update from sparkleup
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<p>Ioan awoke, arms empty, asleep on eir front. Ey was not a front-sleeper, so this came with a stiff neck that ey knew would dog em throughout the rest of the day.</p>
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<p>At some point during the night, May had apparently slid as carefully as she could from eir arms, bundled herself up in a second set of covers, and curled up at the far edge of the mattress.</p>
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<p>At some point during the night, May had apparently slid as carefully as she could from eir arms, bundled herself up in a second set of covers, and curled up at the far edge of the mattress, a muffled sniffle showing her to be awake.</p>
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<p>“You okay, May?” ey asked, sitting up beside her.</p>
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<p>She shook her head.</p>
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<p>“Alright. Can I hug?”</p>
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<p>A pause, and then another shake of the head.</p>
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<p>“That’s okay,” ey said, doing eir best to keep disappointment out of eir voice. “I’ll go get some stuff pulled together for while I’m out. Want a cup of coffee?”</p>
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<p>She nodded her head before pulling the covers up and over it.</p>
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<p>She nodded before pulling the covers up and over her head.</p>
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<p>That was probably a good enough sign for em to get up. If the skunk was already to the point of being nonverbal, it wouldn’t do either of them any good to try and keep talking, regardless of how much ey wanted to address her every need.</p>
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<p>Coffee was a good first priority, though, and easily sorted. It was something ey could start and finish with little thought and which had a tangible outcome, a little bit of success rather than some ill-defined end-state.</p>
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<p>While waiting, ey pinged Douglas to let him know what was going on and to request a spot to sleep. After a moment’s hesitation, ey sent End Waking a quick message, as well. Ey received simple acknowledgements from both.</p>
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<p>From there, ey spent an hour queuing up some meals for her, working in a cone of silence. Things that she’d mentioned as comfort foods in the past, all things that ey could cook emself or create in-sim through something acquired on the exchange. Chicken soup, mashed potatoes, more poor-skunk’s-risotto.</p>
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<p>While ey was prepping an stocking the food, another thought occurred to em. It was unlikely, but True Name might need to come back to the house, either to create more goods or to sleep or just to get out of the elements. To keep this from bothering May while she took the time she needed, ey shifted the ACLs of the house to be owner-only, so that those trying to enter would have to specifically request access, then stepped just inside the other bedroom’s door and dug a new entry-point for True Name so that she could go just to the bedroom without entering the rest of the house.</p>
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<p>True Name sent a curt ping of acknowledgement when ey sent the information over via sensorium message.</p>
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<p>Ey tried not to let it rankle. Everything felt so confined and restricted. So much of eir circle of friends was out in the world and so few of them came over with any frequency that to suddenly have even those ey was closest too — romantically in the case of May, and by sheer proximity in the case of True Name — requesting eir absence felt like ey was being cut off from everyone.</p>
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<p>Ey tried not to let it rankle. Everything felt so confined and restricted. So much of eir circle of friends was out in the world and so few of them came over with any frequency that to suddenly have even those ey was closest to — romantically in the case of May, and by friendship and sheer proximity in the case of True Name — requesting eir absence felt like ey was being cut off from everyone.</p>
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<p>“Which isn’t true,” ey mumbled to emself while packing up eir notes. “Security’s one thing, but it’s not like everyone’s inaccessible. Keeping everyone safe doesn’t mean cutting off contact for yourself, Ioan. “</p>
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<p>Ey looked down to eir small stack of notebooks and the three-pen case resting atop it and sighed. “And talking to yourself doesn’t count.”</p>
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<p>With that, ey peeked in the bedroom one last time. May had sat up and was staring dully down into her mug of coffee, blanket worn like a hooded robe. Her cheek-fur already streaked with tears.</p>
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<p>Ey nodded and stepped further into the room, leaning in to get eir arms around the skunk. She didn’t return the gesture, but did at least push her snout up under eir chin momentarily before leaning away. Given the tightness in her face, ey suspected an onslaught of emotion was only just being held at bay.</p>
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<p>“Love you, May. Lots and lots.”</p>
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<p>She managed to sign an I-love-you before pulling the ‘hood’ of blankets down enough to hide her face.</p>
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<p>Knowing she’d only resent em if ey lingered or touched her again, ey clutched eir notebooks to eir chest, waved, and quickly stepped out to the field of dandelions and grass. The light and heat was a shock, and ey stood, swaying, for a moment, simply squinting out to the horizon.</p>
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<p>Knowing she’d only resent em if ey lingered or touched her again, ey clutched eir notebooks to eir chest, waved, and quickly stepped out to the field of dandelions and grass. The light and heat were a shock, and ey stood, swaying, for a moment, simply squinting out to the horizon.</p>
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<p>Ey queued up a message to Douglas and murmured, “I’m here, but going for a walk, first,” before heading away from the house.</p>
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<p>There was nothing out there. No destination. No variance in the rolling hills of well-tended grass and the yellow suns of dandelions. The only break at all in the landscape was Douglas’s house, and ey kept that at eir back.</p>
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<p>As ey walked, ey considered what it meant to overflow. Was it just an Odist thing? Certainly some aspects of it were. The way that Codrin described Dear’s manic forking, each instance left with simply a shard of its personality, felt very Dear. May, End Waking, and True Name’s overflowing all sounded uniquely them, as well, and A Finger Pointing mentioned that hers was different still, though had declined to expand on it.</p>
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<p>But here ey was, feeling like all of the stress of the last day, of the last few weeks had filled em up to overflowing. Presented with the sudden silence and stillness of the field, ey realized just how much ey’d been running on desperation and borrowed time.</p>
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<p>With the slightest break in the pressure, that loan was called due.</p>
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<p>Realizing that ey couldn’t see the subtle rises in the land for the tears in eir eyes, ey simply sat down in the grass and cried. <em>If I am overflowing,</em> some remote part of em thought. <em>Then I can certainly see the appeal to it. Catharsis indeed.</em></p>
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<p>Though there was certainly nothing ey could have done to stop it, ey owned it, simply letting it take its course, hollering curses into the cone of silence ey had the presence of mind to set up, clutching at the grass to keep emself at least somewhat grounded. Ey’d watched a friend (for that’s what True Name was, wasn’t she?) nearly get assassinated in front of em, had dealt with eir partner’s lingering resentment towards her down-tree instance come into conflict with her constant presence, had watched May push True Name to near catatonia after encouraging her to accept a two-centuries-long merge from End Waking. Ey had watched both overflow in the span of a few hours.</p>
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<p>And when ey stopped cycling over the last two weeks ((check timeline)), ey simply cried for the sheer relief it provided.</p>
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<p>When ey’d cried emself out and cleaned emself up, ey finally levered emself up off the ground and trudged back toward the house. The least ey could do was say hi and get another cup of coffee.</p>
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<p>Though there was certainly nothing ey could have done to stop it, ey owned it, simply letting it take its course, hollering curses into the cone of silence ey had the presence of mind to set up, clutching at the grass to keep emself at least somewhat grounded. Ey’d watched a good friend (for that’s what True Name was, wasn’t she?) nearly get assassinated in front of em, had dealt with eir partner’s lingering resentment towards her down-tree instance come into conflict with her constant presence, had watched May push True Name to near catatonia after encouraging her to accept a century and a half’s worth of memories from End Waking. Ey had watched both overflow in the span of a few hours.</p>
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<p>And when ey stopped cycling over the last two weeks, ey simply cried for the sheer relief it provided.</p>
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<p>When ey’d cried emself out and cleaned emself up, ey levered emself up off the ground and trudged back toward the house. The least ey could do was say hi and get another cup of coffee.</p>
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<p>Douglas Hadje was sitting on the stoop of his house, waiting for em.</p>
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<p>“Hey, Douglas. Sorry about that.”</p>
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<p>He stood and offered em a hug, which ey accepted gratefully. “No worries, walks are good too. How’s May?”</p>
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<p>“She’s…well, she’ll get by. I just hope it doesn’t last too long. Thanks for letting me stay.”</p>
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<p>“She’s…well, she’ll get by. I just hope it doesn’t last too long. Thanks for letting me stay. Please tell me you put coffee on.”</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-04-19</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-05-17</p>
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<h1 id="debarre-2350">Debarre — 2350</h1>
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<p>Neither Debarre nor End Waking had visited Michelle’s field in decades, and certainly not since it became Douglas’s. End Waking had last seen it on the day that she had quit in 2306, and had had little reason to return since.</p>
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<p>It had been much longer for Debarre, going clear back into the 2200s, back when Michelle and Sasha were still alive and coherent enough to speak to without getting overwhelmed into silence every few minutes. The memories of her were painful enough as it was, that last visit with her in End Waking’s forest especially, that he’d never had the courage to come back.</p>
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<p>It had been much longer for Debarre, going clear back into the 2200s, back when Michelle and Sasha were still alive and coherent enough to speak to without getting overwhelmed into silence every few minutes. The memories of her were painful enough as it was — that last visit with her in End Waking’s forest especially — that he’d never had the courage to come back.</p>
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<p>Given how much the clade that she’d left behind was struggling, though, it felt fitting to accept when Douglas invited him and End Waking over to talk with Ioan.</p>
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<p>“Ey’s in a funk, and from what ey says, I think you two are the only others that know why,” he had said, paused, then added, “Except maybe those I don’t think any of us want to see.”</p>
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<p>Both of them stood still after arriving, just bathing in — or struggling against — the waves of memory that came with the sudden onslaught of warmth and sun and the baked goods scent of dandelions thick in the air.</p>
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<p>“I’d thought of that, but, uh…” Debarre cleared his through. “Well, actually hearing it put like that casts it in a bit of a different light.”</p>
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<p>“I hope that she does not mind the memories of sex to go along with the resentment,” End Waking said, then laughed when Debarre poked him in the side. “We are all adults here, my dear.”</p>
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<p>“I’m the baby, I think,” Douglas said. “I’m seventy-two.”</p>
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<p>The skunk grinned. “So young! Debarre and I are both over two-hundred sixty. Still, I am pretty sure that we can acknowledge that we can acknowledge the existence of sex, is what I mean.”</p>
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<p>The skunk grinned. “So young! Debarre and I both have two centuries on you. Still, I am pretty sure that we can acknowledge the existence of sex, is what I mean.”</p>
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<p>“And it doesn’t exactly sound like she’s a stranger to that, herself, anyway.”</p>
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<p>End Waking blinked, taken aback. “She actually told you about Zacharias?”</p>
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<p>“Who?”</p>
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<p>End Waking nodded. “She did mention being torn, yes. She wanted to kick her out but also wanted to help her get away from Jonas.”</p>
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<p>“She’s certainly softening on her.”</p>
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<p>“And how’re you taking it?” Debarre asked. Something about Ioan — eir posture, eir face, something — made it seem like this was the question ey was dreading the most.</p>
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<p>There was a long silence before Ioan answered. “It’s really grating on me. I don’t even know why, either. I think it honestly would help True Name in the end if it were just May merging down, but having that be the case with her memories of us together feels like…well, it kind of makes me jealous. Those are our memories that we made together. Our fights and good times, our affection–“</p>
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<p>“Probably most of the memories, there,” End Waking stage-whispered, getting a smirk out of Ioan.</p>
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<p>“Yeah. Our affection and our sex, too, for that matter. Suddenly, True Name has all that. I think it also started grating on me because of how real End Waking’s was. It wouldn’t just be a library for her perusal, but she will have actually lived them. She will have actually–” Ey frowned, as thought digging for the words.</p>
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<p>There was a long silence before Ioan answered. “It’s really getting to me. I don’t even know why, either. I think it honestly would help True Name in the end if it were just May merging down, but having that be the case with her memories of us together feels like…well, it kind of makes me jealous. Those are our memories that we made together. Our fights and good times, our affection–“</p>
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<p>“Probably most of the memories, there,” Debarre stage-whispered, getting a smirk out of Ioan.</p>
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<p>“Yeah. Our affection and our sex, too, for that matter. Suddenly, True Name has all that. I think it also started grating on me because of how real End Waking’s was. It wouldn’t just be a library for her perusal, but she will have actually lived them. She will have actually–” Ey frowned, as though digging for the words.</p>
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<p>“She’ll have actually loved you, maybe?” Debarre guessed.</p>
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<p>Eir features fell and ey sighed. “Yeah. That. Putting it that way makes it feel terrible, but it’s exactly that.”</p>
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<p>“I was pulling back when she and Zacharias were getting close,” End Waking said,sounding thoughtful. “And I have been her. We were both Michelle. I know that she is capable of experiencing romantic feelings. They will not be alien to her.”</p>
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<p>“And now she’s been you,” Debarre added. “And you’ve got romantic feelings, too. At least, I hope so.”</p>
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<p>“I was pulling back when she and Zacharias were getting close,” End Waking said, sounding thoughtful. “And I have been her. We were both Michelle. I know that she is capable of experiencing romantic feelings. They will not be alien to her.”</p>
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<p>“And now she’s been <em>you,</em>” Debarre added. “And you’ve got romantic feelings, too. At least, I hope so.”</p>
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<p>End Waking pushed him over onto the ground. “If you imply that I do not have romantic feelings for you again, I will make you hunt our meals for a week.”</p>
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<p>He laughed. “Love you too, E.W.”</p>
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<p>“What I am saying, though, is that it will not be alien to her. She will have experienced love for others, and the loss of that love. She will have experienced love for others through another’s memories and experiences, even. You can trust her to integrate that, I believe.”</p>
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<p>Ey shrugged. “I suppose, but no need to pile on her or anything, I think she’s beating herself up over it worse than any of us could do.”</p>
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<p>Douglas nodded. “Well, that bit I believe. Think that contributed to her overflowing?”</p>
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<p>“Almost certainly, yeah. Correct me if I’m wrong, End Waking, but while I don’t think it’s solely tied to external events, they can have an effect on it.”</p>
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<p>The skunk nodded. He’d started panting in the heat of the sun, so it took him a moment to reply. “It just comes over us like a wave. Some of us more quickly than others. It is slower for me than for either of them, I believe.”</p>
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<p>The skunk nodded. He’d started panting in the heat of the sun, so it took him a moment to reply. “It just comes over us like a wave. Some of us more quickly than others. It is slower in onset for me than for either of them, I believe.”</p>
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<p>Debarre chimed in. “I usually have a few days warning. I’ve gotten mine already and was planning on heading out today, but we both wanted to come, anyway.”</p>
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<p>“Is it hard for you?”</p>
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<p>End Waking held up a paw. “I want to respect Debarre’s decision to share or not, but I would prefer not to be here for this conversation.”</p>
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<p>“Yes. You are not disallowed. We simply have our own, separate conversations about that, and it is important to me that Debarre feel comfortable talking about me with his friends, too. I cannot be the only one in his life.”</p>
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<p>“Alright, makes sense. May’s said similar, for that matter.” Ey toyed with the flower ey’d plucked before, saying, “We actually talked about other relationships shortly before this all went down, about how she’d act if she started to fall for someone else and how she’d feel if I did. One thing we didn’t talk about was someone else having feelings for either of us, whether or not they’d come about them on their own or through a merger.”</p>
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<p>“I’m sure there’s shitloads of people in love with May Then My Name,” Debarre said, laughing. “But she’s good at having that conversation, and you’re both good at talking, so.”</p>
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<p>“Too good, perhaps.” End Waking stood. “I am overheating and feeling restless, so I am going to return to the forest. Ioan, I do wish you the best, and I would like you to keep in touch as you are able. I am concerned about your partner and for True Name, in my own way. Please keep yourself safe so that you can keep the both of them safe in turn.”</p>
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<p>“Too good, perhaps.” End Waking stood. “I am overheating and feeling restless, so I am going to return to the forest. Ioan, I do wish you the best, and I would like you to keep in touch as you are able. I am concerned about your partner, as well as for True Name, in my own way. Please keep yourself safe so that you can keep the both of them safe in turn.”</p>
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<p>Ioan nodded and stood as well to bow to the skunk. “Thanks. It really does mean a lot. I’ll keep you in the loop, if nothing else.”</p>
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<p>After returning the bow, End Waking held out a paw to Debarre. “Can you return with me? Just for a few minutes.”</p>
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<p>He nodded and accepted that paw. He had a feeling he knew what was coming, so even just the touch as they stepped away from the sim was worth it.</p>
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</article>
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<footer>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-04-19</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2022-05-17</p>
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