, not even Dear, it promises. It&rsquo;s not shame that keeps me from telling those on Castor about this. It is the completely alien nature that those who fell as though they ought to <em>be</em> us interact with the world that leads to such. I do not feel as though I am able to tell Codrin#Castor about what happened because to do so feels like explaining the alien to someone who really, truly, in all ways ought to know. Ey ought to be able to feel the same things that I feel, correct? Ey must, for ey is me, is ey not?</p>
-<p>And yet ey is not. I cannot bring up our relationship with Serene because Codrin#Castor &mdash; that is, specifically me#Castor &mdash; does not have the same thoughts around interclade romantic relationships that I do, and by virtue of the direction that the Odists steered us (or, as feels more accurate, crashed headlong and heedless) we are now completely different in that way.</p>
+<p>And yet ey is not. I cannot bring up our relationship with Serene because Codrin#Castor &mdash; that is, specifically me#Castor &mdash; does not have the same thoughts around interclade romantic relationships that I do, and by virtue of the direction that the Odists steered us (or, as feels more accurate, crashed headlong and heedless) we are now completely different in that way. </p>
 <p>The Dear that I live with has, in comparison to Dear#Castor, relaxed and moved on to an approach to life that is far more laid back. As a result, we <em>all</em> have, me included.</p>
 <p>Also, as an internal postscript, I should note that we are all still deeply in love with Serene, and she with us, but good Lord. Two foxes in the same house? Never again.</p>
 <p>This is the end of the private content of the letter. Please redact this in its entirety should you pass my thoughts on to Castor.</p>