update from sparkleup
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<p>“Yes, she mentioned such to me. She mentioned you two, Motes, Slow Hours, Beholden, No Hesitation, Ever Dream, Rejoice, Farai — a woman with whom she has at times dated — and a few incidental friends she has made in the last month or so. I have been meeting up with each of them to get a better sense of what is happening. You are the last on my list.”</p>
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<p>I thought this through — and even thinking through it now, I wonder at it. The Blue Fairy gave me her reason — “I am asking you last of all because I think your experience with stories may help me make better sense of everything,” she said when I asked why me — and yet even now I linger on this thought that The Woman wove between us all — between all of those that The Blue Fairy mentioned — a gossamer web of connections. She was the strands — perhaps she still remains those strands! — and along those spider-silk-thin lines flow connections built on the blessings she bestowed upon us all. We do not feel stuck, I do not think. We are not bugs in someone absent spider’s web. But what are we? Are we the nodes? Are we the sticky radial lines capturing ideas of her, or are we the unsticky spiral that allows us to pick apart our understanding?</p>
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<p>I spoke then at length with The Blue Fairy, hearing all that she had to say, all that I have told you, dear readers, already, and so much more. So, <em>so</em> much more! For The Woman had sat with The Blue Fairy for nearly ten hours, expressing all of this and slowly making for her an argument. </p>
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<p>Her argument was thus: The Woman knew that there was suffering in her as she was. She knew that she was, in some integral way, defined by her un-joy. She knew that this suffering was bound up in her ongoing process of becoming, of this ever-increasing entropy of the self as time wrought its cruel machinations on her soul. </p>
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<p>Her argument was thus: The Woman knew that there was suffering in her as she was. She knew that she was, in some integral way, defined by her un-joy. She knew that this suffering was bound up in her ongoing process of becoming, of this ever-increasing entropy of the self as time wrought its cruel machinations on her soul.</p>
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<p>If, then, her suffering was bound up in increasing entropy, in increasing movement, then perhaps there was joy in stillness. Perhaps that is where her un-suffering lay.</p>
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<p>Her argument was to set all movement aside and to follow a dream I have already mentioned. Her argument was that she should become an entity that was still that she may dwell within un-suffering, and that she should spend an eternity thus formed.</p>
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<p>“So, what do you think?” The Blue Fairy asked when she presented this argument to me. “I have my own thoughts, but before I sare them, I would like to hear from you before I share those.”</p>
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<p>“It sounds…well, it sounds a little fragile, in its conception. She says that she is not interested in meditating, but she speaks of an essential emptiness, yes?”</p>
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<p>The Blue Fairy nodded. “She is not interested in meditating, no.”</p>
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<p>“Yes. She says that she is uninterested in exploring more paths of greater action. She is not interested in hedonism, and yet her search is one of a pure joy that overrides everything else, yes?”</p>
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<p>She nodded once more. “Right.”</p>
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<p>My friends, I will not lie, there was much frustration in me at the moment. I could feel my tail bristling out and I could feel my hackles raise and I could feel the way my ears were pinning back almost against my will. I think you may well understand, why, too, for this is what I said next: “Okay, and she says that she has no desire to die in her, and yet she is talking about all but disappearing to the world around her, yes? That is what she is saying here! She is saying that she wants to stop being what she is and to become a tree!”</p>
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<p>The Blue Fairy only smiled tiredly to me and replied, “It is as you say.”</p>
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<p>It took me a few seconds, yes, but I was able to draw calm from her and to settle my nerves. “You think she should go through with this, do you not? Turn into a tree? Die, for all intents and purposes, to the world around her?”</p>
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<p>“Yes.”</p>
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<p>“Unequivocally?”</p>
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<p>She shook her head, chuckling. “Oh, not at all. I am quite back-and-forth on this whole thing. At first, I did not agree. She asked me if I would turn her into a tree with little else in the way of explanation and I simply referred her to some groups interested in such things.”</p>
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<p>“I have heard of those, yes. I have visited Nanbrethil.”</p>
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<p>“Of course you have,” she said, smirking. “But no, she said that she had already read up on them and did not think that this is what she was after. She was after specifically ‘unbecoming’, and this, she believed, required agency on her part beyond falling to the whim of some other call</p>
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<p>((Rye doubts until Dry Grass mentions the bit about the perisystem))</p>
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<hr />
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<p>And all of this makes me wonder and makes me tremble. </p>
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