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update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2023-06-14 23:00:13 -07:00
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writing/3/terrifying/assessment.html Normal file
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<!doctype html>
<html>
<head>
<title>Zk | assessment</title>
<link rel="stylesheet" href="https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Gentium+Plus&family=Lato&family=Ubuntu+Monodisplay=swap" />
<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="/style.css" />
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width" />
<meta charset="utf-8" />
</head>
<body>
<main>
<header>
<h1>Zk | assessment</h1>
</header>
<article class="content">
<h2 id="assessment">Assessment</h2>
<p>((Getting stuck in my head))</p>
</article>
<footer>
<p>Page generated on 2023-06-14</p>
</footer>
</main>
<script type="text/javascript">
document.querySelectorAll('.tag').forEach(tag => {
let text = tag.innerText;
tag.innerText = '';
tag.innerHTML = `<a href="/tags.html#${text}">${text}</a>`;
});
</script>
</body>
</html>

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writing/3/terrifying/blind-strife.html Normal file
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<!doctype html>
<html>
<head>
<title>Zk | blind-strife</title>
<link rel="stylesheet" href="https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Gentium+Plus&family=Lato&family=Ubuntu+Monodisplay=swap" />
<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="/style.css" />
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width" />
<meta charset="utf-8" />
</head>
<body>
<main>
<header>
<h1>Zk | blind-strife</h1>
</header>
<article class="content">
<h2 id="blind-strife">Blind Strife</h2>
<p>((Struggling against expectations versus desires esp re: feeling like I deserve to take up space))</p>
</article>
<footer>
<p>Page generated on 2023-06-14</p>
</footer>
</main>
<script type="text/javascript">
document.querySelectorAll('.tag').forEach(tag => {
let text = tag.innerText;
tag.innerText = '';
tag.innerHTML = `<a href="/tags.html#${text}">${text}</a>`;
});
</script>
</body>
</html>

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writing/3/terrifying/engagement.html Normal file
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<!doctype html>
<html>
<head>
<title>Zk | engagement</title>
<link rel="stylesheet" href="https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Gentium+Plus&family=Lato&family=Ubuntu+Monodisplay=swap" />
<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="/style.css" />
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width" />
<meta charset="utf-8" />
</head>
<body>
<main>
<header>
<h1>Zk | engagement</h1>
</header>
<article class="content">
<h2 id="engagement">Engagement</h2>
<p>((Struggling against the instinct to escape, suicidality))</p>
</article>
<footer>
<p>Page generated on 2023-06-14</p>
</footer>
</main>
<script type="text/javascript">
document.querySelectorAll('.tag').forEach(tag => {
let text = tag.innerText;
tag.innerText = '';
tag.innerHTML = `<a href="/tags.html#${text}">${text}</a>`;
});
</script>
</body>
</html>

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writing/3/terrifying/intro.html
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<p>Am I too demanding? Do I need too much minding? Is the amount of attention I seem to seek above the norm, whatever that is?</p> <p>Am I too demanding? Do I need too much minding? Is the amount of attention I seem to seek above the norm, whatever that is?</p>
<p>Do I park myself in the corner of others&rsquo; minds? Do I sit cross-legged on the floor, a tripping hazard? Do I follow them around their thoughts, speaking? Or not speaking, yet nevertheless present?</p> <p>Do I park myself in the corner of others&rsquo; minds? Do I sit cross-legged on the floor, a tripping hazard? Do I follow them around their thoughts, speaking? Or not speaking, yet nevertheless present?</p>
<p>Is asking so many questions just feeding into that anxiety?</p> <p>Is asking so many questions just feeding into that anxiety?</p>
<p>((How much space I take up))</p>
</article> </article>
<footer> <footer>
<p>Page generated on 2023-06-14</p> <p>Page generated on 2023-06-14</p>

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writing/3/terrifying/triumph.html
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<h1>Zk | triumph</h1> <h1>Zk | triumph</h1>
</header> </header>
<article class="content"> <article class="content">
<blockquote> <h2 id="i-wish-i-could-see-your-triumph">I wish I could see your triumph.</h2>
<p>That is the thing about hate, about loathing, even of oneself. There is a certain amount of love that has to go into that struggle. There is a certain amount of need and desire, because if there is no one there to vanquish, then what are we-who-strive even to do?</p>
<blockquote>
<p>I wish I could see your triumph. \parencite[128]{timewar}</p> <p>I wish I could see your triumph. \parencite[128]{timewar}</p>
</blockquote> </blockquote>
<p>That is the thing about hate, about loathing, even of oneself. There is a certain amount of love that has to go into that struggle. There is a certain amount of need and desire, because if there is no one there to vanquish, then what are we-who-strive even to do?</p>
<p>I wish I could see your triumph, me. I wish I could look up at you, broken and shattered, bleeding in the dust of unknown plains, and know &mdash; truly, utterly know &mdash; that I have been defeated, that I have been crushed and destroyed.</p> <p>I wish I could see your triumph, me. I wish I could look up at you, broken and shattered, bleeding in the dust of unknown plains, and know &mdash; truly, utterly know &mdash; that I have been defeated, that I have been crushed and destroyed.</p>
<p>I wish I could see your triumph. Is that self-sacrificing of me? Of that part that loathes, that fears she is taking up too much space? I really don&rsquo;t know. It&rsquo;s not my place to know these things.</p> <p>I wish I could see your triumph. Is that self-sacrificing of me? Of that part that loathes, that fears she is taking up too much space? I really don&rsquo;t know. It&rsquo;s not my place to know these things.</p>
<p>I wish I could see your triumph. Maybe it&rsquo;s my goal to succeed, to prevail, to come out the other side and into nullity, to make it through, to win. It&rsquo;s my goal to come away with my own triumph, but always, always there is that niggling little doubt, that secret desire to lose, to be beaten in a fair fight and have it proven to my face that at least someone could bring me low and say, &ldquo;Hey, at least she tried, right?&rdquo;</p> <p>I wish I could see your triumph. Maybe it&rsquo;s my goal to succeed, to prevail, to come out the other side and into nullity, to make it through, to win. It&rsquo;s my goal to come away with my own triumph, but always, always there is that niggling little doubt, that secret desire to lose, to be beaten in a fair fight and have it proven to my face that at least someone could bring me low and say, &ldquo;Hey, at least she tried, right?&rdquo;</p>
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<p>So whenever I get that awkward-shaped piece of grit between my mouth &mdash; <em>every angel is terrifying every angel is</em> &mdash; I think of that scene. I think of the way we elevate the unknown to some higher place that ourselves. I think of the patterns we hunt for in the sea foam, in the waves that can take us under or bash us senseless against some barnacled rock. I think about the crush of worlds implied in the calving of an iceberg and how easily that could destroy. I think about that rank of angels who, holding me to their breast, could so easily annihilate?</p> <p>So whenever I get that awkward-shaped piece of grit between my mouth &mdash; <em>every angel is terrifying every angel is</em> &mdash; I think of that scene. I think of the way we elevate the unknown to some higher place that ourselves. I think of the patterns we hunt for in the sea foam, in the waves that can take us under or bash us senseless against some barnacled rock. I think about the crush of worlds implied in the calving of an iceberg and how easily that could destroy. I think about that rank of angels who, holding me to their breast, could so easily annihilate?</p>
<p>Do they laugh, the sea foam, the ice, the angels?</p> <p>Do they laugh, the sea foam, the ice, the angels?</p>
<blockquote> <blockquote>
<p>I write in fire across the sky, a plummet to match your rise. \parencite[128]{timewar}</p> <p>I write in fire across the sky, a plummet to match your rise. \parencite[129]{timewar}</p>
</blockquote> </blockquote>
<p>So then, my angel, she who would live, I wish I could see your triumph.</p> <p>So then, my angel, she who would live, I wish I could see your triumph.</p>
<p>I dream of it, that moment. I dream of falling to my knees, or being so badly broken that all I can do is lay there, unmoored, and look up to the way you rise above me.</p> <p>I dream of it, that moment. I dream of falling to my knees, or being so badly broken that all I can do is lay there, unmoored, and look up to the way you rise above me.</p>