zk_html/writing/ally/self-harm/suicide/011.html

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<title>Zk | 011</title>
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<h1>Zk | 011</h1>
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<p>date: 2019-10-21
weight: 11</p>
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<p>I can&rsquo;t do this.</p>
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<p>Of course you can.</p>
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<p>I can&rsquo;t. I can&rsquo;t talk about this. I thought I was done with it. I thought it would be easy enough to go back over this, but I can&rsquo;t.</p>
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<p>Tell me why not, then?</p>
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<p>I just&hellip;I just remember how easy it was to fuck up so badly. I did that a few weeks ago, too. I fucked up real bad, and now I&rsquo;m stuck with the consequences, all the mechanics of tending to a wound, and all I can think about is how easy it was. It was so easy. It was so easy.</p>
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<p>Perhaps that&rsquo;s part of what snaps you back into place. Perhaps that&rsquo;s part of what keeps you from following through. The mechanics of wound care. The laser focus on not doing it. Perhaps that&rsquo;s what saves you, in the end: the realization that you have a body leads to the realization that you&rsquo;re alive, confronting mortality leads to the acceptance of life.</p>
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<p>It&rsquo;s harder to <em>not</em>.</p>
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