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update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2021-07-31 16:15:11 -07:00
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writing/sawtooth/limerent-object/40.html
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<p>I dreamed that Kay and I were back at her senior recital, except that she was sitting next to me in the audience instead of up on stage, and we were watching her works being performed together. We were silent, rapt. The whole audience was rapt. The works were of breathtaking beauty<sup id="fnref:works"><a class="footnote-ref" href="#fn:works">1</a></sup> and when they were finished, the applause was so uproarious that she was not able to make it back up to the stage to take her bow. I tried to help her, but she got separated from me and was drawn off.</p>
<p>She did not seem displeased by this, however when I called after her, I, as in so many other dreams, dreams I&rsquo;m sure we <em>all</em> have, had no voice. I was barely able to manage a whisper, and my muscles grew so weak and my limbs so heavy that I fell over and that&rsquo;s when I woke up.</p>
<p>Powerlessness, separation, falling, these are all common features in dreams, and yet I am pretty firmly in the school of dream interpretation being largely bunk. Sleep is a protective action for the body, and dreaming is just the same for the mind. It is unguided, and serves to provide a break from taxing both our physical and our mental forms.</p>
<p>But we are so hard-wired to read deeper meanings into the mindless mutterings of countless neurons. &ldquo;What does it mean that she was sitting next to me? Does it mean anything in particular that we were separated from each other? Why did I become so weak without her presence?&rdquo; I am Nebuchadnezzar seeking my Daniel, not the other way around. There is no one to interpret my Mene, Tekel, and Peres but myself. </p>
<p>But we are so hard-wired to read deeper meanings into the mindless mutterings of countless neurons. &ldquo;What does it mean that she was sitting next to me? Does it mean anything in particular that we were separated from each other? Why did I become so weak without her presence?&rdquo; I am Nebuchadnezzar seeking my Daniel, not the other way around. There is no one to interpret my mene, tekel, and parsin but myself. </p>
<p>Some part of me craves answers to these questions and so many more, but there are no answers to be had because they are non-questions. They are questions one might ask the sky supposing only that that is where God resides.</p>
<p>The writing on the wall. Hah! Dreaming of someone that you have a crush on means absolutely nothing, and yet it certainly feels like it must mean <em>something.</em> It has left me spinning with so much to think about and a lot to feel whether I want to or not.</p>
<p>I did not dream again last night.</p>

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writing/sawtooth/limerent-object/index.html
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<li class="done2"> <a href="40.html">40</a> &mdash; the dream</li>
<li class="done2"> <a href="60.html">60</a> &mdash; couldn&rsquo;t tell, neurodivergent</li>
<li class="done2"> <a href="50.html">50</a> &mdash; post dream, left on a whim, why?</li>
<li class="done0"> <a href="no-way-1-celibacy.html">Celibacy</a> &mdash; A bit more about that.</li>
<li class="rejected"> <a href="no-way-1-celibacy.html">Celibacy</a> &mdash; A bit more about that.</li>
</ul>
</li>
<li class="done2"> <a href="beats/04-stuck-together.html">Stuck together</a><ul>