update from sparkleup

writing/sawtooth/limerent-object/beats/02-meet-cute.html

@@ -39,7 +39,7 @@
 <p>I don&rsquo;t remember if we talked about anything else that day, and there were not any stand-out conversations over the next however many times I saw her in the office, though we soon started talking every time I came by and the few times I saw her in passing both in the library and on campus. At some point, we simply&hellip;became friends. I do not know whether we would have done so without me having acted with the intent to do so. Perhaps we would have. I do not remember thinking about intent-of-friendship much after that first conversation, so perhaps all it took was that opening question.</p>
 <p>We slid effortlessly into a routine of sharing lunches several times a week. I went to a few concerts with her, though she knew far more about the music being played than I and I often felt in over my head as we listened to the instrumentalists and vocalists on stage. I was surprised to find on the first concert that she wore earplugs throughout. I did not find the music to be too loud, some string quartet, perhaps, but she explained to me that it kept her from getting overwhelmed.</p>
 <p>At the end of her time at UI Sawtooth, I had the chance to attend her senior recital, where several other students from the various departments performed a few short compositions of hers. The music was cerebral and, to my ears, dissonant, even dark, but it was as fastidious as her in a way that I cannot explain. I applauded heartily and after the show we hugged and she invited me out to drinks with her family, who all proved quite friendly and much like her. Thinking back, I suspect that must have made quite the sight: four coyotes sitting around a table at a fairly nice restaurant, speaking in essays to expound on whatever thesis has come into their heads.</p>
-<p>Spending time with other autistic folks was not a strange occurrence to me, as I had known a few in university and had as a matter of course of course met several in my training, but for some reason, that night was the first time I could say that I felt comfortable in that portion of my identity. I felt at home with others, and, strange as it seems to say, rather like a member of their family.</p>
+<p>Spending time with others on the spectrum was not a strange occurrence to me, as I had known a few in university and had as a matter of course of course met several in my training, but for some reason, that night was the first time I could say that I felt comfortable in that portion of my identity. I felt at home with others, and, strange as it seems to say, rather like a member of their family.</p>
 <p>My lunch break is nearing its end, out here in the liminal lot, so I should probably hold off from writing any more, but I should note before I do that it <em>is</em> interesting that much of what I describe here in retrospect bespeaks an early attraction that I had not at the time attributed to budding romance or anything so grand. </p>
 <p>Perhaps it was, in the end.</p>
 <hr />
@@ -52,7 +52,7 @@
 <li>My subconscious mind was starting to, as a client put it the other day, catch feelings, and thus the situation I find myself in now has a longer history than expected</li>
 <li>The history behind this current set of emotions has some later starting point and the way in which Kay and I became friends has no bearing on the present other than as an interesting story.</li>
 </ul>
-<p>If the former is the case, then I think it is worth some introspection as to what about our in-person interactions might have drawn me to her romantically. As I mentioned, she was frightfully smart. She was kind. She was not unattractive, either, and as a coyote, certainly someone who ought to have been in the market for me.<sup id="fnref:market"><a class="footnote-ref" href="#fn:market">4</a></sup></p>
+<p>If the former is the case, then I think it is worth some introspection as to what about our in-person interactions might have drawn me to her romantically. As I mentioned, she was frightfully smart. She was kind. She was not unattractive<sup id="fnref:judge"><a class="footnote-ref" href="#fn:judge">4</a></sup>, either, and as a coyote, certainly someone who ought to have been in the market for me.<sup id="fnref:market"><a class="footnote-ref" href="#fn:market">5</a></sup></p>
 <p>If the latter is the case, however, then I have to wonder why it is that such feelings did not form until distance became an issue, for less than a month after that dinner with Kay and her parents, she moved away from UI Sawtooth to prepare for her masters at UI Boise and our communication moved almost entirely to email and PostFast messages. I know that we tried to call once or twice, but neither of us is particularly keen on phones.</p>
 <p>When I speak with my patients struggling with anxiety disorders, one of the exercises that I have them perform after a panic attack is to walk back to when the panic attack started and write down what they were doing and how they were feeling. Once they have done that a few times, they can look for similarities in the reports, and then they can start walking back further from the starting point of the attack in order to discover potential triggers. Knowing those, they can begin working on coping and avoidance mechanisms.</p>
 <p>I know that I am trying to justify to myself my work on this journal so far, but I think that this retrospection is part of what I am doing with the project. I am not sure that I want to cope or avoid these feelings that I&rsquo;m having, necessarily, but I do want to at least better understand when they began, and by understanding the past, better understand the present.</p>
@@ -81,8 +81,11 @@
 <li id="fn:maskingeffort">
 <p>It still does. It is, after all, called emotional labor for a reason.&#160;<a class="footnote-backref" href="#fnref:maskingeffort" title="Jump back to footnote 3 in the text">&#8617;</a></p>
 </li>
+<li id="fn:judge">
+<p>My judgement must be taken with a grain of salt in this matter, given the situation. Do I hedge? Do I undersell?&#160;<a class="footnote-backref" href="#fnref:judge" title="Jump back to footnote 4 in the text">&#8617;</a></p>
+</li>
 <li id="fn:market">
-<p>I know that many of the more liberal bent are increasingly okay with interspecies relationships, but, liberal as I try to be, my upbringing and my time within the church seem to have set me on the straight and narrow path, here.&#160;<a class="footnote-backref" href="#fnref:market" title="Jump back to footnote 4 in the text">&#8617;</a></p>
+<p>I know that many of the more liberal bent are increasingly okay with interspecies relationships, but, liberal as I try to be, my upbringing and my time within the church seem to have set me on the straight and narrow path, here.&#160;<a class="footnote-backref" href="#fnref:market" title="Jump back to footnote 5 in the text">&#8617;</a></p>
 </li>
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