zk/writing/ally/self-harm/03.md

date	weight
2019-08-18	3

TIASAP stands for The Ill-Advised Self-Administration Period.

This is why.

I was unsafe about it.

I lost my sexuality for years.

I turned the need for change into punishment.

The color drained from my universe. The flavor was gone from food. I could not smell.

And when you added in a bit of estrogen, you wept at the return of sensation.

I tell myself now that if I belive something to be true when I'm depressed as well as when I'm hypomanic, it's more likely to be right.

And, well.

Now I knew it was right.

But I was unsafe, I was punishing myself, and I did it all on purpose.

Why ruin your life on accident when you can do it on purpose?