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<p>Ioan half lay, half slouched against the headboard with May draped bonelessly up along eir front. She’d gotten up to make them both coffee to drink in bed, then proceeded to doze off again, using eir chest as a pillow and the rest of em as a mattress.</p>
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<p>Ioan half lay, half slouched against the headboard with May draped bonelessly up along eir front. She’d gotten up to make them both coffee to drink in bed, then proceeded to doze off again, using eir chest as a pillow and the rest of em as a mattress.</p>
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<p>Ey, meanwhile, had made it through most of eir coffee, resting the cup between the skunk’s shoulder blades between sips. It was technically Christmas, and while neither of them cared much for the holiday — Michelle Hadje had been raised Jewish and the Bălans had all but ignored the holiday that so pervaded western culture — that did mean it was the day for the <em>tocană</em> and <em>mămăligă</em> that had become tradition for them. Ey hadn’t learned to cook much prior to uploading — just a few simple dishes for a poor student — and it wasn’t until ey had wound up on the System in eir current sim that ey’d gone back to teach emself all the things ey’d loved growing up.</p>
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<p>Ey, meanwhile, had made it through most of eir coffee, resting the cup between the skunk’s shoulder blades between sips. It was technically Christmas, though neither of them cared much for the holiday. Michelle Hadje had been raised vaguely Jewish and Ioan the particular blend of spiritual humanism that pervaded Eastern Europe at the time, but both had been well-steeped in the broader secular Christian culture of the West. However, that did mean it was the day for the <em>tocană</em> and <em>mămăligă</em> that had become tradition for them. Ey hadn’t learned to cook much prior to uploading — just a few simple dishes for a poor student — and it wasn’t until ey had wound up on the System in eir current sim that ey’d gone back to teach emself all the things ey’d loved growing up.</p>
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<p>It promised to be a lazy sort of day otherwise, which felt necessary. May’s spike of anxiety when ey’d gone out for eir meeting with True Name a few days prior had quickly tapered off, but it had not simply gone away. The days that followed had included a lot of asking em if ey was okay and taking breaks to sit and look out the picture windows, lost in thought.</p>
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<p>It promised to be a lazy sort of day otherwise, which felt necessary. May’s spike of anxiety when ey’d gone out for eir meeting with True Name a few days prior had quickly tapered off, but it had not simply gone away. The days that followed had included a lot of asking em if ey was okay and taking breaks to sit and look out the picture windows, lost in thought.</p>
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<p>Still, last night had been delightful, with the skunk far more relaxed while they cooked — or tried to cook — shitty fast food for each other. After dinner, they moved to the couch with Ioan resting eir head in May’s lap so that she could tease her fingers through eir thick hair while they hummed silly little songs to each other.</p>
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<p>Still, last night had been delightful, with the skunk far more relaxed while they cooked — or tried to cook — shitty fast food for each other. After dinner, they moved to the couch with Ioan resting eir head in May’s lap so that she could tease her fingers through eir thick hair while they hummed silly little songs to each other.</p>
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<p>Today promised to be equally comfortable.</p>
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<p>Today promised to be equally comfortable.</p>
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<p>Ey laughed and shook eir head, leaning forward to ruffle over her ears. It was a much more pleasant response to a note from True Name than ey’d expected. “You’re right, I don’t. I’ll just have to trust you on that. Skunks are so weird.”</p>
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<p>Ey laughed and shook eir head, leaning forward to ruffle over her ears. It was a much more pleasant response to a note from True Name than ey’d expected. “You’re right, I don’t. I’ll just have to trust you on that. Skunks are so weird.”</p>
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<p>The rest of the time, May was out with em, almost always as close as she could be, whether that was tucked in against eir side on the beanbag, hugging around eir middle from behind while ey cooked, or, at one point, requesting that ey sit on the floor outside the bathroom while she showered, just so that she could talk and, in her words, feel eir presence.</p>
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<p>The rest of the time, May was out with em, almost always as close as she could be, whether that was tucked in against eir side on the beanbag, hugging around eir middle from behind while ey cooked, or, at one point, requesting that ey sit on the floor outside the bathroom while she showered, just so that she could talk and, in her words, feel eir presence.</p>
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<p>The mood throughout remained somewhere between anxious and remorseful.</p>
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<p>The mood throughout remained somewhere between anxious and remorseful.</p>
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<p>That evening, True Name requested that they eat dinner out at the lake rather than at home, saying, “I am feeling too cooped up by walls and yet more walls.”</p>
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<p>That evening, True Name requested that they eat dinner out at the lake rather than at home, saying, “I am feeling too cooped up by walls and yet more walls.”</p>
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<p>Ey supposed it made sense, now that she had the competing memories of End Waking and however many personality traits that came with. He had only visited Ioan and May a scant handful of times, and then always out in the yard, always refusing to go indoors.</p>
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<p>Ey supposed it made sense, now that she had the competing memories of End Waking and however many personality traits that came with. He had only visited Ioan and May a scant handful of times, and then always out in the yard, refusing to go indoors.</p>
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<p>So, they packed up a simple dinner of sausages, zucchini, and potatoes to cook and stepped out to the lake.</p>
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<p>So, they packed up a simple dinner of sausages, zucchini, and potatoes to cook and stepped out to the lake.</p>
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<p>The tents were still set up and the second bundle of firewood remained untouched, leaning against one of them, so Ioan and May watched as True Name tiredly built and lit the fire. She left them sitting on one of the logs before it, watching the flames go from fast and loud to something quieter and hotter, while she disappeared up the hill into the forest. She returned some time later with a bundle of arm-length sticks, all nearly as straight as dowels, which she built into a spit on which they could roast the sausages while the potatoes baked near the coals of the fire. It was all done with a practiced ease from hundreds of years of memory.</p>
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<p>The tents were still set up and the second bundle of firewood remained untouched, leaning against one of them, so Ioan and May watched as True Name tiredly built and lit the fire. She left them sitting on one of the logs before it, watching the flames go from fast and loud to something quieter and hotter, while she disappeared up the hill into the forest. She returned some time later with a bundle of arm-length sticks, all nearly as straight as dowels, which she built into a spit on which they could roast the sausages while the potatoes baked near the coals of the fire. It was all done with a practiced ease borne from decades of memory.</p>
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<p>The food was pleasantly smokey and well cooked, though otherwise unseasoned. True Name remarked on this part way through the meal, saying, “If you call the food bland again, May Then My Name, I will call you lame again.”</p>
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<p>The food was pleasantly smokey and well cooked, though otherwise unseasoned. True Name remarked on this part way through the meal, saying, “If you call the food bland again, May Then My Name, I will call you lame again.”</p>
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<p>The humor felt out of place, and certainly went over Ioan’s head, but at least it got May smiling again, something she’d not done in more than a day.</p>
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<p>The humor felt out of place, and certainly went over Ioan’s head, but at least it got May smiling again, something she’d not done in more than a day.</p>
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<p>“I am pleased that you made it through, my dear,” May said. “I will not apologize again, I have done so enough already, but I am pleased all the same.”</p>
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<p>“I am pleased that you made it through, my dear,” May said. “I will not apologize again, I have done so enough already, but I am pleased all the same.”</p>
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<p>“I’m glad, too,” Ioan added, unwilling to let the dinner once more fall into silence. “How are you feeling otherwise?”</p>
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<p>“I’m glad, too,” Ioan added, unwilling to let the dinner once more fall into silence. “How are you feeling otherwise?”</p>
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<p>She shrugged. “Uncomfortable. Fractured. I have spoken to End Waking only a few times since he requested revocation of his access to our secure materials. I knew that he was upset, but not just how, and not to what extent.” She sighed, then added, “And now I am left with that.”</p>
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<p>She shrugged. “Uncomfortable. Fractured. I have spoken to End Waking only a few times since he requested revocation of his access to our secure materials. I knew that he was upset, but not just how, and not to what extent.” She sighed, then added, “And now I am left with that.”</p>
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<p>“Thus ‘fractured’?”</p>
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<p>“Thus ‘fractured’?”</p>
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<p>“Yes. I must admit that much of my time spent while down and out was spent struggling to maintain a sense of myself as True Name. Had I simply accepted everything at face value and incautiously, I think I would have gone mad. As it is, I feel perilously close.”</p>
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<p>“Yes. I must admit that much of my time while down and out was spent struggling to maintain a sense of myself as True Name. Had I simply accepted everything at face value and incautiously, I think I would have gone mad. As it is, I feel perilously close.”</p>
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<p>May sniffled and looked off toward the lake in the deepening evening.</p>
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<p>May sniffled and looked off toward the lake in the deepening evening.</p>
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<p>“I understand what you were trying to do, May Then My Name. I understand why you planned that, how you managed to talk us both into it, and what you hoped to get out of it, but <em>you</em> must understand that what you did was set two existences within me. One was set on goals that I believed in — <em>still</em> believe in — while the other regrets everything that made me me.” The skunk’s voice sounded far more tired than angry, enough to keep May from winding up in tears again, though she did set her food aside. “I do not think that End Waking believed in anything. His life was spent un-believing that which he was, which we were.”</p>
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<p>“I understand what you were trying to do, May Then My Name. I understand why you planned that, how you managed to talk us both into it, and what you hoped to get out of it, but <em>you</em> must understand that what you did was set two existences within me. One was set on goals that I believed in — <em>still</em> believe in — while the other regrets everything that made me me.” The skunk’s voice sounded far more tired than angry, enough to keep May from winding up in tears again, though she did set her food aside. “I do not think that End Waking believed in anything. His life was spent un-believing that which he was, which we were.”</p>
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<p>“What does that leave you, now?”</p>
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<p>“What does that leave you, now?”</p>
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<p>True Name laughed. “It is no less than you deserve, I am sure. But come, once you are able to, let us walk to the rock at the end of the lake. I want to see the stars before we head back.”</p>
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<p>True Name laughed. “It is no less than you deserve, I am sure. But come, once you are able to, let us walk to the rock at the end of the lake. I want to see the stars before we head back.”</p>
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<p>While True Name continued to integrate the merge more and more fully — or, as she put it, became more whatever her new self was meant to be — and she spent less time taken by long silences or the need to go lay down in the quiet for some lingering conflict, her mood nonetheless continued to decline. Those moments of easy conversation came further and further apart, and while the skunk remained as polite as could be, she also bowed out of nearly every topic other than the food, the weather, and only the most surface-level details of how she was feeling. <em>I am not comfortable talking about that now</em> became her constant refrain.</p>
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<p>While True Name continued to integrate the merge more and more fully — or, as she put it, became more whatever her new self was meant to be — and she spent less time taken by long silences or the need to go lay down in the quiet for some lingering conflict, her mood nonetheless continued to decline. Those moments of easy conversation came further and further apart, and while the skunk remained as polite as could be, she also bowed out of nearly every topic other than the food, the weather, and only the most surface-level details of how she was feeling. <em>I am not comfortable talking about that now</em> became her constant refrain.</p>
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<p>Though neither Ioan nor May were necessarily happy for this change, it meant that they <em>had</em> to stop talking about all these dire topics. It forced them to take a step back as well, and at least try to get some work done. Given all that had happened, no one was comfortable with them continuing to perform, least of all A Finger Pointing, so they were removed from the bill for the time being, with either their roles replaced or their shows canceled.</p>
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<p>Though neither Ioan nor May were necessarily happy for this change, it meant that they <em>had</em> to stop talking about all these dire topics. It forced them to take a step back as well, and at least try to get some work done. Given all that had happened, no one was comfortable with them continuing to perform, least of all A Finger Pointing, so they were removed from the bill for the time being, with either their roles replaced or their shows canceled.</p>
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<p>There was still work to be done, of course. May still had her monologue, which she tried taking in a few different directions, some of which worked well and some less so. Ioan coached her in writing as best ey could, talking her down from fits of perfectionism that left her threatening to tear the whole thing up.</p>
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<p>And there was still work to be done. May still had her monologue, which she tried taking in a few different directions, some of which worked well and some less so. Ioan coached her in writing as best ey could, talking her down from fits of perfectionism that left her threatening to tear the whole thing up.</p>
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<p>For eir part, ey still had a few projects on eir plate, not least of which was the upcoming book project that had been requested by Jonas. Ey poked at this every now and then, outlining the events to date and throwing a few thousand words at it here and there.</p>
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<p>For eir part, ey still had a few projects on eir plate, not least of which was the upcoming book project that had been requested by Jonas. Ey poked at this every now and then, outlining the events to date and throwing a few thousand words at it here and there.</p>
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<p>Mostly, though, ey dealt in letters to and from the other members of eir clade. Vast, dramatic events were happening elsewhere — as they always seemed to when an Odist was involved — and ey couldn’t simply put them away to deal with all that was going on at home. The break from dealing with the affairs of True Name and Jonas was a welcome one.</p>
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<p>Mostly, though, ey dealt in letters to and from the other members of eir clade. Vast, dramatic events were happening elsewhere — as they always seemed to when an Odist was involved — and ey couldn’t simply put them away to deal with all that was going on at home. The break from dealing with the affairs of True Name and Jonas was a welcome one.</p>
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<p>The one conversation of note came on the fourth day after the merge, when the skunk asked, “How did you two get together?”</p>
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<p>The one conversation of note came on the fourth day after the merge, when the skunk asked, “How did you two get together?”</p>
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<p>Both Ioan and May had stared at her until she held up her paws.</p>
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<p>Both Ioan and May had stared at her until she held up her paws.</p>
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<p>Ey slouched in eir chair for a moment before reaching out to pet over her ears a few times. “Me either. I don’t know where that conversation came from, and…well, it went alright, but I have no idea what she was asking about, so I kept feeling like I was about to fall in some conversational pit.”</p>
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<p>Ey slouched in eir chair for a moment before reaching out to pet over her ears a few times. “Me either. I don’t know where that conversation came from, and…well, it went alright, but I have no idea what she was asking about, so I kept feeling like I was about to fall in some conversational pit.”</p>
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<p>She lifted her snout enough to bump her nose against eir wrist, then nodded. “It is things like this — the conversation and the thoughts that come with it — that keep me hesitant about any decision to merge down. I do not know if it would help her or kill her.”</p>
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<p>She lifted her snout enough to bump her nose against eir wrist, then nodded. “It is things like this — the conversation and the thoughts that come with it — that keep me hesitant about any decision to merge down. I do not know if it would help her or kill her.”</p>
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<p>“No killing skunks,” ey mumbled, then stood and stretched. “Bit miffed she’s out at the lake, since now I feel like walking, too.”</p>
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<p>“No killing skunks,” ey mumbled, then stood and stretched. “Bit miffed she’s out at the lake, since now I feel like walking, too.”</p>
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<p>“If you were a normal person, we could enjoy perpetual springtime in the yard.”</p>
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<p>“If you were at all a normal person, we could enjoy perpetual springtime in the yard.”</p>
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<p>Ey looked outside, at the scant inch of snow left after the last storm. “It’s not that bad.”</p>
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<p>Ey looked outside, at the scant inch of snow left after the last storm. “It’s not that bad.”</p>
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<p>“It is in all ways bad. It is cold.”</p>
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<p>“It is in all ways bad. It is cold.”</p>
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<p>“Mmhm, still cold. Still, it might be worth making a coffee and bringing it out there to keep the hands warm, if only so I can pace.”</p>
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<p>“Mmhm, still cold. Still, it might be worth making a coffee and bringing it out there to keep the hands warm, if only so I can pace.”</p>
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<p>“Well, alright. It’s no trouble keeping your room, of course, and I guess there’s tents already out there.”</p>
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<p>“Well, alright. It’s no trouble keeping your room, of course, and I guess there’s tents already out there.”</p>
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<p>She nodded, subsiding at the reasonable tone in eir voice. “Yes. Thank you for understanding.”</p>
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<p>She nodded, subsiding at the reasonable tone in eir voice. “Yes. Thank you for understanding.”</p>
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<p>“Is there anything we can do to help?”</p>
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<p>“Is there anything we can do to help?”</p>
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<p>“Can you grant me ACLs to create supplies? There is nothing to hunt.”</p>
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<p>“Can you grant me ACLs to create supplies? There is nothing to hunt and I do not wish to set aside the necessity to eat.”</p>
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<p>“Hunt?” Ey frowned, then shook eir head. “Right, sorry. End Waking always did. You should…there. You should have them now.”</p>
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<p>“Hunt?” Ey frowned, then shook eir head. “Right, sorry. End Waking always did. You should…there. You should have them now.”</p>
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<p>She nodded. Much of her time out there must have been spent cataloguing what she’d need in order to survive, going off of memories that were now hers, as it took her less than ten seconds and a wave of the paw to create an axe, a knife, and two canvas bags ey assumed were full of reasonably stable food and other necessary tools. This was followed by her rapidly forking a few times over, shifting her outfit one article of clothing at a time. It struck a middle-ground between her ordinary conservative dress and End Waking’s ranger garb, one with canvas leggings and a sturdy shirt, over which she wore a leather jerkin with what looked to be a detachable hood. It usually wasn’t worth it to fork just to re-clothe oneself, but she seemed antsy to be away and on her own, not to mention that lingering air of frustration about her.</p>
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<p>She nodded. Much of her time out there must have been spent cataloguing what she’d need in order to survive, going off of memories that were now hers, as it took her less than ten seconds and a wave of the paw to create an axe, a knife, and two canvas bags ey assumed were full of reasonably stable food and other necessary tools. This was followed by her rapidly forking a few times over, shifting her outfit one article of clothing at a time. It struck a middle-ground between her ordinary conservative dress and End Waking’s ranger garb, one with canvas leggings and a sturdy shirt, over which she wore a leather jerkin with what looked to be a detachable hood. It usually wasn’t worth it to fork just to re-clothe oneself, but she seemed antsy to be away and on her own, not to mention that lingering air of frustration about her.</p>
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<p>“Thank you both,” she said, more quietly this time. “Earnestly. It does mean a lot that you have both thought to help so much. I will be in touch.”</p>
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<p>“Thank you both,” she said, more quietly this time. “Earnestly. It does mean a lot that you have both thought to help so much. I will be in touch.”</p>
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<p>“Well, come on, then. Let’s get some food in you and we can take it easy for the night and finish in the morning.”</p>
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<p>“Well, come on, then. Let’s get some food in you and we can take it easy for the night and finish in the morning.”</p>
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<p>May sniffled, shrugged, then smiled weakly to em. “I am pretty sure he thinks he is me, Ioan.”</p>
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<p>May sniffled, shrugged, then smiled weakly to em. “I am pretty sure he thinks he is me, Ioan.”</p>
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<p>Ey blinked as the pieces clicked into place, then slouched back in eir seat, feeling like the breath had been knocked out of em. “Well, huh.”</p>
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<p>Ey blinked as the pieces clicked into place, then slouched back in eir seat, feeling like the breath had been knocked out of em. “Well, huh.”</p>
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<p>“You see now why I was so upset?”</p>
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<p>“You see now why I was so upset?”</p>
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<p>The thoughts wouldn’t quite fit together in eir mind. Two puzzle pieces with no matching edges. “I’m sorry, I’m, uh…” Ey cleared eir throat, suddenly parched. “<em>He’s</em> one of your old relationship forks? With True Name?”</p>
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<p>The thoughts wouldn’t quite fit together in eir mind. Two gears with no matching teeth. “I’m sorry, I’m, uh…” Ey cleared eir throat, suddenly parched. “<em>He’s</em> one of your old relationship forks? With True Name?”</p>
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<p>She shrugged again, sniffled again, looked back down to the table.</p>
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<p>She shrugged again, sniffled again, looked back down to the table.</p>
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<p>“It is at least partly my fault,” True Name said quietly. “One of the earliest individuals I pointed May Then My Name towards was, without either of us realizing, one of Jonas’s instances. He looked and spoke nothing like Jonas Prime, but was starting to get loud on the feeds. May Then My Name forked into a human form that we hoped would be appealing and became quite good friends with him, but I lost track of them both for several years. He stopped posting so much on the feeds, so I had little reason to worry about him, I thought.”</p>
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<p>“It is at least partly my fault,” True Name said quietly. “One of the earliest individuals I pointed May Then My Name towards was, without either of us realizing, one of Jonas’s instances. He looked and spoke nothing like Jonas Prime, but was starting to get loud on the feeds. May Then My Name forked into a human form that we hoped would be appealing and became quite good friends with him, but I lost track of them both for several years. He stopped posting so much on the feeds, so I had little reason to worry about him, I thought.”</p>
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<p>“You must understand, I was a very different person back then,” May mumbled. “This was systime 7 Back before I was…me.”</p>
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<p>“You must understand, I was a very different person back then,” May mumbled. “This was systime 7 Back before I was…me.”</p>
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<p>Ey frowned, but nodded for them to continue.</p>
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<p>Ey frowned, but nodded for them to continue.</p>
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<p>“So, a few decades later,” True Name said. “Secession is in the past, the council is heading towards dissolution, and I am starting to relax. More friends from phys-side uploaded, more furries figured out how to exist within the System as they would like, and I started to meet more people outside work. One of them just happened to be this fantastically well-dressed fox who was just as witty as I felt. We became friends, then we became a bit more.” She shrugged. “That instance of Jonas had…well…”</p>
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<p>“So, a few decades later,” True Name said. “Secession is in the past, the council is heading towards dissolution, and I am starting to relax. More friends from phys-side uploaded, more furries figured out how to exist within the System as they would like, and I started to meet more people outside work. One of them just happened to be this fantastically well-dressed fox who was just as witty as I felt. We became friends, then we became a bit more.” She shrugged. “That instance of Jonas had…well…”</p>
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<p>“Twisted. He twisted my fork into something that neither the me of today nor the me back then would have agreed to.” May said bitterly and wiped at her face. “He turned that version of me into a way of influencing True Name.”</p>
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<p>“Twisted. He twisted my fork into something that neither the me of today nor the me back then would have agreed to,” May said bitterly and wiped at her face. “He turned that version of me into a way of influencing True Name.”</p>
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<p>“Yes. It was a long game. He drifted in and out of my life, over the centuries, and then, shortly before Launch, he showed up again and we began to get close. A few years after Launch, they took me out to dinner and dropped the whole thing on me all at once. I am told they did the same on each of the LVs as well, just with different framing.”</p>
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<p>“Yes. It was a long game. He drifted in and out of my life, over the centuries, and then, shortly before Launch, he showed up again and we began to get close. A few years after Launch, they took me out to dinner and dropped the whole thing on me all at once. I am told they did the same on each of the LVs as well, just with different framing.”</p>
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<p>Eir head was swimming at the flood of information, and when rubbing eir face didn’t work to clear it, ey willed the drunkenness away and waved a glass of ice water into being. “Which I don’t get. Why are you so overwhelmed here and not on the LVs?”</p>
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<p>Eir head was swimming at the flood of information, and when rubbing eir face didn’t work to clear it, ey willed the drunkenness away and waved a glass of ice water into being. “Which I don’t get. Why are you so overwhelmed here and not on the LVs?”</p>
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<p>The skunk twisted her wine glass between her fingers for a few quiet moments. “I have always been focused on continuity and stability. I think that Jonas was as well, enough to go along with the launch project, but once it was done and that continuity was assured, we here on Lagrange let them go their own ways — the Guiding Council on Pollux and the previous status quo on Castor — while he focused on cementing his power. They were safely away with minimal influence here.”</p>
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<p>The skunk twisted her wine glass between her fingers for a few quiet moments. “I have always been focused on continuity and stability. I think that Jonas was as well, enough to go along with the launch project, but once it was done and that continuity was assured, we here on Lagrange let them go their own ways — the Guiding Council on Pollux and the previous status quo on Castor — while he focused on cementing his power. They were safely away with minimal influence here.”</p>
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<p>Still grinning, True Name nodded. “That is quite enough of the topic, yes. I am going to go outside for a bit and then I am going to go to bed.”</p>
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<p>Still grinning, True Name nodded. “That is quite enough of the topic, yes. I am going to go outside for a bit and then I am going to go to bed.”</p>
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<p>She winced. “That bad?”</p>
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<p>She winced. “That bad?”</p>
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<p>“Uncomfortable,” the other skunk corrected. “I do wish perhaps that I had been able to fork or that I had been more cautious with the merge, but if I wanted to remain comfortable, I would have pushed back when you urged me to accept.”</p>
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<p>“Uncomfortable,” the other skunk corrected. “I do wish perhaps that I had been able to fork or that I had been more cautious with the merge, but if I wanted to remain comfortable, I would have pushed back when you urged me to accept.”</p>
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<p>“What about May’s merge would’ve been easier?” Ioan asked.</p>
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<p>“What about May’s merge would’ve been easier?” Ioan asked.</p>
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<p>“Again, easier does not feel like the correct word. It would have been more comfortable. I would have understood the resentment that others feel for me if that was indeed a goal, but it would not be the defining factor of the merge.”</p>
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<p>“Again, easier does not feel like the correct word. It would have been more comfortable. I would have understood the resentment that others feel for me, if that was indeed a goal, but it would not be the defining factor of the merge.”</p>
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<p>“End Waking has mentioned that he defined himself by not being you, yeah.”</p>
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<p>“End Waking has mentioned that he defined himself by not being you, yeah.”</p>
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<p>She nodded. “So I have learned. The self-loathing that falls out of that rests just this side of overwhelming at times. Perhaps that is why it is proving to be such a project to settle into something resembling a singular nature again. I imagine, given that May Then My Name has defined herself through something unique to her rather than some aspect of her relation to me, it would feel strange, but not so uncomfortable. Do correct me if I am wrong, though, my dear.”</p>
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<p>She nodded. “So I have learned. The self-loathing that falls out of that rests just this side of overwhelming at times. Perhaps that is why it is proving to be such a project to settle into something resembling a singular nature again. I imagine, given that May Then My Name has defined herself through something unique to her rather than some aspect of her relation to me, it would feel strange, but not so uncomfortable. Do correct me if I am wrong, though, my dear.”</p>
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<p>May shook her head.</p>
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<p>May shook her head.</p>
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<p>She laughed and nodded to em. “Yes, of course. There is much to think about.”</p>
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<p>She laughed and nodded to em. “Yes, of course. There is much to think about.”</p>
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<p>“What were things like back in 2155?” ey asked.</p>
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<p>“What were things like back in 2155?” ey asked.</p>
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<p>May tilted her head, blinking a cone of silence into place. “When I merged last?”</p>
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<p>May tilted her head, blinking a cone of silence into place. “When I merged last?”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded.</p>
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<p>Ey nodded.</p>
|
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<p>“I had just forked the third time. There had been more relationships, of course, ones that ended before I had the chance, but this was the third time that I had settled into something comfortable enough to let it last. I was crushed and not particularly excited about merging down, but I had not diverged quite as much by then.”</p>
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<p>“I had just forked the third time. There had been more relationships, of course, ones that ended before I had the chance or need, but this was the third time that I had settled into something comfortable enough to let it last. I was crushed and not particularly excited about merging down, but I had not diverged quite as much by then.”</p>
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<p>“Not as much empathy?”</p>
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<p>“Not as much empathy?”</p>
|
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<p>She laughed. “Too much, perhaps. It took a while for me to settle on a comfortable amount.”</p>
|
<p>She laughed. “Too much, perhaps. It took a while for me to settle on a comfortable amount.”</p>
|
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<p>“Too <em>much?</em> How on Earth did that work?”</p>
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<p>“Too <em>much?</em> How on Earth did that work?”</p>
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@ -108,13 +108,13 @@
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<p>She nodded and looked to May.</p>
|
<p>She nodded and looked to May.</p>
|
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<p>“If you are alright working with me through the process, then I am okay with it.”</p>
|
<p>“If you are alright working with me through the process, then I am okay with it.”</p>
|
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<p>“Are you?” Ioan asked.</p>
|
<p>“Are you?” Ioan asked.</p>
|
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<p>True Name smiled lopsidedly. “So long as I can fork beforehand just in case, why the fuck not? I am already not what I was. There is already no going back.”</p>
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<p>True Name smiled lopsidedly. “So long as I can fork beforehand just in case, why the hell not? I am already not what I was. There is already no going back.”</p>
|
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<p>May scoffed and shook her head. “‘So long as you can fork’? Jesus, True Name. Of course you can fucking fork. 108 instances with daily reconciliation, and she asks if she can fork.”</p>
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<p>May scoffed and shook her head. “‘So long as you can fork’? Jesus, True Name. Of course you can fucking fork. 108 instances with daily reconciliation, and she asks if she can fork.”</p>
|
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<p>They laughed.</p>
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<p>They laughed.</p>
|
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<p>“Well,” True Name said, shrugging. “Fuck it.”</p>
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<p>“Well,” True Name said, shrugging. “Fuck it.”</p>
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<p>“It is not okay,” End Waking said, then hastened to add when his cocladist flinched away, “It is what we have to work with, and it is perhaps what the times called for.”</p>
|
<p>“It is not okay,” End Waking said, then hastened to add when his cocladist flinched away, “It is what we have to work with, and it is perhaps what the times called for.”</p>
|
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<p>May nodded, still cowed.</p>
|
<p>May nodded, still cowed.</p>
|
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<p>“I am of two minds,” True Name said. “I remember having loved Debarre. I remember still loving him, and perhaps even I, even True Name, still love him in some roundabout way. However, I am what I am, and that is a being of two minds. That of me which is you, End Waking, loves him, and that of me which is True Name, respects him from a distance, respects his distaste for me, that feeling I engendered to minimize his impact within the council by making it purely emotional, as uncomfortable as it was to do so.”</p>
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<p>“I am of two minds,” True Name said. “I remember having loved Debarre. I remember still loving him, and perhaps even I, even True Name, still love him in some roundabout way. However, I am what I am, and that is a being of two minds. That of me which is you, End Waking, loves him, and that of me which is True Name, respects him from a distance, respects his distaste for me, that feeling I engendered to minimize his impact within the council by making it purely emotional, as uncomfortable as it was to do so.”</p>
|
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<p>“The same as you did with me and Codrin?” Ioan asked. “With the history, I mean.”</p>
|
<p>“The same as you did with me and Codrin?” Ioan asked. “With the History, I mean.”</p>
|
||||||
<p>She nodded. “It was– it felt like a necessity at the time. I am not some cold, unfeeling bitch, it is just that my drive and my abilities, such as they are, outweigh — or at least outweighed — those feelings. I worked to distance myself from them.”</p>
|
<p>She nodded. “It was– it felt like a necessity at the time. I am not some cold, unfeeling bitch, it is just that my drive and my abilities, such as they are, outweigh — or at least outweighed — those feelings. I worked to distance myself from them.”</p>
|
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<p>“I remember so little of that,” May said.</p>
|
<p>“I remember so little of that,” May said.</p>
|
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<p>True Name shrugged. “As you intentionally moved towards feeling, I worked to contain and compartmentalize it within myself after you came into being. I became a being of negative commandments. I lived the ‘shalt not’s while you performed your <em>mitzvot</em> of loving and caring.”</p>
|
<p>True Name shrugged. “As you intentionally moved towards feeling, I worked to contain and compartmentalize it within myself after you came into being. I became a being of negative commandments. I lived the ‘shalt not’s while you performed your <em>mitzvot</em> of loving and caring.”</p>
|
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@ -89,7 +89,7 @@
|
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<p>The three of them stayed like that for nearly five minutes — two skunks kneeling on the bed while ey watched from beside it — before True Name moved again.</p>
|
<p>The three of them stayed like that for nearly five minutes — two skunks kneeling on the bed while ey watched from beside it — before True Name moved again.</p>
|
||||||
<p>“Oh…oh, I cannot…” she whispered, and started to sag over to one side.</p>
|
<p>“Oh…oh, I cannot…” she whispered, and started to sag over to one side.</p>
|
||||||
<p>May shushed her quietly and helped her to lay out on her side before settling down with her. They curled together, still facing each other, nearly snout to snout and still holding paws.</p>
|
<p>May shushed her quietly and helped her to lay out on her side before settling down with her. They curled together, still facing each other, nearly snout to snout and still holding paws.</p>
|
||||||
<p>Ey stood and watched. Then ey sat on the beanbag and watched. Watched and waited, though for what ey didn’t know.</p>
|
<p>Ey stood and watched. Then ey sat on the beanbag and watched. Watched and waited, though ey wasn’t sure what for.</p>
|
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<p>It was more than an hour before May forked beside em, took eir hand, and led em from the room. Neither of the skunks on the bed had moved or made a sound other than May asking True Name if she was okay at one point and the other skunk shaking her head.</p>
|
<p>It was more than an hour before May forked beside em, took eir hand, and led em from the room. Neither of the skunks on the bed had moved or made a sound other than May asking True Name if she was okay at one point and the other skunk shaking her head.</p>
|
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<p>Once the door was shut behind them, May let out a shaky sigh and padded over to the kitchen. “That was very hard.”</p>
|
<p>Once the door was shut behind them, May let out a shaky sigh and padded over to the kitchen. “That was very hard.”</p>
|
||||||
<p>“Why, do you think?” ey asked.</p>
|
<p>“Why, do you think?” ey asked.</p>
|
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|
|
@ -109,7 +109,7 @@
|
||||||
<p>The skunk rolled until her face was nearly pressed against eir belly to let em pet. “I do not know,” she mumbled. “I do not think even she knows.”</p>
|
<p>The skunk rolled until her face was nearly pressed against eir belly to let em pet. “I do not know,” she mumbled. “I do not think even she knows.”</p>
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