update from sparkleup
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<p>The result was a skunk slightly shorter than True Name had stood, though still a few centimeters taller than May. She was heavier, as well, with a curve to the hips and belly that was familiar to em from eir partner, but unlike May, this softness was more…well, natural wasn’t quite the right term, but where May’s weight seemed to be designed to add a sense of both harmlessness and comfort to her form, this new form of True Name simply looked like a pudgy thirty-something who had settled into a comfortable weight long ago and never bothered to change.</p>
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<p>Her face had shifted as well, becoming plainer in ways ey couldn’t quite explain. Where True Name had always had some aspect of larger-than-life about her, she now just looked…normal. Still a furry, still living in that form that was more comfortable to her than humanity, but normal.</p>
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<p>Most striking, though was the pattern of fur. While much of it was covered, now, ey’d seen the way it had shifted during the process. Gone were the stripes, the ones ey had grown to love on May, replaced now with a set of white splotches in the black of her fur. The pattern was what was so eye-catching, however: the patches seemed to travel in a few uneven lines down over her back and sides, one of them showing a hint of a whorl, another a slight zigzag as it ran from her spine to her side, and others that were almost round spots. This pattern seemed to be mirrored along her spine, leading to a pleasant symmetry. A quick query of the perisystem infrastructure told em that there was indeed a spotted variety of skunk, described much as ey had seen.</p>
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<p>Gone were the stripes. Gone, also, were the slacks and blouse, traded in for a linen tunic and a pair of loose-fitting trousers of the type ey had always associated with southeast Asian fishers.</p>
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<p>Gone were the stripes. Gone, also, were the slacks and blouse, traded in for a linen tunic and a pair of loose-fitting Thai fisherman pants.</p>
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<p>When ey was finally able to tear eir eyes away, ey saw that every Odist in the room had picked up expressions that verged from taken aback to startled and angry. May, for her part, looked startled, yes, but also excited.</p>
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<p>“May, what–“</p>
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<p>“One moment, my dear,” she said, then turned to face this new True Name with a grin. “Will there be a change of name?”</p>
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<p>Ioan didn’t know what ey expected from the room, but pandemonium wasn’t it. May was bouncing on her feet and clapping her paws. End Waking was grinning and shaking his head. Jonas had simply burst out laughing.</p>
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<p>All of the rest of the Odists, however, were shouting. None of them looked pleased.</p>
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<p>“Not Sasha of the Ode clade, just Sasha,” she said. “I will not relinquish the form, just as I will not relinquish the past, but if you want me out this badly, so be it. I rescind my membership in the clade.”</p>
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<p>“As do I,” End Waking and May both said at once. ((Gasp, what?!))</p>
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<p>“<em>That</em> name is unacceptable,” When I Dream hollered. “No. You will pick something else.”</p>
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<p>“No, I will not.”</p>
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<p>“Shut the fuck up, When I Dream,” Jonas said mildly. “All of you, shut the fuck up.” He turned to Sasha and grinned. “You always were a little snot. You want to be Sasha? You want to dive back into mediocrity and wear your weakness like a badge? Please, by all means, be my guest. Beg for pity again. Hunt down all your little friends who kept you feeling just bad enough that they could baby you without letting you think you were their plaything. Go. Be Sasha. Live your silly little life. ((way more, and angrier))</p>
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<p>“What my — <em>our</em> — av looked like, yes, all except the change to a spotted skunk. They always felt too flashy, back then, and I just wanted to look like myself offline except a furry. Completely unremarkable and a species no one likes.”</p>
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<p>“It was the outfit that did it,” End Waking said. “It always was our favorite, but for some reason, we never brought it with us to the System.”</p>
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<p>Sasha nodded.</p>
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<p>“I am proud of you, Sasha,” he continued. “I do not yet know why I feel compelled to say that, but I am proud of it. You have much to make up for, your own penance yet to serve, but that you have done this at all is good step forward.”</p>
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<p>Ioan sighed and pulled a chair out from the dining table and sat down heavily. “You all are nuts.”</p>
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<p>“I am proud of you, Sasha,” he continued. “I do not yet know why I feel compelled to say that, but I am proud of you. You have much to make up for, your own penance yet to serve, but that you have done this at all is good step forward.”</p>
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<p>Ioan sighed and pulled a chair out from the dining table and sat down heavily. “You’re all completely nuts.”</p>
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<p>The three skunks laughed.</p>
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<p>“So,” ey said, organizing eir thoughts out loud. “May and End Waking merged down and you… I guess feel more complete with those identities? Enough to head back to who you were before the clade began, I mean. Is that even possible?”</p>
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<p>“It is not a statement of reality, my dear. I cannot reintegrate those aspects of myself that are not up-tree from me, and even if I could, there are those who no longer exist or who have left Lagrange,” she said, that slight smile growing. “It is a statement of hope, perhaps, or a desire for completion. It is an understanding of the ways in which I fall short expressed in my very name. Will this sense of a more complete life last? Perhaps. It will certainly not always feel good, and will at some point cease feeling new, but I plan on owning it for as long as I am able.”</p>
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@ -71,9 +72,9 @@
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<p>“Sasha. I am Sasha, and I was her as well,” she said, voice gentle but insistent enough to stop Ioan from continuing.</p>
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<p>He stepped back a half pace, crouching as though to flee. “Sasha…? What the fuck?”</p>
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<p>Ioan, still feeling eir head spinning from so much happening so quickly, tried to pin down eir open question in eir mind while still watching the exchange intently.</p>
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<p>“I am not what I was, Debarre. I am not True Name. I am not May Then My Name or End Waking.” She hesitated, then continued, “I am not even the Sasha you remember, but I am, I think, closer to being her than any of the Ode clade is currently.”</p>
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<p>“I am not what I was, Debarre. I am not True Name. I am not May or End Waking.” She hesitated, then continued, “I am not even the Sasha you remember, but I am, I think, closer to being her than any of the Ode clade is currently.”</p>
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<p>“Bullshit,” he growled. “If there’s even a little bit of True Name in you, you can’t be her. If you’re even the slightest bit her I’m fucking out of here.”</p>
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<p>“Wait, my dear,” End Waking said. “Please stay.”</p>
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<p>“Wait, my love,” End Waking said. “Please stay.”</p>
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<p>Debarre hesitated.</p>
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<p>“If I am still here, do you not think that I agree with her? At least to a large enough extent to trust her?”</p>
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<p>The weasel straightened up and, when May waved a fifth chair into existence beside End Waking, he slowly sat down, resting only on the edge as though still ready to bolt. “I’ll listen, but this had better be good.”</p>
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<p>She laughed. “Do not worry, my dear. I make myself nervous.”</p>
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<p>At the affectionate <em>my dear</em>, the weasel jolted back.</p>
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<p>“My apologies,” Sasha said quickly. “I was not thinking. If you would like me not to use that phrase, I will do my best not to. I just have enough…well, I am different enough now that it comes automatically.”</p>
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<p>“You have enough of End Waking in you, you mean.”</p>
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<p>She nodded.</p>
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<p>“You have enough of E.W. in you, you mean.”</p>
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<p>She nodded. “And May.”</p>
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<p>“I…well, yeah, please. At least give me some time to get used to this before you call me that.”</p>
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<p>“Of course.</p>
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<p>“So tell me how this gets you anything.”</p>
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<p>Ioan sat up straight once more, nodding. “You were saying that Jonas thought he’d beaten you.”</p>
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<p>“Right, yes. He thought that he had left me broken that I might fade away or even quit of my own accord. Instead, I became the one thing he could not control.”</p>
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<p>“How, though?” ey asked.</p>
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<p>“Because of the <em>History</em>, the System knows about me. It knows about the Council of Eight and about Sasha and Michelle Hadje. It also knows about True Name, though, and to see that True Name has stepped down and become one of the few sympathetic figures in that same story once again means that he cannot touch me. He cannot risk reinforcing being seen as a villain–“</p>
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<p>“Because of the <em>History</em>. The System knows about me. It knows about the Council of Eight and about Sasha and Michelle Hadje. It also knows about True Name, though, and to see that True Name has stepped down and become one of the few sympathetic figures in that same story once again means that he cannot touch me. He cannot risk reinforcing being seen as a villain–“</p>
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<p>“Or more of one,” May muttered.</p>
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<p>“–by coming after me. Not only that, but with the expectation that the Sasha who was on the Council was in the right when seen in contrast to True Name, I will be seen as a balancing force rather than a co-conspirator. Him working against that risks being seen as either unbalancing an effective system or a return to a two-party system that no one wants.”</p>
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<p>“It is not a win, <em>per se</em>,” End Waking added. “She has not beaten Jonas or anything like that, but she has entered into a stalemate with him.”</p>
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<hr />
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-05-09</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-05-18</p>
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</footer>
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<p>“God, I have no fucking clue, Ioan,” she said, laughing.</p>
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<p>“Definitely same boat, then. It’s a problem for future Ioan.”</p>
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<p>They fell into silence again. Part of em was itching for more pebbles to toss into the water, but ey was too comfortable to get up to collect more from the beach.</p>
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<p>“That is the conflict I left from May,” Sasha murmured. “I kept some doubt from End Waking, enough to keep me grounded without keeping me torn. From May, I am keeping a little bit of confusion around emotions. The possibility of simply falling for everyone around me is alluring. I can taste it in the memories, like a little bit of saccharine. But I am keeping a little bit of doubt from True Name so that it remains a new thing for me. <em>I am of three minds Like a tree In which there are three blackbirds.</em>“</p>
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<p>Ey turned her words over in eir mind. The thought was complete. Nothing ey could respond with would add to it. It was curious, and hinted at things beyond eir ken, but it was complete.</p>
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<p>“That is the conflict I left from May,” Sasha murmured. “I kept some doubt from End Waking, enough to keep me grounded without keeping me torn. From May, I am keeping a little bit of confusion around emotions. The possibility of simply falling for everyone around me is alluring. I can taste it in the memories, like a little bit of saccharine. But I am keeping a little bit of doubt from True Name so that it remains a new thing for me. I am of three minds Like a tree In which there are three blackbirds.”</p>
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<p>Ey turned her words over in eir mind, along with whatever snippet of poetry it was she’d quoted. The thought was complete. Nothing ey could respond with would add to it. It was curious, and hinted at things beyond eir ken, but it was complete.</p>
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<p>Instead, ey said, “You’re a good person, Sasha. All three of you are good people.”</p>
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<p>She laughed. “And you, dear, are a dork. But come, my tail is falling asleep, and my fork’s conversation with May has wrapped up.”</p>
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<p>They walked back, then, hand in paw, following the trail as it dipped down to the water or ducked up into the trees. Back home, back to May, back to whatever it was that life had become.</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-05-10</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-05-18</p>
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