update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/006.md

@@ -2,15 +2,15 @@
 
 As usual, Debarre woke alone.
 
-End Waking would doubtless be somewhere in the woods, checking snare traps or walking or simply sitting on a rock thinking, having slipped away quietly at first light and carefully enough not to wake him. Still, they'd gone to bed early enough that the horizon down the hill had only just let go of the sun.
+End Waking would doubtless be somewhere in the woods, checking snare traps or walking or simply sitting on a rock thinking, having slipped away at first light, quietly and carefully enough not to wake him. Still, they'd gone to bed early enough that the horizon down the hill had only just let go of the sun.
 
-He slipped out of bed and into his pants --- black denim traded in for a dirty green canvas --- splashed some water on his face from the barrel nearby, and started the trek back out to the rock where they'd set the fire before, figuring that'd be the most likely place to find his boyfriend.
+He slipped out of bed and into his pants --- black denim traded in for a dirty green canvas --- splashed some water on his face from the barrel nearby, and started the trek back out to the rock where they'd set the fire, figuring that'd be the most likely place to find his boyfriend.
 
 End Waking was indeed there, crouching before a low fire with a pot for coffee already set above it, but another skunk knelt across from him as well, chatting quietly.
 
 "Hey May Then My Name," he said, settling down beside her. "What're you doing here?"
 
-The skunk started, grinned wide, and leaned in to hug around his shoulders dotting her nose on each of his cheeks. "Jesus, Debarre, you taking lessons from End Waking? Scared the hell out of me, sneaking up like that."
+The skunk started, grinned wide, and leaned in to hug around his shoulders. "Jesus, Debarre, you taking lessons from End Waking? Scared the hell out of me, sneaking up like that."
 
 He laughed and returned the hug before reaching for the coffee pot. "Maybe it's contagious."
 
@@ -52,13 +52,13 @@ She sighed, smiling weakly at End Waking. "I am glad you are okay, skunk. I woul
 
 "The trees do not know how to kill me, My Then My Name," End Waking said, frowning. "There is no virus within them. Debarre was right to get me to fork to fix, I will admit, but I would have done anyway had it landed more fully on me."
 
-When all that greeted this was silence, the skunk sighed and let his shoulders slump. "I am sorry, you two. I have set up the new camp in a location with sturdier trees. I will endeavor to remain cautious."
+When all that greeted this was silence, he sighed and let his shoulders slump. "I am sorry, you two. I have set up the new camp in a location with sturdier trees. I will endeavor to remain cautious."
 
 May Then My Name crawled around the fire to dot her nose against the skunk's cheek. He looked uncomfortable, but tolerated the touch.
 
 "Thank you, my dear," she said. "I do not mean to lecture. I am just...well, if the coffee is ready, please pour yourself a cup, Debarre, and we will talk."
 
-Once they'd settled back down, each with their coffee and the kettle replaced with a pot to cook oatmeal, she began, "To preface, this is nothing serious, I just need to talk with someone who is not Ioan."
+Once they'd settled back down and the kettle was replaced with a pot to cook oatmeal, she began, "To preface, this is nothing serious, I just need to talk with someone who is not Ioan."
 
 "Why?" End Waking asked.
 
@@ -70,7 +70,7 @@ He nodded.
 
 End Waking sat, conspicuously impassive, while Debarre shook his head. "Why? I thought you'd basically agreed to never talk again."
 
-"We have not talked. At least, not more than a few cordial words in passing. However, Ioan has been meeting up with her for coffee once a month since the first news of the Artemisians."
+"We have not spoken; at least, not more than a few cordial words in passing. However, Ioan has been meeting up with her for coffee once a month since the first news of the Artemisians."
 
 He and End Waking both tilted their heads.
 
@@ -84,7 +84,7 @@ He and End Waking both tilted their heads.
 
 "Ey is," End Waking said. "Ey is ensuring that there remains a distance between you two without it being an unbridged distance. That would just leave you to stew, knowing how you work. The Bălans are perhaps a little awkward at times, but they do not lack all social graces."
 
-May Then My Name sighed and rubbed her paws over her face. "I knooow," she whined. "And I love em for thinking of that."
+May Then My Name rubbed her paws over her face. "I knooow," she whined. "And I love em for thinking of that."
 
 "You just still resent her," the other skunk said.
 
@@ -100,35 +100,35 @@ She frowned, watching End Waking dote over the oatmeal, dumpling a pawful of dri
 
 Debarre nodded. "But it sounds like that's not it."
 
-"No. I think what is missing is contrition. She has apologized for what she has done to me and Ioan and has begun to make changes. I do not know how to put it, but it feels like she is being earnest without being sincere. She is sorry, but not contrite. She does not feel bad for what she has done. Her apologies are rote."
+"No. I think what is missing is contrition. She has apologized for what she has done to me and Ioan and has maybe even begun to make changes. I do not know how to put it, but it feels like she is being earnest without being sincere. She is sorry, but not contrite. She does not feel bad for what she has done. Her apologies are not backed by understanding."
 
-"There is no penance," End Waking said plainly, dishing out the oatmeal into the mugs they'd been using for coffee. "True penance is borne out of feeling bad about what one has done, not merely about how others are reacting."
+"There is no penance," End Waking said plainly, dishing out the oatmeal into the mugs they'd been using for coffee. "True penance is borne out of feeling bad about what one has done and wanting to change, to make up for it, not merely about responding to how others are reacting."
 
 May Then My Name toyed with her oatmeal. "Yes. Maybe she does and just does not know how to show it. I just do not know how to truly believe that."
 
 "Worried she's just acting?" Debarred said, blowing on a still vigorously steaming spoonful of oats.
 
-"Perhaps. I had to teach myself contrition, relearn it from when I was Michelle."
+"Perhaps. That was ever the dilemma of us going into theatre. Did we love it or did we merely want to become someone else?"
 
-"It takes practice, my dear," End Waking added. "At least when one has intentionally tamped down emotions to the point that she has. If I could teach her, if either of us could teach her, I think we would, but I do not know that one can learn penance from anyone but oneself."
+"Be wary of your pessimism," End Waking said calmly. "It takes attention and effort, May Then My Name. At least when one has intentionally tamped down emotions to the point that she has. If I could teach her, if either of us could teach her, I think we would, but I do not know that one can learn penance from anyone but oneself."
 
 She nodded, looking distracted and thoughtful. "If it were as simple as merging down..."
 
-End Waking frowned around his bite of breakfast.
+End Waking stiffened, frowned around his bite of breakfast.
 
-She smiled to him apologetically. "Sorry, my dear. Thank you both for listening to me bitch."
+She smiled to him apologetically. "Sorry, I will stop for now. Thank you both for listening to me bitch."
 
-"It's fine, skunk," Debarre said. "I think E.W. is right that Ioan's doing the right thing. It takes some pressure off of you and lets it...I dunno, be a process or something. You don't have to do anything now 'cause you've got a way to deal with it."
+"It's fine, skunk," Debarre said. "I think E.W. is right that Ioan's doing the right thing. It takes some pressure off of you and lets it...I dunno, be a process or something. You don't have to do anything now 'cause you've got an opening to deal with it."
 
 "Yes, well put. Thank you, my dear," she said. "I will process as best I can. I do not suppose either of you have talked to her recently?"
 
 They both shook their heads.
 
-"Right, I thought not. That's enough of the topic for now, anyway." She waved a paw and took a bite of oatmeal, then pulled a face. "We need to get you some sugar or something, my dear."
+"Right, I thought not. That's enough of the topic for now, anyway." She waved a paw and took a bite of oatmeal, then pulled a face. "We need to get you some sugar or something."
 
 Debarre laughed. "She's right, E.W. I've gotten used to it, but only just barely."
 
-"Fucking lame," the skunk said mildly. "My sim, my rules. You must suffer without."
+"Fucking lame," he drawled. "My sim, my rules. You must suffer without."
 
 May Then My Name flicked some oatmeal from her spoon at him. "Call me lame, will you."