update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/toledot/launch/sys/Ioan/004.md

@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 # Ioan Balan --- 2325
 
-May Then My Name sat across from Ioan at their low table, looking somewhat diminished from her usual spot beside em.
+May Then My Name Die With Me sat across from Ioan at their dining table, looking somewhat diminished from her usual spot beside em.
 
 "Are you comfortable with this?" Ioan asked.
 
@@ -62,7 +62,7 @@ She nodded approvingly. "Good. There may be hope for you yet."
 
 "Wrapping me around your little finger, indeed." Ey finished eir current line of scratchy notes. "You say that it tickled you to remain behind. Can you talk more about that?"
 
-"Of course. Many of the clade --- many of the liberal side, at least --- enjoy using our functional immortality as a plaything. If we are to live forever, then, it is worthwhile to find as many things to keep it interesting as we can along the way. It is interesting to me that I have acted in a very intentional way such that I will not get to experience our three societies begin to diverge that directly. It is already fun to see the differences between Castor and Pollux through the eyes of Codrin, and to realize that the L<sub>5</sub> system contains neither, and then realize in a flash of insight that there is no May Then My Name Die With Me to witness directly. Do you experience the same?"
+"Of course. Many of the clade --- many of the liberal side, at least --- enjoy using our functional immortality as a plaything. If we are to live forever, then, it is worthwhile to find as many things to keep it interesting as we can along the way. It is interesting to me that I have acted in a very intentional way such that I will not get to experience our three societies begin to diverge that directly. There is no going back to change that, because there is no going and there is no back. It is already fun to see the differences between Castor and Pollux through the eyes of Codrin, and to realize that the L<sub>5</sub> system contains neither, and then realize in a flash of insight that there is no May Then My Name Die With Me to witness directly. Do you experience the same?"
 
 "Maybe a little bit," Ioan hedged. "But if what you tell me, is true, I'm not nearly old enough yet to be so concerned in finding fun in the little nooks and crannies of experience."
 
@@ -114,7 +114,7 @@ She grinned and shook her head. "He will. He has already made up his mind, he ju
 
 "How will you tell him, then?"
 
-"I will continue to drop hints for another few months --- I think he will do it within the year --- and then drop a bunch of reputation to let him upload into Michelle's field. There, we will go for a walk, and you will observe as, over the course of a few minutes, I reveal the truth."
+"I will continue to drop hints for another few months, and when he does --- I think he will do it within the year --- I will take him to Michelle's field. There, we will go for a walk, and you will observe as, over the course of a few minutes, I reveal the truth."
 
 Ioan straightened up. "Me?"
 
@@ -128,7 +128,7 @@ She stuck her tongue out at em, a strangely cute gesture. "Is that not a require
 
 May preened.
 
-Ioan set down eir pen and folded eir hands on the table. "Tell me a story about the clade."
+Ioan set down eir pen and folded eir hands on the table. "Tell me a story, then."
 
 "One for the history? One for you?"
 
@@ -160,11 +160,11 @@ The skunk grinned to em.
 
 Ey knit eir brows. "Talked me into...how do you mean?"
 
-"You have ACLs over your property, I made a few suggestions, mostly when you were asleep --- or at least very sleepy --- or head in the clouds at work."
+"You still have ACLs over your property, I do not. I just made a few suggestions, mostly when you were asleep --- or at least very sleepy --- or head in the clouds at work."
 
 "You're saying I made these?" ey asked, stepping out into the grass and bending down to inspect the flower, yellow, a myriad of pedals, grand-toothed leaves clustering the base.
 
-"I am saying that we made these." She bent down beside em and plucked the flower from its base, lifting it with a dreamlike smile. "I am saying that you trust me, and that life in the System is more subtle than you know. You trust me. You let me into your life as a coworker, then cohabitant, then cosleeper. You let me into your dreams, and your dreams influence this place as much as your waking mind."
+"I am saying that we made these." She bent down beside em and plucked the flower from its base, lifting it with a dreamlike smile. "I am saying that you trust me, and that life in the System is more subtle than you know. You trust me. You let me into your life as a coworker, then cohabitant and cosleeper. You let me into your dreams, and your dreams influence this place as much as your waking mind."
 
 That waking mind was now whirling with the ramifications of what she was saying. "I did this on your suggestion?"
 
@@ -182,11 +182,13 @@ A memory clicked into place for Ioan and ey laughed. "Oh! Of course! I've been h
 
 May nodded and waited for em to continue.
 
-"We didn't have a yard where I grew up. Just an apartment block facing the street, a strip of weeds between the building and sidewalk, and then between the sidewalk and road. I only ever saw lawns in movies or on the net. The world wasn't as bad back then as Douglas makes it sound now, but still, we weren't wealthy." Ey laughed. "Well, we were dirt poor, I'll say. Most of the weeds were green, leafy things with fuzzy green flowers that would turn into bundles of seeds, but there were a few dandelions scattered about."
+"We didn't have a yard where I grew up. Just an apartment block facing the street, a strip of weeds between the building and sidewalk, and then between the sidewalk and road. At one time, I think that strip had contained grass and trees, but now it just contained a narrow path full of thistles and dandelions.
+
+"I only ever saw lawns in movies or on the net. The world wasn't as bad back then as Douglas makes it sound now, but still, we weren't wealthy, and it was hard enough to ensure a steady supply of clean water for the residents, never mind grass like this. Certainly not wealthy enough for that." Ey laughed. "Well, we were dirt poor, actually. Most of the weeds were green, leafy things with fuzzy green flowers that would turn into bundles of seeds, or spiky thistles with purple bulbs of flowers, but there were a few dandelions scattered about."
 
 "No lilacs?"
 
-"More stuff from media. I have no idea if they're accurate, but I remember loving the smell."
+"More stuff from media. I remember wishing I could grow some indoors because I thought they were small enough to be houseplants until I was corrected. I have no idea if these are accurate, but I remember loving the smell."
 
 "They're spot on, Ioan."
 
@@ -194,7 +196,7 @@ Ey smiled.
 
 "So you uploaded and made your sim like this?"
 
-"Yeah. It was from some sim I frequented on the 'net, something a friend built. I found something close to it on the market, and when I had reputation enough, I dug the sim and grabbed that, then spent a year rebuilding the sim as best I could remember. No dandelions."
+"Yeah. Sort of. It was inspired by some sim I frequented on the 'net, something a friend built. I found something close to it on the market, and when I had reputation enough, I dug the sim and grabbed that, then spent a year rebuilding it as best I could remember. No dandelions."
 
 She laughed, bumping her shoulder against eirs. "Of course. They are a weed, yes. Or often thought of as one. The leaves make a good salad, though, and I was told that you could dry, roast, and grind the roots to make a coffee substitute."
 
@@ -210,7 +212,7 @@ Ey breathed deep of that scent. There was, indeed, the scent of some baked sweet
 
 Instead, ey asked, "Is that your story, May?"
 
-"Of course not. You told the story." She laughed, peeking up to em slyly. "Or perhaps we told the story. You asked, so I suggested, and you told the story."
+"Of course not. You told the story yourself." She laughed, peeking up to em slyly. "Or perhaps we told the story. You asked, so I suggested, and you told the story."
 
 Ioan frowned, then rolled eir eyes. "That's not what I asked, and you know it."
 
@@ -224,4 +226,4 @@ On the back of eir hand, the skin shown a golden yellow in the circle where she
 
 Ey shoved her over onto the grass, laughing. "You nut."
 
-She lay there among the grass, giggling helplessly. Among the grass, and a brand new dandelion in front of her snout. One that had not been there before.
+She lay there among the grass, giggling helplessly. Among the grass where a brand new dandelion poked through the green in front of her snout. One that had not been there before.