zk/writing/post-self/scruffing.md

%title Scruffing (WT)

(Because Maddy dreamed about it???)

Outline

• The three come back from drinking after a performance (Sasha helping backstage just to try, though they talk about whether she'd be comfortable acting)
• Sasha's on a May-swing, so they all sorta pile into bed and have one of those really earnest drunk conversations
• Topic of overflowing comes up, Ioan mentions offhand about Dear's partners scruffing it when it's overflowing
• Sasha laughs about it, says she bets it likes it
• Ioan doesn't have scruff, doesn't get it, tries on Sasha who whimpers, claps paws over muzzle
• May busts out giggling, like really???
• Ioan lets go afraid ey hurt her, v confused
• May like wait wait wait, leans forward scruffs Sasha, turns on full May powers, calls her "Good girl"
• Sasha like MAY!!! Lunges at her, hides face in fur, May giggling helplessly
• Won't someone think of the Ioan? Please explain
• May takes step back, sobers up a bit, checks in with Sasha (are you okay (y), should I stop (n), can I explain (y))
• says to Ioan that it's pleasant but comes with a sense of power differential that she doesn't particularly enjoy herself-- wait, who did enjoy that??
• Sasha blushingly explains that it's almost a trope that those in control enjoy being submissive in other contexts though outside of those contexts it crosses a boundary.
• Ioan asks but it didn't in this context?
• :V :T
• May like !!! I think she liked that because I think she likes you my dear.
• Ioan: well, we've talked about with May-- Sasha: no, Ioan, I like you. I am of one mind. Ioan: oh uh uh uh uh May: see? Wholesome! -forks, hugs all up on Ioan, pets Sasha-
• Ioan: huff gdi well yeah okay -thinks about being more active- are you open to exploring that?
• May: -looking between the two like omigosh- Sasha: fuck it if I am too be in this for further centuries there is no harm yes? I like you both, so who not. May: me? Sasha: wouldn't have let you do that had i not yes? May: oh shit uh uh well okay let's talk cause yeah but also devotion.
• They do, May needs time to think; not that she doesn't like Sasha, but just needs time. One thing at a time, tho, and that thing is Ioan and Sasha right now.
• Complex boundaries to come, but for now May teaches Ioan how to properly scruff
• Yet again make bed wider so that Ioan and May + Aurel and Sasha can cozy up.

Story

Finding the appropriate balance between pleasantly and unpleasantly drunk was a skill that one had to practice, Ioan had long known. Ey'd only had the chance to experience drunkenness one time before ey'd uploaded, so ey had little to compare the experience to other than the occasional exploration or socially obligatory drink before meeting the Odists.

Hell, even after meeting them, but certainly before getting to know A Finger Pointing. She held to the practice of going out for terrible food and too much liquor after performances like a ritual. There was simply no other path to take: curtain would go down, seats would empty, stage would be prepped, and after everything was wrapped up tight, they would go to some diner or pub or bar where she'd order a dinner-plate-sized pretzel or a Reuben or drunken noodles and they'd laugh over too many martinis, Manhattans, Mai Tais...

Ey was just thankful that ey had at least some control over how much the alcohol affected em. There was a time for getting very drunk, and that time was 'rarely'.

So it was that, on finishing the second night of the stage adaptation of On the Perils of Memory, Ioan found emself pleasantly buzzed, sitting cross-legged in bed while May traced her claws lazily over eir back and ey brushed Sasha's tail. All three of them had their parts in the production --- Ioan as playwright and actor, May as actor and stage hand, and Sasha as stage manager --- so all three had wound up at least a little tipsy.

Well, more than a little earlier on, but they'd at least settled on a pleasant level after making it home.

"So, I know you guys acted in school and directed after, but did you wind up doing any of the tech side, too?" ey asked.

Sasha shrugged. "We did not focus on it, no. There was some time spent in all of the departments while in college, for better or worse. We made an okay stage hand, did what we could on sound, and stayed away from lights as much as possible."

"How come?"

"Heights," she said. "We have gotten better at it over time, especially after uploading, but catwalks scared the shit out of us."

"It is a little easier, here," May said. "You can position lights from the ground or just step up there with no risk."

"Right, I can see that. I guess growing up on the 23rd floor gave me a bit of a head-start on dealing with heights."

Sasha shifted to lean to the other side, tail flopping in eir lap to let em brush. "Yes. We grew up in an apartment, but the building was only three stories tall and we were on the ground floor."

"Well, just below ground level," May said. "Split-level entry."

Sasha nodded dozily.

"Which was your favorite, then?" ey asked, not yet willing to let the topic drift off into silence. "Other than acting and directing, I mean."

"Props was particularly fun," May said thoughtfully, switching from gentle scratching to lazy petting. "Though we were far too clumsy to be any good at it."

"Knocking over sets? Probably pretty hard not to with tails this big." Ey patted Sasha's.

She poked em in the side, laughing. "Nothing so bad. Hauling walls and doors around was just not our specialty."

"Or painting."

"Or hanging backdrops."

"That requires heights, yes," Sasha drawled.

"We were not very good at any of it, really," May admitted. "But it was still fun regardless. That was only one semester, though."

Ey set aside the brush in favor of just petting on Sasha's tail instead. It was shorter than May's, but no less thickly furred. "Did they not let you back after that?"

Sasha laughed. "That was just how long the course was. It was not like they grabbed us by the scruff and tossed us out."

Ioan frowned. "I've always wondered at that expression. I know it's an idiom, but Codrin's mentioned it with Dear." Ey leaned forward to feel around the nape of Sasha's neck, finding the skin looser there than it was on eir own neck. Ey gathered some of it up in eir hand, though it took a gentle tug. "Is it just--"

Ey was interrupted by a quiet whimper from the skunk --- certainly not the noise ey'd expected. Ey quickly let go as her paws darted up to cover her muzzle, ears pinning back.

"Sorry, Sasha. I--"

"Wait," May said, then burst into a fit of giggles. "Wait, wait wait. No, you can't be serious."

Sasha slid her paws up further to cover more of her face, shoulders hunching as if to make herself smaller.

Still giggling, May crawled from around em to kneel in front of Sasha. She composed herself and brought her paw up to the other skunk's scruff, gathering it in her fist much as ey had. Tugging on it gently, she leaned forward, snout nearly resting against Sasha's cheek, and purred, "Good girl."

Ioan startled back as Sasha lunged forward to get her arms around May's middle, hiding her face against the other skunk's chest.

"Maaay," she whined, voice muffled. "God dammit..."

May was back to giggling helplessly. She let go of Sasha's scruff and petted the fur back down before hugging around her shoulders. "I am sorry, my dear. Only a little sorry, but I am sorry."

Sasha only grumbled.

"Can someone tell me what just happened?" Ioan said, rubbing eir face. Ey willed more of the drunkenness away, hoping that being able to think more clearly might help make sense of the two skunks.

"One moment," May said, then dipped her muzzle to murmur to Sasha, "Are you alright?"

A nod.

"Do you need me to back off?"

A pause, then a shake of the head.

"May I explain to Ioan?"

A longer pause, then a nod.

"You sure?"

"Yes," came Sasha's muffled reply.

"Did I hurt you?" ey asked, preempting the explanation.

"No, no," May said, grinning. "It feels good. It has never come up between you and I because it comes with a sense of power differential that I do not enjoy myself, but-- wait, who did enjoy that?"

Sasha slumped over to the side, pushing herself toward the head of the bed so that she could lean against some pillows. She scrubbed her paws over her face and sighed. "It is a bit of a cliche that those in control enjoy being submissive in other contexts, is it not?"

"You mean that's the type of thing True Name enjoyed?" Ioan asked. This all felt so far out of eir league that ey was struggling to keep up. Even with all of the experiences ey had shared with May, all the things they'd tried together, this was something new.

"Does E.W. seem like the submissive type?" she said by way of answer.

"I, uh...well, I don't know, actually. Our friendship hasn't exactly involved much intimacy."

"True, yes."

May settled in beside Sasha and beckoned em closer, saying, "My guess is that he is a power bottom and Debarre is a service top."

Sasha laughed and swatted at May's thigh. "Do not be a jerk, dear." She looked thoughtful for a moment, then shrugged. "Though you are not far off from the truth."

Having settled down cross-legged before the two skunks, Ioan shook eir head. "I suppose I can guess what those are. True Name was more submissive, then?"

"In some select contexts, yes," she said. "It very much crosses a boundary outside of those, though."

"But it didn't in this context?"

She opened her mouth as if to speak, hesitated, then closed it again.

May perked up, looking between em and Sasha, a slow smile creeping across her muzzle. "I think she liked that because I think she likes you, my dear."

Ey blinked and sat up straighter, finally giving up and just willing sobriety back into being. "Well, I guess that makes sense. We've talked about with May--"

"No, Ioan," Sasha said quietly, briefly squinting her eyes shut. She sighed. "I like you. I am of one mind."

"Oh, uh," ey stammered, then fell silent.

Sasha averted her gaze, fiddling with the tip of her tail, while May sat nearby, holding still and watching. Both of them waited while ey struggled to get eir thoughts to line up.

It made sense, given the last year and change they'd spent together. She'd slowly settled into something more cohesive, slowly grown more adept at managing which aspects of herself were at the fore and when, and while she certainly spent a good chunk of her time out at her tent or working on the dugout canoe she'd picked up as a project, she'd grown more comfortable joining them for meals or a shared bed.

She would, as she'd told em in confidence so long ago, always be in three parts, always of three minds --- that of True Name, that of E.W., and that of May --- but as those three minds with their three separate histories learned how best to coexist in one body, doubtless they'd influence each other. The bit of May that loved him might very well rub off on the other two parts of her.

I am of one mind, she'd said, though. Perhaps it even went all the way back to what May had whispered so long ago, that ey reminded her of someone she'd known once, someone she couldn't name. Maybe it wasn't just that of eir partner in her.

And what of eir feelings? Certainly ey liked her as well --- had admitted as much, even, though ey hadn't had any ideas as to how to approach that.

Ey shook the cloud of rumination away. Wasn't ey supposed to be working on being more active for emself? "Well, okay," ey said. "Are you open to exploring that? Both of you, I mean, I don't want-- rrk!"

Ey was cut off when May forked and the new instance all but launched herself at em, laughing and hugging up around eir shoulders. "See? I knew it would be wholesome." The instance of her that remained behind was grinning as well, dotting her nose against Sasha's cheek and saying, "Sorry, my dear. I got a little overly excited. I should let you think and answer as you will."

Still fiddling with her tail, Sasha slumped against the other skunk, looking down at her paws and thinking. Finally, she shrugged and gave a lopsided smile. "Fuck it. If I am to be in this for further centuries, there is no harm, yes?"

(Sasha likes May, but she's not sure)

(They decide it's going to take more than one admittedly tipsy night to figure out, decide on bed)

(Ioan forks, sleeps with each, facing each other. They talk)

(May is happy for em, but also confused about Sasha liking her, isn't totally sure if she actually reciprocates or just wants to say yes as a people pleaser, and wants to consider how this will work mechanically so that no one feels slighted, Ioan thinks about forking)

(Sasha's confused and a little scared because she's happy and she feels of one mind but will always doubt herself on that, Ioan suggests thinking about it as an experiment that they can stop)

(Next morning, Ioan gets up before eir skunks, goes for walk around the lake to think things through, tracing feelings from TN, to TN+EW, to TN+EW+May but still called TN, to how ey felt after the self-actualization of Sasha)

(Meanwhile, Sasha and May talk about May's compunctions, which are less about Ioan and Sasha and more about herself and Sasha re: devotion and the mechanics. This bit first: Sasha confirms that it's alright if she stays, saying she's feeling nervous because she put her neck on the line last night, something she's never done before, May scoffs, Sasha says no, specifically here, now, because things are in a complicated state b/w you and I, ~)