update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/toledot/secession/phys/Yared/004.md

@@ -12,33 +12,33 @@ He'd never bothered walking up here until he'd accepted the unnerving assignment
 
 It had been unnerving at first, at least.
 
-Why would he, a nobody who dumped all his time into the 'net, into the DDR, be expected to make any change? He knew that, once a referendum was picked up by the various legislatures, it was hopeless to expect the DDR had any impact. It became the joke that he was sure so many thought it was.
+Why would he, a nobody who dumped all his time into the 'net, into the DDR, be expected to make any change? He knew that, once a referendum was picked up by the various legislatures, it was hopeless to expect the DDR had any real impact. It became the joke that he was sure so many thought it was.
 
-He had picked up the topic of the System's individual rights as his next pet topic, for even though he had felt little interest in the System or its labyrinthine technologies at first, the previous bill he had hyper-fixated on had failed on the floor, and after a night of far too much tej, he needed to set his mind on *something.*
+He had picked up the topic of the System's individual rights as his next pet topic, for even though he had felt little interest in the System or its labyrinthine technologies at the time, the previous bill he had hyper-fixated on had failed on the floor, and after a night of far too much tej, he needed to set his mind on *something.*
 
 He didn't know why he did this, why he felt the need to dive into politics. He was a no one in Addis Ababa, a city which paled in importance in the NEAC, a governing body that paled in comparison to the others in the world.
 
 He had a data analysis job he could do from home reasonably well, and he didn't slack off while at work (though he did leave DDR alerts on in his field of view). He made enough of a living to stay in his apartment in an alright part of town. He was comfortable. He had no plans to upload.
 
-Or previously hadn't, at least. The more he learned, the more enticing it seemed.
+Or hadn't previously. The more he learned, the more enticing it seemed.
 
 It certainly seemed like an easier life than this, accepting messages from shadowy government agencies to try and influence what was supposed to be a direct means of being represented in the legislatures of the world. It was one thing to try to do so from one's own perspective, but to accept such influence, even if he was only paid in coffee and cake...
 
-It had surprised him that he had even picked up the task at first. Secession seemed like such a strange thing to ask for. What did the NEAC --- or any government, really --- gain by having the System secede? What was the System doing that threatened them so much? There was the brain-drain aspect that some feared, but this seemed to rely on some more basic instinct or need to have that which is different separated from that which was familiar.
+It had surprised him that he had even picked up the task at first. Secession seemed like such a strange thing to ask for. What did the NEAC --- or any government, really --- gain by having the System secede? What was the System doing that threatened them so much? There was the brain-drain that some feared, but this seemed to rely on some more basic instinct or need to have that which is different separated from that which was familiar.
 
 He didn't know why he had picked up the task, but it was working, even on him. *Especially* on him. The idea of secession from a government's point of view was one that fit neatly into his worldview without him needing to change anything, and that was strange in and of itself.
 
-The System probably should secede. At that point, uploading became a simple matter of travel, one to a country that was guaranteed to grant you residency. Not only that, but, though the cost might be high and the move permanent, it offered a ready-made haven for refugees, whether from the increasingly hot climate or the countless little spats along disputed boundaries. Uploading was an option for those who had nowhere else to go, and one that offered them more freedom than any other country on earth.
+The System probably should secede. At that point, uploading became a simple matter of emigration, one to a country that was guaranteed to grant you residency. Not only that, but, though the cost might be high and the move permanent, it offered a ready-made haven for refugees, whether from the increasingly hot climate or the countless little spats along disputed boundaries. Uploading was an option for those who had nowhere else to go, and one that offered them more freedom than any other country on earth.
 
 And this new idea that had started showing up, first in his conversations with True Name and Jonas, and then on the DDR in general, of tacking the System on to the final launch toward the L<sub>5</sub> station construction. The timing --- True Name and Jonas, then the DDR --- made him wonder if the Council of Eight had its fingers in other pies, too.
 
-He wasn't sure how to feel about this. What an opportunity that had presented itself! All those arguments about the resources the System used would be all but put to rest. The station would house it, the station's solar power source would power it, and the Station Hotel's revenue would fund it. There were already plans for a new transmission system that would be easy enough to build for uploads to make it from Earth to the System without having to fly to the station first.
+He wasn't sure how to feel about this. What an opportunity that had presented itself! All those arguments about the resources the System used would be all but put to rest. The station would house it, the station's solar power source would power it, and the Station Hotel's revenue would fund it. It would be another part of the tourists' experience. There were already plans for a new transmission system that would be easy enough to build for uploads to make it from Earth to the System without having to fly to the station first.
 
-It was all starting to feel like a good idea, and some part of him felt embarrassed that Councilor Demma's bald-faced political machinations were working just as well on him as they promised to do on the masses that filled the DDR forums.
+It was all starting to feel like such a good idea, and some part of him felt embarrassed that Councilor Demma's bald-faced political machinations were working just as well on him as they promised to do on the masses that filled the DDR forums.
 
 He realized he'd been so lost in thought that the wooded grove had already spat him out the other side, back into heat and back into traffic.
 
-"Well, shit," he mumbled, and began the long trek back to his apartment, drafting his post in his head.
+"Well, shit," he mumbled, and began the long trek back to his apartment, polishing the draft of his post in his head.
 
 > I won't lie, I'm pleased to see this discussion take a turn to the positive. There are some great minds thinking and talking here. Here on the DDR forums, out on the 'net, and now out in the subcommittees that will feed into the legislatures of the world.
 >
@@ -77,9 +77,9 @@ He realized he'd been so lost in thought that the wooded grove had already spat
 >
 > Here are some things that you might find in this theoretical news source that also appears in ours:
 >
-> * Religion
 > * Opinions
 > * Interpersonal relations
+> * Religion
 >
 > When one is unbound by the constraints of stuff, places, or money, one finds that there is little news that is worth treating as news.
 >