zk_html/writing/ally/dad/as/a/person/005.html

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<h1>Zk | 005</h1>
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<p>date: 2020-02-23
weight: 5</p>
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<p>Does my dad know that I&rsquo;m trans? Does he truly, <em>truly</em> know? Does he accept it?</p>
<p>Does my dad know know about HRT? About surgery?</p>
<p>Does my dad know I&rsquo;m poly? Is that something he has internalized?</p>
<p>Does my dad know about self-harm? Does he know about suicide? Has he seen the scars?</p>
<p>Does he know about you?</p>
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<p>Does it matter?</p>
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<p>The joy that I felt at his response is tempered by a whole new set of anxieties.</p>
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<p>Did you feel joy?</p>
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<p>Honestly? Yeah.</p>
<p>It was a relief, in a way to see that he was not the dad I grew up with. That I could see change in him is not only something that&rsquo;s good for our relationship, but also something that makes me feel better about myself. It makes me think that I, too, have the ability to change, to grow and become a better person.</p>
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<p>Was that in doubt?</p>
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<p>Yes.</p>
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<p>Really? Given this project? The core theme of the death of Matthew?</p>
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<p>Oh yes. So many times when I was writing about that, it felt like I was writing about someone else. I feel so stuck sometimes. So static. It&rsquo;s easy to lose perspective until it&rsquo;s rubbed in your face.</p>
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<p>Will you talk to him about your anxieties?</p>
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<p>Yes. After hearing back from him, I think I probably should, too.</p>
<p>Just over time.</p>
<p>Slowly.</p>
<p>Carefully.</p>
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<p><a class="pulse" href="/16">Take your time.</a></p>
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<p>Page generated on 2020-06-24</p>
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