72 lines
3.1 KiB
HTML
72 lines
3.1 KiB
HTML
<!doctype html>
|
|
<html>
|
|
<head>
|
|
<title>Zk | 02</title>
|
|
<link rel="stylesheet" href="https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Gentium+Plus&family=Lato&family=Ubuntu+Monodisplay=swap" />
|
|
<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="/style.css" />
|
|
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width" />
|
|
<meta charset="utf-8" />
|
|
</head>
|
|
<body>
|
|
<main>
|
|
<header>
|
|
<h1>Zk | 02</h1>
|
|
</header>
|
|
<article class="content">
|
|
<hr />
|
|
<p>date: 2019-08-17
|
|
weight: 23</p>
|
|
<hr />
|
|
<p>Back in 2011 and 2012, I started to really loathe being me.</p>
|
|
<blockquote>
|
|
<p>‘Started’?</p>
|
|
</blockquote>
|
|
<p>Well, okay, in a very specific way. I started hating the anger. I started hating the expectations. I starting hating the toxicity.</p>
|
|
<blockquote>
|
|
<p>You started hating a lot more than that.</p>
|
|
</blockquote>
|
|
<p>I started hating my brain and my body. I started hating the coarseness of me. I started hating all my angles. I started hating my hair and my face and my genitals and my lies.</p>
|
|
<p>I was lying to JD. I was lying to work. I was lying to Tyson. I was lying to everyone who saw me online as a girl, and I was lying to everyone who saw me online as a boy. I was in a liminal place where I could tell no one the truth.</p>
|
|
<blockquote>
|
|
<p>Not even yourself.</p>
|
|
</blockquote>
|
|
<p>Not yet, at least.</p>
|
|
<p>There were a few easy steps to take, of course. I saw a doctor who got me on meds.</p>
|
|
<blockquote>
|
|
<p>Tell me about suicide.</p>
|
|
</blockquote>
|
|
<p>Not yet. Don’t derail me for a bit. I need some breathing room after yesterday.</p>
|
|
<blockquote>
|
|
<p>Tell me about Younes, then.</p>
|
|
</blockquote>
|
|
<p>I’m getting there.</p>
|
|
<p>I started taking my own meds alongside those the doctor gave me. I started the slow process of ridding myself of testosterone. I hated my body so much, I did my best to camp out up in my head, to remove at least one means of having to interact with it: sex.</p>
|
|
<blockquote>
|
|
<p>Go back. Before that.</p>
|
|
</blockquote>
|
|
<p>Before that, I changed how I presented. I changed Makyo to be genderless. Started going by ‘it’ pronouns. And I made Younes.</p>
|
|
<p>Younes was a means for me to no longer lie. Or at least knock the severity of the lies down a few notches.</p>
|
|
<p>Younes was like me. He looked like a guy, but had something decidedly feminine about him.</p>
|
|
<blockquote>
|
|
<p>Don’t be coy: he had a vagina.</p>
|
|
</blockquote>
|
|
<p>Well, yes, but he wasn’t simply male in all his interactions. He was effeminate, without being flamey. He could be both more and less than a guy.</p>
|
|
<blockquote>
|
|
<p>Let’s talk about kink.</p>
|
|
</blockquote>
|
|
<p>Soon, soon.</p>
|
|
</article>
|
|
<footer>
|
|
<p>Page generated on 2023-05-10</p>
|
|
</footer>
|
|
</main>
|
|
<script type="text/javascript">
|
|
document.querySelectorAll('.tag').forEach(tag => {
|
|
let text = tag.innerText;
|
|
tag.innerText = '';
|
|
tag.innerHTML = `<a href="/tags.html#${text}">${text}</a>`;
|
|
});
|
|
</script>
|
|
</body>
|
|
</html>
|