update from sparkleup
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<p>May dipped her muzzle and apologized as well, saying, “I do feel bad about how that worked out, no matter how much you tell me it is okay.”</p>
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<p>“It is not okay,” End Waking said, then hastened to add when his cocladist flinched away, “It is what we have to work with, and it is perhaps what the times called for.”</p>
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<p>May nodded.</p>
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<p>“I am of two minds,” True Name said. “I remember having loved Debarre. I remember still loving him, and perhaps even I, even True Name, still love him in a roundabout way. However, I am what I am, and that is a being of two minds. That of me which is you, End Waking, loves him, and that of me which is True Name, respects him from a distance, respects his distaste for me, that feeling I engendered to minimize the his impact within the council by making it so purely emotional, as much as it hurt to do so.”</p>
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<p>“I am of two minds,” True Name said. “I remember having loved Debarre. I remember still loving him, and perhaps even I, even True Name, still love him in some roundabout way. However, I am what I am, and that is a being of two minds. That of me which is you, End Waking, loves him, and that of me which is True Name, respects him from a distance, respects his distaste for me, that feeling I engendered to minimize the his impact within the council by making it so purely emotional, as much as it hurt to do so.”</p>
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<p>“The same as you did with me and Codrin?” Ioan asked. “With the history, I mean.”</p>
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<p>She nodded. “It was– it felt like a necessity at the time. I am not some cold, unfeeling bitch, it is just that my drive and my abilities, such as they are, outweigh — or at least outweighed — those feelings. I worked to distance myself from them.”</p>
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<p>“I remember so little of that,” May said.</p>
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@ -44,12 +44,12 @@
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<p>“Perhaps. Perhaps it will become a part of me, perhaps it will live within me alongside that of you and that of True Name.”</p>
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<p>“Still feeling fractured?” Ioan asked.</p>
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<p>“Yes. I do not know if I will feel… I do not know. I am not comfortable speaking further on this just yet.”</p>
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<p>They spent the rest of the night in quiet, May leaning against eir side while TN and End Waking spoke quietly about the plain.</p>
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<p>They spent the rest of the night in quiet, May leaning against eir side while TN and End Waking spoke quietly about the plain and the forest.</p>
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<p>Finally, though, a week to the day after the topic had first come up, Ioan awoke to find May and True Name already sitting at the table, speaking earnestly in a cone of silence. Once they noticed em, True Name waved it away and May grinned, saying, “Sorry, my dear. We did not want to wake you.”</p>
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<p>Ey poured emself a cup of coffee before joining them. “Appreciate it. Hope I’m not interrupting.”</p>
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<p>True Name shook her head. “We are discussing our plan for the day.”</p>
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<p>Ey knit eir brow, taking a sip of coffee. “Is today the day, then?”</p>
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<p>“May Then My Name think so, but we were also waiting for you to join us to make sure.”</p>
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<p>“May Then My Name thinks so, but we were also waiting for you to join us to make sure.”</p>
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<p>“Well, if it were solely up to me, I’d just spin my wheels worrying about it until we ran out of time, so I suppose I’m alright with it. What all will go into it?”</p>
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<p>“Well,” True Name began, a fork appearing next to her. “First I fork.”</p>
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<p>The new instance of True Name bowed. “And I will return to my tent in the interim,” she said before waving goodbye and padding back out through her room.</p>
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@ -80,15 +80,28 @@
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<p>Both Ioan and True Name watched as the down-tree instance of May scrubbed her paws over her face vigorously for a moment, gave a shaky wave, and then quit. True Name winced and screwed her eyes shut, and the May who had knelt with her on the bed reached out and took the skunk’s paws in her own.</p>
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<p>“Go ahead.”</p>
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<p>It was still another ten seconds or so before True Name managed to relax enough to permit the merge to progress, and even then the only visual indication was a slow slump of her shoulders and a relaxing of the muscles of her face.</p>
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<p>Ioan stuffed eir hands in eir pockets and did eir best to feel rooted to where ey stood, hoping against hope that ey could keep from pacing. Both em and May watched True Name carefully, though she seemed almost frozen, breathing shallowly despite the relaxed set of her features.</p>
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<p>They stayed like that for nearly five minutes — two skunks kneeling on the bed while ey watched from beside it — before True Name moved again.</p>
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<p>Ioan stuffed eir hands in eir pockets and did eir best to feel rooted to where ey stood, hoping against hope that ey could keep from pacing. May watched True Name carefully, eyes searching her features for what ey could not tell, though she seemed almost frozen, breathing shallowly despite the relaxed set of her features.</p>
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<p>And ey stood and watched them both.</p>
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<p>The three of them stayed like that for nearly five minutes — two skunks kneeling on the bed while ey watched from beside it — before True Name moved again.</p>
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<p>“Oh, May,” she whispered, and started to sag over to one side.</p>
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<p>The other skunk shushed her quietly and helped her to lay out on her side before settling down with her. They curled together, still facing each other, nearly snout to snout and still holding paws.</p>
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<p>It was more than an hour later before May forked beside em, took eir hand, and led em from the room. Neither of the skunks on the bed had moved or made a sound other than May asking True Name if she was okay in a quiet murmur and the other skunk shaking her head.</p>
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<p>It was more than an hour later before May forked beside em, took eir hand, and led em from the room. Neither of the skunks on the bed had moved or made a sound other than May asking True Name if she was okay in a quiet murmur at one point and the other skunk shaking her head.</p>
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<p>Once the door was shut behind them, May let out a shaky sigh and padded over to the kitchen. “That was very hard.”</p>
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<p>“Why, do you think?” ey asked.</p>
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<p>The skunk took a moment to pour herself a glass of water before replying. “I want to be here with you, and I also want to be in there with her, and I also want to go back in time and tell her I do not want to merge, and I also want to go back in time and merge instead of End Waking, and and and…”</p>
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<p>…</p>
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<p>The skunk took a moment to pour herself a glass of water before replying. “I want to be here with you, and I also want to be in there with her, and I also want to go back in time and tell her I do not want to merge, and I also want to go back in time and merge instead of End Waking, and…a-and…”</p>
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<p>“Come here, May.”</p>
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<p>She clutched the water to her chest with both paws, stumbling blindly around the kitchen counter so that ey could guide her to the beanbag.</p>
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<p>She sat down and let Ioan rub her back. Only once she could manage a sip or two of water, she said, voice hoarse, “Did I fuck up, Ioan?”</p>
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<p>Ey was still teasing part the day — or perhaps the last month — but all the same, ey did eir best to respond to what ey suspected lay beneath the surface of the question. “Do you think she resents you for not just letting her be True Name?”</p>
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<p>May whined and set the water glass aside, shifting on the beanbag until she could rest her head on eir thigh. “I worry that the real reason she wanted to do this was because there is no going back to who she was. One of those “fuck it, why not” situations.”</p>
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<p>“There could be some of that, but is that so bad?”</p>
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<p>“I do not know,” she mumbled.</p>
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<p>“Can you imagine her being okay staying as True Name and being all cooped up for the rest of eternity?”</p>
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<p>She snorted. “God, no. I think she would lose it.”</p>
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<p>“Same, yeah. She’d probably try to pull a Dear or something.”</p>
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<p>“And hate every minute of it. You heard her, she likes who she was and all that she did. I cannot imagine her letting that go.”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded and combed eir fingers through the fur on the nape of her neck. “So she’ll be left with a complex view of that — or, well, a couple of them, I guess — maybe enough for her change how she moves through the world. Think it’ll be enough for Jonas?”</p>
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<p>The skunk rolled until she was resting nearly face down against eir thigh to let em pet. “I do not know,” she mumbled. “I do not think even she knows.”</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-05-07</p>
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