update from sparkleup
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<p>“Not Sasha of the Ode clade, just Sasha,” she said. “I will not relinquish the form, just as I will not relinquish the past, but if you want me out this badly, so be it. I rescind my membership in the clade.”</p>
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<p>“<em>That</em> name is unacceptable,” When I Dream hollered. “No. You will pick something else.”</p>
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<p>“No, I will not.”</p>
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<p>“Shut the fuck up, When I Dream,” Jonas said mildly. “All of you, shut the fuck up.” He turned to Sasha and grinned. “You always were a little snot. You want to be Sasha? You want to dive back into mediocrity and wear your weakness like a badge? Please, by all means, be my guest. Beg for pity again. Hunt down all your little friends who kept you feeling just bad enough that they could baby you without letting you think you were their plaything. Go. Be Sasha. Live your silly little life.</p>
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<p>“Shut the fuck up, When I Dream,” Jonas said mildly. “All of you, shut the fuck up.” He turned to Sasha and grinned. “You always were a little snot. You want to be Sasha? You want to dive back into mediocrity and wear your weakness like a badge? Please, by all means, be my guest. Beg for pity again. Hunt down all your little friends who kept you feeling just bad enough that they could baby you without letting you think you were their plaything. Go. Be Sasha. Live your silly little life. ((way more, and angrier))</p>
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<p>“And you,” he growled, jabbing a finger toward Ioan. “Write your little story. That’s what you’re here for, isn’t it? Write your little romance and fuck your little girlfriend and put on your little plays.”</p>
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<p>May rolled her eyes.</p>
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<p>“Get out. All of you.”</p>
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<p>The three skunks laughed.</p>
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<p>“So,” ey said, organizing eir thoughts out loud. “May and End Waking merged down and you… I guess feel more complete with those identities? Enough to head back to who you were before the clade began, I mean. Is that even possible?”</p>
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<p>“It is not a statement of reality, my dear. I cannot reintegrate those aspects of myself that are not up-tree from me, and even if I could, there are those who no longer exist or who have left Lagrange,” she said, that slight smile growing. “It is a statement of hope, perhaps, or a desire for completion. It is an understanding of the ways in which I fall short expressed in my very name. Will this sense of a more complete life last? Perhaps. It will certainly not always feel good, and will at some point cease feeling new, but I plan on owning it for as long as I am able.”</p>
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<p>“And how is it that this pisses of Jonas?” Ey snorted. “He certainly sounded pissed.”</p>
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<p>Sasha pulled out the chair across from Ioan and sat down, followed shortly by May and End Waking to either side of em. It was strange to see so many smiles around the table, still strange to see May so happy around her down-tree instance — at least logistically, if no longer spiritually — and stranger still to see End Waking even near her.</p>
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<p>“What Jonas was suspecting was for me to remain True Name in everything except form and name,” she said. “He was expecting someone deeply cowed by his political genius. And do not underestimate him, he <em>is</em> still a genius. He felt that he had won his spot as rightful leader of Lagrange, if such a thing can even be said to exist. He had beaten me down and left me either unable to continue or unwilling to try.”</p>
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<p>Ioan jumped at a brief sensorium ping, a request to enter, followed shortly by Debarre popping into existence behind May, who had apparently admitted him. “What was so urgent that you pulled me out of the woods and…” he trailed off, squinting at this new skunk at the table. “Who…but you’re…what?”</p>
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<p>“Debarre,” Sasha said, bowing her head. “A pleasure to see you.”</p>
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<p>The weasel said nothing, looking stunned.</p>
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<p>“This is– was Tr–“</p>
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<p>“Sasha. I am Sasha, and I was her as well,” she said, voice gentle but insistent enough to stop Ioan from continuing.</p>
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<p>He stepped back a half pace, crouching as though to flee. “Sasha…? What the fuck?”</p>
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<p>Ioan, still feeling eir head spinning from so much happening so quickly, tried to pin down eir open question in eir mind while still watching the exchange intently.</p>
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<p>“I am not what I was, Debarre. I am not True Name. I am not May Then My Name or End Waking.” She hesitated, then continued, “I am not even the Sasha you remember, but I am, I think, closer to being her than any of the Ode clade is currently.”</p>
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<p>“Bullshit,” he growled. “If there’s even a little bit of True Name in you, you can’t be her. If you’re even the slightest bit her I’m fucking out of here.”</p>
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<p>“Wait, my dear,” End Waking said. “Please stay.”</p>
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<p>Debarre hesitated.</p>
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<p>“If I am still here, do you not think that I agree with her? At least to a large enough extent to trust her?”</p>
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<p>The weasel straightened up and, when May waved a fifth chair into existence beside End Waking, he slowly sat down, resting only on the edge as though still ready to bolt. “I’ll listen, but this had better be good.”</p>
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<p>Sasha bowed, sitting quietly while May caught him up on the events of the past few days, letting the other three of them interject with corrections and confirmations. Throughout, Debarre waited, and while he didn’t relax fully, by the end of the discussion, he was at least sitting all the way back in his chair.</p>
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<p>“So you’re now this new Sasha,” he said slowly. “I’ll buy that, though you still make me nervous.”</p>
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<p>She laughed. “Do not worry, my dear. I make myself nervous.”</p>
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<p>At the affectionate <em>my dear</em>, the weasel jolted back.</p>
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<p>“My apologies,” Sasha said quickly. “I was not thinking. If you would like me not to use that phrase, I will do my best not to. I just have enough…well, I am different enough now that it comes automatically.”</p>
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<p>“You have enough of End Waking in you, you mean.”</p>
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<p>She nodded.</p>
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<p>“I…well, yes. At least give me some time to get used to this before you call me that.”</p>
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<p>“Of course.</p>
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<p>“So tell me how this gets you anything?”</p>
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<p>Ioan sat up straight once more, nodding. “You were saying that Jonas thought he’d beaten you.”</p>
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<p>“Right, yes. He thought that he had left me broken that I might fade away or even quit of my own accord. Instead, I became the one thing he could not control.”</p>
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<p>“How, though?” ey asked.</p>
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<p>“Because of the <em>History</em>, the System knows about me. It knows about the Council of Eight and about Sasha and Michelle Hadje. It also knows about True Name, though, and to see that True Name has stepped down and become one of the few sympathetic figures in that same story once again means that he cannot touch me. He cannot risk reinforcing being seen as a villain–“</p>
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<p>“Or more of one,” May muttered.</p>
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<p>“–by coming after me. Not only that, but with the expectation that the Sasha who was on the Council was in the right when seen in contrast to True Name, I will be seen as a balancing force rather than a co-conspirator. Him working against that risks being seen as either unbalancing an effective system or a return to a two-party system that no one wants.”</p>
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<p>“It is not a win, <em>per se</em>,” End Waking added. “She has not beaten Jonas or anything like that, but she has entered into a stalemate with him.”</p>
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<p>“Can’t he still come after you, though? It’s not like the whole System knows.”</p>
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<p>“That is why he was so upset at you, as well, my dear,” May said. “You will write your book and your play, and he will just have to brace himself as best he can.”</p>
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<p>“But I haven’t yet, though.”</p>
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<p>“Of course, but if he had decided to take Sasha out anyway, you would still be left to write about <em>that</em>. Your name is already trusted enough on the System that if you were to write something after her assassination, it would still have gone poorly for him. If he had taken you out as well — something I doubt he was prepared to do anyway — he would be in even deeper shit.”</p>
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<p>Ey shook eir head. Ey was feeling very much the foil ((check; reason for others to infodump)) but needed to understand if ey was to write this book. More, ey needed to understand for emself. “So why not become Michelle?”</p>
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<p>“Because look at me,” Sasha said, laughing and spreading her arms. “I am a furry. A <em>skunk</em> furry, no less. There is benefit to being something that is just a little silly, just as there always has been. Even after all these years, it is difficult to take someone pretending to be a small furry animal seriously, so that disarms me in the eyes of the observers.”</p>
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<p>((He answers to his desire for power, I answer only to my desire for stability and continuity. In that I am earnest in my conviction. More about politics as a means to an end, good at it, enjoy it, willing and able to use it — When did you realize — All the way back to that conversation about Sasha and Debarre not being fit to lead))</p>
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<p>“You’re nuts,” Debarre said, rubbing his paws over his face. “You’re all fucking nuts.”</p>
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<p>Ioan gestured wildly toward the weasel. “Confirmation! Fucking nuts!”</p>
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<p>The three skunks laughed while ey and Debarre leaned across the table to shake hands.</p>
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<p>((What’s next))</p>
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<hr />
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</article>
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<footer>
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