update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/018.md

@@ -1,18 +1,18 @@
 # Ioan Bălan --- 2350
 
-It took about six hours for True Name to recover from the merge to where she could stand up and walk well enough to get a glass of water, though her expression remained shell-shocked and she was unable to speak. It wasn't until the next morning that the skunk was able to hold a conversation, though she remained quiet and largely confined to her room, refusing the offer of coffee.
+It took about six hours for True Name to recover from the merge to where she could stand up and walk well enough to get a glass of water. Her expression remained glazed and she was unable to speak. It wasn't until the next morning that the skunk was able to hold a conversation, though she remained quiet and largely confined to her room, refusing the offer of coffee.
 
-May spent nearly half of that time by her side. Ey wasn't sure what it was that the two did while in her room, if it was just May sitting by the skunk's side, if she was just being present, if the two were having their own quiet conversations, or sharing what affection she was comfortable sharing with a down-tree instance she resented enough to shock.
+May spent nearly half of that time by her side. Ey wasn't sure what it was that the two did while in her room, if it was just May sitting by the skunk's side, if she was just being present, if the two were having their own quiet conversations, or sharing what affection she was comfortable sharing with a down-tree instance she had resented enough to shock.
 
 All three, ey suspected. Ey checked in on them a few times, knocking and listening for permission to enter. Each time, True Name remained curled in bed with May sat nearby, whether on a chair beside it or sitting up on the bed itself. Ey'd ask if they needed anything, they'd both decline, and then ey'd go back to pacing holes in the rug or the yard or around Arrowhead Lake.
 
 The rest of the time, May was out with em, almost always as close as she could be, whether that was tucked in against eir side, hugging around eir middle from behind while ey cooked, or, at one point, requesting em to sit on the floor outside the bathroom while she showered, just so that she could talk and, in her words, feel eir presence.
 
-The mood throughout remained somewhere between anxiety and regret.
+The mood throughout remained somewhere between anxious and remorseful.
 
 The next evening, True Name requested that they eat dinner out at the lake rather than at home, saying, "I am feeling too cooped up by walls and yet more walls."
 
-Ey supposed it made sense, if she now had the competing memories of End Waking and however many personality traits that came with. He had only visited Ioan and May a scant handful of times, seeming uncomfortable whenever they remained indoors.
+Ey supposed it made sense, now that she had the competing memories of End Waking and however many personality traits that came with. He had only visited Ioan and May a scant handful of times, and then always out in the yard, seeming uncomfortable whenever they remained indoors.
 
 So, they packed up a simple dinner of sausages, zucchini, and potatoes to cook and stepped out to the lake.
 
@@ -46,7 +46,7 @@ They fell into silence again while Ioan and True Name finished their food and Ma
 
 "Thank you for joining me out here. I am both glad to be outdoors and intensely uncomfortable sitting on a fucking log," she said, smiling tiredly. "I do not think that I will stay out here, though. The greater part of me demands a comfortable bed."
 
-"Those fucking cots are the worst," May grumbled, sounding forced in her casualness. "Like a hammock, but bad."
+"Those fucking cots are the worst," May grumbled, sounding forced in her casualness. "Like a hammock, but far worse."
 
 "I do not think that even End Waking enjoys them, so it is easy enough for the True Name part of me to win out on that subject."
 
@@ -60,9 +60,9 @@ Ioan and May laughed.
 
 "I remember the eighth or ninth winter out there, when the cold started to feel less terrifying because I knew what to do. I remember waking up one morning fucking freezing, building the fire back up, and shivering in front of it, then laughing for the sheer joy of it. The joy of bundling up, the joy of the air burning inside my nostrils, the joy of discomfort."
 
-Ioan listened, entranced. The cadence of her speech had changed slightly. It still had that well-spoken and dramatic air to it, still held the lack of contractions and all the doublings-back and anaphora that seemed to come with being an Odist, but it was also more austere than it had been. Less purely functional and more cerebral, perhaps.
+Ioan listened, entranced. The cadence of her speech had changed. It still had that well-spoken and dramatic air to it, still held the lack of contractions and all the doublings-back and anaphora that seemed to come with being an Odist, but it was also more austere than it had been. Less purely functional and more cerebral, perhaps.
 
-"I remember the first time I went a year without seeing anyone, then the first time I went five years without seeing anyone. That was terrifying. I was sure that I was losing my grip on reality. I decided to make sure that I talked to someone at least once every six months after that to keep myself grounded. I remember when the Artemisians arrived and you two brought your play over, and being utterly delighted at all of the subtle ways you found to insult each other."
+"I remember the first time I went a year without seeing anyone, then the first time I went two. That was terrifying. I was sure that I was losing my grip on reality. I decided to make sure that I talked to someone at least once every six months after that to keep myself grounded. I remember when the Artemisians arrived and you two brought your play over, and being utterly delighted at all of the subtle ways you found to insult each other."
 
 May grinned and elbowed em in the side. "That one was Ioan's fault."
 
@@ -86,7 +86,7 @@ The skunk looked nervously at her cocladist, as though worried of some reprisal.
 
 May only nodded, swallowing back tears. 
 
-"I remember a few days ago, too. I remember when you came to the forest, remember watching, awkwardly, while you cried on Debarre's shoulder after I told you about...well, after we spoke. I remember hearing about all of your hatred over the years, about the resentment that you still have for me. I remember all of it."
+"I remember a few days ago, too. I remember when you came to the forest, remember watching, awkwardly, while you cried on Debarre's shoulder after I told you about...well, after we spoke. I remember hearing about all of your hatred over the years, about the resentment that you still have for me. I remember how you talked me into this, how helpless I was before it. I remember all of it."
 
 There was no more holding back the tears, at that, though she did her best to cry silently.