update from sparkleup

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                 <p>It&rsquo;s been a few days, and while the dream has not come back, it still clings to me like a scent. When laying in bed, drowsy and sleepless I will find myself exploring that space over and over again. Did I touch her? Did I smell her? I know that I was attuned to her presence, but did I even get a good look at her?</p>
 <p>I do not know. So much left me in the seconds after I woke up that I&rsquo;m left with the vague outlines of a plot and so many half-remembered sensations.</p>
-<p>Today I write because I had therapy with Jeremy, and the skunk and I had rather a lot of time to sit and talk through what has been going on. Strange that I did not start with the topic, despite it being so on my mind, but it felt strange, cliché perhaps, for me to launch right into, &ldquo;Doctor, I had the strangest dream.&rdquo;</p>
-<p>Instead, I picked up a thread from an earlier appointment that we had had. It feels a little strange to write about it here, given that this journal has as yet mostly been about Kay and my feelings toward her, but then, this was never intended to be the sole purpose for it. The goal was for me to use it as a tool to improve my emotional literacy when describing my own feelings. It&rsquo;s why I suggest that many of my clients consider journaling, as well.</p>
+<p>Today I am writing because I had therapy with Jeremy, and the skunk and I had rather a lot of time to sit and talk through what has been going on. Strange that I did not start with the topic, despite it being so on my mind, but it felt awkward, cliché perhaps, for me to launch right into, &ldquo;Doctor, I had the strangest dream.&rdquo;</p>
+<p>Instead, I picked up a thread from an earlier appointment that we had had. It feels a little off-topic to write about it here despite having done so already, given that this journal has as yet mostly been about Kay and my feelings toward her, but then, this was never intended to be the sole purpose for it. The goal was for me to use it as a tool to improve my emotional literacy when describing my own feelings. It&rsquo;s why I suggest that many of my clients consider journaling, as well.</p>
 <p>The thread we picked up is an old one: I have been trying to sort out my feelings around leaving seminary to head into this field. It&rsquo;s been years now, of course, but guilt is tenacious and difficult to disentangle from shame.</p>
 <p>I think the thing that I still struggle with the most is that I left on such a whim.</p>
 <p>I do very little on a whim. I plan and organize and I watch and wait until I find just the right moment to act and then I do so, and yet to go from being a seminarian to not in the span of a few short days &mdash; the decision was all but instantaneous, and then it was a matter of paperwork &mdash; to this day feels incredibly unlike me.</p>
@@ -45,7 +45,7 @@
 <p>So I suppose that is what is on my plate. She and I talk every day, these days, and so I will have plenty of opportunity to do so. Perhaps I will aim to do so tomorrow, as I&rsquo;d like to see how I feel when talking to her tonight without bringing this up, knowing that doing so in the future is a hard and fast goal for me.</p>
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-                <p>Page generated on 2021-05-26</p>
+                <p>Page generated on 2021-07-31</p>
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writing/sawtooth/limerent-object/60.html

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 <p>K&gt; Also a possibility!</p>
 <p>From there I explained much of what I had talked about earlier, about how I started to doubt my calling, rather than my faith or scriptures, and yet how my decision to leave had come suddenly enough to surprise even myself.</p>
 <p>Now that I write this and think about her comment, though, I do wonder: the administration let me go with surprising ease. The attempts to keep me along the path to the clergy were faint at best, and I was able to simply walk away from the vocation with little impact to my standing within my own congregation and essentially no strife from the school itself.</p>
-<p><q class="comment">Why was this? In a church whose adherents continue to dwindle, why was there so little attempt to keep me around? Was it because I strove to reassure them that there were no hints of apostasy? Was it because they, on some level, agreed with me?</q></p>
+<p><q class="comment">Why was this? In a church whose adherents continue to dwindle, why was there so little attempt to keep me around? Was it because I strove to reassure them that there were no hints of apostasy? Was it because they, on some level, agreed with me?<span class="attribution">This should be rewritten with Discernment taken into account</span></q></p>
 <p>Or was it because of me? Was it because they did not see a fit for me? For someone neurodivergent, outside the narrow spectrum of neurotypicality that they themselves held to so strongly? Was it because I was a pest? Were I to reapply, would I be welcomed back, even if I have better learned to function within society through whatever masking they might appreciate?</p>
 <p>Was I preempting them asking me to leave by leaving, myself?</p>
 <p>I don&rsquo;t know how I feel about this thought. I will pray on it, of course, but as much as the church is in service of God, I do not think that this is necessarily his domain.</p>