9.3 KiB
Ioan Bălan --- 2346
Convergence T-plus 50 days, 8 hours, 16 minutes
(transmission delay: 30 days, 14 hours, 37 minutes)
While Ioan could not say that the changes in May since the therapy had started in earnest were dramatic, they were immediate. Just subtle changes in the way she talked, for the most part. Ey suspected that many of them would fade over time, but for now, ey was curious to watch the ways in which she would occasionally catch herself up short, reevaluate what she was in the process of saying, and then continue more carefully. Ey was also pleased to see her journaling, as the skunk was not one for sitting down and writing, preferring to keep everything in her head unless she absolutely needed to.
She was not a 'new May' or anything so grand, but it was a sign to em that she was working hard at what she'd set her mind to, and while ey hadn't doubted that she would, it was still heartening to see, just as it had been nice to see the depression slowly lift as promised.
Today, though, was a day for picnics. This was, ey was assured, a universal fact.
Once spring began to tickle at the nose and before the oppressive heat began to drift lazily in over the lilacs and dandelions, this was the time for those who are in love to drag a thick blanket out to that abandoned mountain sim, park atop that rock by the lake, and share sandwiches and fizzy drinks. This was the time for stretching out in the sun, laying back on the blanket, beside each other, hand in paw, sharing in small silences and comfortable conversation.
"What do you think of Codrin's grand gesture, my dear?"
"Mm? Moving to the DMZ? Convergence, or whatever they're calling it?"
The skunk nodded, turning her head to the side to poke her nose against his cheek. "I am also curious as to your thoughts on Convergence, but tell me about Codrin, first, as a Bălan."
Ey laughed. "Well, alright. I think it was a pretty good one, all told. It was very...em. Bringing them together to make a formal announcement of "we're moving to convergence" is an incredibly Bălan thing to do. Still, I'm glad ey was able to manage, and I think they'll do well there. Ey certainly seems to have enjoyed eir time with the Artemisians, so I'm glad ey's going to do more than just visit with them across a border."
"Really? Ey gave an actual announcement?" May giggled, giving eir hand a squeeze in her paw. "You are such fucking nerds."
"That's nerdy even for me, I think."
"Would it have been nerdy for the Ioan of twenty years ago? Or forty?"
"Forty?" Ey frowned up to the sky. "Good question. I don't think so. That Ioan was nerdier then than even Codrin is now."
"Makes me think that Codrin#Pollux was right about em," she said. "Ey had changed the least out of the three of you. Not that it was a bad thing, except in that it led to eir crisis of identity over the last few weeks."
"The whole of Castor seems to have been the most conservative of the three Systems. Codrin, Dear, and even True Name hadn't changed much at all from what they were like closer to Launch."
The silence that followed started out tense, then eased into something more deliberate, though ey couldn't put to words how ey could tell.
Eventually, May said, "Yes, it does seem that way. How is True Name, anyway? You have spoken to her more recently than I have."
Ey turned eir head to look at the skunk, who was looking up to the sky, a far-away look of concentration on her face.
"You really want to know?"
She glanced out of the corner of her eye at em, smiling faintly. "In my own way, yes. I am striving to see the humanity in her, even if I know that I may never be fond of her again."
Ey nodded. "To be honest, pretty awful. Much of the clade has dropped all relation to her. In Dreams didn't tell her about the therapy thing at all, so I had to tell her about it and suggest she contact Sarah directly. Plus, from what I can guess, she and Jonas aren't getting along nearly so well anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if she drops out of the whole guidance business entirely --- or is pushed out by Jonas --- in the next few years, though they seem to have the response to the convergence pretty well in check." Ey sighed and added, "I kind of made her cry."
The smile that May had picked up quickly disappeared and by the time ey finished, she was actively frowning. "It was not my intention to have her left behind. She needs this as much as the rest of us do."
"I know, May, it's not on you."
"I am trying to internalize that, my dear. My empathy remains, even if the emotion behind it has transmuted. Empathy and sympathy, as I am sorry that In Dreams left her behind. I can still feel for her, even if I do resent her." After a pause, she added, almost to herself, "I do not like that I hate her, but I am helpless before that feeling."
Ioan leaned over enough to give her a kiss to the cheek. "You're a good person, May."
She surprised em by turning her head to give the very tip of eir nose a rather wet lick. "I am an utter nightmare and you know it, my dear."
"You can be both," ey said, laughing. "Even skunks can contain multitudes."
She beamed proudly.
"Different subject. Did Dear tell you about the other part of Codrin's decision? About Sorina?"
"It did, yes. What did Codrin have to say about her?"
"Eir letter read like someone struggling not to cry. Ey sounded crushed," ey said. "From the sounds of it, they were together only ten minutes and ey still felt like ey lost a good friend."
"That, and knowing some version of emself would never see her partners again. I think there needs to be a new word for the empathy one has for someone who is oneself and yet not," May said, nodding. "It is the same feeling I have for True Name. Ey is not leaving eir partners behind, and yet ey feels that empathy with Sorina, who is. I am not struggling with the same problems that True Name is, and yet I am not so different from her that I cannot share in some of that understanding."
"I'll have to start digging through etymologies for a good one."
"I swear to God, Ioan, you are a parody of yourself. Every time I think you cannot get nerdier, you one-up yourself."
Ey laughed. "Love you too, May."
After a luxuriously long stretch, the skunk rolled onto her front, resting her cheek on folded arms. This seemed like a good idea, given the ache starting in eir back from laying on a rock for too long, so ey followed suit, and they both settled into quiet, enjoying the sun on their backs and the sound of small waves breaking over pebbles below, of the stream not too far in the distance.
Ey could feel the doziness of a nice picnic and warm sun beckoning em to nap, but ey knew that ey'd wake up a pile of aches and pains if ey slept like this.
"Tell me a story, May."
"Mm?" The skunk sounded sleepy as well. "Okay. How true would you like it?"
"As true as you'd like," ey said. "Do you have another myth you could share?"
"When the second people met the first," she said after a long pause. "They found them strange and otherworldly. The way they thought, the way they lived their lives, all of it was strange to them. When the first people looked out on the world, they saw something different than what they themselves did. They saw more, perhaps, or perhaps they saw it more vividly. None could say.
"The second people did not know their own origins, and so they invented story after story to explain where they came from, and through countless years, first one story would take root and flourish, and all would believe that they had come from dust with the breath of life blown into them by a distant God, and then that story would fade and they would all believe that random chance and unchecked chaos brought together the right elements in the right way, the right conditions crushing them into the very beginnings of life."
Ioan watched as the skunk spoke. Ey was never sure how much of her stories were made up on the spot, were composed from existing ideas, or had been long rehearsed. All the same, it was entrancing watching her speak, that far-away look in her eyes as though she were seeing the story rather than the mountains or the lake.
"When the second people met the first, their stories collapsed around them like castles made in sand, as they realized that they were not the first, that they were not alone, or original, or unique, for did the first people not exist long before them? Did they not look out on younger skies?
"The second people watched the first, and when they talked to them, they only talked around the topic of origins, for surely the first people knew where they came from, and even if they did not, perhaps they knew where the second people had come from and could offer them hope in the face of death and surety in the face of uncertainty. And yet, what a sensitive topic that must be! How embarrassing to not know one's origins."
"Did they?" Ioan asked after May's story drifted into silence.
"When one of the second people finally screwed up the courage to ask one of the first people, "Where do you come from? Where do we come from? What is our origin, our root?" they answered, "We were hoping you could tell us.""
Ey laughed and ruffled a hand between May's ears before petting the fur back into order once more.
"Do you really suppose the Artemisians will look to us for answers?"
The skunk grinned, dotting her nose to eirs. "I do not see how they could not, my dear. Is that not what exploration is? Do we not both dream?"