update from sparkleup

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<p>Ioan had never been one for bars. Ey knew that there was an enormous variety of them, and that doubtless some would play to eir aesthetic and likes &mdash; the one at the base of the System Central Library came quite close &mdash; and that not all of them subscribed to the &ldquo;if it&rsquo;s louder, that means everyone&rsquo;s having more fun&rdquo; school of design.</p>
<p>There was just something about the idea, perhaps. Too much that took place in bars was, at best, confusing. At worst, it was distressing. Ey had no desire to be around the types of drunkenness that bars seemed to attract. May had a list of types of drunkenness she&rsquo;d gotten from somewhere, ey knew, and ey didn&rsquo;t like any of them.</p>
<p>Ioan had never been one for bars. Ey knew that there was an enormous variety of them, that doubtless some would play to eir aesthetic and likes &mdash; the one at the base of the System Central Library came quite close &mdash; and that not all of them subscribed to the &ldquo;if it&rsquo;s louder, that means everyone&rsquo;s having more fun&rdquo; school of design.</p>
<p>There was just something about the idea. Too much that took place in bars was, at best, confusing. At worst, it was distressing. Ey had no desire to be around the types of drunkenness that bars seemed to attract. May had a list of types of drunkenness she&rsquo;d gotten from somewhere, ey knew, and ey didn&rsquo;t like any of them.</p>
<p>Still, this is where Jonas had requested that they meet when ey messaged him.</p>
<p>The venue was of the sultry, dark, wood-paneled variety, with warm, dim lamps hanging pendant over each of the tables and a row of lights above the bar itself. Conversations were kept low by the dimness, with groups of three or four huddled in booths while those at the bar drank alone.</p>
<p>Doubtless Jonas knew of eir distaste, as well, and doubtless this had factored into his decision on venue for this pre-meeting meeting. Ah well, at least it wasn&rsquo;t a club.</p>
<p>Ey stopped by the bar to get a cider of some sort &mdash; something sweet; ey didn&rsquo;t know the first thing about ciders &mdash; and hunted down an empty booth. The backs of the benches were straight and high, reaching up to the ceiling, leading to a secluded, if not particularly comfortable, space. There, ey sat and sipped eir way slowly through eir cider, waiting for Jonas.</p>
<p>Ey&rsquo;d shown up, notebook in hand, half an hour early and was half expecting Jonas to be late, sauntering in lazily at quarter past, just as some strange show of power, but he arrived right on time, picked up a drink from the bar, and hunted Ioan down. Ey began to stand to bow to Jonas, then froze. Zacharias stepped into the sim, as well, grinned widely at the sight of Ioan mid-bow. Before even making his way to the table, gave an exaggerated curtsey.</p>
<p>Ey stopped by the bar to get a cider of some sort &mdash; something sweet, ey hoped; ey didn&rsquo;t know the first thing about ciders &mdash; and hunted down an empty booth. The backs of the benches were straight and high, reaching up to the ceiling, leading to a secluded, if not particularly comfortable, space. There, ey sat and sipped eir way slowly through eir cider, waiting for Jonas.</p>
<p>Ey&rsquo;d shown up, notebook in hand, half an hour early and was half expecting Jonas to be late, sauntering in lazily at quarter past, a way of pressing the dynamic between them, but he arrived right on time, picked up a drink from the bar, and hunted Ioan down. Ey began to stand to bow to Jonas, then froze. Zacharias stepped into the sim, as well, grinned widely at the sight of Ioan mid-bow. Before even making his way to the table, the fox gave an exaggerated curtsey.</p>
<p>&ldquo;Ioan, wonderful to see you again,&rdquo; Jonas said, grinning. &ldquo;My most foppish lackey decided to tag along, I trust you won&rsquo;t mind.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Of course,&rdquo; ey said through gritted teeth. &ldquo;The more the merrier.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Precisely, precisely.&rdquo; Jonas raised his martini glass in a toast and gestured back to the booth and Ioan&rsquo;s half-finished drink. &ldquo;Shall we?&rdquo;</p>
@ -27,17 +27,17 @@
<p>The fox was only a moment in arriving, showing up with some shockingly yellow drink in a coupe glass. &ldquo;Ioan, my dear. Wonderful to see you again.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Please don&rsquo;t call me &lsquo;my dear&rsquo;,&rdquo; ey said, setting up a cone of silence. There was anger, there, somewhere beneath the surface, but ey was somewhat surprised to feel it almost completely overridden by exhaustion, something ey hadn&rsquo;t felt before the two had arrived.</p>
<p>&ldquo;My love? My&ndash;&rdquo; he began, voice mocking. There was a thump beneath the table and he quickly cut off with a loud yelp, jolting away from Jonas, eyes wide.</p>
<p>&ldquo;Shut up, Zacharias,&rdquo; Jonas said mildly, plucking the maraschino cherry out of his drink and dropping it in Zacharias&rsquo;s. &ldquo;Business now, prattle later.&rdquo;</p>
<p>The fox sat, frozen, for a moment longer before wiping up some of his spilled drink with a bar napkin. His eyes were still wide, darting between Ioan and his boss. &ldquo;Right.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Shut up, Zacharias,&rdquo; Jonas said mildly, plucking the maraschino cherry out of his drink and dropping it in the fox&rsquo;s. &ldquo;Business now, prattle later.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Zacharias sat, frozen, for a moment longer before wiping up some of his spilled drink with a bar napkin. His eyes were still wide, darting between Ioan and his boss. &ldquo;Right.&rdquo;</p>
<p><em>Another show of power, most likely,</em> ey thought. <em>Why else bring him with?</em></p>
<p>&ldquo;So,&rdquo; ey said aloud. &ldquo;As I said in the message, We&rsquo;d like to meet in two days&rsquo; time. Systime 251+139, 11:00.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Mid-sip, Jonas waved his hand vaguely. &ldquo;Of course, of course,&rdquo; he said, setting his glass back down. &ldquo;Whenever you&rsquo;re ready, like I said. But come, how are you Ioan? You look tired.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ey stared at him, trying to piece together how worth it was to actually answer the question. Ey <em>was</em> tired, yes. The night before had been a stressful one once ey&rsquo;d received the request for a meeting from Jonas. True Name stayed up late in conversation with both May and End Waking about some clade business ey&rsquo;d not been privy to, leading to em pacing in the darkened yard for nearly an hour, spring lilacs leaving the air almost too thick to breathe. Ey&rsquo;d eventually given up on waiting for the skunks. Ey knew if ey stayed up any later, ey&rsquo;d simply wind up standing at the windows and watching their fire out on the plain.</p>
<p>Ey stared at him, trying to piece together how worth it was to actually answer the question. Ey <em>was</em> tired, yes. The night before had been a stressful one once ey&rsquo;d received the request for this additional meeting from Jonas. True Name stayed up late in conversation with both May and End Waking about some clade business ey&rsquo;d not been privy to, leading to em pacing in the darkened yard for nearly an hour, spring lilacs leaving the air almost too thick to breathe. Ey&rsquo;d eventually given up on waiting for the skunks. Ey knew if ey stayed up any later, ey&rsquo;d simply wind up standing at the windows and watching their fire out on the plain.</p>
<p><em>&ldquo;I think I&rsquo;m going to head to bed,&rdquo;</em> ey had sent May. <em>&ldquo;I&rsquo;m just going to keep cycling if I stay up.&rdquo;</em></p>
<p>There was a hint of a whine to her reply. <em>&ldquo;I am sorry, Ioan, I did not realize how late it had gotten. Do you want me to send a fork back?&rdquo;</em></p>
<p><em>&ldquo;I don&rsquo;t know, will they be intolerable and antsy?&rdquo;</em></p>
<p><em>&ldquo;Oh, absolutely,&rdquo;</em> she had replied, and ey could hear the grin in her voice. <em>&ldquo;But I will still send one if you would like.&rdquo;</em></p>
<p><em>&ldquo;No, no. It&rsquo;s alright. Just no sleeping out there, okay?&rdquo;</em></p>
<p><em>&ldquo;No, it&rsquo;s alright. Just no sleeping out there, okay?&rdquo;</em></p>
<p><em>&ldquo;Of course. We will return soon.&rdquo;</em></p>
<p>It was nearly two hours later when the skunks had returned as promised. Two hours of tossing and turning in bed, fretting and fretting and fretting. Eventually, they had fallen into their usual positions, though despite the added rest that this usually brought True Name, none of them had slept well.</p>
<p>When there was no wink and smile from Jonas, ey let eir shoulders sag and nodded. &ldquo;Tired, yeah. We&rsquo;re all tired. Just want this shit over with.&rdquo;</p>
@ -68,7 +68,7 @@
<p>Ey waited.</p>
<p>&ldquo;Alright, then, a bit of a preview.&rdquo; He finished half of his drink in a few swallows. &ldquo;There&rsquo;s a bunch of changes coming in the pipeline&ndash;&ldquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;This AVEC?&rdquo;</p>
<p>Zacharias frowned, but Jonas was already nodding, &ldquo;Got it in one. That&rsquo;s right at the top of the list. See, that one requires some hardware changes that neither of the LVs are going to be able to manage, and that puts us in a unique position, here. Suddenly, the we differ from the LVs in a fundamental way. I really can&rsquo;t overstate how big of a deal this is, Ioan.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Zacharias frowned, but Jonas was already nodding, &ldquo;Got it in one. That&rsquo;s right at the top of the list. See, that one requires some hardware changes that neither of the LVs are going to be able to manage, and that puts us in a unique position, here. Suddenly, we differ from the LVs in a fundamental way. I really can&rsquo;t overstate how big of a deal this is, Ioan.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Suddenly we have to prove our greener grass to those phys-side?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Right. The direction that we need to take with Lagrange can&rsquo;t just be the same old one we&rsquo;ve been taking before. In this, True Name and I disagreed.&rdquo; He shrugged, rocking his glass gently back and forth on the table before taking another sip. &ldquo;She wanted continue on her path of subtlety, I disagreed.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ey snorted. &ldquo;Disagreed? You tried to assassinate her, Jonas.&rdquo;</p>
@ -77,7 +77,7 @@
<p>&ldquo;You and I disagree, then. It&rsquo;s like I said, though, sometimes mommies and daddies fight, Ioan. We&rsquo;ve spent the past few years trying to hash it out. For all her focus on subtlety in guiding the System, she can be a real bitch when it comes to trying to get her point across.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Bullshit,&rdquo; ey said flatly.</p>
<p>Jonas laughed. &ldquo;Oh?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Yeah. A few reasons.&rdquo; Ey started ticking off points on eir fingers as ey spoke. &ldquo;First, True Name didn&rsquo;t start down this path in the last few years that we&rsquo;ve been learning from Artemis; she was a mess when she first got in touch with us with Codrin#Artemis&rsquo;s first letter around the convergence, so things were already in motion then. Second, The Guiding Council on Pollux is more than a decade old now, predating the arrival of the Artemisians by nearly ten years, and I think that&rsquo;s because third, you&ndash;&rdquo; Ey nodded to Zacharias. &ldquo;&ndash;apparently dropped everything on her across all three systems at the same time not that long after the launch. You two got more openly together on Pollux, and as far as Codrin#Castor can find in the perisystem, you quit shortly after telling her there. End Waking thinks &mdash; and I agree &mdash; you&rsquo;re trying to push each of the Systems in a different direction politically. Maybe you think having different political environments is more stable across societies separated by distance and time. Maybe it&rsquo;s some giant experiment. Who knows. It&rsquo;s your long game.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Yeah. A few reasons.&rdquo; Ey started ticking off points on eir fingers as ey spoke. &ldquo;First, True Name didn&rsquo;t start down this path in the last few years that we&rsquo;ve been learning from Artemis; she was a mess when she first got in touch with us with Codrin#Artemis&rsquo;s first letter during convergence, so things were already in motion then. Second, The Guiding Council on Pollux is more than a decade old now, predating the arrival of the Artemisians by nearly ten years, and I think that&rsquo;s because third, you&ndash;&rdquo; Ey nodded to Zacharias. &ldquo;&ndash;apparently dropped everything on her across all three systems at the same time not that long after the launch. You two got more openly together on Pollux, and as far as Codrin#Castor can find in the perisystem, you quit shortly after telling her there. End Waking thinks &mdash; and I agree &mdash; you&rsquo;re trying to push each of the Systems in a different direction politically. Maybe you think having different political environments is more stable across societies separated by distance and time. Maybe it&rsquo;s some giant experiment. Who knows. It&rsquo;s your long game.&rdquo;</p>
<p>The longer ey spoke, the more serious Jonas&rsquo;s expression grew, and by the time ey finished, he&rsquo;d leaned back in his seat. &ldquo;Well then,&rdquo; he said. &ldquo;I suppose I don&rsquo;t have much more to add, then, do I? I have my conversation with True Name cut out for me.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;And what conversation is that?&rdquo;</p>
<p>Jonas was back to grinning. &ldquo;Oh, fuck off, Ioan. I&rsquo;m not going to tell you all of my secrets! We have our shit to work through and you have to be a good little clerk and take all of your notes so that you can come back to me with a story. That&rsquo;ll seal the deal, and we&rsquo;ll be ready to go our separate ways.&rdquo;</p>
@ -91,7 +91,7 @@
<p>&ldquo;<em>Yes. I&rsquo;m coming outside,</em>&rdquo; ey replied.</p>
<p>Ey didn&rsquo;t wait for the ping of acknowledgement. Even if they weren&rsquo;t ready for em to be out there, ey needed to talk at least a little, get some of the weight of the conversation off eir shoulders. Ey needed to be around eir partner and friends. Ey needed to be out of that context, away from pens and paper and books and work.</p>
<p>The afternoon was settling into evening, and the plain was littered with dozens of skunks. As ey walked toward True Name&rsquo;s tent, though, they began to quit in small groups until it was just the three root instances kneeling around a small fire, over which they were roasting sausages.</p>
<p>After bowing to End Waking and getting eir hug and skunk-kiss from both May and True Name, ey sat cross-legged between them and, once ey&rsquo;d gathered emself, said, &ldquo;That was a whole lot of bullshit. How far off is food?&rdquo;</p>
<p>After bowing to End Waking and getting eir hug and skunk-kiss from both May and True Name, ey sat cross-legged between them. Once ey&rsquo;d gathered emself, said, &ldquo;That was a whole lot of bullshit. How far off is food?&rdquo;</p>
<p>End Waking used the tip of his knife to nudge at a few of the sausages, turning them over on the grill cantilevered over the fire. &ldquo;Not long. Would you prefer to wait to share, then?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Yeah. Maybe if I have food in me, I won&rsquo;t shout.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;That was quite loud, my dear,&rdquo; May said, claiming one of eir hands to hold in her paw. &ldquo;I am glad you did not die.&rdquo;</p>
@ -103,19 +103,19 @@
<p>&ldquo;I do not imagine that did any good,&rdquo; End Waking mumbled.</p>
<p>&ldquo;Oh, not at all. The thing is, it wasn&rsquo;t just winding me up, though. I also think he just wanted to hear himself talk. I think he wanted to talk about all his plans because he knows his words are going to wind up in whatever I write, so he wants to get all that he can in there.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;And worded as he would like,&rdquo; True Name said, nodding. &ldquo;No matter what we manage to come up with, he wants to ensure that the narrative has him coming out on top.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;I still don&rsquo;t understand, though,&rdquo; ey said. &ldquo;Why be so transparently villainous if he&rsquo;s specifically having me write something for public consumption.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;I still don&rsquo;t understand, though,&rdquo; ey said. &ldquo;Why be so transparently villainous if he&rsquo;s specifically having me write something to be read by the public.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;The same reason I wound you and Codrin up. If it is just a little too sensational to be real, then he can get away with more than he might otherwise. Jonas assassinating True Name? True Name who probably already assassinated Qoheleth? It is just too much to be real, but it sure is good reading, is it not?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Makes me feel like something of a punching bag,&rdquo; ey said, then sighed. &ldquo;I think I&rsquo;m starting to understand what Codrin#Castor was talking about in terms of getting yanked about a bit better.&rdquo;</p>
<p>True Name winced and averted her gaze. &ldquo;I am sorry, Mx. Bălan.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Shit, I&rsquo;m sorry.&rdquo; Ey reached over to give the skunk&rsquo;s paw a squeeze. &ldquo;That was a different time, I&rsquo;m not trying to put that on you now.&rdquo;</p>
<p>She patted the back of eir hand with her other paw, a somewhat stiff gesture, and, as always when the topic of strife in the past came up, ey could see more of End Waking in her than True Name or May. &ldquo;Thank you, Ioan. I do appreciate it. It is an unfortunate reality that politics is the science of yanking people around. Add in being an actor, and, well,&rdquo; she said, then shrugged.</p>
<p>&ldquo;I understand, yeah.&rdquo; Ey retrieved eir hand, choosing instead to gently tug May closer. She leaned against eir side gratefully. &ldquo;Do you have a plan you think might work out, then? Don&rsquo;t have to tell me, I know you&rsquo;re keeping it amongst yourselves.&rdquo;</p>
<p>She patted the back of eir hand with her other paw, a somewhat stiff gesture, and, as always when the topic of strife in the past came up, ey could sense more of End Waking in her than True Name or May. &ldquo;Thank you, Ioan. I do appreciate it. It is an unfortunate reality that politics is the science of yanking people around. Add in being an actor, and, well,&rdquo; she said, then shrugged.</p>
<p>&ldquo;I understand, yeah.&rdquo; Ey retrieved eir hand, choosing instead to gently tug May closer. She leaned against eir side gratefully. &ldquo;Do you have a plan you think might work out, then? You don&rsquo;t have to tell me, I know you&rsquo;re keeping it amongst yourselves.&rdquo;</p>
<p>End Waking nodded. &ldquo;There is a good chance of it working, yes. Not a perfect chance, and there are many possible holes that he may exploit in the moment.&rdquo;</p>
<p>True Name nodded. &ldquo;If nothing else, I think that it will buy me a quiet retirement.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;A quiet retirement alive is still good, right? It&rsquo;ll be a life,&rdquo; ey said.</p>
<p>&ldquo;It may not be an ideal life, but it will be a life, yes.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;And hopefully still a good one, in the end,&rdquo; May added.</p>
<p>&ldquo;Yes. If I am honest, a less than ideal but still good life is far more than I had in front of me even before all of this nonsense.&rdquo; She smiled, faint but true. &ldquo;Perhaps I ought to thank him for that. I am not unhappy with what I have now, even.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Yes. If I am honest, a less than ideal but still good life is far more than I had in front of me even before all of this nonsense.&rdquo; She smiled wryly. &ldquo;Perhaps I ought to thank him for that. I am not unhappy with what I have now, even.&rdquo;</p>
<p>The conversation wound down from there, and as evening dimmed into night, they fell into silence. The fire was kept low, only enough light and warmth to keep the dark at bay.</p>
<p>Eventually, with eir lower back hurting and May starting to nod off, they made their goodnights. True Name gave May and em a hug around the shoulders and a nose-dot to the cheek in turn and padded off to her tent. End Waking stated that he was going to watch the fire for a while longer and then head to bed himself &mdash; he&rsquo;d set up a tent of his own a ways off from True Name&rsquo;s for this fork to sleep in &mdash; leaving May and Ioan to walk back to the house together in the dark.</p>
<p>&ldquo;I&rsquo;m happy to hear her talking about a future,&rdquo; Ioan said, once they&rsquo;d cleaned up and made their way to bed, em slouched against the headboard and May in eir lap, slouched against eir front in turn.</p>
@ -131,19 +131,19 @@
<p>Shrugging carefully, ey murmured, &ldquo;It&rsquo;ll be a conversation between the three of us. I&rsquo;ve gotten used to it, so I&rsquo;m happy to have her stick around if she wants.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Same,&rdquo; the skunk said. &ldquo;It is not perfect, but nothing that cannot be fixed by modifying the sim and nailing down some boundaries.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;I&rsquo;m looking forward to getting in touch with Serene, yeah.&rdquo; Ey hesitated, then asked gently, &ldquo;Are there boundaries she&rsquo;s crossed?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;No, no. I do not think so, but it might be nice to understand the shape of our friendships when we are not waiting on some potentially life-or-death event.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;No, I do not think so, but it might be nice to understand the shape of our friendships when we are not waiting on some potentially life-or-death event.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;I still get tripped up over you even calling her a friend,&rdquo; ey said, grinning. &ldquo;If she&rsquo;d needed to move in even a year ago, I think you would&rsquo;ve ripped her head off two days in.&rdquo;</p>
<p>May laughed and lifted her snout to nudge at eir chin firmly. &ldquo;Would not. I would have been impossible to live with, though. Whining and bitching and stress-shedding everywhere.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Oh, so like normal, then.&rdquo;</p>
<p>She sat up in eir lap and poked em in the chest with a dull claw. &ldquo;Rude.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ey grinned. &ldquo;Well, okay, not stress-shedding, just normal shedding.&rdquo;</p>
<p>She scrubbed a paw at her flank until she came up little bit of shed fur &mdash; &lsquo;skunk pixels&rsquo;, she&rsquo;d called it at one point, and the name had stuck &mdash; to sprinkle over eir front. &ldquo;Yes, yes. But I can say the same for you, my dear. A year ago, I do not think I could have pictured her giving you a goodnight kiss.&rdquo;</p>
<p>She scrubbed a paw at her flank until she came up little bit of shed fur to sprinkle over eir front. &ldquo;Yes, yes. But I can say the same for you, my dear. A year ago, I do not think I could have pictured her giving you a goodnight kiss.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Covering for the heat rising to eir cheeks by brushing the errant fur off eir front, ey shrugged. &ldquo;I&rsquo;m used to skunks being all touchy, thanks to you.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Yes, but True Name?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;I&rsquo;m not sure she&rsquo;s that anymore,&rdquo; ey said carefully. &ldquo;So I guess you&rsquo;re right. I couldn&rsquo;t imagine the True Name of a year ago giving goodnight kisses to anyone, much less you and me.&rdquo;</p>
<p>She grinned, nodding. &ldquo;Agreed, yes. And you are okay with it?&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ey shrugged. &ldquo;Like I said, I&rsquo;m used to it. It occasionally strikes me as incredibly strange. Even just talking about it now feels weird. There&rsquo;s this whole, dramatic plot to take out one of the most prominent people on the System, and here we are, talking about goodnight kisses.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;It is not that weird. It is an artifact of our lives. Death has a different flavor to it when we fork and quit on a whim, living for centuries at a time.&rdquo; She set to work brushing her fingers through eir hair. Weird to be petted, but it felt good, so ey never stopped her. She continued, &ldquo;Which is not to say that it is important and anxiety inducing to have almost lost one&rsquo;s life, just that, with a modicum of care, she <em>can</em> continue living, if in a restricted fashion even if she were to miss the deadline. With less fear of death comes greater love.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;It is not that weird. It is an artifact of our lives. Death has a different flavor to it when we fork and quit on a whim, living for centuries at a time.&rdquo; She set to work brushing her fingers through eir hair. Weird to be petted, but it felt good, so ey never stopped her. She continued, &ldquo;Which is not to say that it is not important and anxiety inducing to have almost lost one&rsquo;s life, just that, with a modicum of care, she <em>can</em> continue living, if in a restricted fashion, even if she were to miss the deadline. With less fear of death comes greater love.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Eyes closed and chin tucked nearly to eir chest, ey hummed thoughtfully. &ldquo;I suppose, yeah. I didn&rsquo;t have much life outside the System that I can compare, never mind love.&rdquo;</p>
<p>May giggled. &ldquo;I was not speaking of romance, my dear.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ey snorted, shaking eir head. &ldquo;Neither was I, you nut. I just meant Rareș and my parents.&rdquo;</p>
@ -154,7 +154,7 @@
<p>She twisted in eir arms and wormed her way back against em, shaking her head. &ldquo;No, you cannot just leave it at that. You have further thoughts and I want to hear.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Further ammo for teasing, you mean.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Well, yes, but I do still want to hear.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ey sighed. &ldquo;Fine, fine. I just&hellip;well, I guess I&rsquo;m sort of in the same boat as her, in that it&rsquo;s something I can picture, even if I can&rsquo;t understand it. She&rsquo;s enough like you &mdash; in terms of looks and voice and now personality from the merge &mdash; that I can imagine what that&rsquo;d be like, and both she and End Waking are my friends, so there&rsquo;s that, too. But the context of her being True Name makes it hard to picture the&hellip;I don&rsquo;t know. Process?&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ey sighed. &ldquo;Fine. I just&hellip;well, I guess I&rsquo;m sort of in the same boat as her, in that it&rsquo;s something I can picture, even if I can&rsquo;t understand it. She&rsquo;s so much like you &mdash; in terms of looks and voice and now personality from the merge &mdash; that I can imagine what that&rsquo;d be like, and both she and End Waking are my friends, so there&rsquo;s that, too. But the context of her being True Name makes it hard to picture the&hellip;I don&rsquo;t know. Process?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;The concept versus the mechanics, maybe?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Yeah, I think so.&rdquo; Ey grinned and kissed the back of one of her ears. &ldquo;But that&rsquo;s about as far as I get thinking about it before I&rsquo;m distracted by this or that.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Organizing your pen collection is usually what I accuse you of,&rdquo; she said.</p>
@ -163,7 +163,7 @@
<p>&ldquo;Another time,&rdquo; ey mumbled, pushing eir face into her soft fur, coarser guard hairs tickling eir cheeks. &ldquo;I can&rsquo;t imagine I&rsquo;m going to be able to sleep tomorrow night, so we might as well get some tonight.&rdquo;</p>
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<p>Ioan and May both nodded.</p>
<p>&ldquo;Is it just the finality of it all?&rdquo; May asked.</p>
<p>&ldquo;Perhaps. Perhaps it is just the inability to predict beyond that point. I am coming up to a corner I have never seen around, and whatever predictive powers I may have fail me.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ioan could at least understand the worries about heading into the unknown. The same feeling had been dogging em since after eir meeting with Jonas, since ey&rsquo;d seen that cool look on his face when ey&rsquo;d apparently preempted so much of the upcoming meeting&rsquo;s discussion. One minute, that felt like a good thing &mdash; perhaps they would make it through essentially unscathed &mdash; and the next ey&rsquo;d worry that ey&rsquo;d made a complete mistake, that ey&rsquo;d somehow tipped their hand by letting Jonas know just how predictable he was.</p>
<p>Ioan could at least understand the worries about heading into the unknown. The same feeling had been dogging em since after eir meeting with Jonas, since ey&rsquo;d seen that cool look on his face when ey&rsquo;d apparently preempted so much of the upcoming meeting&rsquo;s discussion. One minute, that would feel like a good thing &mdash; perhaps they would make it through essentially unscathed &mdash; and the next ey&rsquo;d worry that ey&rsquo;d made a complete mistake, that ey&rsquo;d somehow tipped their hand by letting Jonas know just how predictable he was.</p>
<p>Neither True Name nor May could say one way or another when ey&rsquo;d voiced eir concerns with them.</p>
<p>The whole day had been scattered for them. May spent much of it glued to eir side as ey did eir best to organize eir notes in eir head for the upcoming meeting. She couldn&rsquo;t seem to pin herself down to one set of feelings, first laughing and joking about beating Zacharias up, then burying her face against eir shoulder and refusing to speak, ears laid flat.</p>
<p>For her part, True Name couldn&rsquo;t seem to stay pinned to any one of her three &lsquo;minds&rsquo; as she had come to call them.</p>
<p>For her part, True Name couldn&rsquo;t seem to stay pinned to any one of her three selves.</p>
<p>Ey was at least getting more adept at spotting them in her features. There was a bright focus when that of True Name &mdash; the old True Name, that was &mdash; in her came to the fore. Her expression would become attentive, defaulting to a slight smile and eyebrows (such as they were on a skunk&rsquo;s features) just slightly raised. When that of End Waking showed itself in her, she&rsquo;d keep her eyes half-lidded, and her gaze was far more attuned to any movement. The rest of her own movements would still, as well. She would walk quieter, more gracefully. She would speak less.</p>
<p>And when that of May came to the fore, that was when ey was at eir most confused.</p>
<p>Ey had had no idea how to feel about her back when she was just True Name. Had ey really been so hesitant to call her a friend? Memories tattled on em, there: ey&rsquo;d shied away from the term, or qualified it every time it arose. That had only loosened up when her life was at risk, when she&rsquo;d been forced to move in with them, and ey&rsquo;d been forced in turn to acknowledge that her words, <em>I suppose it is just nice to have a friend</em>, had stuck with em more than ey&rsquo;d cared to admit. The rest of that conversation had been full of equivocations, clarifications, delineations, and all those habits of guardedness from two decades of wariness over anything that smelt of manipulation had tried to assert themselves over em once more.</p>
<p>Ey had had no idea how to feel about her back when she was just True Name. Had ey really been so hesitant to call her a friend? Memories tattled on em, there: ey&rsquo;d shied away from the term or qualified it every time it arose. That had only loosened up when her life was at risk, when she&rsquo;d been forced to move in with them, and ey&rsquo;d been forced in turn to acknowledge that her words, <em>I suppose it is just nice to have a friend</em>, had stuck with em more than ey&rsquo;d cared to admit. The rest of that conversation had been full of equivocations, clarifications, delineations, and all those habits of guardedness from two decades of wariness over anything that carried a whiff of manipulation had tried to assert themselves over em once more.</p>
<p>But no, there was something about the Ode clade that just happened to click with the Bălan clade, no matter what form or name they took, that just fell directly into friendship. It was the way they spoke, perhaps. Those complete sentences that left em uncoiling parts of emself ey hadn&rsquo;t known were coiled in the first place.</p>
<p>Ey didn&rsquo;t know what it was that they saw in em in turn. There was the unspoken matter of the pronouns of the owner of the Name, and, as May had once whispered to em late one night, eir tendency to lean on rumination, on quietness and exactitude, that reminded her of someone she refused to name. Were they so alike, em and whoever had touched Michelle Hadje so long ago? Had ey and Michelle been contemporaries phys-side, would they have wound up in a relationship? Ey had no clue how to ask such a thing of them.</p>
<p>All ey knew is that, as Codrin had put it, &ldquo;The Odists loved hard and they loved deep and they loved fast, and it was hard not to become intoxicated beneath all that love.&rdquo;</p>
@ -251,7 +251,7 @@
<p>The three skunks laughed while ey and Debarre leaned across the circle to shake hands.</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-07-23</p>
<p>Page generated on 2022-07-29</p>
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