Qoheleth's words, in the book written so very, very long ago, were all about hebel. "This, too, is meaningless," Qoheleth had written after that long walk through life. Try pleasure. Try work. Try prayer. This, too, is meaningless.
That's not how I envision the name, though.
I think of the two names as signifiers, rather than simple names. I think of the two moods that they bring. And I think most often of the two sources of names. Not the book, not the time at which it was written. My two sources. Now.
-Qoheleth was the name I had given myself out of hope. It's a name of goals and aspirations. It embodies the things that I want to do. It takes all of my plans and me, maker of plans, and binds them up neatly into a word. Ties a pretty bow to the top. A single word. A name and also a rejection of the Name.
-Hebel was the name I had given myself out of despair. It's a name of self deprecation and a way of reminding myself that, lofty as my goals may be, they're all vanity. Mere breath. Meaningless in the end.
+Qoheleth was the name I gave myself out of hope. It's a name of goals and aspirations. It embodies the things that I want to do. It takes all of my plans and me, maker of plans, and binds them up neatly into a word. Ties a pretty bow to the top. A single word. A name and also a rejection of the Name.
+Hebel was the name I gave myself out of despair. It's a name of self deprecation and a way of reminding myself that, lofty as my goals may be, they're all vanity. Mere breath. Meaningless in the end.
Together, the names remind me that I am doing this for a reason. All of these resources, all of my resources and found objects and hand-me-downs accrued over the years are being built up and strung together into a cohesive goal. A net. Less trap than source of safety. Something to catch. Something to rescue.
They, the resources, are all nothing. The reasons are all nothing. Vapor. Mere breath.
The whole plan is nothing except for the truth underlying it. Not to fear God, but to...to something. To do something. To be something. To get the whole clade to see. My clade.
diff --git a/writing/post-self/qoheleth/index.html b/writing/post-self/qoheleth/index.html index b2bf4a548..6d72b0731 100644 --- a/writing/post-self/qoheleth/index.html +++ b/writing/post-self/qoheleth/index.html @@ -221,7 +221,7 @@