date: 2019-09-25 weight: 4
Do you enjoy vanilla sex, then?
Perhaps. I suppose I must. So much of what I did for so long, online and off, was vanilla. Even now, much of it is.
Yet “sneps are for abusing”.
Yes.
Why?
I enjoy vanilla sex. It feels good. All this kink, though, helps me grow. It’s exposure therapy.
It was exposure therapy when a TS partner on Taps laughed in my face as he raped me and left me to clean myself up. It is exposure therapy because I can say no, because I can enjoy being tied up now.
It was exposure therapy when I was ordered to describe what I wanted in lurid detail. It’s exposure therapy because I can talk about sex now.
It was exposure therapy when I entered into a few master/pet relationships. It’s exposure therapy because at some point I was able to handle a power-dynamic in my relationships.
It was exposure therapy when I spent scene after scene toying with fertility. It’s exposure therapy because at some point I was able to deal with the idea of not being cis, of motherhood being unattainable.
It was exposure therapy when I made my character a pudgy nerd and still able to engage with her sexually. It’s exposure therapy because I’ve been able to come to terms with my body.
It’s exposure therapy because at some point, you started enjoying sex — or at least enjoying it more — and the thought of sharing that with someone.
Yes.