update from sparkleup
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<p>So, ey lingered under the hot water for fifteen minutes, and instead of whorls of breath, the crunch of ice, the nothingness of slate-gray skies, eir thoughts and emotions dribbled down eir face in rivulets of water, swirled once, twice, disappeared down the drain.</p>
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<p><em>Dissociating,</em> ey thought, laughed to no one.</p>
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<p>Brushed eir hair. Stared, unseeing, at emself in the mirror. Dressed in clean clothes — sweater vest? Sweater vest — and wound up sitting on the couch once more. </p>
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<p>True Name peeked out of eir room and bowed to em from just outside her door. The sound of the door and the movement out of the corner of eir eye startled em awake. “Sorry, True Name. Everything okay?”</p>
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<p>True Name peeked out of her room and bowed to em from just outside her door. The sound of the door and the movement out of the corner of eir eye startled em back to reality. “Sorry, True Name. Everything okay?”</p>
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<p>“Yes, thank you, Mx. Bălan.” She smiled apologetically — such a strange look on her. “I am not the greatest of cooks, but would you like me to make dinner tonight? I do not believe May Then My Name will be joining us, and it is getting dark.”</p>
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<p>“Huh?” Ey whirled back around toward the picture windows and frowned. Sure enough, it was dimming into evening already. “Oh, well, sure, I guess. I’m sure whatever you make will be fine. Sorry I’m so spacey.”</p>
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<p>The skunk padded into the kitchen and waved the apology away with a paw. “You are fine, my dear. You are allowed to space out. It has been a dramatic few days, so I do not blame you. Can you please grant me ACLs enough to create ingredients?”</p>
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<p>After a pause to will it so, ey nodded. “Sure, should be good now.”</p>
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<p>“Thank you.”</p>
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<p>Ey felt strange staring out into the yard — the opposite direction of the kitchen — while True Name cooked, so ey grabbed a notebook and moved to the dining table where, should ey be able to pull eir thoughts together, ey could write, and if ey couldn’t, ey could at least talk with True Name without twisting around in eir seat.</p>
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<p>Ey felt strange staring out into the yard — the opposite direction of the kitchen — while True Name cooked, so ey grabbed a notebook and moved to the dining table where, should ey be able to pull eir thoughts together, ey could write, and if ey couldn’t, ey could at least talk with the skunk without twisting around in eir seat.</p>
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<p>Ey could not, it turned out. Ey flopped the notebook shut again and rubbed at eir face. “What’re you cooking?”</p>
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<p>“Chicken…rice…stuff. It is college food.”</p>
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<p>Ey laughed. “Right, I’m familiar. Sounds good. Certainly cold enough out there for it.”</p>
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<p>“Right, yes,” she said, deflating somewhat with a sigh. “What do you believe, Ioan?”</p>
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<p>“Excuse me?”</p>
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<p>“What do you believe? You do not strike me as religious, but surely you believe in something. The sanctity of life? Love? Art?”</p>
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<p>Ey sat up straighter, frowning at the skunk. “That’s a surprisingly difficult question to answer.”</p>
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<p>Ey sat up straighter, frowning at her. “That’s a surprisingly difficult question to answer.”</p>
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<p>“It is not at all surprising. It is easy to provide a noun and say that one believes in that. The irreversibility of time, perhaps? Your cocladist and Dear spoke to that in the <em>History</em>.”</p>
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<p>The conversation was taking a decidedly Odist turn. Coming at the topic sideways, grand statements that came tinged with a sense of awe. They all seemed prone to falling into the style of speaking and ey fell for it every time. “Mmhm. Several times.”</p>
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<p>“But what does it mean to believe in something like that? Or the sanctity of life or love or art? Or God, for that matter? ‘Belief’ as a word is a stand-in for a concept so broad as to be intimidating or impossible. One may say as Blake did, ‘For everything that lives is holy’, but encompassing that within one’s mind is truly terrifying.” She finally broke her thousand-yard stare out the window and smiled faintly to em. “Still, I believe in what I do, Ioan. Really, <em>truly</em> believe. I feel called. I feel led. I am good at it. I wake up thinking about it, spend my day working with it, and fall asleep thinking yet more about it. We have an existence which is fundamentally different from that of phys-side, and I cannot put into words how much I love that. It is more than a want, I have a need so integral to my being for it to continue that I would not be True Name without it, and I love being True Name.”</p>
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<p>Ioan set down eir fork and slid out of eir chair to greet her as she stepped out of the entryway. Ey was pleased to see her face washed of tears and expression washed of distress. She looked tired, to be sure, but no longer ready to murder someone.</p>
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<p>“I brought gifts, my dear. I do not know if–” She paused as she caught sight of True Name.</p>
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<p>The other skunk had also stood and was bowing deeply to her up-tree instance. “May Then My Name, I apolog–<em>hrk!</em>“</p>
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<p>May pressed the waxed cotton-wrapped parcel into Ioan’s hands and bounded over to True Name, shoving her out of her bow in order to get her arms around her for an awkward hug. “That is for what happened,” she said, then socked her in the shoulder. “And that is for how you told me.”</p>
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<p>May pressed the waxed cotton-wrapped parcel into Ioan’s hands and bounded over to True Name, shoving her out of her bow in order to get her arms around her for an awkward hug. “That is for what happened,” she said, then socked her solidly on the shoulder. “And that is for how you told me.”</p>
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<p>True Name stumbled back from the greeting, blinking rapidly and rubbing at her arm. She looked as baffled as ey felt. Watching May interact with True Name these last few days had been something of a roller coaster, whether it was the abject fury ey saw within her whenever the topic of her cocladist’s goals — or perhaps calling — came up or the strange protectiveness that had led her to offer their home to her. Those were stressful enough; this was overwhelming.</p>
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<p>Ey shuffled back to the table, slid the packet onto it, and fell heavily into eir chair. “What just happened?”</p>
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<p>May laughed and dotted her nose against eir cheek before settling down into her usual seat. “I am sorry that that was weird, and I am sorry that I ran away earlier. I was able to get a lot off my chest, and I feel much better for it. Oh, you did eat! That is okay, I did too, but I think these may make good dessert.”</p>
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<p>May’s nearly manic voice and the tension in her cheeks showed something deeper going on beneath the surface, but given her chatter and the still-shocked look on True Name’s face, this didn’t seem to be the time to ask.</p>
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<p>May’s nearly manic tone and the tension in her cheeks showed something deeper going on beneath the surface, but given her chatter and the still-shocked look on True Name’s face, this didn’t seem to be the time to ask.</p>
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<p>“May Then My Name, I know that I–“</p>
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<p>“If you talk about earlier, I will hire Guōweī myself,” May interrupted sweetly. “I promise that there will be time to talk about it soon, my dear, but for now, I need something else, alright?”</p>
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<p>“If you talk about earlier, I will hire Guōweī myself,” May interrupted sweetly. “I promise that there will be time to talk about it soon, but for now, I need something else, alright?”</p>
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<p>“Of course,” True Name said, frowning. “In that case, what is in the package?”</p>
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<p>“End Waking made these corn…pancake…things. Fritter cakes? Something like that. They were savory, but they might go well with honey as a sort of dessert. There are only two, but we can split them.”</p>
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<p>Ioan and True Name exchanged a glance, then watched as May unwrapped the griddle cakes and swiped a pot of honey into being beside them. She broke off a piece, drizzled honey on it, and ate it.</p>
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<p>She shook her head beneath eir hand and tightened her grip around em. “I do not want to discuss them now. I am tired and cried out and you are comfortable and good to me.”</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-09-06</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-09-13</p>
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</footer>
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</main>
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<script type="text/javascript">
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@ -81,13 +81,13 @@
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<li class="done4"> <a href="013.html">Bone Town</a> — TN talks with May about Jonas in CoS. Later, she comes up with the idea to merge down (needs to be filled out)</li>
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</ul>
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</li>
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<li class="done3"> CHAPTER Debarre 2350<ul>
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<li class="done4"> CHAPTER Debarre 2350<ul>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="014.html">May’s Wallow 1</a> — May comes over distraught, they talk, she suggests he merge down (has a few reasons why, but doesn’t express them super well)</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="015.html">Debarre and EW talk</a> — May leaves, Debarre and EW get their bed back in the tent and talk about what the merge would look like and mean for both him and TN, thinks he might so long as May agrees to merge down in the future as well.</li>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="015.html">Debarre and EW talk</a> — May leaves, Debarre and EW get their bed back in the tent and talk about what the merge would look like and mean for both him and TN, thinks he might so long as May agrees to merge down in the future as well.</li>
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</ul>
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</li>
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<li class="done3"> CHAPTER Ioan 2350<ul>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="016.html">TN’s Wallow 1</a> — TN moping about how things have wound up re: her calling</li>
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<li class="done4"> <a href="016.html">TN’s Wallow 1</a> — TN moping about how things have wound up re: her calling</li>
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<li class="done3"> <a href="017.html">Retreat: merge</a> — May talks about EW merging down, then he does</li>
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</ul>
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</li>
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