76 lines
3.1 KiB
HTML
76 lines
3.1 KiB
HTML
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<title>Zk | 021</title>
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<h1>Zk | 021</h1>
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<p>date: 2019-09-10
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weight: 21</p>
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<p>When you started this project, several people asked if you were okay.</p>
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<p>Yes.</p>
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<p>Were you?</p>
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<p>I think so. I was swinging up toward hypomania, and plowing heedlessly through nostalgia. Some of it was good, some of it was bad, but I don't think that had much bearing on me starting the project.</p>
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<p>Robin asked if you were okay. "I just want to make sure," she said once. "You asked me to check in on you if you ever started talking about geese."</p>
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<p>Perhaps this has a similar feel to it. A similar scent of ritual, a similar flavor of mysticism, a similar sense of some other reality vignetting my vision.</p>
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<p>lorxus asked if you were okay. "People normally write memoirs at the ends of their lives."</p>
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<p>Life is a series of beginnings and endings dovetailed messily together.</p>
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<p>There is a final ending, though.</p>
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<p>I don't think I'm near that, despite what passive ideation might tell me. I'm not writing some drawn out farewell.</p>
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<p>So, why are we talking, you and I? Where is this going?</p>
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<p>We're talking because this project, self indulgent as it is, is leading me to confront and process a lot of different things, which I'd call a net positive. We're talking because how can I know what I think until I say --- or write --- it? We're talking because I've got a lot on my mind.</p>
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<p>This is going nowhere.</p>
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<p>I don't know whether to be proud or insulted by that.</p>
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<p>Can you feel either?</p>
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<p>Not my department. The metaphor is still useful.</p>
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<p>Well, fair enough. I didn't mean that idiom, anyway. This is going nowhere because it's a project that needn't have a direction.</p>
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<p>It's not a directed thing.</p>
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<p>It is a river.</p>
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<p>It is the movement of the tides.</p>
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<p>It's guided only by gravity and the lay of the land.</p>
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<p>It is its own <em>musica universalis</em>.</p>
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<p>It's a conversation.</p>
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<p>Conversations have direction.</p>
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<p>Not all of them.</p>
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<p>It's one of those late-night conversations that go where they will, in which sometimes very little is said.</p>
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<p>It is not a minded thing. It has no autonomy and yet has no guiding force. No sapient guiding force, at least.</p>
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<p>It is a way. It is a path, and yet the path is not the walker.</p>
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<p>This is going nowhere.</p>
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<p>Maybe, but maybe that's the point.</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2020-04-24</p>
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