diary livejournal fossils
Woke up early, ‘cause I thought Kory was coming over, but he got delayed and didn’t make it over until 2ish. We futzed around with Sibelius for a while, though we didn’t get it to register on his computer. I didn’t realize until I found myself lying next to him on the floor, showing him how to work my ebook, that the crush I’ve had on him for a year and a half has diminished greatly, to the point where I think of him as a nice looking friend. This bothered me for much of the rest of the day
Facets. Done. Enough said.
Coffee. Been getting some mixed signals from Michael regarding how close we are. Need to talk to him about that, but when it occurred to me, he’d gone off to sit by himself. Also, want to talk a little about closure. I don’t feel like we really had much with how the relationship ended. I guess those are kinda related, ‘cause I’m not sure how to act around him. Anyway, that’s for Michael and I. Talked with Samir when said lunaecanis left, told him he was pretty, and immediately regretted it. Not because he isn’t, but because I feel like so much that I say comes loaded with obligation, mostly societal, that I’m not really comfortable with. Talked with him more just now online about how I couldn’t possibly be the Son of God/Fount of Love/person I had previously hoped to be, and how that has affected my relationships.
If I fucked up writing that, ask me. You’re worried? Frankly, yeah. Where’ve you been? Eating your hormones, why? Pbbth. Screw you. It’s time to turn my headphones up too loud, turn out the lights, and meditate myself into a religious ecstasy. Haha. Good luck.</em