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update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2020-04-15 20:05:04 -07:00
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<li class="done0"> Patreon posts for Qoheleth</li>
<li class="done3"> Write a chapter, edit a chapter</li>
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<li class="done0"> Patreon posts for Qoheleth</li>
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<li><a href="2020-04-10.html">2020-04-10</a></li>
<li><a href="2020-04-09.html">2020-04-09</a></li>
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<li><a href="diary/diary.html">Diary</a></li>
<li><a href="stream.html">Stream notes</a></li>
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<li><a href="where-the-dust-comes-from.html">Where the Dust Comes From</a></li>
<li><a href="at-his-whim.html">At His Whim</a></li>
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<blockquote>
<p><em>"All artists search. I search for stories, in this post-self age. What happens when you can no longer call yourself an individual, when you've split your sense of self among several instances? How do you react? Do you withdraw into yourself, become a hermit? Do you expand until you lose all sense of identity? Do you fragment? Do you go about it deliberately, or do you let nature and chance take their course?"</em></p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Carter/001-a.html
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<p>At home, she scavenged a few pieces of salami stacked onto a couple of crackers, enough to keep her empty stomach from complaining through the night, and crumpled onto the couch in the shared living room. She left the lights off so that she wouldn't bother her flatmates. Or so she told herself. In truth, the darkness felt good. She could keep her eyes open and not be greeted with a tablet, a screen, a sim.</p>
<p>She sat long after finishing her snack, listening to her flatmates sleep, the sounds of the road outside, her own breathing. Sat, thinking in the dark of all the administrivia on tomorrow's docket.</p>
<p>Eventually, finding herself at as much of a dead end as she had at work, Carter ambled off to her room, changed from her work clothes into a comfortable pair of lounge pants and a night shirt, and crawled into bed.</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Carter/001-b.html
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<p>She felt sluggish. Craved another cup of coffee even after she'd reached the bottom of the mug she had with her. The thought nagged at her, caught like some spinning shape against the threads of her thought in a way that the rattle and screech of the train couldn't displace. It tugged those threads free, stitch by stitch, until it reached...what?</p>
<p>Until it reached the hem, and then the same thing over again.</p>
<p>"Holy...holy shit. Holy shit." Carter said, startling the elderly lady next to her. She murmured an apology and fished her phone out, thumbing in a quick message to the team.</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Carter/002.html
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<p>Prakash Das from the neurochem team raised his hand, and Avery from statistics and history volunteered. One of the lawyers, Sandra, gave a noncommittal shrug and promised some of her time, saying, "We're on shaky legal ground, I think, but we can probably keep it in check."</p>
<p>"Alright. Let's sync up, you three." Carter smiled toward the rest of the group, "Not leaving you guys behind. One-on-ones and daily standups will continue at the usual times. We'll set another time-box of--" She checked her phone. "Three days, after which we'll reconvene and vote again."</p>
<p>Sanders strolled back toward his workstation, Ramirez's eyes on his back.</p>
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<p>A safe answer. A rote one. A required one. The legal aspect was plain, the ethics clear. If she wanted to learn anything from the doctors treating this RJ or the Troupe, she'd have to file a request, wait for the ethics board, wait again for the lawyers, and even then, even if she succeeded, she would only be able to write a questionnaire for them to fill out.</p>
<p>And yet here, a half hour tube ride away, was a social connection. The very thing she wanted most to understand.</p>
<p>She was distracted, thankfully, by the host inviting them in to eat.</p>
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<p>"So what do you want from us?" Johansson's shoulders sagged, the intensity lessened, permitting emotion. "We miss RJ. It's been a real mess without em. Please, miss-"</p>
<p>"Ramirez. Dr. Carter Ramirez." She hesitated for a moment before continuing. "We're looking for...well, a few of us are looking for social connections between the lost, rather than just simple personality correlations. What can you tell us about RJ in that sense?"</p>
<p>Johansson looked up to his cast, then leaned a little closer to murmur, "O'Niell's, once we're done, then we can talk. I have more to do here, so it may be a while. Please wait up, though."</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Carter/005.html
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<p>Johansson looked down into his beer, then, with a decisive motion, drank most of it in a few smooth gulps, holding up the glass with the last inch left in it, an obvious toast. "To RJ, then."</p>
<p>Carter felt a little silly toasting to someone she'd never met, with a man she'd only just met, with a full glass of cider to his mostly empty ale. It all felt so dramatic, until she remembered who she was toasting with. She raised her glass and clinked its rim to Johansson's.</p>
<p>"To RJ."</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Carter/006.html
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<p>Sanders would have a fit if he knew what she was up to.</p>
<p>Even so, she wasn't quite sure it was only that that drove her to make the stack private. Some hunch. Some shadow lurking behind her.</p>
<p>She needed to be more subtle about this than she had been.</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Carter/007.html
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<p>She hesitated, thumb hovering over the 'send' button. This was reckless, she knew, but the more she thought about the interactions of the lost, the more she was convinced that there was something to the connection. Especially here. Here, where she knew now that patient 0224e8 was RJ, and that aca973d7 was likely this Collin Sasha had mentioned.</p>
<p>And the more sure she was, the worse the letter from admin stung.</p>
<p>She gritted her teeth and hit 'send'.</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Carter/008.html
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<p>Rinsing her mug free of coffee residue --- additional caffeine at the moment being contraindicated --- Carter attempted a laugh. "Right, yeah. I've had sims crash before, but not myself."</p>
<p>The laugh didn't seem to soothe either of her coworkers.</p>
<p>"Well, either way, I'm kinda shaken up. I think...uh," she trailed off, looking at her phone. "Maybe a walk. Yeah, I think maybe a walk."</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Carter/009.html
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<p>Debarre let out a shout and, without a warning, signed out.</p>
<p>Carter followed suit.</p>
<p><em>Fuck.</em></p>
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<p>"Maybe," Caitlin hazarded. "I guess it's nice to meet you. We heard about you from Sasha."</p>
<p>It was Carter's turn to sit up straight. "Sasha! Shit. Sasha's lost now, too. That's why I'm saying don't delve in. Got an idea, though! I need a...oh good, there's one already here! I need the mirror rig."</p>
<p>She was shouting. Didn't know how to do anything but. If she was worried about attracting attention, though, she needn't have: similar hollering echoed down the hallway.</p>
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<article class="content">
<p><span class="tag">writing</span> <span class="tag">fiction</span> <span class="tag">scifi</span> <span class="tag">novel</span> <span class="tag">chapter</span> <span class="tag">post-self</span> <span class="tag">qoheleth</span></p>
<p>TODO</p>
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<article class="content">
<p><span class="tag">writing</span> <span class="tag">fiction</span> <span class="tag">scifi</span> <span class="tag">novel</span> <span class="tag">chapter</span> <span class="tag">post-self</span> <span class="tag">qoheleth</span></p>
<p>TODO</p>
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<article class="content">
<p><span class="tag">writing</span> <span class="tag">fiction</span> <span class="tag">scifi</span> <span class="tag">novel</span> <span class="tag">book</span> <span class="tag">chapter</span> <span class="tag">post-self</span> <span class="tag">qoheleth</span></p>
<p>(Deposition on findings, encounter with DDR bill)</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Ioan/001.html
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<p><em>Besides,</em> ey thought. <em>Maybe it will get the fox to stop using sensorium messages.</em></p>
<p>No luck. Less than thirty seconds later, Ioan received a sensorium ping of acknowledgment, a shiver up eir spine along.</p>
<p>Ey forked and sent the copy of emself, #c1494bf, out to the meeting. Meanwhile, ey'd get some food, perhaps work on eir current project.</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Ioan/002.html
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<p>Ioan nodded, "Thank you. I think I'll head home in a bit and sync up with myself, and start the research plan. Do you have any suggested avenues I should start down?"</p>
<p><em>"Of course."</em> Dear smiled. <em>"As for research, dig a bit more into the Ode clade for now, probably. When I send you updates, maybe those will lead to different topics."</em> The smile turned into a sly grin. <em>"I know you're not a big fan of sensorium messages, but as that's how the clade communicates --- those of us who do, at least --- I regret to say that you'll be getting quite a bit more."</em></p>
<p>Ioan gave eir best polite smile.</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Ioan/003-a.html
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<p>"Of course, Dear." Ioan waved. Ey always felt silly interacting with sensorium messages. Would #tracker think em crazy? "Thanks for the project."</p>
<p>Dear bowed, signed off.</p>
<p>#tracker was, indeed, giving #c1494bf a bemused grin.</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Ioan/003-b.html
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<p>All my best,</p>
<p>Ioan Balan</p>
<p>PS - In engaging with this project, my searches and purchases on the exchange are shaping my reputation quite strangely. #Tracker has received several queries for future projects surrounding both novel forms of encryption and a few requests for historical analyses on speculative fiction. Ey has turned down all of the former and seriously considered all of the latter --- and, ey wishes you to know, places the blame for this solely on your shoulders.</p>
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<p>"How? Guide me how?" ey mumbled down at the paper. "It's all fucking encrypted."</p>
<p>#Tracker looked up, frowned.</p>
<p>Ioan#c1494bf shook eir head and apologized. Perhaps ey <em>should</em> take Dear up on the offer to stay with it and its partner.</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Ioan/003-d.html
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<p><em>"Oh, we're all artists of a sort. Actors, mostly. A few sim designers. One of the other stanzas' lines painted this,"</em> it said, nodding to that unnerving black square. <em>"But yes, we are all quite different. Perhaps you will see some day."</em></p>
<p>Ioan nodded.</p>
<p>Dear's grin had faded to some expression more thoughtful. Thankfully, not as glum. When it spoke, its voice came from some place remote. From some emotion happening elsewhere, to someone else. <em>"Artists, yes, but increasingly few storytellers."</em></p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Ioan/004.html
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<p>The fennec adopted a look of concern. <em>"Don't hit your friends, Ioan."</em></p>
<p>"Ha ha." Ioan rolled eir eyes. "Something's got you in a state today. Tonight. Whatever."</p>
<p><em>"Tonight."</em> Dear's smile softened and it beckoned out toward the prairie. <em>"Come, let's walk. Storm scheduled in an hour, let's catch all of the nice smells."</em></p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Ioan/005.html
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<p>Ioan marveled at the change in Dear, though with this raise in stakes, ey felt some of the same.</p>
<p>The fox's smile was weak as it added, <em>"They have designs. Designs and reasons."</em></p>
<p>Ioan and Dear trudged back to the low block of concrete, a bunker against the storm, as a chill wind swept away the petrichor and brought with it the rain.</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Ioan/006-b.html
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<p><strong>Dear</strong>: I would be surprised if we manage to net all of them. [laughter] But I suppose I feel excited. Not necessarily because I have never met so many of them so much as because it feels like we as a clade have a goal in front of us. Seeing them is secondary to them --- to us --- actually doing something. Accomplishing something.</p>
<p><strong>Ioan</strong>: And what do you hope to get out of it? This gathering?</p>
<p><strong>Dear</strong>: [smiling] A story. Others want answers, and I suppose I do too, but I mostly want a story. I want <em>the</em> story. I want to be the audience and a character. I want to dive into the story and bathe in it. I want a story.</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Ioan/006.html
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<p>"Yeah. Retaining all of those things from the original Michel Hadje, yet following a dispersionista path more in letter than in spirit. Dear called them batty."</p>
<p>"It's called them that to me, too."</p>
<p>"I'm just wondering if it's right," Ioan said, finishing eir wine. "Maybe they are batty. And getting worse."</p>
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<p>An historical document.</p>
<p>A story.</p>
<p>And finally, the day had come. Nearly two weeks after deciphering Qoheleth's last message, but it had finally come. There had been no further communications from the wayward Odist. He seemed patient enough to wait.</p>
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<p>There were a few tag-alongs aside from Ioan, as well. Folks immediately identified as out-clade. A few friends. A few partners, singular and plural. Some who ey suspected were like emself: historians and helpers, here to witness and reecord. The 'catalogers, feelers, and experiencers' Dear had mentioned. One of the conservatives (at Ioan's guess, at least) had even brought a reputation analyst along with him, a slight Asian gentleman who introduced himself as Qián Guōwēi.</p>
<p>It was an interesting move, bringing along someone whose job was that of market analysis to perhaps the strangest family reunion in history. This Guōwēi did not speak much to anyone at all, and few spoke to him in return. It seemed to be some unspoken agreement that the reputation expert remain aloof, somehow above those whose reputations were at stake.</p>
<p>And then it was time. Dear announced that the party would be leaving in five minutes.</p>
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<p>"What just happened?" Ioan whispered to the fox when it came close.</p>
<p><em>"One of the conservatives took a bet."</em></p>
<p>Ioan did not press further.</p>
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<p><em>"We need a way for an individual to end. We also need a way to create new individuals. Qoheleth called it breeding, but it could just as easily be a way of ending one individual and having them live on as another."</em></p>
<p>The others nodded. Silence once more.</p>
<p>Finally, Dear gave a lopsided smile. <em>"Perhaps that's my next project."</em></p>
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<p>There was one more sensorium chat after that, between Ioan#tracker and Dear, Also, The Tree That Was Felled. Ioan thanked Dear profusely for the opportunity and experience. Dear cried and made Ioan promise to come back --- <em>"your wall will miss you"</em> --- to which Ioan readily agreed.</p>
<p>Ey would, ey was sure, but for now, ey needed a bit of distance to sit and think and remember and write. Maybe not remember --- ey couldn't forget. To mix the thoughts around. To understand.</p>
<p>Ey moved out to eir favorite Adirondack chair on the deck with pen and paper. Ey spent a moment thinking back on Dear and Qoheleth, another moment savoring the heft of the pen and the texture of the paper, and then began.</p>
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</blockquote>
<p><em>Dear shrugs, grins, quits. Very lovely fox. Really quite lovely.</em></p>
<p><em>No time to dawdle watching Ioan try and figure out up-tree instances, though. Must be getting ready. Quit this instance, flush the server of extraneous crap to guide Ioan a little more effectively --- yeesh, how old is some of this stuff? Need to re-encrypt a bunch of it anyway --- and maybe get ready for some visitors.</em></p>
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<p><em>Transcript of Ioan Balan and Dear, Also, The Tree That Was Felled speaking at a cafe.</em></p>
<h3>Node: [f6981a0738b43275059c37a9c8b744e42eb91fb9]</h3>
<p>[Encrypted]</p>
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<p>Hebel Qoheleth.</p>
<p>The old name is dead. I have followed it to the letter: I chose death as I must. As we all must.</p>
<p>I am Hebel Qoheleth.</p>
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<p>I just need them <em>invested</em>. I need them fighting, which is easy, and I need them interested, which is hard. I need them invested in the problem before I stand up and clear my throat, and then I might have the authority, in their eyes, to speak, to teach.</p>
<p>I got them fighting by saying That Name, and I've got Dear interested. Lovely Dear.</p>
<p>I just need them all invested.</p>
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<p>It's been two weeks since I pinged Dear --- lovely Dear --- and although it had tried to contact me several times, and pinged countless more, I never responded. I did my part. I called them, got them fighting, got them interested, and I think I got them invested.</p>
<p>That's all I need, is for them to be invested.</p>
<p>Now, hopefully they will come.</p>
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<p>I'm going to shut down all the exits from this room so that there will be less incentive to wander away. Not that I have a whole lot left, mind. I'd probably better increase the size, too, in order to fit everyone comfortably. How much space does each Odist need? How much space does one two-hundred twenty year old mind, copied 100 times over, occupy?</p>
<p>Prefer too large over too small, perhaps. There's a joke to be made about ego here, and yet this meeting is too important for me to make it.</p>
<p>This is going to be fun.</p>
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<p>So close.</p>
<p>Tunnel vision. Blackness.</p>
<p>So close.</p>
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<p>Ey set eir left hand into its cradle. Tilting eir head against the headrest, feeling the comforting touch of cool microfiber and the little twinge of recognition from the NFC controllers, ey nudged the button beneath eir thumb.</p>
<p>The rig went immersive. As RJ delved in, the soft hum of a cooling fan picked up to handle the waste heat of countless computations.</p>
<p>Ey could no longer hear it.</p>
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<p>"I'll see you later, skunk, yeah?"</p>
<p>"Take care of yourself, okay? No working too hard, slaving over a hot rig..."</p>
<p>AwDae laughed and shook eir head. Ey gave the skunk one last squeeze before making eir way back through the crowd toward the alcove, already swiping eir command palette into view to head home.</p>
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<p>Perhaps that was why ey felt so at risk. They all were, of course, but to dissolve one's concept of a body at work, and then come home to warp the very same concept into that of a fox --- no, a finely wrought amalgam of fox and self --- felt perilously close to being lost, sometimes.</p>
<p>Honing and forging, honing and forging. Risk and reward.</p>
<p>Ey slept.</p>
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<p>On the way back to the tube station, ey stopped by a Thai counter and picked up a take-away container of noodles for the night. Ey made it halfway through the container before the rancid belch of station wind suggested ey pack it away before heading down to the platform.</p>
<p>Throughout the ride from Benthal Green to Oxford Circus, RJ's mind continued prowling through the data in Sasha and Debarre's deck. Ey kept mulling over that surreal number of credits. Just how much social currency was bound up within the pseudo currency of the DDR credit system?</p>
<p>Cicero had built himself up into a proper political player.</p>
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<p>Tall, narrow lockers. Blue. Yellow tile floors. Thin tile glued to cool concrete. The scent, the very feel of the place.</p>
<p>AwDae struggled against crashing waves of panic. Struggled to make all of this information fit in eir head. Struggled to make it all fit in with the fact that ey was currently halfway between human and fox. A fennec fox dressed in a suit, laying on the floor of the central corridor of eir old high school.</p>
<p>"The hell?"</p>
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<p>A note, though. Doubly weird. The paper didn't act like a normal vcard. No menu, no ACLs ey could sense. And yet the closer ey looked at the paper, the more the data seemed to unfold, fractally nested and apparently infinitely deep.</p>
<p>Ey blinked, and the moment passed. The note once more contained only tabulated transactions.</p>
<p>Frowning, AwDae refolded the note and stuck it into eir trousers' pocket. A small scrap of the outside world stuck in this elaborate fantasy.</p>
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<p>Riddles. Triply weird.</p>
<p>AwDae felt stupid. Insulted. Trapped for life and still solving riddles. Hopelessness dimmed eir vision.</p>
<p>Ey shook eir head, ears laid flat. "At least it's something."</p>
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<p>Sleep, then.</p>
<p>Sleep, perhaps dreams.</p>
<p>Or perhaps not. Sleep to get away. Sleep for nullity. Sleep for nothingness.</p>
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<p>Did it, though? Did it confirm that? Did that truly follow?</p>
<p>Ey stepped out onto the sidewalk by the flagpole and stared. Shoulders sagged. Tail drooped. There were no answers. No answers.</p>
<p>Nothing for it but to keep looking.</p>
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<p>AwDae trudged on toward home, reaching a paw up to snag a handful of leaves from one of the trees as ey passed, feeling the reluctant snap as they pulled loose from the branches. For all the sim's complexity, school in the spring was pretty far remote from London in the winter.</p>
<p>School. America. Hopelessness. Stasis.</p>
<p><em>"You seem kind of frozen, kind of stuck, in a few ways."</em></p>
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<p>Struggling to bring those two parts of emself into alignment once more, AwDae levered emself up heavily. Ey leaned on eir one paw while the other straightened the fur of eir face, brushing the last aftershocks of that non-sadness away in a careful, calculated gesture. If it was to be like this, then ey would have to carry on. No choice.</p>
<p>Perhaps eir initial reaction has been wrong on the emotional side, but right on the intellectual. Ey would have to at least figure out why. There would be no sharing it, no telling others, no end game other than the knowledge of a task complete.</p>
<p>It was the only thing left here in this null space that had any meaning.</p>
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<p>Was there?</p>
<p>Perhaps getting lost was as simple as layer after layer of redundant fail-safes failing in turn, implants remaining on even after contact was lost with the rig.</p>
<p>AwDae sat on the fence bordering the open space, watching the color of the light duck down through golden and into salmon. Ey realized ey would need to be more deliberate in eir search. If ey was limited to places ey had memories of, ey would have to remember just which places those were.</p>
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<p>Preempting another skip, ey scrambled to open the door of the car and hop out on eir own before it was done for em. With a satisfying thunk, the passenger door of the dusty blue sedan swung shut behind em.</p>
<p><em>Promising,</em> ey thought. <em>Perhaps I just have to be more deliberate about it. I'll get in the car later, follow the drive back home, and maybe it'll park in the driveway as easy as that.</em></p>
<p>Eir claws clacked against the pavement leading to the smoky glass doors. It wasn't overly warm out, but the cool air that breathed out of the clinic was refreshing nevertheless. Something static. Something still. Something known.</p>
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<p>Ey felt it.</p>
<p>Ey reached out and, in one paw, clutched.</p>
<p>And eir fist was full of blanket.</p>
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<p>This was a memory. This was something dredged up from eir own mind. Prisca, eir very own Prisca, was purring against eir face because that's what Prisca must do. She was squirming out of eir grasp because ey knew that, had ey held her like that in the waking world --- and ey had --- that that is what cats do.</p>
<p>Could ey will her to stop? To hold still and be his pillow to cry into? Ey did not know. Eir mind resisted the question. Resisted, because ey did not want that to be the case. Did not want to will eir precious cat to be anything other than she was.</p>
<p>Ey let the cat down so that she could pace to her favorite spot and groom the tears out of eir fur.</p>
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<p>What lives we lead we lead in memory, and the end of memory lies beneath the roots.</p>
<p>Ey could not forget, for memory ends at the teeth of death and is wholly inaccessible to the living, because the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing.</p>
<p>And ey could not cry thus immersed.</p>
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<p>"The only time I know my true name is when I dream," ey spoke through tears. "And may then my name die with me."</p>
<p>Madness grew to a cruel point, pierced bubble of the dream, and then dissolved fox.</p>
<p>Ey dreamed.</p>
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<article class="content">
<p><span class="tag">writing</span> <span class="tag">novel</span> <span class="tag">chapter</span> <span class="tag">fiction</span> <span class="tag">scifi</span> <span class="tag">post-self</span> <span class="tag">qoheleth</span></p>
<p>(Pieces together conspiracy)</p>
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<p>May this be the end of death. Failing that, may the memory of me die and be food for the growth for those who come after.</p>
<p>AwDae</p>
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<article class="content">
<p><span class="tag">writing</span> <span class="tag">novel</span> <span class="tag">chapter</span> <span class="tag">fiction</span> <span class="tag">scifi</span> <span class="tag">post-self</span> <span class="tag">qoheleth</span></p>
<p>(Rescued)</p>
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<p>"Guess now we have another lead," Debarre said.</p>
<p>"Yeah. And if she's a big name researcher, I bet she knows about Cicero, too."</p>
<p>At that, Debarre brightened, and for the first time in weeks, the two spent the rest of the night talking without tears.</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Sasha/002.html
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<p>Then, without ceremony, she teleported away.</p>
<p>There were three small alarm bells, and Sasha found herself back in her home sim. The throwaway had been recycled.</p>
<p><em>"Fuck."</em></p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Sasha/003.html
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<article class="content">
<p><span class="tag">writing</span> <span class="tag">fiction</span> <span class="tag">scifi</span> <span class="tag">novel</span> <span class="tag">chapter</span> <span class="tag">post-self</span> <span class="tag">qoheleth</span></p>
<p>TODO</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Sasha/004.html
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<article class="content">
<p><span class="tag">writing</span> <span class="tag">fiction</span> <span class="tag">scifi</span> <span class="tag">novel</span> <span class="tag">chapter</span> <span class="tag">post-self</span> <span class="tag">qoheleth</span></p>
<p>TODO</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2020-04-15</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/Sasha/005.html
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<article class="content">
<p><span class="tag">writing</span> <span class="tag">fiction</span> <span class="tag">scifi</span> <span class="tag">novel</span> <span class="tag">chapter</span> <span class="tag">book</span> <span class="tag">post-self</span> <span class="tag">qoheleth</span></p>
<p>(Sasha at Cicero's funeral, thoughts on the changes in the lost)</p>
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/index.html
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</ul>
</li>
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<p>Page generated on 2020-04-08 16:11</p>
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writing/sawtooth/a-theory-of-attachment.html
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<p>Aiden was quiet for a few seconds, then he smiled and brushed his cheek against hers in another soft kiss. "Do you think she'd like to have dinner over here?"</p>
<p>"The three of us?"</p>
<p>Aiden smiled and nodded. "The three of us."</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2017-12-10</p>
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writing/sawtooth/acts-of-intent.html
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<p>All that fire in his mind wound up on stone.</p>
<p>All that patch of ice began to thaw.</p>
<p>The coyote was already on his way back to the plaza, can of lubricant on back in his bag and all that unbearable meaning seeping from him as he slipped back into the evening crowd.</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2017-12-16</p>
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writing/sawtooth/aposematism.html
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<p>The mountain lion scowled, but accepted three chips each from Kira and the dog --- some breed with long, golden-colored fur --- before placing the skunk's chips on the square marked <em>The Bled</em> and scooting them one space to the south.</p>
<p>The game continued apace. With each turn Kira and the dog's alliance grew stronger and Avery's frustration more apparent. By the fifth round, when it was possible to form concrete allegiances in the game, it was only natural that Kira and Riley would form one.</p>
<p>They won handily. Kira even got their ornithopter.</p>
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writing/sawtooth/centerpiece.html
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<p>Traces of other scents, other people, other species, other arousals.</p>
<p>Voices, soft applause.</p>
<p>And Aaron's voice, "The Centerpiece is ready."</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2016-12-07</p>
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writing/sawtooth/disapperance.html
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<p>"And you?" Aurora sounds sleepy. "What tipped you off about me?"</p>
<p>I think of all the things I could say---the warmth of her breath, the trail of kisses, the way her nose drew lines through my fur. The way she rested her cheek on her paw, staring out the window. The softness of her form. Her very scent.</p>
<p>We lay together in silence. A comfortable silence. The first in a long time.</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2018-08-04</p>
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writing/sawtooth/every-angel-is-terrifying.html
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@ -263,12 +263,12 @@ Every angel is terrifying.</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>I have found my <em>I</em>.</p>
<p>I fumble the snub-nosed revolver from the waistband of my pants, swing open the loading gate, and, one by one, dump the rounds into my bandaged paw. Acting on serene autonomy, I lock the gun into its case once more, and tip the cartridges out of my paw and into the trash.</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2019-05-21</p>
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writing/sawtooth/fisher.html
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<p>So he sat on the damp stoop and watched the trees across the street.</p>
<p>The drizzle had dried up --- though he hadn't noticed when --- and all that was left was the occasional <em>pat</em> of drop on leaf as some bit of water got too heavy and sought a new home closer to the ground. There was just that gentle sound. Despite the hour, the street was empty of traffic, as though the shoddy weather had chased everyone inside.</p>
<p>"Would that my soul were that calm," he mumbled to the bare street at last and levered himself up creakily, climbing the rest of the stairs to head inside.</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2018-09-11</p>
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writing/sawtooth/happy-lesbians.html
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@ -108,12 +108,12 @@ Winter don't know how long she sat in the car, forehead resting against the stee
<p>(Winter splits time between looking again and gigs)</p>
<hr />
<p>(Two weeks after figuring things out, the lesbians are cute again (as if they ever weren't))</p>
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<li class="done2"> Story: <a href="aposematism.html">Aposematism</a></li>
</ul>
<h2>Rules</h2>
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writing/sawtooth/overclassification.html
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@ -549,12 +549,12 @@ Temperatures have reached -30, stay inside and keep warm."</p>
<p>She checked the clothes dryer, but it was empty, with the clothes she'd lent Amber piled beneath, so she did a load of laundry</p>
<p>She slowly reorganized her life around this Amber-shaped hole, patching together feelings into a new whole.</p>
<p>And the only thing missing was her catalog of folktales.</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2017-09-03</p>
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writing/sawtooth/party/1-2-hostess.html
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<p>"Kitten will make sure to rub both paws, correct?"</p>
<p>"Yes, mistresses." Aaron's voice was muffled, still nuzzling against that paw.</p>
<p>"Good." She grinned, "If kitten does well, He'll be able to move on to tastier treats."</p>
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writing/sawtooth/party/1-3-breeding-pair.html
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<p>He repeated this to himself almost as a mantra as he shuffled back to the den. He felt listless, unanchored, and, in an airy sort of way, upset at himself for not thinking things through before.</p>
<p>Always so difficult to disentangle genuine anxiety from the side effects of being high.</p>
<p>(, tries to go for joan but is rebuffed, left to fawn over erin, turning down others to hold her paws and whisper dirty things, ambiguous whether or not he gets a chance)</p>
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<p><span class="tag">writing</span> <span class="tag">furry</span> <span class="tag">kink</span> <span class="tag">erotica</span> <span class="tag">fiction</span> <span class="tag">sawtooth</span> <span class="tag">party</span> <span class="tag">novel</span> <span class="tag">chapter</span></p>
<p>By the time Aaron had been allowed up along her body far enough to bury his muzzle in the velvety-short fur of her groin, Joan had fallen into a comfortable rhythm with Elise. Using someone more submissive than her as a toy while she remained the pet to her mistress was not something they'd had a chance to try --- or even talk about --- before.</p>
<p>It appeared to be working for the three of them, though. Joan felt the pressure of Elise's dominance as a sort of comforting blanket around her shoulders, and Aaron was quite good at what he did as a submissive: she had been brought to the bring of orgasm a few times before, as Elise spotted the signs, the cat was directed away. For her part, Elise seemed to be relishing being the capricious mistress, instructing Aaron first this way, then admonishing him that way, letting Joan get close and then taking that away. Aaron showed just enough will of his own to make things interesting: whining, pushing his limits, adding a touch of brattiness, but never going too far.</p>
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</ol>
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<p>Page generated on 2020-04-15</p>
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writing/sawtooth/the-fool.html
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<p>I feel unfortunately tall. A rectangle. A lummox. A big, dumb cat.</p>
<p>I also feel understood, appreciated. Welcomed. I return the hug carefully. Then, with her farewell in my ears, take that first step out into the evening air.</p>
<p>And then the next.</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2017-05-08</p>
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writing/sawtooth/what-defines-us.html
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<p>Can you still come up for Christmas?</p>
<p>LYFA</p>
<p>D</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2019-07-01</p>
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writing/sawtooth/youre-gone.html
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<p><em>7:24 PM Markus&gt;</em> So goodbye, Lee.</p>
<p><em>7:24 PM Markus&gt;</em> Sleep well, miss prissy whiskers.</p>
<p><em>7:24 PM Markus&gt;</em> Crazy face, out.</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2018-01-26</p>
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