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<li class="done2"> Conversation — Ioan’s been hanging out with TN, May is actively working on letting go, and has gotten to the point of being cordial, polite, occasionally kind<ul>
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<li class="done1"> Conversation — Ioan’s been hanging out with TN, May is actively working on letting go, and has gotten to the point of being cordial, polite, occasionally kind<ul>
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<li class="done1"> <a href="ioan/001.html">Ioan</a> — Ioan and TN get coffee, which they’ve been doing about once a month or so for a few years now.</li>
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<li class="done2"> <a href="sorina/001.html">Sorina</a> — Sorina writes Ioan directly.</li>
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<li class="done0"> Conflict — After assassination attempt on TN, learn about TN getting pushed out by Jonas, May offers to merge down, turns into big discussion</li>
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<li class="done0"> Reconciliation — After the merge and TN’s collapse, she has to process two centuries of memories while Ioan and May have to process the results of the merge</li>
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<li class="done0"> Conflict — After assassination attempt on TN, learn about TN getting pushed out by Jonas, May offers to merge down, turns into big discussion<ul>
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<li class="done0"> (SNIPPET) <a href="ioan/0x1.html">Ioan</a> — EW merges down</li>
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</ul>
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<li class="done0"> Reconciliation — After the merge and TN’s collapse, she has to process two centuries of memories while Ioan and May have to process the results of the merge<ul>
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<li class="done0"> (SNIPPET) <a href="ioan/0x2.html">Ioan</a> — True Name changes</li>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-03-20</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-03-30</p>
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<title>Zk | 0x1</title>
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<h1>Zk | 0x1</h1>
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<p>“True Name,” May said, interrupting the other skunk’s tirade. “Wait.”</p>
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<p>Wrong footed, True Name frowned. “What? Why? I do not–“</p>
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<p>May held up her paw, a brief glance at the ceiling hinting at a sensorium message elsewhere.</p>
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<p>Ioan frowned as well. Intuition told him the discussion they’d had earlier had gone beyond the hypothetical. “May, are you sure–“</p>
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<p>True Name jolted upright in her seat on the couch. “What the fuck is–“</p>
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<p>“Accept it,” May said, and ey could see the force of her gaze boring into her cocladist. “You must do this. You have to.”</p>
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<p>Her face contorting with the strain of holding what must be a very large impending merge at bay without either remembering or forgetting it, True Name gasped. “May… May Then… Why…”</p>
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<p>Eir partner’s expression softened. “Please, my dear. I think you need this. I think we all need this, if we are to move forward.”</p>
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<p>The skunk nodded shakily, attempted a dry swallow, and then let the merge of End Waking’s centuries of memories crash into her.</p>
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<p>The change was immediate and more dramatic than ey’d expected. Ey had been expecting a shell-shocked look and maybe a few minutes of silence, but instead True Name’s expression melted into a glazed, nearly stroke-like stupor. The glass of water she’d been clutching at but had yet to drink tumbled to the floor and, as all her muscles gave out at once, she began to slide off the couch.</p>
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<p>“Shit. Shit! Ioan!” May shouted.</p>
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<p>Ey was already on eir feet and halfway around the table, thankfully in time to catch the skunk before she slid down into the pool of water on the floor. Ey managed to get eir arms under hers enough to hoist her up into the couch again while May ducked around to lift her feet so that they could lay her out on her back.</p>
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<p>They both stared at the limp True Name.</p>
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<p>“Fuck,” eir partner murmured.</p>
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<p>“What just happened?”</p>
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<p>“One second,” she said, waving away the spilled water so that she could kneel by her down-tree instance. There was a moment’s hesitation before she brushed some of the skunk’s longer head fur away from her face. “Can you close your eyes?”</p>
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<p>When True Name didn’t respond, didn’t move, May gently brushed her paw down to close them for her.</p>
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<p>After lingering another moment, she stood slowly, took Ioan’s hand in her paw and led em to the balcony. As soon as the door shut behind them, she burst into tears.</p>
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<p>Ey guided her carefully to the bench swing to sit her down, letting her cry herself out against eir shoulder.</p>
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<p>“I am sorry, my dear,” she said when she could speak again at last. “Really, truly sorry.”</p>
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<p>Ey shook eir head, kissing her between the ears. “You don’t need to apologize to me. I’m more confused than anything. Was that your and End Waking’s plan?”</p>
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<p>She pressed closer to em. “That was him merging back down, yes. I did not expect that, though,” she said, and ey could hear that she was on the verge of crying once more. “I never intended to hurt her.”</p>
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<p>“Can you explain what happened, at least?”</p>
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<p>She nodded, swallowing down that wave of tears as best she could. “We are good at forking and merging. Very, <em>very</em> good at it. I am pretty sure you know that, though.”</p>
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<p>“Did something go wrong, then?”</p>
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<p>“End Waking has not merged down in nearly two centuries. He has diverged quite far in that time, as is to be expected, which means the potential for conflicts.”</p>
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<p>Eir frown deepened. Ey thought ey could tell where this was going. “Aren’t those usually just when memories don’t line up, though?”</p>
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<p>May gave the barest hint of a shrug against em. “You have met her, and you have met him. Their viewpoints are almost diametrically opposed, yes?”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded.</p>
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<p>“Viewpoints are built atop a collection of memories. That they can share so many memories and yet have such different outlooks on the world and their actions is a subtler, but trickier sort of merge conflict.” She paused, took a deep breath, then continued slowly. “I pressed her to accept because I knew that she would accept the merge as smoothly as she always does if there was external pressure. She merged blithely and took on two hundred years of End Waking all at once. All of his memories. All of his penitence. All of his loathing for what he did, what she was so proud of.”</p>
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<p>“And it was too much?” ey asked.</p>
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<p>Her face screwed up again as she nodded. “I nuh-never wanted t-to hur-hurt her,” May stammered as the tears started to flow once more.</p>
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<p>Ey got eir arms around her again and held her close. A quick glance through the windows showed that True Name still lay on the couch, breathing shallowly.</p>
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<p>“May, I want to ask you something,” ey said, once she had calmed down some. “And…well, I think it’ll probably make you cry again, but I want to make sure we stay open about this. I’m really not asking this to take a jab at you. Is that okay?”</p>
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<p>She whined quietly, but nodded all the same.</p>
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<p>Ey took a deep breath, keeping eir voice as gentle as ey could. “I’m not upset with you, but I need to know since this is just getting weirder and weirder. Are you sure you didn’t want to hurt her?”</p>
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<p>There was a long silence before she replied, and ey could tell she spent much of it counting her breaths, one of the exercises that had worked best to ground her. At least she counted as best she could between sniffles.</p>
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<p>“I think,” she started, then cleared her throat. “I know a part of me was acting out of vengeance.”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded. “We talked about that, yeah.”</p>
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<p>“Right. I think that part was hoping that it would be a rough merge to knock her down a peg, yes,” she said, then let out a shaky sigh. “I did not think it would be this bad, though. I am really sorry, Ioan. I want to be a good person.”</p>
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<p>Hugging her tightly to em, ey said, “It’s okay, May. You <em>are</em> a good person, promise. Just that even good people feel resentment.”</p>
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<p>She nodded, fell back into breathing exercises.</p>
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<p>“And I believe you when you say you didn’t want to hurt her. Both those–“</p>
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<p>She elbowed em in the side. “Right, yes, yes. Both can be true at once. You know we have the same therapist, right? She says the same things to me.”</p>
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<p>Ey smiled, pleased to hear the humor in her voice. “Sorry, May.”</p>
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<p>She wormed her arms around em to give a tight squeeze. “It is alright. You are just a nerd. Both of those things can be true, too.” After a moment’s hesitation, she asked more quietly, “Can you see her? Is she okay?”</p>
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<p>“She’s rolled onto her side. Still breathing pretty quick.”</p>
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<p>May nodded. “Let us get back in and check on her, then. We may want to get her into bed. Being comfortable can make it easier.”</p>
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<p>(They do, ey carries her, May stays by her side, Ioan leaves so she can apologize in private)</p>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-03-30</p>
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<title>Zk | 0x2</title>
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<h1>Zk | 0x2</h1>
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<article class="content">
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<p>In the most stunning display of forking ey’d ever seen, True Name began to change.</p>
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<p>Ioan had seen eir share of Dear’s exhibitions, not to mention those of other instance artists the fox had introduced em to along the way, and the forking involved in all of them had been perfect. They were well rehearsed dances of duplication that told a story.</p>
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<p>However, they were, whether by virtue of being related to Dear or by the art itself, fanciful. The duplication was supposed to evoke a sense of magic, of wonder (or the closely related terror).</p>
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<p>In eir own work in theatre, both as an actor and as a playwright, ey’d found use for forking within a story that had remained more grounded, more tied to day to day life, and those performances had seen a success of their own through May and A Finger Pointing’s guidance.</p>
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<p>The Odists as a whole were more familiar and comfortable with forking than anyone ey’d ever met, even among the most dispersionista of dispersionista clades. Both May and Dear navigated that aspect of their lives with a grace ey could only dream of. Even the explosions of foxes or skunks during times of excitement were well done.</p>
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<p>This, though, went beyond that.</p>
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<p>As they stood watching, True Name began to change. She worked with a singular sense of purpose that left no doubt as to what she was doing. An instance flickered into being before herself and watched with a critical eye as skunk after skunk blinked into existence. Each one bore some slight change from their immediate down-tree instance. Sometimes an array of skunks would wind up in a line before that observing instance, which would nod at one or the other in approval to leave the other to quit. And when a change was accepted, the down-tree instance would quit.</p>
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<p>This smooth modification of form was in and of itself impressive for how naturally she began to change — not only did the instance watching have to keep track of what change was happening and what would come next, but so did those doing the actual changing; they all had to be on the same page — but what left em truly impressed was the speed. She began her work with about one fork per second, but before long the changes ramped up to four a second. Five. Nearly ten changes per second of forks flickering into and out of existence, all while the orchestrating instance watched, her eyes flicking this way and that across them.</p>
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<p>And then, it was over.</p>
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<p>The result was a skunk slightly shorter than True Name had stood, though still a few centimeters taller than May. She was heavier, as well, with a curve to the hips and belly that was familiar to em from eir partner, but unlike May, this softness was more…well, natural wasn’t quite the right term, but where May’s weight seemed to be designed to add a sense of both harmlessness and comfort to her form, this new form of True Name simply looked like a pudgy thirty-something who had settled into a comfortable weight long ago and never bothered to change.</p>
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<p>Her face had shifted as well, becoming plainer in ways ey couldn’t quite explain. Where True Name had always had some aspect of larger-than-life about her, she now just looked…normal. Still a furry, still living in that form that was more comfortable to her than humanity, but normal.</p>
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<p>Most striking, though was the pattern of fur. While much of it was covered, now, ey’d seen the way it had shifted during the process. Gone were the stripes, the ones ey had grown to love on May, replaced now with a set of white splotches in the black of her fur. The pattern was what was so eye-catching, however: the patches seemed to travel in a few uneven lines down over her back and sides, one of them showing a hint of a whorl, another a slight zigzag as it ran from her spine to her side, and others that were almost round spots. This pattern seemed to be mirrored along her spine, leading to a pleasant symmetry. A quick query of the perisystem infrastructure told em that there was indeed a spotted variety of skunk, described much as ey had seen.</p>
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<p>Gone were the stripes. Gone, also, were the slacks and blouse, traded in for a linen tunic and a pair of loose-fitting trousers of the type ey had always associated with southeast Asian fishers.</p>
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<p>When ey was finally able to tear eir eyes away, ey saw that every Odist in the room had picked up expressions that verged from taken aback to startled and angry. May, for her part, looked startled, yes, but also excited.</p>
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<p>“May, what–“</p>
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<p>“One moment, my dear,” she said, then turned to face this new True Name with a grin. “Will there be a change of name?”</p>
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<p>“There has to be,” Jonas said. While he lacked the context for whatever had surprised her cocladists, even he sounded impressed by the display. “I won’t let you leave as True Name.” ((Probably needs expansion))</p>
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<p>The skunk bowed. “You may call me Sasha.”</p>
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<p>Ioan didn’t know what ey expected from the room, but pandemonium wasn’t it. May was bouncing on her feet and clapping her paws. End Waking was grinning and shaking his head. Jonas had simply burst out laughing.</p>
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<p>All of the rest of the Odists, however, were shouting. None of them looked pleased.</p>
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<p>“Not Sasha of the Ode clade, just Sasha,” she said. “I will not relinquish the form, just as I will not relinquish the past, but if you want me out this badly, so be it. I rescind my membership in the clade.”</p>
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<p>“<em>That</em> name is unacceptable,” When I Dream hollered. “No. You will pick something else.”</p>
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<p>“No, I will not.”</p>
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<p>“Shut the fuck up, When I Dream,” Jonas said mildly. “All of you, shut the fuck up.” He turned to Sasha and grinned. “You always were a little snot. You want to be Sasha? You want to dive back into mediocrity and wear your weakness like a badge? Please, by all means, be my guest. Beg for pity again. Hunt down all your little friends who kept you feeling just bad enough that they could baby you without letting you think you were their plaything. Go. Be Sasha. Live your silly little life.</p>
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<p>“And you,” he growled, jabbing a finger toward Ioan. “Write your little story. That’s what you’re here for, isn’t it? Write your little romance and fuck your little girlfriend and put on your little plays.”</p>
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<p>May rolled her eyes.</p>
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<p>“Get out. All of you.”</p>
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<p>All through Jonas’s tirade, Sasha wore a slight smile. It wasn’t beatific, wasn’t enlightened. She simply looked present. She looked confident in herself in some more earnest way. When it was clear that he was finished, she bowed politely.</p>
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<p>“See you around?”</p>
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<p>“Fuck off.”</p>
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<p>She laughed and reached out to take Ioan’s hand in eir paw, then they stepped back home, followed closely by May holding End Waking’s paw.</p>
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<p>There was a long moment of silence in the living room, then Ioan let out a ragged, pent-up breath, eir shoulders sagging. “Can someone tell me what the fuck just happened?”</p>
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<p>“Sasha found the one thing she could have done to piss off Jonas,” May said, looking at her appraisingly. “He went in thinking he’d take everything from her and left with no wind in his sails. Well done, my dear.”</p>
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<p>Sasha beamed and bowed with a flourish</p>
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<p>“And you knew this?” ey asked.</p>
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<p>She shook her head. “I saw her unwind all of the changes from the last centuries–“</p>
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<p>“All the way back to Praiseworthy’s suggestions before Secession,” the other skunk said proudly.</p>
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<p>“–and other than the spotted skunk thing, she looks just like…well, Sasha. Nice touch, by the way.”</p>
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<p>“I do not think I could have gotten away with staying that similar, but yes, I am back to the me of… Shit, when did I make Sasha like this? 2110?”</p>
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<p>Ioan shook eir head, dizzy. “This is what you looked like before uploading?”</p>
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<p>“What my — <em>our</em> — av looked like, yes, all except the change to a spotted skunk. They always felt too flashy, back then, and I just wanted to look like myself offline except a furry. Completely unremarkable and a species no one likes.”</p>
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<p>“It was the outfit that did it,” End Waking said. “It always was our favorite, but for some reason, we never brought it with us to the System.”</p>
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<p>Sasha nodded.</p>
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<p>“I am proud of you, Sasha,” he continued. “I do not yet know why I feel compelled to say that, but I am proud of it. You have much to make up for, your own penance yet to serve, but that you have done this at all is good step forward.”</p>
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<p>Ioan sighed and pulled a chair out from the dining table and sat down heavily. “You all are nuts.”</p>
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<p>The three skunks laughed.</p>
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<p>“So,” ey said, organizing eir thoughts out loud. “May and End Waking merged down and you… I guess feel more complete with those identities? Enough to head back to who you were before the clade began, I mean. Is that even possible?”</p>
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<p>“It is not a statement of reality, my dear. I cannot reintegrate those aspects of myself that are not up-tree from me, and even if I could, there are those who no longer exist or who have left Lagrange,” she said, that slight smile growing. “It is a statement of hope, perhaps, or a desire for completion. It is an understanding of the ways in which I fall short expressed in my very name. Will this sense of a more complete life last? Perhaps. It will certainly not always feel good, and will at some point cease feeling new, but I plan on owning it for as long as I am able.”</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-03-30</p>
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