zk/writing/post-self/mitzvot/cover-ideas.md

%title Cover Ideas

Here are the cover ideas for *Mitzvot*. Some also doubtless work for both front and back.

I'll admit, I'm very keen on one aspect of the cover in particular. The story follows the slow breakdown of the Ode clade, focusing on True Name as an example. While she has been continuing to strive behind the scenes to accomplish her goals of continuity and growth of the System, she's also started to get incredibly overworked. Her coworker Jonas has been overloading her with more and more tasks, feeding her less and less information, and, shortly after Launch, dumped a piece of information on her that he's now using as leverage to control nearly every aspect of her life. As a result, she's starting to crumble in terms of mental health and her stability, but the clade as a whole seems to be having more problems. The bit I'm keen on is to have the letters of the title start to pixelate (voxelate?) the *characters* (preferably only the Odists) instead of just the environment. I feel it adds to the increasing tension throughout the series that now it's not just the foundations of the world, but of the characters, too.

That said I'm not a visual creator type person at *all* haha, so I absolutely defer to you on this. If you have specific ideas on how to execute this, cool! And if it just isn't going to work, oh well~

For the back, I still like the idea of having a door somewhere in the image. Nice to have, but not required.

* <a href="#1" name="r1">#1</a> --- Jonas seems to have gotten all that he wanted out of True Name, so the inciting incident of the story is him attempting to assassinate her. Her final instance is rescued by Ioan who brings her to the lake that has featured in other stories and on the back cover of *Nevi'im* to get away from the assassin. Realizing just how totally fucked she is, she's overcome by emotion and wades out into the water until it's nearly up to her hips and screams in frustration. I picked this one as I feel that it continues on from the overwhelming emotion on the cover of *Nevi'im* and also allows for further messing with the shape of the letters.
* <a href="#2" name="r2">#2</a> --- True Name agrees to let May merge down with her for the first time in 245 years. They kneel together on a bed, facing each other while True Name struggles to accept that many memories, May trying to be comforting as she can, while Ioan watches from the side. I like this because the rest of the book is more focused on emotions and how they tie in with memories, which is way more sedate than assassination attempts (plus, double the Odists that could be cut into by the letters).
* <a href="#3" name="r3">#3</a> --- True Name has been spending in the woods around the lake with her newfound desire for solitude, getting away from May and Ioan. What none of them realize, however, is that the sim isn't as private as expected, and one of Jonas's cronies (and True Name's ex), Zacharias, comes to visit and taunt her. True Name panics and messages May and Ioan, who arrive to confront Zacharias. May tries to taunt him in turn and he gets frustrated enough that he slaps her across the face. There's quite a bit to the scene, some of which may make for cover material.
* <a href="#4" name="r4">#4</a> --- Ioan talks with Jonas twice --- once on the balcony of eir home with Jonas sitting on a deck chair and Ioan standing nearby (it's winter, so probably snowy out), once in a pub. Both times, Jonas is insufferably smug and Ioan is frustrated/upset.
* <a href="#5" name="r5">#5</a> --- After the merge, True Name has picked up May's affectionate streak and gets all cozy on Ioan a couple of times (a few times as Sasha; see the characters section below). The mood is kiiind of cuddly but also super awkward because neither of them know what to do about it at all given a) their fraught history together with her as True Name, but also b) her having May's memories of being in a relationship with Ioan
* <a href="#6" name="r6">#6</a> --- May gives a monologue at one point, looking drunken and melancholic in a bar-setting on a stage
* <a href="#7" name="r7">#7</a> --- To go with #1 but less actiony, True Name and Ioan meeting for coffee that day. Ioan's eir usual natty self, but True Name's a real mess. They usually meet at a coffee shop which has an L-shaped couch in the corner, and they each sit on a branch of it to work.

## Characters

Ioan Bălan
:   No change

Douglas Hadje
:   Tall, slim, curly black hair, tan skin (though, as he's a Canadian, still a white guy).

May Then My Name/True Name/End Waking
:   No change - [ref](https://where-it-watches-the-slow-hours-progress.ode.clade.id) [May](https://post-self.ink/img/ioanmay.png) [True Name](https://post-self.ink/img/truename1.png) [True Name](https://post-self.ink/img/tnawnh.png)

Zacharias
:   A foppish red fox --- dresses a bit like Dear, carries an affected cane

Jonas
:   Tall, slender, sandy blond hair that's sort of artfully tousled but clearly done intentionally, well dressed, 'perilously handsome', slimy politician

Sasha
:   Shaped rather like True Name, but a spotted skunk, so a shorter almost weasel-like muzzle, shorter tail, white splotch on the forehead but not white headfur, white splotches at the eyes that lead to stripes down the back of the neck heading beneath clothing Usually seen in a linen tunic and pair of Thai fisherman pants. - [species ref](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.fieldmuseum.org%2Fsites%2Fdefault%2Ffiles%2Fckearney%2F2017%2F05%2F03%2Fspotted_skunk_header.jpg&f=1&nofb=1) - [pants ref](https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fimg1.etsystatic.com%2F137%2F0%2F7282980%2Fil_570xN.1036147753_hb6f.jpg&f=1&nofb=1) - [shirt ref](http://santafedrygoods.com/images_products/pl/15583_65024_pl.jpg)

## Samples referenced

### <a name="1" href="#r1">#1</a>

> True Name does a screm

Eventually, True Name's shoulders sagged and she stumbled down from the trees, Ioan and May both watching her, wide-eyed. She kept walking past the trail, down onto muddy beech, then out into the water. The short waves lapped up against her legs, soaking her slacks, and still she kept walking until it had made its way nearly up to her waist.

And then she screamed.

It wasn't a shout, no words were behind it. It was a scream of pure, unrestrained emotion, though whether anger, fear, frustration, or something else, ey could not guess.

Then she turned around and waded back toward the shore, stumbling once or twice, until she gave up and fell to her knees, water up to her waist once more. She beat at the surface of the lake with balled-up fists for a few seconds, growling and crying, before she finally stopped, slouching over until she had to catch herself on her hands.

May's fury, which until that point had been burning hot in her expression, was replaced by something more complicated. Anger, yes, but anxiety and fear as well. "True Name," she said, voice more under control than it had been. "What happened?"

"Someone is trying to take me out," she said between heaving breaths. "Trying to get rid of me."

[Source](008)

### <a name="2" href="#r2">#2</a>

> May merges down

Ey sighed and nodded, squeezing her paw before tugging eir hand free. "Right, right. I'll relax and leave you to the rest of it."

"Please stay, Ioan," True Name said quietly.

"Stay?"

"Yes. Please stay. I do not think it will be dramatic, but, well..." She frowned as though hunting for words. "You are a grounding person. Is that not what my counterpart on Castor said about Codrin? I do appreciate your presence."

Ey considered any number of responses ey could give before just nodding. If nothing else, ey didn't want to hold either of the skunks up from what would most certainly affect both of them more than it would em.

May forked and the new instance climbed up onto the bed with True Name, the two skunks kneeling, facing each other, amid all the blankets and pillows.

Both Ioan and True Name watched as the down-tree instance of May scrubbed her paws over her face vigorously for a moment, gave a shaky wave, and then quit. True Name winced and screwed her eyes shut, and the May who had knelt with her on the bed reached out and took the skunk's paws in her own.

"Go ahead."

It was still another ten seconds or so before True Name managed to relax enough to permit the merge to progress, and even then the only visual indication was a slow slump of her shoulders and a relaxing of the muscles of her face.

Ioan stuffed eir hands in eir pockets and did eir best to feel rooted to where ey stood, hoping against hope that ey could keep from pacing. May watched True Name carefully, eyes searching her features for what ey could not tell. She seemed almost frozen, breathing shallowly despite the relaxed set of her features.

And ey stood and watched them both.

The three of them stayed like that for nearly five minutes --- two skunks kneeling on the bed while ey watched from beside it --- before True Name moved again.

"Oh...oh, I cannot..." she whispered, and started to sag over to one side.

The other skunk shushed her quietly and helped her to lay out on her side before settling down with her. They curled together, still facing each other, nearly snout to snout and still holding paws.

Ey stood and watched. Then ey sat on the beanbag and watched. Watched and waited, though ey knew not what for.

It was more than an hour later before May forked beside em, took eir hand, and led em from the room. Neither of the skunks on the bed had moved or made a sound other than May asking True Name if she was okay in a quiet murmur at one point and the other skunk shaking her head.

[Source](029)

### <a name="3" href="#r3">#3</a>

> Zacharias is a shit

"But yes," the skunk continued once she'd cleaned her plate. "There was some aspect of vengeance to my and End Waking's plan, but now I just want her away from Jonas. I do not know yet whether or not I like her or want her to stay in our lives in any way, shape, or form, but I do know that I want her away from him. I want her to live and to--"

Both Ioan and May jolted in their seats as a flash of adrenaline ran through them. A view of a forest, a lake shore, pile of wood not yet lit, and, sitting on a log across from that another furry. His facial structure was very similar to Dear's but where the fennec had wound up with that pristine white fur, he had ruddy orange except for the white on the underside of his chin and a dark apostrophe of fur on either side of his snout. Where Dear had wound up with almost absurdly large ears, his felt far more in proportion, along the lines of May's and True Names, though far pointier.

One thing Dear and this new fox did share in common was the snappy dress. Where Dear had wound up in a comfortable androgyny, though, the red fox had turned it into a prim masculinity that was, ey had to admit, quite effective. Black trousers, a white shirt and charcoal waistcoat, and a suit jacket. It was topped off with a simple tie and affected cane, currently being twirled lazily between black-furred paws.

It was just a glimpse, less than a second's worth of sensorium input, but enough for em to make a guess.

"Is that Zacharias? Wait! May! Oh, God damnit."

The skunk had already stepped away

"We have guests!" Zacharias said, standing up and dusting off his trousers. "I was not expecting guests. How cheeky."

True Name was still kneeling before the pile of wood in what had clearly become her firepit. "I am trying to imagine a world in which I should trust you enough to be alone with you," she growled. "And failing."

"Spicy, tonight, are we not?" He grinned, turning to bow extravagantly to Ioan and May. "Mx. and Mrs. Bălan, I presume?"

"We are not married," May said, growling nearly as well as True Name. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Oh, just popping in to say hi, is all," he said cheerily. "Zacharias, by the way. Nice to meet you, Ioan. My dear May Then My Name, it has been nearly two hundred years!"

"Well, hi," she said. "Now get out."

"Oh, I just got here, though!" He pouted, looking between the three of them. Then the smirk returned, along with a wicked glint to his eye. "Besides, what are you going to do about it, my dear? Bounce me?"

May frowned, but remained silent, arms crossed over her chest. None of them had the ACLs for such

"Right, I thought not. Well! Have a seat, I was just saying hi to True Name, but what's another two sets of eyes?"

Neither Ioan nor May moved.

"Well, fuck you, too, then," he said, laughing, and sat back down. "So, True Name, my little stink bug, how are you? Roughing it out here?"

The skunk glowered down to the striker and knife, quickly sparking up a coal in the leaf-litter tinder she'd gathered. She blew on it a few times before setting it in a pile of larger kindling. "I am on vacation. What the fuck does it look like?"

"Like you are roughing it."

She rolled her eyes.

"Look, why are you really out here?" Ioan asked. "Clearly it isn't just to say hi, and clearly you got access somehow. Got news from Jonas or something?"

"Very preceptive!" Zacharias said, grinning happily. "Just out here checking up on True Name to see if she has any further thoughts on our little gathering."

"Checking up on someone you tried to assassinate?"

"Oh goodness, not me! You can place the blame for that squarely on Jonas."

May laughed humorlessly. "Right, and poor Zack just had to sit by and--"

The fox was up in a flash and, with a back-handed swipe, slapped the skunk across the muzzle, getting a yelp out of her and a shout out of Ioan. "You do not have permission to use that name," he growled.

It took Ioan a few seconds to process what had just happened, but then fury welled up within em faster than any other emotion ey'd felt before. Had ey ever even felt fury before? A small part of em marveled at the unfamiliar feeling.

The rest was already swinging.

The blow never landed. Ioan found emself stumbling backwards several paces. Zacharias stumbled back in the opposite direction. Both of them shouted and worked to regain their footing.

The two new instances of May that had appeared, partially overlapping with where they had once stood, winked out of existence. "Yes, yes," she drawled, taking Ioan's hand in one paw to hold em back while the other rubbed at her muzzle. "We all know you are good at what you do. Get to the point."

With a huff, the fox stood up straighter, smoothing out his rumpled clothing. "Right. True Name. Are you coming tonight? If not, when shall we expect you?"

The skunk shook her head, still glowering. "I am not coming tonight, no. If I have been given the luxury of a year to meet," she said, tone dripping with sarcasm. "Then we will meet when I say we meet."

"If you say so." Zacharias was back to smirking. That hatred still bubbling within Ioan urged em to consider just how delightfully punchable that expression was. "Well, we will look forward to it, then, I suppose! And you two will be there as well, yes?"

"Your piece of shit boss hired me, didn't he?"

"That he did, Mx. Bălan! That he did." He turned to May, eyebrows raised expectantly.

"Yes, I will be there," she said. Her hackles were still up, free paw still bunched into a fist.

"And End Waking? Would not want the stanza to be incomplete, would we?" He grinned broadly to True Name, "And no, my little stink bug, you do not count."

"He has not answered yet," she said. She'd regained her composure, staring at Zacharias steadily. "We will speak with him. Tell Jonas message received and leave me the fuck alone."

He once more bowed with a flourish. "I live to serve," he said, sing-song. "Any other messages for me to relay?"

"Yes, tell Jonas to quit sending his most foppish lackeys," she shot back.

"But my dear! I am here specifically to drive the point home! You are in so far over your head that even 'little loverfox' is a part of your fate." He laughed gleefully. "Oh, it sounds so evil, does it not? Cartoonishly so! There is no way that I can even begin to talk about this without sounding like a mustache-twirling villain. You have done so well, True Name. It is simply time to step aside. We will see you soon, yes?"

True Name nodded. "Yes. Now, fuck off."

[Source](026)

### <a name="4" href="#r4">#4</a>

> Ioan, pure bean, meets Jonas, slimy piece of shit. <a href="#first-time-meeting-jonas">#1</a> <a href="#second-time-meeting-jonas">#2</a>

#### First time meeting Jonas

It wasn't until ey made eir way out onto the balcony to check the back yard that ey found anyone.

A tall, blond man sat in one of eir Adirondack chairs, cheek rested on eir fist as he stared dozily out into the yard. It had been nearly twenty-five years since ey'd interviewed Jonas, and ey hadn't seen him at all in the interim, but nothing seemed to have changed about him. He was still, as both May and True name had described him, perilously handsome, still polished to a gleam, every aspect of him still oozing confidence.

"Long time no see, Ioan." He grinned, nodding out to the yard. "Lovely place you've got. So few people keep those good, full-bore winters anymore, you know?"

Ioan lifted eir hand to bounce him from the sim.

Jonas lifted his hands, palms up. "Hey, it's okay. I'm just here to talk. Mr. Qián left after you and your partner did. Some dramatic stuff all went down all at once."

"I'll say," ey said, standing well back from him. "What are you doing here, Jonas?"

"Just waiting on you, mostly. I wanted to check and make sure you and May Then My Name were alright."

"Check..." Ey shook eir head. "Why would you care about our well-being? You just sent an assassin to our house."

"Only to tidy up loose ends," he said, leaning back in the chair again and using the well-shined toe of his shoe to knock a bit of snow off the railing of the balcony. "I trust you've stashed your skunks away somewhere safe?"

"My skunks?" All of the stress of the last forty-five minutes that ey'd been holding back around May, all that had been obscured by eir need to get from point A to point B as quickly as possible, all of it came crashing down on em at once. "*My skunks?*" ey shouted. "Jonas, what the fuck? You sent a fucking assassin after True Name, sent them over to our house so they could hound May. What the hell are you even talking about? Of course I'm going to keep my fucking partner and friend safe if you're going to try killing them! Fucking...*my skunks*. Good Lord."

Once ey'd finished and was left panting again, Jonas sat up in the chair and grinned widely, clapping his hands. "Mx. Ioan Bălan! Such language! I didn't know you had it in you! Bravo."

"Fuck you too."

[Source](010)

#### Second time meeting Jonas

Ey stopped by the bar to get a cider of some sort --- something sweet; ey didn't know the first thing about ciders --- and hunted down an empty booth. The backs of the benches were straight and high, reaching up to the ceiling, leading to a secluded, if not particularly comfortable, space. There, ey sat and sipped eir way slowly through eir cider, waiting for Jonas.

Ey'd shown up, notebook in hand, half an hour early and was half expecting Jonas to be late, sauntering in lazily at quarter past, just as some strange show of power, but he arrived right on time, picked up a drink from the bar, and hunted Ioan down. Ey began to stand to bow to Jonas, then froze. Zacharias stepped into the sim, as well, grinned widely at the sight of Ioan mid-bow and, before even making his way to the table, gave an exaggerated curtsey.

"Ioan, wonderful to see you again," Jonas said, grinning. "My most foppish lackey decided to tag along, I trust you won't mind."

"Of course," ey said through gritted teeth. "The more the merrier."

"Precisely, precisely." Jonas raised his martini glass in a toast and gestured back to the booth and Ioan's half-finished drink. "Shall we?"

Ey nodded and slid back into the booth while Jonas scooted in on the other side of the table, leaving room for Zacharias.

The fox was only a moment in arriving, showing up with some shockingly yellow drink in a coupe glass. "Ioan, my dear. Wonderful to see you again."

"Please don't call me 'my dear'," ey said, setting up a cone of silence. There was anger, there, somewhere beneath the surface, but ey was somewhat surprised to feel it almost completely overridden by exhaustion, something ey hadn't felt before the two had arrived.

"My love? My--" he began, voice mocking. There was a thump beneath the table and he quickly cut off with a loud yelp, jolting away from Jonas, eyes wide.

"Shut up, Zacharias," Jonas said mildly, plucking the maraschino cherry out of his drink and dropping it in Zacharias's. "Business now, prattle later."

The fox sat, frozen, for a moment longer before wiping up some of his spilled drink with a bar napkin. His eyes were still wide, darting between Ioan and his boss. "Right."

*Another show of power, most likely,* ey thought. *Why else bring him with?*

"So," ey said aloud. "As I said in the message, We'd like to meet in two days' time. Systime 251+139, 11:00."

[Source](034)

### <a name="5" href="#r5">#5</a>

> Some instances of True Name/Sasha getting cuddly and it being both cute and awkward <a href="#true-name-gets-cuddly-1">#1</a> <a href="#true-name-gets-cuddly-2">#2</a> <a href="#sasha-gets-cuddly-3">#3</a>

#### True Name gets cuddly #1

Waking brought confusion. Something about the inversion from their normal bed, of having fallen asleep on eir the other side than ey usually did, induced a subtle sense of vertigo at first. The pajamas were also bunched up around em strangely, adding in a subtle sense of constriction. As sleep slowly seeped away, though, the feeling lessened and ey was able to relax in the warmth beneath the covers.

Warmer than expected, perhaps. May was still in eir arms, as expected, but the position felt off with the addition of a second warm bulk.

Ey tried to puzzle it out through the fog of doziness that still surrounded him. Eventually, ey gave up and levered eir eyes open, blinking a few times to bring the world into focus.

At some point in the night, True Name had apparently rolled over and wound up curled in May's arms just as she was curled in eirs, and with with eir arm resting atop May's, ey was left hugging two skunks.

Ey lay there for a while, trying to piece together eir feelings on the situation. As far as ey could remember, in eir still sleep-addled state, ey'd never been this close to True Name before. There had been the occasional casual touch, a few touches out of necessity --- grabbing eir hand to get away from Guōweī, lifting her after End Waking's merge --- but even going back to when ey'd first met her, there'd been very little touch. It made sense, given her personality, and yet here she was, all cuddled up with the two of them. If nothing else, ey should probably decide whether or not to extricate eir arm from the situation.

Ah well, ey was probably worrying too much about this, just laying there and ruminating.

*"You almost certainly are, Mx. Bălan,"* came the barest whisper of a sensorium message. *"Especially if you are mumbling."*

Ey jolted at the words impinging on eir senses, getting a sleepy grumble out of May.

*"Sorry,"* ey replied to True Name.

There was note of amusement, of almost-laughter, as she sent, *"It is okay, dear. What are you worried about? You only mumbled the last bit."*

Eir mind raced as ey tried to figure out how best to explain what ey'd been cycling over.

*"I rolled over sometime in the night --- I do not know when, I was memory-sick --- and have been staying still to keep from waking you two. Would you like me to move?"*

*"No..."* ey replied hesitantly. *"But you guessed right. I hope this isn't weird or anything. If you need to--"*

*"Ioan, I asked after your preferences,"* she chided. *"I am okay, I promise."*

Ey hid the heat rising to eir cheeks by burying eir face in May's fur. *"Right, sorry. You're okay there. I'm just being awkward."*

Ey felt True Name relax. *"We both are. It is comforting and awkward in equal measure. One third of me is very happy to be held, one third would really rather not be touched, and one third is simply not at all used to it."*

*"Have you finished merging, then?"*

There was a subtle rustle of fur against pillow as the skunk shook her head. *"I have the memories in place, but there are many conflicts yet to process. It is easier to put those on hold, at least, so that I can make fun of you for mumbling for a little bit."*

Ey smirked. *"Har har. All the same, I'm glad you made it through to this far, at least."*

*"Thank you, my dear. As am I."* 

They fell back into silence then. Ioan spent a while marveling at the mix of coziness and strangeness. It *was* comfortable, there with the two skunks. May was in eir arms as she should be, and True Name, similar as she was, fit well enough in the mix. The strangeness, then, came from the knowledge that she was specifically True Name. This was so counter to what ey knew of her from the years prior, and even the her that she'd become over the past few weeks since End Waking's merge.

(( Another description of similar, some time later ))

The weirdest part, though, had to be sleep. They spent two nights staying with True Name while she processed first the memories and then the conflicts before trying to go back to sleeping separately.

She spent the next day distracted and out of sorts, first begging off breakfast to sit outside, then joining them in the common areas before getting anxious and slipping off to go lay down again. That night, she woke them a few hours after they'd gone to bed, tearfully asking to join them.

"This is so fucking stupid. I feel like a fucking kid," she'd said between sniffles. "I am sorry."

May had shushed her and held up the covers for her to climb in, letting her settle back into much the same position she had those first two nights.

It had certainly worked well enough, with Ioan rising at eir usual eight o'clock while the two skunks slept in for another two hours. Later that day, May had instructed her how to get at least some comfort out of sleeping curled up with a fork.

Still, once a week or so, they'd wake to her asking to join them, and eventually Ioan had given in and expanded the bed by a foot to at least make it roomier when she did join them. She'd at least been quite understanding when May had requested that it not be every night.

Ey was unsure of eir feelings on the matter. On the one hand, it was still intensely weird to see True Name, of all people, openly seeking affection and a shared bed, and stranger still to see just how much May's opinion of her had softened.

On the other, so had eirs. The nights when she joined them weren't unpleasant, even if it would be a while before ey was used to sharing a bed with anyone other than May. This was to say nothing about the shyness ey felt about eir body. The first few times she had joined them, ey had wrapped emself up in a sheet before leaving the bed to maintain some sense of modesty, though given that these nights had often included the skunks sleeping in, ey eventually gave up on that.

#### True Name gets cuddly #2

"You're telling me," ey said, smiling cautiously. "Every time I think about it, I just wind up feeling super awkward and freeze up, so I have no clue as to how to even begin to approach it."

"Well, here. May I sit next to you? If it is awkward, then it is awkward, but then at least we will know and quit fucking tiptoeing around the topic, yes?"

Ey stiffened, trying to cover a wave of anxiety with a chuckle of eir own. "Uh...well, sure."

For all the confidence in her words, the skunk looked as jittery as ey felt, if the bristle to her tail and cant to her ears was anything to go by. Still, she pushed herself up off the couch to pad over to the beanbag and settle down next to em.

Or try to, at least. One does not simply sit next to someone else on a beanbag. The mechanics of an amorphous cushion had the skunk almost immediately slouching against eir side. She flailed, nearly elbowing em in the stomach in the process.

"Jesus...you would think...I would know how this works," she growled, pushing at the cushion to try and get herself organized.

"Here, just-- Oh." Ey laughed as the skunk gave up and leaned forward with a groan, resting her elbows on her knees and her face in her paws. "I'd call that pretty awkward, though I don't know if that's what you meant."

"Not exactly, no," came her muffled voice. "But I also feel dreadfully overwhelmed."

Ey leaned away from her as best ey could to give her some space. "Sorry, True Name."

After a few slow breaths, she shook her head and slumped over to the side, draping herself across eir lap, face buried in the beanbag on the other side of eir legs, a jumble of skunk. "This is stupid, Ioan. This is stupid and it is awkward and it is confusing, just as expected," she grumbled. "Pet my ears, please."

"Uh...yeah. Stupid, awkward, and confusing is about the long and short of it-- What? Oh." Ey hesitantly brushed fingers over her ears as ey'd done countless times before with May. Her fur felt exactly the same, her voice was very nearly the same, and were it not for the difference in clothes and the benefit of two and half decades of time spent living with May, ey could probably have confused one for the other. "Too awkward?"

"I do not know. The closer to another I get, the more May I feel, so the greater part of me is simply pleased to be touched, and by none other than you," she mumbled against the beanbag. "But I am not her, so the rest of me is unsure of what to make of it. Completely baffled, even. Do I feel like her to you? We are cut from the same cloth, are we not? This ought to feel the same, yes? Does it?"

"Almost exactly," ey said, then laughed. "And not at all." 

The skunk squirmed enough to get her tail off to the side and her face away from the fabric of the cushion, resting her chin on folded arms instead. "That is where I am. It is not unpleasant, and I think I may even enjoy it once the confusion subsides, but I will forever be of three minds."

"Right. I think I understand a little better."

She nodded. "It may yet be enough for Jonas, but even if not, I think that it will be enough for me. It is stupid and awkward, but-- no, do not stop," she interrupted herself, laughing, when ey pulled eir hand away. "Awkward, but not bad."

They fell into thought, then. Or at least ey did. Ey kept up the careful petting while trying to tease apart eir feelings on the matter. It all felt too big, leaving em feeling in far over eir head. Even trying to define what True Name was now felt far above eir pay grade. Ey'd read up on plurality in the past, and this felt similar, yet inexact. The comparison was there to be made, and doubtless much that had gone in to working with plurality would prove useful here, but the addition of the concurrent nature of their memories added a layer of complication.<!--this feels like an apology-->

Doubtless there was some way ey could just approach this simply, could just share uncomplicated time with friends. Something about the Odists just made that feel inaccessible, though. All of them were so complicated in such roundabout ways, and now True Name triply so.

*If only I could just turn off the overthinking,* ey thought. Aloud, ey said, "What do you think you'll do after all of this?"

The skunk started at the sound of eir voice. "Sorry, dear. I was dozy. What was that?"

Ey smiled and ruffled a hand through the fur between her ears before petting it down again. "What will you do after this stuff with Jonas? You mentioned the change would be enough for you, but what will that look like?"

"I will relax," she said, pushing herself slowly upright once more, slouching against eir side more intentionally, this time. "I will perhaps have a good night's sleep. I will walk sims for days. I will go camping. I will pester you and May, if you two are not sick to death of me by then."

"No, it's fine. A break while you're camping might be nice, but I don't imagine we'll kick you out forever and never see you again," ey said, laughing. "And I hope you won't disappear."

"I will not, you need not worry." She shrugged against eir shoulder. "Beyond that, I do not know. I may write."

"What sorts of things?"

"Perhaps a companion volume to your *History*. Something from the inside, such as it were. I will have had three perspectives to draw upon without doing any interviews, yes?"

"That would've made life so much easier."

"Why?" She said, smirking up towards em. "No shitty skunks getting you all worked up so that you yell at May?"

"I didn't yell at her!" Ey shook eir head, laughing. "I just called her manipulative."

"Yes, yes, and you called me a crazy in-law." She patted eir thigh. "But yes. I am most looking forward to just unclenching. I would like to travel and see friends and meet people."

"Think you'll try and meet Douglas and see Debarre again, like May said?"

There was a long silence, the skunk's features drawn in in thought. "I remain of three minds. A third of me would like to bask in more solitude than I already have. Another third of me is filled with touch-hunger and love for friends I have never met and would like to surround myself with all these people."

"And the True Name third?"

She sighed, bringing her tail around to groom it absentmindedly. "She is scared and unhappy and lost. She, of the three of me, is of two minds. Half of her would like to plan and scheme and wargame and rip that smug look off Jonas's face, and the other half would...but, well, there has been enough quitting in the clade."

Unsure of what ey could possibly say to those thoughts, ey just nodded.

"But come, that is enough of that," she said decisively. "Five sixths of me still want to rip that smug look off Jonas's face, so that sad-sack part of me can go have her sulk another time. I would also like to get out. I would like to go to restaurants again, yes, and even see one of your plays, should I be welcome. I want to eat greasy food and drink myself silly after performances. I want to hop sims and dream. New deadline: one month. I want out of here within one month."

"You mean for the meeting with Jonas?"

"Yes. I will not schedule it with him yet, just pencil it in, but having that deadline will only help."

"Well, we'll help you get as ready as we can until then," ey said. "And probably get ready ourselves. We'll need to tell End Waking, too."

"Of course, dear," she said, then dotted her nose against eir cheek, one of those skunk-kisses ey'd grown so used to. 

They both froze.

"Fuck. I am sorry, Ioan, a habit--"

"Well, that was--" ey said at the same time, then shook eir head. "Sorry, True Name. Wasn't expecting that."

She pushed herself quickly to her feet and began pacing before the beanbag, paws brushing over her face, from whiskers all the way up over her ears. "Do not apologize. That crossed a boundary, and I need a moment."

Ey frowned. "It was unexpected, but I don't know if it crossed--"

"It crossed one of *my* boundaries, or one of True Name's, or--" she said, then forced herself to stand still and slow her breathing as she stared out into the night through the windows. "Sorry, dear. Like I said, it is awkward and confusing. I feel like I have been given control of some new, unwieldy machine and am only learning how to use it through trial and error."

Ey nodded, tamping down the urge to apologize again. "Take the space you need."

Her shoulders slumped. "I would like nothing more than to disappear out on the plain, but I should probably stop just running away from such things." She smiled tiredly to em and held out a paw to help em stand. "Come. The least we can do is make dinner. Then we can discuss it further when your partner returns."

#### Sasha gets cuddly #3

Ey nodded. "And I'm guessing you don't miss the social part of that life too much? Jonas or Zacharias or any of them."

She poked at eir side with a claw before slouching against em. "You do not need to ask stupid questions, Ioan."

"Right, right," ey said, laughing. "I figured no love lost, but--"

"I did not love either of them, as friends or otherwise," she said, waving away the rest of eir comment. "Now that I have known other kinds of love, I am confident of that."

Her tone wasn't upset or dismissive, but was assertive enough that ey dropped the point. "Well, writing sounds like a good career shift, then."

"Says the writer." She laughed.

"I liked what you've gotten down so far, and I have a few notes. We'll talk about it when we're back at a desk, though."

"Of course. I will be leaning on you a lot for help."

"I mean, you're leaning on me now."

"Smartass," she said mildly.

Ey grinned. "I mean, no complaints. It's still a little surprising, sometimes. I guess on some level I'm still sort of getting used to it, but May got me hooked on physical contact a long time ago."

"A coordinated attack on your defenses, yes," she said. "It makes my job easier."

"What job?"

"Just finding a way to stick around friends. Nothing nefarious, dear."

Ey shook eir head. "Right, sorry. I trust you."

"I agree with what May said, Ioan. Should I want anything beyond that, I will come by it earnestly."

### <a name="6" href="#r6">#6</a>

> May gives a monologue.

"To be built to love is to be built to dissolve. It is to be built to unbecome. It is to have the sole purpose in life of falling apart all in the name of someone else.

"We all have a bit of that in us, do we not? You find yourself at a bar or maybe in some class somewhere, you look over, and there they are, right? You look over and you maybe catch their eye and you come undone at the seams. You fall into those big, beautiful eyes --- for when you are built to love, every eye that catches yours is the most beautiful thing of all time --- and you begin to flake away at the edges.

"And to be built to love is to be all edges. They catch on your clothes, they brush against walls and furniture. You are all edges so that love can fill the cracks and soften those jagged corners.

"You are spiked and barbed. You are almost built that way on purpose, so that the slightest breeze can blow you about and catch you up on some future love."

The skunk had been sitting on a barstool, hunched over a pint and slurring half to the glass, half to some absent bartender. She slid to her feet, wobbled for a moment, then righted herself.

"Actually, you know what? I have heard it said so many times that to hate --- truly hate, burn up inside with that passion --- is to actually be in love with the object of your hatred, but I think there is a little bit of hatred in love, too. You fall so completely for someone that you just cannot help but resent them. It is a mirror of that hatred for yourself, for all your jagged edges and prickly burrs, a reflection of the resentment that you feel towards yourself for having been built to love. And look at me!" She gestured down at herself, a grand sweep of the paw outsized in her intoxication. "I fuckin' loathe myself! Can you imagine how deeply I must love others, then?"

After a moment's wild laughter, she stumbled back until her tail crumpled against the edge of the stool. "Ow! Fuck. Yeah, I deserved that one, I think."

She moved to finish her pint, frowned on finding it empty, and shuffled away from the bar.

"So yeah, you hate yourself, and it actually feels kind of good, does it not? Hatred can fill in those cracks as easily as love. Sure, it may not leave so pretty a pattern as the...whatsit...the patina that stains a tea cup with crackled glaze, but maybe the edges of you do not catch on so many things anymore. Maybe those prickles are dulled and you bounce off everyone around you. You can ping-pong through life, then, loving everyone and loathing yourself."

The skunk stood up straight again, brushed her shirt out, and brought her tail around to rub at where she'd bumped it against the stool.

"Good Lord, May," Ioan said, laughing.

She grinned widely, all that feigned drunkenness suddenly gone from her expression. "How was it, my dear?"

Ey slouched back against the front row seat ey'd claimed, tapping the end of eir pen against eir lower lip. "Really, really good," ey said. "Was the stumble intentional?"

"The movement itself was," she said. "Though hitting my tail was not."

"So no 'I deserved that one'?"

She walked to the edge of the stage and sat on it, kicking her feet idly. "It was not in there, no, but I think I will keep it."

### <a name="7" href="r7">#7</a>

Ioan was surprised by just how wrung out True Name looked during their coffee date. The skunk's blouse was wrinkled, her normally orderly fur mussed atop her head, and her whiskers all abristle. She looked as though she'd not slept for a few days and certainly not changed outfits in at least as long.

All the same, her arrival was much the same as all the others had been, with her smiling to em, ordering her coffee, and joining em on the couch in order to set up a cone of silence.

"Good morning, Mx. Bălan. I trust you are well?"

"Uh, I'm fine, I guess." Ey frowned, continuing carefully, "What about you, though? You look...well, terrible."

The skunk's smile faltered, betraying the exhaustion that plainly lay beneath. With another blink, the cone's ACLs changed to opaque it from the outside. "I came in a rush, my dear, I apologize for my appearance."

"You don't need to apologize, True Name. I'm just worried. Lots of Secession Day preparations?"

"Of a sort, yes. Things have been rather stressful the last few days." She laughed, shook her head, and added, "Well, more than a little. I have been stretched very thin and am...struggling."

"Struggling?"

The skunk's eyes darted around the coffee shop, scanning each face within at least twice. "I am not comfortable expanding on that at the moment."