update from sparkleup
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<p>We’d gathered in my home once more, all standing out in the back yard where the sun shone and everything was green, even the little, marshy pond in one corner, even the little impossible statues that Hanne had left scattered on hidden, moss-covered pedestals. It felt like home to me, a welcome change from having spent so much time in the headquarters of late, and the last two nights split between two bedrooms. Eight days after the crash, and a little bit of home sounded nice. A little bit of comfort felt necessary.</p>
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<p>“Yeah.” I sighed. “Tule and I tried, since I already had their memories anyway, but he wouldn’t be able to merge down directly. It was only a few days worth of memories, anyway. It felt strange, but not intolerably so. All the same, I was thinking maybe we’d do it somewhere relaxing so that…whoever the result is can spend however long they want reconciling in peace without having to worry about the outside world or external stimulus. Maybe that foggy pasture sim with the pagoda, maybe somewhere with a bed.”</p>
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<p>Cress shrugged. “We have a spare bedroom, too, and Dry Grass can stick around in case we need any help.”</p>
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<p>Tule nodded. “She back up to speed really quickly, but I guess that’s how it goes when you’re three hundred something years old.”</p>
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<p>Tule nodded. “She got back up to speed really quickly, but I guess that’s how it goes when you’re three hundred something years old.”</p>
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<p>“Alright. That’s a good idea, too.”</p>
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<p>“You like that pagoda, don’t you?” Rush asked, a faint grin on vis face.</p>
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<p>“You like that pagoda, don’t you?” Rush asked, a sly grin on vis face.</p>
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<p>I laughed. “It’s a nice sim.”</p>
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<p>“It is! Don’t get me wrong. Do you think Jonas being so old is what made it so painful for him.”</p>
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<p>“It is! Don’t get me wrong. Do you think Jonas being so old is what made it so painful for him?”</p>
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<p>“Oh, almost certainly,” Sedge said. “A founder who has been slowly going nuts. Jonas Ko forked during Secession and Fa forked a few decades later.”</p>
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<p>“So before systime compared to Marsh uploading in 178,” I added. “And forking dates of 1 and 25, while us oldest forks are less than a hundred. We were, what, systime 180?”</p>
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<p>“So before systime 1 compared to Marsh uploading in 178,” I added. “And forking dates of 1 and 25, while us oldest forks are less than a hundred. We were, what, systime 180?”</p>
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<p>Lily, who had been silent and sullen up until that point, nodded. “systime 180+11. Individuated, but not to the same extent.” She looked away, mumbling, “Enough for some differences in opinion.”</p>
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<p>Cress sighed. “I get it, Lily. I really do.” It stuffed its hands in its pockets, still staring at its cocladist. “But we can sort that out between us later. For now, we’ll have to contend with the fact that this new instance is going to have the same argument within them, right? Marsh managed it, so I trust that they’ll be able to, but still.”</p>
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<p>Her shoulders slumped. She nodded again, falling back into silence.</p>
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@ -53,8 +53,8 @@
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<p>“We were angry,” I said, rubbing a hand over my face. “No excuse, I mean, but I got caught up in the heat of the moment.”</p>
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<p>Lily snorted. “I mean, so did I, but yeah, apology accepted. We’ll work on it.”</p>
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<p>Cress grinned, shook its head. “Well, I guess come on. We’ll set up the spare room and do the merge, and this new instance will be both slapper and victim.”</p>
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<p>We stepped away, me holding Rush’s hand, Sedge holding Tule’s, and Lily holding Cress’s, to arrive on the stoop in front of the brownstone that was slowly becoming familiar.</p>
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<p>The building was in a neighborhood in the New York sim that Dry Grass and I had gone to lunch a few days before. An actual neighborhood, too, with cladists grouped up in little knots, talking on the verge or on other stoops. The mood remained tense and anxious, but there were at least a few laughs to be heard. More than there had been, at least.</p>
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<p>We stepped away, me holding Rush’s hand, Sedge holding Tule’s, and Lily holding Cress’s, to arrive on the stoop in front of the brownstone that was slowly becoming familiar, and yet which already lived in my memories.</p>
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<p>The building was in a neighborhood in the New York sim that Dry Grass and I had gone to lunch a few days before. An actual neighborhood, too, with cladists grouped up in little knots, talking on the verge or on other stoops. The mood remained tense and anxious, but there were at least a few laughs to be heard. More than there had been before, at least.</p>
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<p>Dry Grass, as it turned out, was already out of the house. Once we stepped inside, Lily looked around, frowning. “Weird taste in art, but okay.”</p>
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<p>“It’s from a few of her cocladists,” Tule explained. “Motes did the paintings, Warmth In Fire did the sculptures.”</p>
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<p>“Oh, hey!” Sedge leaned closer to one of the paintings. “I’ve met Motes through A Finger Pointing. Cute little skunk. Always looks like she’s seven or eight or something. Always covered in paint.”</p>
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@ -95,7 +95,7 @@
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<p>“Go ahead,” they said hoarsely.</p>
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<p>Another thoughtful look, another quitting instance.</p>
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<p>New Marsh let out a groan. “Okay okay okay! This’ll work, but fuck, you guys, hurry!”</p>
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<p>The rest of the clade rushed forward to clasp hands with New Marsh, quitting one by one. By the time Rush got in place, they’d collapsed to their knees and were struggling to breathe.</p>
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<p>The rest of the clade’s forks rushed forward to clasp hands with New Marsh, quitting one by one. By the time Rush got in place, they’d collapsed to their knees and were struggling to breathe.</p>
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<p>“Bed!” they gasped. “Please…ugh, turning off…sensorium…”</p>
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<p>We helped lift them up to get them into the bed, resting them atop the covers.</p>
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<p>They lay there, their eyes still squinted shut and breathing coming in ragged gasps. “Cress first,” they whispered hoarsely, then groaned, expression slackening as they let the merge progress.</p>
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@ -105,20 +105,24 @@
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<p>Nearly an hour and a half later, New Marsh whispered, “Now Reed…”</p>
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<p>Two hours later, they said. “Rush…oh! And Sedge…and Tule!”</p>
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<p>Tule frowned, leaning closer. “What happened?”</p>
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<p>“Reed just merged you all down. The memories were already there.” They laughed. “He already took care of the conflicts for me. Thanks, I guess.”</p>
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<p>“Reed just merged you all down a few days ago. The memories were already there.” They laughed. “He already took care of a lot of the conflicts for me. Thanks, I guess.”</p>
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<p>“Uh…you’re welcome?” I said, then laughed. “Are you all done, then? That was faster than expected.”</p>
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<p>They shook their head, sitting up in the bed slowly. “Memories are in place, but conflicts are still there. Those will probably take a week or two to sort out, but I can at least function now. It feels…weird. I can see what Jonas meant about it feeling like you all live in my head now, but maybe that’ll pass after the conflicts are merged. Hey, can I get a glass of water?”</p>
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<p>While Cress ducked out of the room to fetch them water, we all did our best to relax. I was surprised to see just how much tension I bore in my shoulders, just how tightly my hands had been clenched throughout. “Think you’ll stick around?” I asked.</p>
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<p>They shrugged, then winced at their own apparent soreness, nodding to Cress as it handed over the glass. “I guess for now, yeah. It’s not…uncomfortable, just weird. Like having a strange taste in your mouth or wearing a new shirt or something. The conflicts are kind of itchy, but I’m already working on them a little bit.”</p>
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<p>We talked for a while longer, though descriptions were slim, repetitions of what we’d already heard. It felt weird. It felt itchy. It felt weird. It felt strange. It felt weird. Even having experienced one such merge before, it didn’t wholly make sense, and I was left intensely curious. My experience had been so mild, with only a week’s worth of memories, rather than dozens of years from five different instances.</p>
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<p>We talked for a while longer, though descriptions were slim, repetitions of what we’d already heard. It felt weird. It felt itchy. It felt weird. It felt strange. It felt weird. Even having experienced one such merge before, it didn’t wholly make sense, and I was left intensely curious. My experience had been so mild, with only a week’s worth of memories, rather than dozens of years from five different instances. I had no idea if five hours was good or bad for managing all of that, but we’d always been adept at merging.</p>
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<p>“Hey,” they said at last, once the line of questions had died down. “What do you say about inviting Vos and Pierre over. Maybe they’d like to meet me.”</p>
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<p>I winced. I’d been dreading this moment. I’d intentionally not brought up the subject of Marsh’s partners, lest that dissuade my cocladists. Admonitions rang in my ears, Hanne’s and Dry Grass’s. <em>I’m a bit wary you won’t get what you want,</em> Hanne had said. <em>The potential for pain,</em> Dry Grass had said.</p>
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<p>There was a long silence that followed as we all seemed to digest the ramifications of this.</p>
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<p>“Yeah, I guess,” Sedge said warily. “I don’t know how it’ll go, but yeah.”</p>
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<!-- Note says 'argument' -->
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<p>A few minutes later, we sat staggered on the stairs before the front door, New Marsh sitting up front, waiting. A knock, hesitant, sounded, and Cress called out from beside Tule, “Come in.”</p>
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<p>Vos and Pierre stood frozen, both with their hands raised in a wave, their eyes locked on this new version of their partner, slowly pushing themself to their feet to stand front and center before them.</p>
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<p>“Marsh?” Vos croaked?</p>
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<p>Pierre only darted forward, nearly taking New Marsh down as he collided with them arms cinched firmly around their middle with his face buried against their shoulder, sobbing.</p>
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<p>Pierre only darted forward, nearly taking New Marsh down as he collided with them, arms cinched firmly around their middle with his face buried against their shoulder, sobbing.</p>
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<p>Stunned, New Marsh patted awkwardly at his shoulder before slowly enveloping them in a hug.</p>
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<p>“What…but they…what?”</p>
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<p>“Vos,” I said, standing as well and moving to stand beside the pair. “I want you to meet someone.”</p>
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<p>“One of the changes made in the System during the downtime was to enable cross-tree merging. It hasn’t been announced yet, but Sedge and I were at the meetings, so we, uh…”</p>
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<p>“I’m all of us,” New Marsh said, voice strained from the force of Pierre’s hug. “I’m their entire clade. I’m as much of them as I could manage.”</p>
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<p>Pierre quickly unwound his arms from them, staggering backwards with such hurriedness that he nearly tripped were it not for Vos, there to catch him. “What the fuck…”</p>
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<!-- more? -->
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<p>“All of…” Vos, realizing she was all but out of air, gasped for breath. “All of you? <em>All</em> of you?”</p>
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<p>New Marsh nodded.</p>
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<p>“But…but Marsh…” Pierre whispered.</p>
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<p>They blanched.</p>
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<p>“What did you say to me?”</p>
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<p>Looking over to me nervously, they began to shake.</p>
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<p>“What did you say to me? Tell me,” she said, voice growing louder, higher in pitch, until she was nearly screaming. Pierre quit unceremoniously, and she stomped forward a few paces. “What did you fucking say?! What did you say? What did you say, whoever you are? You said it every fucking year! <em>What did you fucking say?!</em>“</p>
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<p>“What did you say to me? Tell me,” she said, voice growing louder, higher in pitch, until she was nearly screaming. Pierre quit unceremoniously, and she stomped forward a few paces. “What did you fucking say? What did you say? What did you say, whoever you are?! You said it every fucking year! <em>What did you fucking say?!</em>“</p>
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<p>New Marsh quailed at her advance, ducking around to hide behind my arm. I could read the way that Cress moved in them, could see that warring with the need to be understood that I felt in myself, the need for my little bargain to work.</p>
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<p>Vos’s gaze shifted to me. “<em>You,</em>” she growled. “This was <em>your</em> idea, wasn’t it?”</p>
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<p>I swallowed dryly and nodded.</p>
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<p>“”I’ll see you in a few, love”,” she spat, tears coursing down her cheeks. “That’s what they said, you awful piece of shit. “I’ll see you in a few.”“</p>
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<p>“Vos, I–”</p>
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<p>I didn’t get the chance to finish. She had already stepped away.</p>
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<p>About thirty seconds later, a sensorium message hit me with such force, with so much adrenaline, that I slumped over to the side. Regardless of the strength of the message, her words were dangerously calm. <em>“No contact.”</em></p>
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<p>About ten seconds later, a sensorium message hit me with such force, with so much adrenaline, that I slumped over to the side. Regardless of the strength of the message, her words were eerily calm. <em>“No contact.”</em></p>
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<p>It took nearly a minute of silence before the shock wore off enough for New Marsh to creep back into view, carefully helping me to my feet once more. My lip was split with blood trickling down my chin, and my nose felt broken, though it still looked straight. All the same, I forked as soon as I was calm enough to, letting my still bleeding down-tree quit.</p>
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<p>Even hale once more, the memory of pain lingered.</p>
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<p>“I need a fucking drink,” Lily said. She sounded exhausted. “Come on, I know a place.”</p>
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<p>The place turned out to be a coffee shop that seemed to specialize in coffee-inspired cocktails.</p>
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<p>We stepped first to Infinite Café, an enormous sim that allowed any coffee shop on Lagrange to link an entrance. It took the form of an enormous ring looping up over us with what looked to be thousands of mismatched buildings lining its single avenue. A sign before us announced this to be the cocktails district.</p>
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<p>I upped my estimate to tens of thousands.</p>
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<p>We numbly followed Lily as she led us through the incredibly crowded thoroughfare to an unassuming brick building with a glass door. Inside we found a sparklingly white interior, with the bar and tables being looping and curving slabs of marble.</p>
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<p>We numbly followed Lily as she led us through the incredibly crowded thoroughfare to an unassuming brick building with a glass door. Inside we found a sparklingly white interior, with the bar and tables made of looping and curving slabs of marble.</p>
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<p>Pausing just inside the door, shielding our eyes against the brightness of so much white, Rush laughed. “Goddamn, what a look.”</p>
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<p>We sat on the awkward and uncomfortable stools at one of the tall tables huddled in a corner, each nursing our espresso martinis or negronis or Irish coffees.</p>
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<p>“Anubias.”</p>
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<p>We laughed.</p>
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<p>“That was pretty fucked,” Sedge said.</p>
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<p>“Yeah.” Anubias turned their martini by the stem of the glass between their fingers. “We probably should have asked.”</p>
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<p>In an attempt to head off further conversation, I agreed quickly. “We really should have. I’m not sorry that we went through with the merge, but I <em>am</em> sorry that we brought them into it. Vos cut all contact with me. I’m sorry that we thought of this whole thing as rebuilding Marsh. I knew it wouldn’t be that on some level, but…” I trailed off, shrugged.</p>
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<p>I agreed quickly. “We really should have. I’m not sorry that we went through with the merge, but I <em>am</em> sorry that we brought them into it. Vos cut all contact with me. I’m sorry that we thought of this whole thing as rebuilding Marsh. I knew it wouldn’t be that on some level, but…” I trailed off, shrugged.</p>
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<p>Sedge nodded. “I kind of figured it wouldn’t be, too, not after seeing the new Jonas stumbling like that.”</p>
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<p>“Yeah. I’m sorry, all.”</p>
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<p>“Yeah. I’m sorry, you all.”</p>
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<p>Lily shrugged. “We knew what we were getting into, at least mostly. We all agreed.”</p>
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<p>“You seem weirdly relaxed,” I said. “Actually, you seem almost chipper.”</p>
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<p>“I got to watch you get punched in the face,” she said smugly.</p>
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<p>I rolled my eyes.</p>
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<p>“Really, though, I feel a lot…I don’t know. Lighter, maybe? Like I got a lot off my chest in the process. I’ll want to talk with you, Anubias, at some point to keep thinking about this whole Odist thing.”</p>
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<p>“Really, though, I feel a lot…I don’t know. Lighter, maybe? Like I got a lot off my chest in the process. I’ll want to talk with you, Anubias, at some point to keep thinking about this whole Odist thing. Maybe this can be a part of that reconciliation.”</p>
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<p>They nodded. “Sure.”</p>
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<p>“But yeah, even just going through with this felt like a step forward after however many steps backward. It feels like ages since that dinner at your place, Reed.”</p>
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<p>“Yeah.”</p>
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<p>“Start processing, I guess,” I said at last. “Send letters to the LVs, catch up with friends, spend time with loved ones, and start processing whatever the world has become.”</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2023-12-28</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2024-03-29</p>
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