update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/002.md

@@ -1,20 +1,20 @@
 -----
 
-"To be built to love is to be built to dissolve. It is to be built to unbecome. It is to have the sole purpose of falling apart all in the name of someone else.
+"To be built to love is to be built to dissolve. It is to be built to unbecome. It is to have the sole purpose in life of falling apart all in the name of someone else.
 
-"We all have a bit of that in us, do we not? You find yourself at a bar or maybe in some class somewhere, you look over, and there they are, right? You look over and you maybe catch their eye and you come undone at the seams. You fall into those big, beautiful eyes --- for when you are built to love, every eye you catch is the most beautiful thing of all time --- and you begin to flake away at the edges.
+"We all have a bit of that in us, do we not? You find yourself at a bar or maybe in some class somewhere, you look over, and there they are, right? You look over and you maybe catch their eye and you come undone at the seams. You fall into those big, beautiful eyes --- for when you are built to love, every eye that catches yours is the most beautiful thing of all time --- and you begin to flake away at the edges.
 
 "And to be built to love is to be all edges. They catch on your clothes, they brush against walls and furniture. You are all edges so that love can fill the cracks and soften those jagged corners.
 
-"You are spiked and barbed, you are almost built that way on purpose, so that the slightest breeze can blow you about and catch you up on some future love."
+"You are spiked and barbed. You are almost built that way on purpose, so that the slightest breeze can blow you about and catch you up on some future love."
 
-The skunk, who had been sitting on a barstool, hunched over a pint and slurring half to the glass, half to some absent bartender, slid to her feet, wobbled for a moment, the righted herself.
+The skunk had been sitting on a barstool, hunched over a pint and slurring half to the glass, half to some absent bartender. She slid to her feet, wobbled for a moment, the righted herself.
 
 "Actually, you know what? I have heard it said so many times that to hate --- truly hate, burn up inside with that passion --- is to actually be in love with the object of your hatred, but I think there is a little bit of hatred in love, too. You fall so completely for someone that you just cannot help but resent them. It is a mirror of that hatred for yourself, for all your jagged edges and prickly burrs, a reflection of the resentment that you feel towards yourself for having been built to love. And look at me!" She gestured down at herself, a grand sweep of the paw outsized in her intoxication. "I fuckin' loathe myself! Can you imagine how deeply I must love others, then?"
 
-After a moment's wild laughter, she stumbled back until her tail crumpled against the edge of the barstool. "Ow! Fuck. Yeah, I deserved that one, I think."
+After a moment's wild laughter, she stumbled back until her tail crumpled against the edge of the stool. "Ow! Fuck. Yeah, I deserved that one, I think."
 
-She moved to finish the pint on the bar, frowned on finding it empty, and shuffled away from the bar.
+She moved to finish her pint, frowned on finding it empty, and shuffled away from the bar.
 
 "So yeah, you hate yourself, and it actually feels kind of good, does it not? Hatred can fill in those cracks as easily as love. Sure, it may not leave so pretty a pattern as the...whatsit...the patina that stains a tea cup with crackled glaze, but maybe the edges of you do not catch on so many things anymore. Maybe those prickles are dulled and you bounce off everyone around you. You can ping-pong through life, then, loving everyone and loathing yourself."
 
@@ -30,19 +30,19 @@ Ey slouched back against the front row seat ey'd claimed, tapping the end of eir
 
 "So no 'I deserved that one'?"
 
-She walked to the edge of the stage and sat on it, kicking her feet idly. "It was not in there, but I think I will keep it in."
+She walked to the edge of the stage and sat on it, kicking her feet idly. "It was not in there, no, but I think I will keep it."
 
-Ey grinned and closed eir notebook around eir pen, setting it aside to stand. "Yeah, it's good in there," ey said, leaning forward to give the bridge of the skunk's snout a kiss. "I mean, the whole thing's good. Only note I really had is that you say 'hate' four times in a pretty short span right after you stood up. 'That to hate', then 'truly hate', then 'object of your hatred', and then 'little bit of hatred'."
+Ey grinned and closed eir notebook around eir pen, setting it aside to stand. "Yeah, it's good in there," ey said, leaning forward to give the bridge of the skunk's snout a kiss. May squinted her eyes shut and then scrubbed a paw over her muzzle. "I mean, the whole thing's good. Only note I really had is that you say 'hate' four times in a pretty short span right after you stood up. 'That to hate', then 'truly hate', then 'object of your hatred', and then 'little bit of hatred'."
 
-May squinted her eyes shut and then scrubbed a paw over her muzzle. "Should I make them all different?"
+"Should I make them all different?"
 
 "I'd keep the first two because it works as an echo, so maybe just change the third?"
 
 "Excellent, O great wordsmith."
 
-Ey laughed and tweaked her ear before hoisting emself up onto the edge of the state next to her. As always, she scooted closer so that she could lean against eir side. "Who would've thought, hmm? You getting me into theatre and me getting you into writing."
+Ey laughed and tweaked her ear before hoisting emself up onto the edge of the state next to her. Predictably, she scooted closer so that she could lean against eir side. "Who would've thought, hmm? You getting me into theatre and me getting you into writing."
 
-"This is still theatre! Just earlier on in the process," she said, laughing. "But yes, it is proof that the Bălans can shove us around instead of only the other way around."
+"This is still theatre! Just earlier on in the process," she said, indignant. "But yes, it is proof that the Bălans can shove us around instead of only the other way around."
 
 Ey gave the skunk a playful shove with eir shoulder, at which she let out an outsized yelp followed by a whimper. "So mean!"
 
@@ -102,7 +102,7 @@ Ey tilted eir cheek to rest it atop her head, a bit of closeness that also serve
 
 Ey shared a secret smile with emself as the skunk trailed off, continuing to write, tongue-tip peeking out from her muzzle.
 
-"Also," she said once she'd finished writing. "The answer is that I do not know how many of me are still in relationships. There are at least three, and I know of at least five that have quit, but I never made it a requirement that they keep in touch. Beyond that, I think there are...mm, seven, perhaps?"
+"Also," she said once she'd finished. "The answer is that I do not know how many of me are still in relationships. There are at least three, and I know of at least five that have quit, though I declined the merges out of privacy. I never made it a requirement that they keep in touch. Beyond that, I think there are...mm, seven, perhaps?"
 
 "So that makes me your sixteenth relationship?"
 
@@ -112,7 +112,7 @@ Ey shared a secret smile with emself as the skunk trailed off, continuing to wri
 
 She nodded. "Around that, yes. I am still working on it."
 
-"Mmhm. It's good so far, though, yeah. Got me thinking, but I'm also just fascinated by you, which helps."
+"Mmhm. It's good so far, though. It got me thinking, but I'm also just fascinated by you, which helps."
 
 "Why, because I am weird? I think that is an Odist thing," she said, laughing.
 
@@ -140,9 +140,9 @@ She shook her head. "I could not do that. I am not built the same as Dear. I am
 
 Her answer was a while in coming. "Were our friendship to head in that direction, I would fork, but I do not foresee that being the case."
 
-"Really?" Ey frowned. "Wouldn't that be awkward? Us going over there to see him and your fork together?"
+"Really?" Ey frowned. "Wouldn't that be awkward? Us going over there to see him and the other you together?"
 
-"Oh, incredibly awkward," she said, rolling her eyes. "I have done similar in the past, and it would take a year or two to shake out. It is uncomfortable for me, as I am left with the same attachment even as my up-tree instance gets fulfillment."
+"Oh, incredibly awkward," she said, rolling her eyes. "I have done similar in the past, and it would take a year or two to shake out. It is uncomfortable for me, as well, as I am left with the same attachment even as my up-tree instance gets fulfillment."
 
 "I can imagine."
 
@@ -170,7 +170,7 @@ Ey shrugged. "I'm not exactly that observant."
 
 "Not *that* kind of observation."
 
-The skunk laughed. "Well, okay, yes. I will not discount the possibility, though. If we are in this life for yet more centuries, there is no harm in being deliberate. Plus, I will get an inordinate amount of satisfaction out of seeing you fall for someone. It was so wholesome the first time, I see no reason why it should not the subsequent times."
+The skunk laughed. "Well, okay, yes. I will not discount the possibility, though. If we are in this life for yet more centuries, there is no harm in being deliberate. Plus, I will get an inordinate amount of satisfaction out of seeing you fall for someone. It was so wholesome the first time! I see no reason why it should not be the subsequent times."
 
 "I guess. I don't know if there's anyone who--"
 
@@ -188,4 +188,4 @@ She licked at eir fingertip, saying, "Thank you, my dear, in all earnestness. It
 
 She nodded and stretched out on the stage. "Agreed. We can come back to it later, though. I would like to run this through once more," she said, waggling the notebook at em. "And then head home to get ready for dinner, though. Debarre is coming over and I plan on flirting with him outrageously in front of you all night to make you as jealous as I can."
 
-Ey laughed and pushed at her until she sat up, sliding off the stage and walking back to eir seat. "Alright. Once more, from the top."
+Ey laughed and pushed at her until she sat up before sliding off the stage and walking back to eir seat. "Alright. Once more, from the top."