update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/toledot/index.md

@@ -60,19 +60,19 @@ Nearing the 200th anniversary of System secession from humanity, the System and
     * [O] [Launch: launch-side: Codrin#Castor](launch/launch/Codrin-castor/001) - The triad tell each other fictional stories around the remnants of the fire of why they left no forks - 2599
     * [O] [Secession: sys-side: Michelle](secession/sys/Michelle/002) - Michelle meets with Council of Eight, discusses spending a bunch of reputation to fork; meets up with Jonas and pledges True Name - 2293
     * [O] [Secession: phys-side: Yared](secession/phys/Yared/002) - Yared gives a 'speech' on individual rights, then drawn aside by Yosef, out for coffee, tells of secession proposal - 2608
-    * [o] [Launch: phys-side: Douglas](launch/phys/Douglas/003) - Douglas answers May's questions - 3489
+    * [O] [Launch: phys-side: Douglas](launch/phys/Douglas/003) - Douglas answers May's questions - 3489
 * [o] Part II - Progression
     * [O] [Launch: sys-side: Ioan](launch/sys/Ioan/003) - Ioan(s) and May start to parcel out work, but get off topic onto feelings. - 2644
     * [O] [Secession: phys-side: Yared](secession/phys/Yared/003) - first change from Yosef, talking with True Name and Jonas - 2791
     * [o] [Secession: sys-side: True Name](secession/sys/True-Name/001) - brings news of the bill to Council of Eight, discuss speciation - 1833
     * [o] [Launch: launch-side: Codrin#Pollux](launch/launch/Codrin-pollux/001) - Codrin#Pollux interviews Dear about why it actually uploaded - 1767
     * [o] [Launch: launch-side: Codrin#Castor](launch/launch/Codrin-castor/002) - Codrin#Castor writes eir thoughts on why Dear may have uploaded (showing divergences). - 3488
-    * [o] [Launch: phys-side: Douglas](launch/phys/Douglas/004) - May had responded immediately, ofc, but asked about life on earth (hinting she uploaded ~time of Michelle), reminisces about childhood - 4738
+    * [O] [Launch: phys-side: Douglas](launch/phys/Douglas/004) - May had responded immediately, ofc, but asked about life on earth (hinting she uploaded ~time of Michelle), reminisces about childhood - 4738
     * [O] [Launch: sys-side: Ioan](launch/sys/Ioan/004) - Ioan interviews May about why she stayed behind, date of upload, thoughts on not telling Douglas re: herself as Michelle - 2725
     * [O] [Secession: phys-side: Yared](secession/phys/Yared/004) - another change from Yosef, Yared starts to actually kind of believe that this is a good idea, considers L5 option - 2196
     * [o] [Launch: launch-side: Codrin#Pollux](launch/launch/Codrin-pollux/002) - Makes up with Dear, who gives suggestions on some names to interview and how to go about them - 1373
     * [o] [Secession: sys-side: True Name](secession/sys/True-Name/002) - Meets with Jonas to discuss latest post from Yared, picking up on secession undertones, Jonas admits to own clade standing in for him (explain that reputation doesn't exactly go down, but is spread among instances (changed later)). - 2587
-    * [o] [Launch: phys-side: Douglas](launch/phys/Douglas/005) - Douglas walks the station, processing news of Michelle's death, then talks with May - 3969
+    * [O] [Launch: phys-side: Douglas](launch/phys/Douglas/005) - Douglas walks the station, processing news of Michelle's death, then talks with May - 3969
     * [o] [Launch: launch-side: Codrin#Castor](launch/launch/Codrin-castor/003) - Author who wrote an outline for a book, has been writing them independently on launches and sending back to editor sys-side, who is compiling them; mentions as postscript for Ioan only that given what ey learned about early clade, should maybe pass on communications between LVs encrypted - 2963
     * [o] [Secession: sys-side: Michelle](secession/sys/Michelle/003) - Debarre meets with Michelle to talk about AwDae, Ode Clade, losing control of herself, why keep the name secret (AwDae wasn't supposed to defect to S-R Bloc, even if ey helped form the System - total lie, though), reiterates promise that her new clade won't overtake the Council of Eight - 1754 - Expand?
     * [O] [Launch: sys-side: Ioan](launch/sys/Ioan/005) - Musician who set up transmission of music between sys/phys, gets #Castor's note, discusses with May - 1740 - Expand?
@@ -91,7 +91,7 @@ Nearing the 200th anniversary of System secession from humanity, the System and
     * [o] [Secession: sys-side: True Name](secession/sys/True-Name/005) - Council meets, she and Jonas introduce idea of secession, which goes over reasonably well thanks to Praiseworthy's work - 1724
     * [O] [Launch: sys-side: Ioan](launch/sys/Ioan/008) - Ioan interviews historian keenly interested in staying close enough to earth to keep cataloging, has picked up on some of the patterns; also wants to be close to Ioan, weaseled her way into the interview - 2150
     * [o] [Launch: launch-side: Codrin#Castor](launch/launch/Codrin-castor/005) - Interviews True Name, who was tasked by Michelle as political side of launch, first time sys and phys have worked together in meaningful way in ages, tickled to see Douglas Hadje, nudges him through *channels* to apply for launch director (look at that manipulation go) - 2839
-    * [o] [Launch: phys-side: Douglas](launch/phys/Douglas/007) - Learns more about the clade, but still not about names, mentions some concerning stuff re: patterns phys/planet-side - 1855
+    * [O] [Launch: phys-side: Douglas](launch/phys/Douglas/007) - Learns more about the clade, but still not about names, mentions some concerning stuff re: patterns phys/planet-side - 1855
     * [O] [Secession: phys-side: Yared](secession/phys/Yared/007) - Introduces secession amendment himself, it goes over poorly initially, contacts Demma who reassures him that it will swing in secession's favor after some unsavory strings are pulled, told to keep pressing sys-side on secession - 2640
     * [O] [Launch: sys-side: Ioan](launch/sys/Ioan/009) - Ioan, already worried, interviews Do I Know God After The *End Waking* (skunk male, druid type) at eir home, who was tasked by True Name and Jonas to meddle with phys-side finance late 2100s to increase sys-side population by paying for uploads (as Ioan was), liberal now, regrets his actions; points em to Jonas still on system; conversation with both End Waking and May about what she meant about system being more subtle viz dandelions (even after all this time, it's still a dream, May's been dreaming with em, not uncommon for emotionally entangled people) - 3217
     * [o] [Launch: launch-side: Codrin#Pollux](launch/launch/Codrin-pollux/006) - Has Yared, Debarre, and user11824 over, who talk about how the council was undermined, then overridden by Jonas/Odists after secession, Yared talks about Toledot Yeshu, Demma as Paul (left unsaid whether or not Demma was influenced by anyone sys-side, implied no; phys-side still had its own politics, then) - 2856
@@ -112,7 +112,7 @@ Nearing the 200th anniversary of System secession from humanity, the System and
     * [o] [Launch: sys-side: Ioan](launch/sys/Ioan/012) - Discusses role of each stanza; kind of freaks out at May b/c like finding out your in-laws-ish are the illuminati, though ey comes around because a) she explains need for control as trauma response, and b) tells myth in progress, about how the gods created the world in an attempt to shape it to their will, but instead became impersonal forces in the face of absolute independence; Ioan and May finally fucking get together, discuss irreversibility of that act, since Ioan didn't fork like Codrin - 2455
     * [o] [Launch: launch-side: Codrin#Pollux](launch/launch/Codrin-pollux/008) - Interviews Dear about just how much influence the Ode clade had/still has, what's next (death = irreversible, basically a do-over of the first interview) - 2717
     * [-] REJECTED - combined with previous Ioan chapter <!--[Launch: sys-side: Ioan](launch/sys/Ioan/013) -if the clade exists to explore/exploit need as trauma responses, what do each of the stanzas do (True Name's: political machinations; Praiseworthy's: artistic machinations; Qoheleth's: history/memory machinations), liberal side (not always later lines) has grown more earnest, rebelling against need to control, discusses future with May; sets up visit to Michelle's meadow on one year anniversary as a meaningful thing (but actually to meet with Douglas)-->
-    * [o] [Launch: phys-side: Douglas](launch/phys/Douglas/009) - Douglas uploads on one year anniversary, talks about necessity of not being on launches, met by Ioan (who organized it as a surprise and gave him basic instructions on how to be clothed and presentable right off the bat) and May in dandelion sim (as TN met Yared), learns about Michelle/Ode Clade via how they got their names. (learning = irreversibility) - 3595
+    * [O] [Launch: phys-side: Douglas](launch/phys/Douglas/009) - Douglas uploads on one year anniversary, talks about necessity of not being on launches, met by Ioan (who organized it as a surprise and gave him basic instructions on how to be clothed and presentable right off the bat) and May in dandelion sim (as TN met Yared), learns about Michelle/Ode Clade via how they got their names. (learning = irreversibility) - 3595
 * [o] Epilogue
     * [o] [Launch: launch-side: Codrin#Castor](launch/launch/Codrin-castor/009) - Castor launch's Dreamer Module picks up a signal from another similar ship (actually impersonal POV, though Codrin breaks in occasionally? Ey talked w/ astronomer), Dreamer Module turns out to also contain detailed instructions on how to grow a human. Last bit of irreversibility: can't un-meet a new species (~20 years after launch, into Oort cloud) - 894
 

writing/post-self/toledot/launch/phys/Douglas/009.md

@@ -138,7 +138,7 @@ Wrong-footed, he stared at the historian for a moment, then slowly lifted the ye
 
 Ioan sat with him in kind quiet. As ey had so long ago, ey didn't say anything, didn't try to comfort him, didn't touch him, just sat and remained present. It was as though he were there simply to witness those emotions and give testimony to them, and that, more than anything, made him feel welcome here. Welcome with Ioan, welcome in the field, welcome in the System.
 
-After the wave crested and then passed, he said. "Alright, so, what's the plan?"
+After the wave crested and then passed, he said, "Alright, so, what's the plan?"
 
 "You just stay the night here. You can think up a mattress or anything else you need to be comfortable. We'll be by tomorrow mid-morning for a picnic. I'm happy to stay, too, if you'd like, or give you space."
 
@@ -148,25 +148,25 @@ Ey smiled, nodded. "Of course. Ioan#Tracker is back at home getting pestered by
 
 "Did you two wind up hooking up, then?" he asked, grinning.
 
-Ioan laughed and hid a blush by looking down at the flowers. "Yes. Thank you for the nudge."
+Ioan laughed and hid a blush by looking down at the flowers, poking eir fingers amid the grass. "Yes. Thank you for the nudge."
 
 "Good. Why don't you go focus on her, then, and I'll sleep here. I'm assuming the same trick works for food and drink, right?"
 
-"Yes, but start with small things. If you don't remember well enough what something tastes like, you can wind up with some really disgusting stuff."
+"Yes, but start with small things. If you don't remember well enough what something tastes like, you can wind up with some really disgusting stuff. That's why there's still cooking."
 
-After Ioan had quit and he'd had a simple sandwich and some water, Douglas sat on the low rise he'd initially appeared on, watching evening dim to twilight, then twilight to darkness. He'd never been camping, but he'd learned enough about it that he was able to come up with a sleeping bag and pillow, laying awake long into the night, looking up at a dream of stars.
+After Ioan had hugged him, said goodbye, and quit, after he'd had a simple sandwich and some water, Douglas sat on the low rise he'd initially appeared on, watching evening dim to twilight, then twilight to darkness. He'd never been camping, but he'd learned enough about it that he was able to come up with a sleeping bag and pillow, laying awake long into the night, looking up at a dream of stars.
 
 Morning came slowly, and it was the heat rather than the light that woke him. He started as the sudden anxiety that he'd missed the deadline hit, but he was still alone, there in the field.
 
 A wish of eggs and coffee went well enough, though neither was particularly tasty, and he was able to will the sleeping bag and dishes away easily enough. He didn't know what time it was--
 
-No, wait. He did. It was systime 201+21 0921. One year after launch.
+No, wait. He did. It was systime 202+21 0921. One year, nine hours, twenty-one minutes after launch.
 
 He put aside the fact that he knew that fact, and instead went for a walk.
 
-He didn't walk far, not wanting to miss the arrival of Ioan and May and not knowing how big the field actually was, but it was enough to stake out the area. It was kind of boring, really. Grass, dandelions, the occasional fat bumblebee drifting lazily among the flowers.
+He didn't walk far, not wanting to miss the arrival of Ioan and May and not knowing how big the field actually was, but it was enough to stake out the area. It was rather boring, really. Grass, dandelions, the occasional fat bumblebee drifting lazily among the flowers.
 
-Boring, but home.
+Boring, but meaningful. Boring but home.
 
 Eventually, he found the patch of tamped down grass where he'd slept the night before, sat down, and waited.
 
@@ -174,67 +174,67 @@ Eleven o'clock arrived and then, a few minutes later, so did Ioan and one other.
 
 They were facing the other way, so he had a few moments to drink in the sight. Ioan was as he remembered, excepting a basket that was likely full of picnic goods, and May Then My Name, as he supposed, was wholly unlike anything he expected.
 
-She was a furry, he knew that much. There were plenty on the net, and his erstwhile girlfriend with the cat av was likely one.
+She was a furry, he could tell that much. There were plenty on the 'net; his erstwhile girlfriend with the cat av was one.
 
-He didn't recognize this species, though. Black, rounded ears, a spray of longer fur atop her head, simple tee-shirt and pants, and a long tail with thick fur that looked luxuriously soft. *Skunk? Really?* he thought, and shook his head.
+He didn't recognize this species, though. Black, rounded ears, a spray of longer white fur atop her head, simple tee-shirt and shorts, and a long tail with thick fur that looked luxuriously soft. *A skunk? Really?* he thought, and shook his head.
 
 The pair were still talking, hand in...well, paw, he supposed, so he stood up and cleared his throat.
 
-May Then My Name reacted with a speed he'd not expected, whirling around and clutching at Ioan's arm, ears laid flat against her head. "Who the fuck are you?" she growled. The words were perfectly intelligible, he was pleased to note, and spoke of a central corridor accent.
+May Then My Name reacted with a speed he'd not expected, whirling around and clutching at Ioan's arm tightly, ears laid flat against her head. "Who the fuck are you?" she growled, feral. The words were perfectly intelligible, he was pleased to note, and spoke of a central corridor accent.
 
 Remembering Ioan's first words, he grinned. "Can you guess?"
 
-She straightened up frowned, then turned to Ioan, who looked to be holding back laughter, and punched em solidly in the shoulder. "You...you piece of shit! *You* organized this! I know you did! I am absolutely putting sand in your shoes."
+She straightened up and frowned, head tilted, then turned to Ioan, who looked to be holding back laughter, and punched em solidly in the shoulder. "You...you piece of shit! *You* organized this! I know you did! Mx Ioan Bălan, I am absolutely putting sand in your shoes."
 
-The skunk leapt at him and, before he could react, nearly tackled him to the ground, her arms tight around his middle. "If you are not Douglas Hadje, master of spaceflight and doctor of something boring, I will be quite embarrassed. Please tell me you are."
+Then the skunk leapt at him and, before he could react, nearly tackled him to the ground, her arms tight around his middle. "If you are not Mister Douglas Hadje, master of spaceflight and doctor of something incredibly boring, I will be quite embarrassed. Please tell me you are."
 
-"I am, I am," he said, laughing and returning the hug. She was short enough that the top of her head barely came up to his chin. "It's nice to meet you at last."
+"I am, I am," he said, laughing and returning the hug. She was short enough that the top of her head barely came up to his chin. Her fur was incredibly soft against his chin and neck "It's nice to meet you at last."
 
-The skunk, without letting go of the hug, forked off a copy of herself to hurl at Ioan, who was laughing openly now. This time, she did manage to tackle em to the ground, and the two wrestled around for a moment, shoving at each other, before that instance of May Then My Name quit.
+"Douglas, holy shit. This is absolutely delightful," she said, voice muffled against his shoulder and clouded by tears. Without letting go of the hug, she forked off a copy of herself to hurl at Ioan, who was laughing openly now. This time, she did manage to tackle em to the ground, and the two wrestled around for a moment, shoving at each other, before that instance of May Then My Name quit, leaving Ioan to pick emself up again, dusting grass off eir clothes.
 
-Eventually, she released her grip on him and stepped back, looked him up and down, then nodded approvingly. "Every inch a Hadje. Sort of. You are very tall, and you have lost the round face."
+Eventually, she released her grip on him and stepped back, holding onto his upper arms and looking him up and down. She nodded approvingly. "Every inch a Hadje. Sort of. You are very tall, and you have lost the round face."
 
 "I have? I mean, I guess that makes sense. Michelle lived two centuries ago. I've seen a few pictures from the news archives, but they took a while to dig up, so I can only guess."
 
-Her expression grew wicked. She forked, and this fork was completely human. Shoulder-length black hair, round of face, short, the splitting image...
+Her expression grew wicked. She forked, and this fork was completely human. Shoulder-length curly black hair, round of face, short, the splitting image...
 
-"Wait," he stammered. "You can just look like her? I thought...I thought that'd be frowned on."
+"Wait," he stammered. "You can just look like her? The pictures...I thought...I thought that'd be frowned on."
 
 "Oh, it is," the woman said. "Come on, Dr Hadje. Do keep up."
 
-All of his blood was completely replaced with ice water, a hatch in the field opened beneath him, he began to fall, and his voice completely failed. Or, at least that's what his mind told him was happening. When the world finally stopped spinning and he finally reconnected with his body, he found that he was sitting on the grass.
+All of his blood was completely replaced with ice water. His voice failed him. A hatch in the field opened beneath him and he began to fall. Or, at least that's what his mind told him was happening. When the world finally stopped spinning and he finally reconnected with his body, he found that he was sitting on the grass.
 
 "You're..."
 
-The woman --- Michelle came and sat on the grass next to him to hug an arm around his shoulders, her expression softening. "I am May Then My Name Die With Me of the Ode clade. *Michelle's* clade. It has been a long time since I was actually Michelle, but I once was, yes."
+The woman --- Michelle came and sat on the grass next to him to hug an arm around his shoulders, her expression softening. "I am May Then My Name Die With Me of the Ode clade, Douglas. *Michelle's* clade. It has been a long time since I was actually Michelle, but I once was, yes. I am of Michelle."
 
 "So..."
 
-"So I remember being her, yes. I was forked from her two centuries ago." She rubbed her hand against his back. "Douglas, keep breathing. You are going to pass out if you keep that up."
+"I was forked from her two centuries ago, and I remember being her." She rubbed her hand against his back. "Douglas, please keep breathing. You are going to pass out if you keep that up."
 
-He gulped for air, shaking. "You lied to me, then?"
+He gulped for air, shaking. "You lied to me, then? You..."
 
 "A small untruth," she said, voice calm and soothing. "Michelle herself did quit some time ago, but I am of her clade."
 
 "Why didn't you tell me?"
 
-May Then My Name shrugged. "I did not want to. I was going to have fun with the reveal, but I see now that I hurt you instead, for which I apologize. You are new here, but you will learn about individuation before long. That I look like her and originated from her, I am no more closely related to her than you are. We are both distant cousins of Michelle Hadje."
+May Then My Name shrugged. "I did not want to because I was going to have fun with the reveal, but I see now that I hurt you instead, for which I am eternally sorry." She sighed. "You are new here, but you will learn about individuation before long. That I look like her and originated from her, I am no more closely related to her than you are. We are both distant cousins of Michelle Hadje."
 
 He nodded. All that she was saying was swirling around in his mind, wrapped up in the strange, fluent-yet-stilted language that he'd gotten used to over text but now had to get used to in person. He couldn't tell if he was mad at her or happy that he knew or just confused.
 
-"Uh, can we talk about something else?" he asked.
+"Uh, I'm not feeling...can we talk about something else?" he asked. "And can you go back to looking like someone else?"
 
-May Then My Name --- the one that looked like Michelle --- quit, and the skunk helped Douglas up, pulling him over with her so that she could sit next to him. She tasked the still-grinning historian with setting up the picnic while they talked.
+May Then My Name --- the one that looked like Michelle --- quit, and the skunk helped Douglas up, pulling him over to the picnic blanket with her so that she could sit next to him. She tasked the still-grinning historian with setting up the food while they talked.
 
-"What are you most excited about, now that you have uploaded?" she asked.
+"Douglas, my dear, what are you most excited about, now that you have uploaded?" she asked earnestly, paw resting on his knee.
 
-"Well, I was going to say meeting you two, but now that that's over, I guess getting to know you. Getting to know the System, too. I spent years imagining how it worked in here, and now that I'm here, I'm a little overwhelmed with how little of that feels accurate."
+"Well, I was going to say meeting you two, but now that that's over, I guess getting to know you. Like, actually know you, instead of just chatting over text. Getting to know the System, too. I spent years imagining how it worked in here, and now that I'm here, I'm a little overwhelmed with how little of that feels accurate."
 
 "It is difficult to explain in words how it all works, so many phys-side do not know."
 
-"I guess I want to try some real food, too. We get chicken once a month on the station. Or got, I guess. Otherwise it was all vegetarian. No complaints, really, but it gets a bit samey after twenty years. There's a lot of catching up to do."
+"I guess I want to try some real food, too. We get chicken once a month on the station. Or got, I guess. Otherwise it was all vegetarian. No complaints, really, but it gets a bit samey after twenty years. There's a lot of catching up to do. Chicken and bread and fried things."
 
-The skunk nodded, then scooted over onto the picnic blanket, all but dragging him with. "There will be plenty of time for that. Is there anything you will miss from phys-side?"
+The skunk nodded, then scooted over onto the picnic blanket, all but dragging him with. "There will be plenty of time for that. We did bring muffins at least. Is there anything you will miss from phys-side?"
 
 "No." The answer came quickly. "Not a thing."
 
@@ -258,12 +258,12 @@ He shrugged. "Not really. It's like you say, there's no changing the past."
 
 May Then My Name rolled her eyes, saying to Douglas, "Do not listen to em. Ey is just gloating over the stunt that ey pulled."
 
-"We pulled, you mean."
+Douglas nodded, grinning. "We pulled, you mean."
 
-"Both of you?" She shoved at him until he fell over onto his side, laughing. "Beaten at my own game, is that what you think? You think you can out-manipulate an Odist?"
+"Both of you?" She shoved at him until he fell over onto his side, laughing. "Beaten at my own game, is that what you think? You think you can out-manipulate an Odist? Out-Hadje a Hadje?"
 
-"I think we can out-manipulate you, dear." Ioan popped the cork on a bottle of champagne, then poured a glass for each of them. "You're easy. All we have to do is play to your hopeless romanticism."
+"I think we can out-manipulate *you*, dear." Ioan popped the cork on a bottle of champagne, then poured a glass for each of them. "You're easy. All we have to do is play to your hopeless romanticism."
 
 "Yes, well, fuck you too. Give me my champagne."
 
-The rest of the day from there on was, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the happiest that Douglas had ever had. He learned of the Ode, of the Name. He learned of Codrin and Dear. He learned of all of the vast vagaries of the System, of the new arts and the new sciences that could exist only outside of the physical world. He learned, watching the way Ioan and May Then My Name looked at each other, spoke to each other, touched each other, what happiness even was, and that he was a part of it lent more of a sense of completion than any celebration could.
+The rest of the day from there on was, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the happiest that Douglas had ever had. He learned of the Ode, of the Name. He learned of Codrin and Dear. He learned of all of the vast vagaries of the System, of the new arts and the subtle sciences that could exist only outside of the physical world. He learned, watching the way Ioan and May Then My Name looked at each other, spoke to each other, touched each other, what happiness even was, and that he was a part of it lent more of a sense of completion than any celebration could.