update from sparkleup
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<p>“I was a fucking mess at all times. I cried at the drop of a hat.”</p>
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<p>“You still cry a lot,” ey observed, then laughed when she poked at eir knee.</p>
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<p>“Yes, well. I had attributed it at the time to simply being torn up over no longer being in a relationship. My fork was happy, I was heartbroken. In the end, though, I think that my goals were starting to drift from hers. I was diverging in more fundamental ways than either of us had expected.”</p>
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<p>“And the next time she asked, you just said ‘no’?”</p>
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<p>She nodded. “She asked me to consider it, and then the topic simply never came up again. I think that she was already expecting to write me off after the merge in 2155.”</p>
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<p>“Did she wind up picking up more of your empathy from that merge?”</p>
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<p>She opened her mouth as if to reply, then closed it again, frowning. “I was going to snap at you,” she admitted. “But you bring up a good point. She did not. What emotions she expressed, real or not, came more earnestly to her. She was more able to express empathy, even if it was in a very True Name fashion. She did not accept my merges — or any of those from others in her stanza — as blithely as she did End Waking’s.”</p>
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<p>“I imagine the circumstances were a bit different,” ey said, grinning. “Why were you going to snap at me?”</p>
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<p>“I thought you were going to ask me to merge down.”</p>
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<p>Ey shrugged. “I hadn’t gotten that far in the thought process. Is it something you’re still uncomfortable with?”</p>
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<p>“I do not know, my dear. If you had asked me just then, I would have said no. If you had asked me five minutes before then, I would have said yes.” She patted eir knee, smiling. “But I will endeavor not to snap at you either way. How about you, though?”</p>
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<p>“Much the same, I think. Your answer has me wondering, though, if she was more intentional about a merge like that, it could work. She could have some of your memories of being a loving and emotional person while still respecting your privacy.”</p>
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<p>“And that is why I did not snap at you. It is a good point, my dear. She would not have my memories wholesale, and with what memories and personality traits and whatever else goes along with a merge, she would wind up with a synthesis, rather than a replacement. She would still have all 226 years of being True Name, and all those years of being End Waking, just that she would also have some of me in there.”</p>
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<p>“Is that something you could talk her through?”</p>
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<p>She looked thoughtfully out into the yard, at the faint greening of the lilac branches. “Perhaps, yes. We would have to be very deliberate about it, but it should be possible.”</p>
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<p>Ey nodded, watching the skunk’s gaze drift in and out of focus, the way she would occasionally chew on her lip when thinking. Watched, and thought about what such a synthesis would look like. There wouldn’t be any concrete changes in eir partner, but what would this new restless, unsettled True Name look like with yet more memory heaped onto her? Ey knew ey could never know the whole of May and that ey was biased besides, but she seemed so much more happy and comfortable than her down-tree instance, even before End Waking’s merger. More comfortable, feeling less of a need to dump all of her energy into forward motion. What would that look like with True Name?</p>
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<p>“Do you want to?”</p>
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<p>May started from her own reverie. “Hmm?”</p>
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<p>“Regardless of the mechanics or how comfortable you are with it, is this something you’d even want to do?”</p>
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<p>She nodded readily. “Yes. That is the source of all this stress for me over the last few days. I want to, it is just the reality that is working against me.”</p>
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<p>“Why?”</p>
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<p>“Why do I want to?” She laughed. “Because I like who I am and I do not like who she is, but that does not mean I do not like what she can become. I want her to be happy and to feel love and to slow the fuck down for five minutes. I do not know for sure, but I strongly suspect that these will only ever be good for her.”</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-04-21</p>
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