zk/writing/post-self/mitzvot/011.md

7.4 KiB

"This has been far and away the worst Secession day I have had," True Name said. Ioan and May both snorted, then worked to finish their bites so that they could apologize. "Sorry, True Name," Ioan said. "I don't know if you had a lot planned, but I'm glad you at least made it through." "It is okay to laugh. There is little else to do in the face of it." She smiled weakly. "I am sorry that you two have been dragged into it along with me." "It's alright." "Well, not alright, necessarily," May added. "But I am glad that you are not dead." "Thank you, May Then My Name. I appreciate it." They fell back to silence, then, Ioan and May self-consciously finishing their sandwiches while True Name simply stared into the fire. She had made herself half a sandwich, explaining that she wasn't terribly hungry, and had yet to touch it. Once they had finished, the skunk sat up straighter and said, "I think that I have had sufficient space from it, now. Can you tell me what Jonas said?" Ey shrugged. "Not a whole lot, all told, especially given how much he talked. He said that he wants to meet up with you to discuss next steps and that he wants me there as an amanuensis so that I can write another book." She tilted her head. "You?" "Yeah. He said...well, let me start from the top. He said he was waiting there for me to make sure that May and I were alright, that he was there to tidy up loose ends, and that, uh..." Ey hesitated, unsure of how well Jonas's next comment would go over with either of the Odists. "And that he trusted that I'd, and I'm quoting here, 'stashed my skunks away somewhere safe'." Both May and True Name bridled at this, likely for similar reasons. "Sorry. I kind of blew up at him for that." "'Blew up'?" "Yeah, just yelled at him for sending assassins after you two --- he confirmed that Guōweī mistook you for her, May --- and told him to fuck himself." Ey shrugged helplessly. "I was pretty upset, I guess." "I am surprised that you stuck around long enough to listen to him, my dear," May said. "He sounds like he was in rare form." "I mean, I don't know what he's like the rest of the time, but he was doing a really good job of being as insulting as possible. The 'my skunks' part. "I don't have the training your pretty little skunks have", he said, and "sometimes mommies and daddies fight, Ioan"." True Name ground the heels of her palms against her eyes. "I am sorry that you had to go through that, Mx. Bălan. It does indeed sound like he was in fine form. Did he explain his reasons for having you along as amanuensis at all?" "Just that he needed me to witness and write about what happens and leave the rest to the grown-ups." Ey thought back and shrugged. "That was most of what he said. He wanted to talk with you, wanted me to witness, and wanted the whole stanza there." May frowned. "Including me?" "Specifically you and End Waking, yeah." "Why would I trust him on that?" "I mean, I don't," ey said, tossing a twig at the fire. "He said no assassins, but who knows what else he has planned. And it does sound like he has it planned, by the way, that plan A didn't pan out, so he moved on to plan B, that he had up through plan M." "And nothing else?" True Name asked. "That's about it. I swept him after that. Swept the whole place." The skunk's ears splayed to the sides. "A preemptive apology is likely in order." "Yes, it probably is," May said, voice low and flat. "Loss For Images?" "Yes. Her and Even While Awake." She bowed formally. "I apologize, you two. It was decided prior to Launch to observe those involved with the project and not aligned with us." "Those were your spies?" ey asked, some part of em unwilling to believe, rebelling against the rest of em, which was thinking of course they were. "Yes. I Am At A Loss For Images In This End Of Days and And I Still Dream Even While Awake rode shotgun in May Then My Name's fur and have been living there since, swapping out forks as needed. Again my sincerest apologies." "How many?" "Instances?" Ey nodded. "Twelve. Two per room, two extra in the kitchen, two on the balcony, two in the yard." "Who were the other five, then?" She tilted her head quizzically. "You swept seventeen? Those were likely Jonas's, I imagine." May's voice was steeped in sarcasm as she spoke. "Find out any juicy details?" Her cocladist held up her paws. "There is no excusing my actions. I know that there is little that I can do to earn your trust, May Then My Name, and at this point, even I suspect that I do not deserve it. There were few details of note enough to report back to me. We knew of your career changes. We knew of your...your feelings towards me. We...well, they learned about the Artemisians early on when you got your letter from Castor, though in the last decade, the reports that I have received have decreased in number, which I attributed to a lack of interesting goings on. That they did not report on the letter is a red flag I should have paid attention to sooner." Ey shot May a questioning glance, but she shook her head. Perhaps she really doesn't know about Codrin and the Name, ey thought. "And why did you not?" May asked instead. "Pay attention to the red flags?" True Name stared at the fire for a long few seconds, then shrugged. "I was overworked and being fed bad information." "You overworked yourself, you mean. 108 forks! Did you synchronize daily?" "Of course. Why would I not?" "How are you even still sane?" Ioan asked. "I'm surprised you aren't jumping at shadows, at this point." "I am sure I will be now," True Name said. "She is not sane at all, my dear," May said at the same time. They frowned at each other. I'm glad End Waking gave us two tents, Ioan thought. It's been civil so far, but... Out loud, ey asked, "So, what's next? We head back tomorrow and build you a room, but then what?" "What is next is that I try to salvage what I can from this. I imagine that my options will be severely limited if I am to continue existing as I am and still meet Jonas's demands, but that does not mean that I will set my goals aside." "'Continue as you are'?" May growled. "I cannot believe-- " There was a moment of tense silence, her jaw working as though straining to hold back some larger outburst. Once she'd mastered it, she said in a tightly controlled voice, "I am going to stretch my legs." "Be safe, May," ey said quietly, watching the skunk stand and stomp off toward the lake. True Name watched her estranged up-tree instance with nothing but exhaustion in her expression. "I'm sorry, True--" She waved a paw at em. "Please, Ioan, this is not your fault. It is not your battle," she said curtly. They sat in silence then, each of them looking into the fire, neither making eye contact with the other. For eir part, ey spent the time doing eir best not to kick emself for jumping right in to fix things. Ey knew perfectly well not to apologize for May, and yet there ey'd gone and done it. Ey couldn't guess what the skunk was thinking. Eventually, she stood from her log and bowed to em. "I am sorry, my dear. I did not mean to get short with you. It has been a terrible day." "Oh, uh," ey stammered, flicking eir gaze her way. "It's alright. I think we're all pretty messed up right now." "Well put," she said. "I am going to try and sleep. Which one is mine?" Ey pointed her toward the tent with one cot in it and watched her slip inside, then sat and waited for May to come back, staring at the fire and trying not to feel bad enough for the three of them.