53 lines
2.4 KiB
HTML
53 lines
2.4 KiB
HTML
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<title>Zk | 002</title>
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<h1>Zk | 002</h1>
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<article class="content">
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<p>date: 2019-09-29
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weight: 2</p>
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<p>It’s not really so much that I have the need to write about what happened, even, as that, after something of such import, I feel the need to expose myself through writing, to force ideas out into the open whether or not they actually have anything to do with what’s going on.</p>
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<blockquote>
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<p>It goes beyond a desire. It becomes a necessity.</p>
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<p>Creativity, it seems, is one of those things where, the more you put it to use, the more you <em>must</em> use it.</p>
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<blockquote>
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<p>After a certain point, it forces itself upon you. Hits you like a ton of bricks.</p>
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</blockquote>
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<p>Yes.</p>
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<p>I toyed with how to write about something like this for a few months after it happened before hammering out a five thousand word essay.</p>
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<blockquote>
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<p>You planned on an additional ten thousand.</p>
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<p>In this case, after all, I felt the need to actually write about what really happened. I tried the whole “write about something else” thing and it didn’t work; it didn’t relieve that pressure within myself that needed to be released.</p>
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<blockquote>
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<p>You tried venting little bits of it here and there on twitter, on Facebook.</p>
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<p>It didn’t work. It kept the pressure from becoming unbearable, perhaps, but only for a few days. After that, the weight of it — of how easy it was, of how quickly I snapped to, of how badly I could have fucked up — became too intense to ignore once again.</p>
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<p>So.</p>
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<p>I tried to kill myself on March 21st, 2012. It was, as the epigram said, not a big deal; it was just my big deal.</p>
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<p>Page generated on 2020-06-24</p>
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