<p>D> We still talk a lot, and I really like that. For having only had a little bit of time together at UI, it’s nice that we’ve been able to keep up with each other.</p>
<p>K> Yeah?</p>
<p>K> I mean, I like it too.</p>
<p>K> I only talk to you and like two classmates from that time, and one only because he’s also up here in Boise.</p>
<p>D> Yeah.</p>
<p>D> So I don’t know if this is weird or not. It’s not something I’ve ever done or</p>
<p>K> ?</p>
<p>D> Not something I’ve ever done or really felt, but I think I really like you.</p>
<p>D> Know I really like you.</p>
<p>D> And goodness knows I have no idea what to do about it.</p>
<p>D> It’s taken me weeks to even get to the point where I could say that.</p>
<p>K> Huh…</p>
<p>D> ???</p>
<p>K> I like you too, but I’m not sure if it’s in the same way?</p>
<p>K> Assuming you mean romantically.</p>
<p>D> Yes.</p>
<p>K> Yeah, see.</p>
<p>K> I don’t know.</p>
<p>D> I don’t either, I guess.</p>
<p>K> I’m really not sure how to take this conversation haha</p>
<p>K> I hope that’s not</p>
<p>K> I don’t know</p>
<p>K> Painful?</p>
<p>D> Well.</p>
<p>K> Yeah, sorry…</p>
<p>D> No no, I mean</p>
<p>D> Well, it is, but that’s not quite where I was going, hah.</p>
<p>D> I don’t really know what I wanted out of this conversation, to be honest. I wasn’t even intending for it to be a conversation, at least right off the bat. I had a whole email written up that I was going to send you, to be perfectly nerdy about it.</p>
<p>D> Feelings like this aren’t logical, you know? So I think I just wanted to say that because I don’t know what to do with all of them. They just boil up within me and I just sit there and feel weird and bad but also kind of good at the same time. I just started falling for you, and kept it to myself because it felt like such an imposition to admit that to you.</p>
<p>D> The goal is specifically not to do that. It wasn’t to try and rope you into something you don’t want to do, and I don’t want to make it sound like I am trying to do so now.</p>
<p>K> I mean, I don’t think you could guilt the wings off a fly, Dee.</p>
<p>K> The whole Catholic thing is guilting yourself, right?</p>
<p>D> That’s a bit of an uncharitable way to put it.</p>
<p>K> Sorry. You know I don’t understand it.</p>
<p>D> Yeah.</p>
<p>K> And that’s maybe part of it.</p>
<p>D> How so?</p>
<p>K> How would you feel being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe the same stuff?</p>
<p>K> Doesn’t believe any of it, I mean.</p>
<p>K> I’m not going to knock it or anything, but I’m not going to try it, either.</p>
<p>K> I’m sorry.</p>
<p>D> Hah.</p>
<p>D> Sorry, that came out weird?</p>
<p>D> Seriously, though, I really don’t know. This whole thing, this whole crush or whatever it is, I don’t know what the end goal of it is. It’s limerence, it’s something that’s happening to me, and I don’t know what to do about it. It’s this enormous feeling and you’re the limerent object, and I hate that my brain is doing it.</p>
<p>All of my work on emotional literacy is failing me now. It was largely failing me then, as well. I am doing my best to recount the conversation that we had here, but I am in a state of, I suppose, numbness, and that numbness is taking up the same amount of space that the limerence did before. It is overwhelming in its nullity, and there is nothing, it seems, that I can do to shake it. I cannot transmute it into something more positive. I cannot release any of the built up pressure, for there is no catharsis for nothingness.</p>
