zk_html/writing/post-self/neviim/local/codrin/004.html

118 lines
16 KiB
HTML

<!doctype html>
<html>
<head>
<title>Zk | 004</title>
<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="/style.css" />
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width" />
<meta charset="utf-8" />
</head>
<body>
<main>
<header>
<h1>Zk | 004</h1>
</header>
<article class="content">
<h1 id="codrin-balan-2346">Codrin Bălan &mdash; 2346</h1>
<blockquote>
<p><em>Convergence T-minus 21 days, 21 hours, 23 minutes</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Codrin was not sure what ey expected out of a dinner in the middle of a clearing beneath the stars, but ey found emself quite taken with it. A round table had been set up atop the hill on which ey had interviewed Tycho so many years ago, along with six chairs evenly spaced around it. The whole table was lit by a single candle burning in the center and the starlight from above.</p>
<p>True Name greeted eir party of three with a bow when they entered the sim. &ldquo;Mx. Bălan, Dear, wonderful to see you two again. Ms. Genet, a pleasure to meet you.&rdquo;</p>
<p>The three bowed politely in turn. </p>
<p>&ldquo;Nice to meet you too, The Only Time I Know My True Name Is When I Dream,&rdquo; Sarah said.</p>
<p>&ldquo;Please, just True Name is fine, but welcome all the same. Shall we?&rdquo;</p>
<p><em>&ldquo;Please.&rdquo;</em> Dear sounded its usual self, Codrin was pleased to note. No sourness or anger colored its tone. While the dark was pleasant, ey wished for at least light enough to see Dear&rsquo;s expression. As far as ey knew, the fox hadn&rsquo;t seen the skunk in two decades, not since their Death Day party. Certainly not since the <em>History</em> had come out.</p>
<p>At the table, introductions were made. Tycho remained as nervous as he had before, but ey was happy to see that he had at least gotten some sleep at some point, and none of the exhaustion that had gnawed at him last they spoke was evident.</p>
<p>Why Ask Questions looked much as the Odists that resembled Michelle did, though far happier and more ebullient than any Codrin had met. She was, as Codrin#Pollux had described her two decades previous, perilously friendly, comfortably casual, and a shithead. Ey liked her immensely. &ldquo;Delighted to meet you all. Codrin, nice to meet you face to face on this LV. And Dear, how long has it been?&rdquo;</p>
<p>The fox grinned, nodded its head to her. <em>&ldquo;I believe nigh on sixty years. You are looking well.&rdquo;</em></p>
<p>&ldquo;As are you! Your other partner did not wish to join us?&rdquo;</p>
<p>In the light of the candle, Codrin watched as the fox&rsquo;s grin faltered, and ey suspected that it was taking it a good amount of energy to maintain a pleasant façade for dinner. <em>&ldquo;They were not able to make it, no, but they send their best.&rdquo;</em></p>
<p>They had not. The discussion veered perilously close to an argument when Dear stated that it would be joining Codrin.</p>
<p>&ldquo;Dear, you&rsquo;ve had nothing positive to say about True Name basically ever. Why the hell are you going to this?&rdquo; they had asked toward the end.</p>
<p><em>&ldquo;Because I want to learn more if I can.&rdquo;</em> It had paused, then added quietly, <em>&ldquo;And because Codrin is going and I want to be by eir side, if only as a fork.&rdquo;</em></p>
<p>Their partner had wilted and nodded. &ldquo;That, at least I can understand. I love you both, is all, and I&rsquo;m not comfortable with either True Name or her up-tree instance. I want you to be careful, but I suppose you&rsquo;re right. Having the two of you there makes me feel a little better than it being just Codrin.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ey shook away the lingering rumination and gratefully accepted a glass of wine that Dear offered. The skunk had been pouring one for everyone, and ey supposed that wine might help make the evening flow more smoothly.</p>
<p>Once everyone had received their glass, she raised hers and said, &ldquo;To Artemis.&rdquo;</p>
<p>They all raised their glasses in a toast, Dear adding, <em>&ldquo;To exciting times.&rdquo;</em></p>
<p>Why Ask Questions laughed. &ldquo;How do you imagine user11824 will take all of this?&rdquo;</p>
<p><em>&ldquo;Horribly, of course. When do you plan on releasing the news?&rdquo;</em></p>
<p>&ldquo;Tomorrow,&rdquo; True Name answered. &ldquo;We will release a priority alert into the perisystem feeds. Answers Will Not Help is working on that now, I believe. I trust that none of you have told anyone else?&rdquo;</p>
<p>Sarah and Tycho shook their heads.</p>
<p>&ldquo;Just my partners and Ioan,&rdquo; Codrin said.</p>
<p>True Name frowned and there was a brief pause as, ey assumed, she sent off a sensorium message to another of her instances. &ldquo;Do you think that Ioan will tell anyone?&rdquo;</p>
<p>Codrin shrugged. &ldquo;I didn&rsquo;t tell em to, but I didn&rsquo;t tell em not to, either. I imagine ey&rsquo;ll tell May Then My Name.&rdquo;</p>
<p>The skunk sat silent, looking down to her glass of wine. Ey couldn&rsquo;t quite read the emotions on her face in the flickering of the candlelight, but given eir previous conversation about True Name losing her up-tree instance to hatred, ey could guess that there was at least some anxiety behind that silence.</p>
<p>Eventually, she asked, &ldquo;When did you send the message? Was it eyes only?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;It was, yeah. I sent it about noon. Why do you ask?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;I would like to prepare my clade back on the System to either discuss this with em or to prepare for the possibility that ey will tell others. Five hours is not too long, though. As long as ey has not published anything to the perisystem feeds, of course.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ey frowned. &ldquo;Should I not have?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Oh, no, you were perfectly welcome to, Mx. Bălan. While I do wish that you had informed me before doing so, I understand your reasons.&rdquo; Her expression brightened. &ldquo;But come, let us not talk about such at table. How are you all feeling about the upcoming adventure?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Scared,&rdquo; Tycho said with a nervous laugh. &ldquo;Excited, but also scared. I worry that I caused a huge problem. I know you promised me that what I did was okay, but all the same, I worry.&rdquo;</p>
<p>True Name nodded. &ldquo;I understand. I harbor my own fears. We have to rely on the fact that all of the tests of the DMZ passed and that there really is no way for the border to be crossed. May Then My Name tested it quite thoroughly.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Yeah, if you say so. From what Tycho#Artemis sent me, it sounds like it&rsquo;ll be a trade, too.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;A trade,&rdquo; Sarah said thoughtfully. &ldquo;Why, do you think?&rdquo;</p>
<p>Why Ask Questions laughed. &ldquo;No clue. My personal guess is that it is a hedge, that they are wanting to meet on both vehicles so that we can see what their lives are like while they see what ours are like, but also it gives them a chance ensure that we still meet on territory that they control, just in case we decide to murder all of them when they arrive.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Is that something we&rsquo;re worried about, too?&rdquo; Tycho asked.</p>
<p>&ldquo;It was Tycho#Artemis that brought it up the first place,&rdquo; True Name said.</p>
<p>He blinked, then shook his head. &ldquo;I&rsquo;ve only heard from him via sensorium message. He hasn&rsquo;t merged back down yet.&rdquo;</p>
<p><em>&ldquo;I will never understand taskers,&rdquo;</em> Dear said, giggling. <em>&ldquo;With apologies to present company, of course.&rdquo;</em></p>
<p>Tycho looked nonplussed.</p>
<p>Codrin grinned. &ldquo;Dear&rsquo;s an instance artist. Its entire existence is built around forking. If it did not fork, I&rsquo;m sure it&rsquo;d explode.&rdquo;</p>
<p><em>&ldquo;I would, yes, and you lot would have to clean it up.&rdquo;</em></p>
<p>Everyone around the table laughed.</p>
<p>True Name began to turn her gaze on Sarah, but Tycho interrupted her before she could speak. &ldquo;How sure are we that this is real?&rdquo;</p>
<p>Silence, minus a pop from the candle flame in the center of the table. Codrin realized ey was holding eir breath. True Name&rsquo;s gaze bore down on Tycho with such intensity that the astronomer shied away from her.</p>
<p>&ldquo;I&hellip;sorry.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Please expand on that, Dr. Brahe.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;I just mean&hellip;how sure are we that this signal is real? How sure are we that it&rsquo;s coming from the Dreamer Module and thus outside of Castor?&rdquo; He shrugged, still looking cowed. &ldquo;I&rsquo;ve been worried about the whole thing since it showed up, but the more I think about how long we&rsquo;ve been going and all the risks involved, what&rsquo;s the probability that it&rsquo;s just us dreaming that there are aliens out there?&rdquo;</p>
<p>The silence fell once more, and Codrin imagined True Name and Why Ask Questions both sending off rapid-fire sensorium messages.</p>
<p>&ldquo;It is not zero,&rdquo; True Name said after nearly a minute. &ldquo;Low, yes, but it is not zero.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Does that&ndash;&ldquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;There will be time, Dr. Brahe. Please do not worry. The best and brightest are working on this.&rdquo; She raised her glass, and in the meager light, Codrin could see that confident smile return. &ldquo;Yourself included.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Tycho nodded, lifting his wine glass an inch or so off the table in a token response to the toast.</p>
<p>&ldquo;How about you, Ms. Genet?&rdquo; The skunk asked. She had, Codrin realized, read the silence as well as em, finding the perfect moment to guide the conversation back on track. &ldquo;Assuming that they are indeed real, how do you feel about our guests?&rdquo;</p>
<p>She set her wine glass down, looking up to the stars. &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t know if &lsquo;curious&rsquo; is an emotion, but that&rsquo;s at the forefront of my mind. I&rsquo;m not feeling anxious or scared, and I guess I&rsquo;m a little excited, but more than that I&rsquo;m just feeling curious about the whole venture. Will they look like us or will they look like, uh&hellip;Douglas, was it? Douglas Hadje? If we&rsquo;re to go visit them on Artemis, too, what will we look like? How will we talk? How will we empathize with each other?&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;You are a psychologist, yes?&rdquo;</p>
<p>She nodded. &ldquo;Yes. I think that&rsquo;s why I&rsquo;m so fixated on trying to learn as much as I can. I&rsquo;m curious about what makes them <em>them</em>.&rdquo;</p>
<p>True Name smiled brightly and nodded. &ldquo;As am I. I am glad that you decided to join us on this. I think that having the perspective of someone both interested in and experienced with those aspects will prove eminently useful.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;Glad you&rsquo;re having me along.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&ldquo;And Codrin? How are you feeling about this?&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ey sat up straighter and thought for a moment. Ey was feeling quite a lot. Ey was feeling jerked around. Ey was feeling all too passive. Ey was excited. Ey was scared. Ey was still trying to process Tycho&rsquo;s question, wondering how ey would reply without thinking only of the implication that the Artemisians might be an artifact of the System going haywire.</p>
<p>Ey was incredibly happy that Dear had decided to join em at dinner.</p>
<p>Not all of those felt like things that ey could share, so ey instead settled for a safer answer. &ldquo;I&rsquo;m feeling excited and nervous both. I&rsquo;m excited because this is another unprecedented thing that I get the chance to see, and I&rsquo;m nervous because that very unprecedented nature means that I have no foreknowledge to lean on. I&rsquo;ll be working in the dark as the&hellip;what did they call it? Recorder?&rdquo;</p>
<p>Dear reached over and took one of eir hands in its paw. <em>&ldquo;You have lived through several unprecedented events, my dear. How does this one differ?&rdquo;</em></p>
<p>Ey fiddled with eir wine glass in eir free hand as ey thought. &ldquo;I think because I don&rsquo;t have a frame of reference for what to expect. Launch was exciting and unprecedented, but I also knew that life would continue on in many of the same ways that it had before afterwards. Winding up in a relationship was new and unprecedented, but I can still comprehend my partners as people.&rdquo;</p>
<p><em>&ldquo;Fox people.&rdquo;</em></p>
<p>Ey grinned. &ldquo;That too, yeah.&rdquo;</p>
<p>True Name raised her glass. &ldquo;I will drink to that, Mx. Bălan. I will admit to feeling some of the same trepidation around not having a frame of reference. We are limited to a few letters and a language primer as yet. I do not know what to expect, and that is, as I am sure you can imagine, a somewhat frightening idea for someone such as me.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Ey raised eir glass and smiled warily, returning the subtle squeeze that Dear gave eir hand. Ey was thankful for the dim light of the candle, which let em make out the features of the two Odists sitting across from em, but not a whole lot more; ey could only hope that the same was true for them. It was enough to make out True Name&rsquo;s charismatic confidence, if nothing else. Ey could certainly see what the skunk was doing, deftly avoiding the question of reality, keeping the conversation flowing smoothly, guiding and steering.</p>
<p>&ldquo;And you, Dear?&rdquo; Why Ask Questions asked. &ldquo;I know that you are not joining us, but I am interested in your thoughts all the same.&rdquo;</p>
<p>The fox retrieved its paw from Codrin&rsquo;s hand, choosing instead to wave it up at the sky. <em>&ldquo;This is the first time that I have been to this sim. It is yours, is it not, Dr. Brahe?&rdquo;</em></p>
<p>The astronomer nodded.</p>
<p><em>&ldquo;It is truly a delightful place. I have stars in the sim where my partners and I live, but they are the familiar constellations that we remember from our time on Earth, though certainly more stars than I ever saw in the Central Corridor&rdquo;</em></p>
<p>&ldquo;<em>We</em> ever saw,&rdquo; True Name added, laughing. &ldquo;We got the moon, a few planets, and the brighter constellations.&rdquo;</p>
<p><em>&ldquo;Yes,&rdquo;</em> Dear said with a hint of a bow. <em>&ldquo;This, however, is incredible. We are seeing the stars as if there were a glass dome over our heads. They do not twinkle. The constellations are not quite as I remember them. They feel older, somehow. We are sitting beneath the universe, it feels, and above us lies eternity.</em></p>
<p><em>&ldquo;You must forgive me for monologuing, it is an old habit, but when I think about what is happening, when I hear about Artemisians and emissaries, I feel every minute of that eternity. I feel every molecule of that universe. You ask how I feel, and I would say that I feel small. Insignificant, even. We have been on our journey for twenty years and have made it only seven-and-change light-days from Earth. How much of that eternity must they have been traveling?&rdquo;</em></p>
<p>A thoughtful silence followed the fox&rsquo;s short speech. It was Sarah who finally broke it, lifting her glass much as True Name had. &ldquo;To eternity and the weight of the universe.&rdquo;</p>
<p>Dear sat up and clapped its paws, grinning brightly. <em>&ldquo;I am pleased that you are going on this excursion, Ms. Genet. What a perfect toast.&rdquo;</em></p>
<p>They all laughed once again, raising their glasses toward the single flame in the center of the table.</p>
<p>&ldquo;I think that is a note to begin dinner on, yes?&rdquo; True Name said, waving her paw above the table, plates and flatware appearing, along with several dishes of various types.</p>
<p><em>She must&rsquo;ve talked Tycho into giving her some ACLs in his sim,</em> ey thought. <em>Because of course she did.</em></p>
<p>&ldquo;Please! Eat. Enjoy. I did not make it, but you may pretend I did if you would like to bolster my ego.&rdquo;</p>
<p>The self-deprecating comment was delivered so easily that Codrin found emself laughing even before realising it.</p>
<p>&ldquo;No more shop talk until dessert,&rdquo; Why Ask Questions added. &ldquo;Or I will have Tycho bounce you from the sim. There is lasagna, and I will not have you spoiling that.&rdquo;</p>
</article>
<footer>
<p>Page generated on 2022-03-06</p>
</footer>
</main>
<script type="text/javascript">
document.querySelectorAll('.tag').forEach(tag => {
let text = tag.innerText;
tag.innerText = '';
tag.innerHTML = `<a href="/tags.html#${text}">${text}</a>`;
});
</script>
</body>
</html>